Author's Note:
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! So you're getting a special treat ~ chapter 12 a day early! Surprise!
Love to my betas! Jennrosee and blahblahblah!
Disclaimer: Since it's my birthday, Edward is mine for today!
EPOV
I follow Bella when she storms out of her studio, but when it becomes apparent she isn't going to let me into her room, I leave. I slam the door to my bedroom with such force my guitar rattles off balance, tips over, and slides down the wall. The tuning pegs scratch a long, semicircular gash in the paint on their way to the floor.
"Fuck!" I scream at myself. I could give a shit about the wall.
That's when I start to throw things.
Books, CDs, clothes, my desk lamp, nothing is safe from my wrath. In the tiny confines of my room, I unleash months of pent up rage. I'm not angry with Bella; she reacted exactly as I suspected she would when she discovered I'd been lying to her. But her reaction is just the spark needed to ignite the inferno smoldering just below the surface.
I curse myself for my stupid mistakes - the mistakes I made before I met Bella, and the monumental, asinine ones I've made since. I curse myself for lying to her and thinking I could just bury the truth. I curse myself for thinking we could just live in a fucking bubble and the rest of the world would go to hell.
Ha! Not the rest of the world – Carlisle. Carlisle could fucking go to hell.
This is his fault, him and his fucking decree, him and his fucking disapproval of me. Well, he can take his disapproval and his decree and shove them both up his ass! I'm done – so done.
I actually laugh out loud as I recall the conversation with Esme two months ago.
"Edward, your father is not perfect. He felt like he failed you, and he blamed himself for the accident. He's still working through some of that guilt. The two of you need to talk, but he needs more time."
Well, time's up, asshole. This ends now.
I wrench my bedroom door open and march downstairs. Emmett is lying on the couch with Rosalie curled into his side, the light from the TV casting strange shadows across their faces. Walking directly between them and the flat-screen, I head to the hallway that leads to Carlisle's office.
"Down in front," Emmet booms, playfully dropping his voice as low as he can.
"Fuck you," I growl.
"Fuck you!" he yells back, the lighthearted tenor now stripped from his voice. "What the fuck is your problem?"
I disappear down the hall, ignoring him. The door to Carlisle's office is locked, and I pound on it with the side of my fist. The door shudders as I hammer against the wood. "Carlisle! Open the fucking door!"
"He's not here!" Emmett yells from living room.
I storm back into the living room, almost running into Emmett as I exit the hallway. Rosalie is sitting up on the couch, a look of concern on her face, their TV show completely forgotten.
"Where is he?" I spit between clenched teeth.
"The hospital. They have a board meeting tonight and then the Chairman's Dinner. He and Esme won't be home 'til late."
I move toward the stairs, but Emmett reaches out and grabs my arm to stop me. "Hey, man, you OK?" he asks concerned.
Jerking my arm out of his grasp, I pull back and ball my hand into a fist. My muscles are tense, as if I'm preparing for an attack. "Don't!" I bark.
Rosalie gasps, and Emmett holds his hands up in surrender as he takes two steps back. "Jesus, calm down. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
I don't answer as I turn back to the stairs again and climb them two at a time. Storming down the hall, my hands still balled into fists at my side, I pass Bella's room and practically skid to a stop. I can hear her muffled voice from behind the door; she's talking to someone.
Cautiously, I step closer to the door and my hands grip tightly to the frame on either side. I can't make out what she's saying; her words are too soft to carry through the thick wood, but there is no mistaking the tenor of her voice. She's crying.
Instantly, I feel the fight drain from of my body. Leaning forward, I rest my forehead against her door, close my eyes, and let out a long breath.
I was so ready to launch all of my anger at Carlisle. I was going to tell him that I'm done trying to prove myself to him, that I'm done trying to make up for my mistakes, that I'm done trying to be his son. I was going to tell him about Bella, and that there isn't anything he can do to keep me away from her.
And if he couldn't accept that, then I'd leave.
I've thought about moving out countless times. When I turned eighteen, the trust fund with the money from my parents' life insurance legally became mine. There is more than enough for me to live on until I graduate. But as I stand outside of Bella's room, and the seething rage slowly quiets down, I think about how my rash actions might affect her.
I can't just leave her here - if it comes to that. Carlisle will probably think she had a hand in deceiving him about our relationship, even if I take all of the blame. I wouldn't put it past that asshole to make her life miserable once I'm gone. Or, maybe Carlisle would be so angry he'd kick her out too. She could come with me, but when I tell her the truth about my past she might not want to. I realize, before I do anything impulsive and reckless, I need to talk to her first.
Shoving myself away from her door, I make my way back to my room to locate my phone. I fire off another text, asking her to please talk to me. I sit on the edge of our bed, my leg bouncing up and down nervously as I try to prepare myself for the conversation that will follow. I attempt to imagine her reaction to what I will say, but no matter how I justify my actions in my mind, I struggle to envision a scenario in which she doesn't leave me.
Another thirty minutes goes by and Bella still doesn't respond to my text. I start to compose another, but I don't know what else to say. I've already asked her twice to talk to me and that hasn't worked. I compose several messages, but delete them all, finding it difficult to convey the sincerity of my feelings this way.
I'm an asshole.
Please don't shut me out.
I'm ready to talk when you are.
I stare at the blank screen for a minute before typing the one thing I want her to know most of all.
I'm sorry.
Another unbearable hour passes, my messages go unanswered and our bed remains empty. Feeling defeated and helpless, I throw my phone into the center of the mattress and walk out on the balcony. The studio is dark, but the doors are still open. The gauzy curtains puff and wave in the cold November air. Bella's door remains closed, but her windows are now dark. The crushing realization that she's upset enough to sleep without me causes an uneasy feeling in my pit of my stomach.
I make my way over to the studio, reaching out to catch the curtain as it whips around so I can tuck it inside as I shut the door. But before I'm able to grasp the fabric, I see her. Bella spins and stretches in the dark room, moving around the floor with purposeful steps. There's no music, but as my eyes adjust to the darkness, I make out the cord of her headphones as it snakes up her back and disappears under her hair.
She doesn't see me. She doesn't know I'm watching her, and I vacillate for a moment between staying and leaving her alone. She's still upset, as evident by the passion in her dancing, but I can't force my feet to move away from the door. The raw emotion in her eyes and movements pulls me to her like a moth to a flame.
Quietly, I creep inside and sit against the wall, trying to make myself invisible in the shadows. I study the way she stretches her arms out, palms wide open, reaching for something out of her grasp; the way she wraps her arms tightly across her chest as if she's in pain; the way she bends toward the floor, overcome by some invisible weight on her back. Her dance is a clear display of how she's feeling – how I made her feel.
I can't take it anymore. I have to stop this. It's unbearable to see her so upset, although what I'm about to tell her will upset her even more. Just as I'm about to make my presence known, Bella crumples to the floor, curls into a ball, and begins to cry.
I'm in front of her in a second, fighting to stop myself from pulling her into my arms. She's angry with me, so I may be the last person she wants trying to comfort her right now. She doesn't immediately push me away, but when I can't discern her reaction to seeing me, I let her go. She stands up, and I'm certain she's about to walk away from me again, but she doesn't. She steps closer, and I feel her fingers run through my hair. When I look up, she smiles sadly at me, and I know she hasn't given up on me yet. As pure relief washes over me, I fall to my knees and pull her to me.
She drags me back to her room and into her bed. I hold her tightly against my chest as I try to tell her I'm sorry, and that I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping Carlisle in the dark about our relationship. But before I can explain anything, Bella cuts me off. She doesn't want to talk about it.
She doesn't want to talk about it that night, or the next day. She begins to act as if nothing happened, and I go along with it for a while. But on Thursday afternoon, when Bella walks through the front door after rehearsal, I'm waiting for her in the living room.
I take her hand and lead her away from kitchen, apologizing to Esme that she'll have to prepare dinner tonight without Bella's help. The somber look I give Esme says enough, and she nods and waves us toward the stairs.
"It's pizza night anyway. Go on. I was just about to call it in," she says.
Lifting Bella's gym bag from her shoulder, I carry it in one hand while I pull Bella up the stairs with the other. As we pass her bedroom, I toss the bag inside without slowing down and continue on to our room. I allow Bella to walk inside first, letting go of her hand to shut the door behind me. She walks directly to the bed and sits on the edge of the mattress, her eyes cast down and her hands twisting nervously in her lap.
I lean back against the closed door, pinning my hands behind my back as if to hold myself in place - to make myself do this. "We need to talk about the other night," I say gently.
"I know," she mumbles, watching her hands as she toys idly with her fingers.
"I should have been honest with you in the beginning, and I'm very sorry about that, but I hope you can understand that I had -"
"Edward," she cuts me off, raising her head to look at me for the first time. I notice her eyes are red and swollen. She's been crying. Looking away quickly, she focuses back on her hands in her lap. "I know you have something important to tell me, and I know this is horrible of me, but can we not do this right now? I've had a really bad day, and I don't think I can handle anymore."
I shove off the door to sit next to her on the bed, wrapping my arm around her lower back. "What happened?" I ask, concerned.
Bella's eyes flood with tears again, and she buries her head against my neck as she begins to cry. I hold her tightly to me, stroking her hair and rocking her gently from side to side. "Shh," I whisper. "It'll be alright. Whatever it is, it'll be alright."
"No… it won't," she chokes out between sobs. Bella pulls out of my grasp, wiping her eyes roughly with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. She sucks in a ragged breath and turns her body to face me. "My dad – my dad and I - we got in a huge fight."
I nod as I take her hand in mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"He saw the video. He didn't know – I never told him. I couldn't tell him. He would have never let me…"
Her voice trails off. Bella takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself before she continues. "There's a new detective at the station. He had pictures of me, you know, still shots from the video, as his screensaver. He didn't know I was the chief's daughter. Charlie went ballistic. He thought the guy had taken the photos himself, like I had posed for them or was working as a stripper somewhere."
Bella rolls her eyes. "Dad tried to arrest him right there in the station, and that's when the new guy told him he got the pictures off the video. Charlie was furious. He found out everyone at the station had seen the video, but no one told him. The rest of the guys knew better than to tell him."
"I guess I can see why he'd be upset, seeing his daughter -"
"Upset!" Bella explodes, standing up from the bed and throwing her arms in the air. "Edward, he's way beyond upset."
I decide I better keep my mouth shut.
"He screamed at me for over an hour. He said I was jeopardizing his career, his reputation, my reputation. He said…" Bella seems to catch herself. "He said some horrible things," she adds softly.
Bella lets out a deep breath as she sits next to me on the bed again. She takes my hand in hers and stares down at our joined fingers.
"He was so angry," she begins cautiously. "He threatened to press charges against the video producers. I was underage when they shot the video, and he said it could be constituted as child pornography." Bella glances up sheepishly at me before she continues. "I told him I had signed all kinds of waivers and releases, but he said they didn't matter without the signed consent from my legal guardian. So I had to tell him I forged his signature."
"Oh," is all I manage to say.
"He went crazy. Charlie's never cursed at me like that before."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Maybe just give him some time to -"
"That isn't the worst of it," she says, her eyes beginning to fill with tears again. "He says he can't trust me to be out here on my own. He's making to go back to Phoenix."
"What?" I yell, yanking my hand from hers as if it has burned me. "He can't do that. What about your scholarship?"
"He called Victoria right after he hung up on me. He's having my records transferred back to my old school in Arizona, and he changed my flight so that I fly straight to Phoenix after Thanksgiving at my moms."
"But that means…"I couldn't make myself say the words.
Bella nods. "He told me to start packing tonight, because when I leave Sunday, I won't be coming back."
Her tears are falling freely again as I continue to stare at her, completely in shock. I know I should try to reassure her again that everything will be all right, but right now, I can't see how it will be.
I want to scream. I want to beat the shit out of the guy who has pictures of my girlfriend as his screensaver. I want to call Charlie and tell him he's making the biggest fucking mistake of his life. He's going to destroy his daughter's future – her dreams – for what? Because he can't see past a skimpy costume and suggestive choreography to notice how hard she had to work and train to get that job?
I want to do all those things, but when Bella covers her eyes with her hands and doubles over to sob against her knees, I realize I have to shelve my irritation and try to comfort the heartbroken girl next to me. I pull her into my lap and begin rubbing my hand up and down her back. "Please, love, please don't cry. We'll figure it out."
"How?" Her tone is disbelieving, and she pulls back to look at me.
"I don't know, but I'll think of something. It'll be all right."
Bella opens her mouth, probably to argue that it won't, but she jumps at the sound of the doorbell downstairs.
"It's just the pizza," I explain.
Bella groans. "Ugh, I can't deal with the family night right now. You go."
"No, I'm staying with you."
"Edward, go. Carlisle will get suspicious if we both skip dinner." I open my mouth to say Carlisle can go fuck himself, but Bella cuts me off. "Besides, I need to call Jake. He doesn't know about any of this, and now he's got to find and train a new partner over the holiday."
Another fat tear rolls down her cheek, and as I brush it away, Bella rolls her eyes and abruptly stands up.
"I'm fine. I'm fine," she says, an edgy tone to her voice. "Go, eat, watch TV," she gestures to the door, "I'll see you when you're done." She turns away and begins to stalk toward the door.
"Hey!" I call out, irritated. She turns around to face me as I push off of the bed and close the distance between us. I take her face in my hands, watching distress swim in her eyes. "Don't do that," I say softly. "Don't dismiss me like that. The idea of you leaving is unbearable, but I refuse to believe that it's going to happen. I just need time to think, and I'll figure something out. We – we will figure something out. This isn't over yet. And I promise I'll do everything I can to fix this." Bella nods her head as more tears fill her eyes. "Please, you have to stop crying. You're killing me."
She laughs humorlessly between her tears. "I told you," she says as she wipes them away, "once I start I can't stop."
"I remember. I also remember you calling me an irate teenage boy who may or may not bite your head off that night."
Bella chuckles again. "It was true."
"Uh huh," I mumble as I lean down and kiss her gently.
I try to keep our kiss soft and tender, but the painful emotions of our afternoon bleed through and soon we are desperately clinging to one another, kissing each other as if this will be the last time.
"Pizza's here!" Emmett booms from downstairs.
Reluctantly, I pull away and rest my forehead against hers.
"I'm not done kissing you," she whispers, and I know she doesn't mean just right now.
"I'm not done kissing you either." I continue to hold her face in my hands, stroking her cheek with the pad of my thumb. "Are you sure you won't come down?"
Bella shakes her head. "No, I'm a mess. I can't eat right now, but you better go before Emmett comes looking for me."
"I don't want to leave you."
"Please go, for me. I really can't handle explaining why I'm in your bedroom to Emmett or anyone else right now."
"All right," I concede. "I'll save you some pizza." I kiss her quickly and duck out of the door.
Esme is standing in the kitchen removing slices of pizza from the cardboard box and setting them on paper plates. She looks up as I cross the living room. "I'm sorry," she says in a hushed voice. "I didn't think to tell Emmett not to bother you two."
"That's OK. Can I help you do anything?"
"You could pour the drinks." Esme glances cautiously toward Emmett's room before continuing. "Everything go all right?"
"We didn't really get to talk about, well… that. It wasn't a good time. She got in a fight with her dad today, and she's pretty upset. She's not coming down for dinner."
"Well, that explains it," Esme grumbles to herself, and I look at her questioningly. "About an hour before Bella got home, Charlie called. He was almost rude. He asked to speak to Carlisle, and they've been on the phone ever since."
I glance at the clock. Almost an hour has passed since Bella arrived home from school. That meant Charlie and Carlisle have been on the phone for a good two hours or more.
"All right," Emmett booms as he saunters into the kitchen. He slaps his mammoth hands together and rubs them back and forth quickly as if he's trying to warm them. "Let's get this party started! Where's Bells?"
"She has a headache," Esme lies causally. "She'll eat later."
"You boys go ahead and eat." Carlisle's authoritative voice echoes from the living room. He walks purposefully toward the kitchen, and my whole body goes stiff. Abruptly, I turn my back to him and focus on pouring a Coke into a glass of ice. "Esme, would you ask Bella to join me in my office? And I would like you to join us as well, please."
"Sure, we'll be right there," she says sweetly.
I grip the counter tightly with both hands and glance at Esme over my shoulder. She catches my eye but quickly looks away and leaves the room. I grab my drink and my plate and slump down into a chair at the table. I lean over, my arm forming a circle around the plate, and stare, unseeing, at my food.
Emmett takes the seat directly across from me. "What happened?" he whispers.
Before I can tell him it's none of his fucking business, Emmett straightens up and fixes his eyes on something over my left shoulder. I twist in my chair to see Esme and Bella coming down the stairs. Esme keeps one hand on Bella's shoulder as they walk across the living room. Bella keeps her eyes glued to the floor, looking like a convict being escorted to the execution chamber. Neither of them acknowledges Emmett and me as we watch them walk solemnly through the room and disappear down the hallway.
"What's going on?" Emmett asks, trying to keep his voice low.
"I'm not sure," I say, my eyes still fixed on the doorway Bella just passed through. I'm not lying, not completely. I do have some idea about what's being discussed behind the closed door, but the two hour phone call from Charlie to Carlisle has me wondering what else they could be talking about.
Emmett and I finish dinner in silence, and I return to my room. Bella has been in Carlisle's office for over forty-five minutes, and I'm getting more and more anxious as the time ticks by. I jump when my phone begins buzzing in my pocket. I pull it out and check the caller ID – unknown.
"Hello?" I ask hesitantly.
"Hey, it's Jake."
"Oh, hey."
"I was looking for Bella, but she's not answering her phone. She gave me your number a while back. I hope that's OK?"
"No, yeah, that's fine. She's with my parents right now. Did she get a chance to call you?"
"Yeah, we only talked for a second, but I have a general idea of what's going on."
I run my hands through my hair. "She's pretty upset."
"I'll bet. Her dad called right before we walked into studio class. I could hear him yelling at her through the phone." I cringe. "She never came into class, and she was gone by the time I got out."
"So did you know she forged his signature?" I ask.
"No." Jacob lets out a deep breath. "Man, this is bad."
"Did she tell you her dad wants her to come home?"
"Yeah, she did. It's unreal that he would just pull her out of the program like that. I mean, after everything she's worked for."
"I know." I sit on the edge of the bed, my hands still tugging at my hair. "Is there anything the school can do? You know, to keep her here?"
"I don't know. I did see Victoria in her office when I was leaving. She was talking pretty enthusiastically to someone on the phone."
"It must have been Charlie. He told Bella he was calling the school as soon as he got off the phone with her. Then he called here and asked for Carlisle. They talked for almost two hours before Carlisle asked Bella to join him in his office. That was," I glance at the clock, "shit, that was over an hour ago. She's still down there."
"Shit."
We are silent for several minutes, both of us likely contemplating different ways to keep Bella from leaving.
"Wait!" I shout, excitedly. "She's eighteen now!"
"So? What does that have to do with anything?"
I chuckle darkly. "She's a legal adult. He can't make her leave. He can't make her do anything."
"Bella would never go against her parents," Jacob protests. "Besides the fact she's still dependent on them for, well… everything, she would never defy their wishes."
"But if being here is what's best for her, then surely she would -"
"Yeah, I get what you're saying but still, you know she wouldn't go against her parents like that."
"She forged her dad's signature," I defend.
"Yeah, that shocked the hell out of me when she told me. But seeing how much trouble that's caused, you can be sure she's scared straight now. Besides, realistically, where would she go? How would she support herself? You know Carlisle isn't going to let her stay with you guys. She doesn't have a job; she doesn't have -"
"That's not a problem," I state, cutting him off.
"Ah, yeah it is." I could almost hear him rolling his eyes. "A big problem."
"I'd take care of her. I'd support her. I have money from my parents' life insurance. We could move out. She could finish school. She could - "
"Edward." From his tone, I can tell he's unconvinced. "As noble and romantic and generous as that sounds – get real, man. We're just a bunch of kids. Don't be stupid and think you can just run away together and that will make this all better. That's not the answer, and you know Bella would never go for that. It would eat her alive if she came between you and your family."
I wanted to throw my head back and laugh. Leaving my family behind would be the icing on the proverbial cake in this scenario.
"Look," he continues, "I know you're probably freaking out that she's leaving -"
"She's not leaving," I growl.
Jacob sighs. "OK, fine. But don't do anything rash. This isn't over just yet. Yes, she might have to go back to Phoenix for a while until everything gets sorted out."
Not an option, I want to say, but I let it go.
"I guess we won't know anything until they get done downstairs," I concede.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Well, look, just have her call me when you see her. I don't care how late, OK?"
"OK."
"Later, Eddie." The line goes dead.
I lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. What I wouldn't give to be down there with her, holding her hand, telling Carlisle he can't send her home, that this is her home, and that she belongs here with us – with me.
Just then the door opens and Bella slips into the room, turning her back to me as she closes the door behind her. I sit up quickly and swing my feet off the bed, but before I can stand Bella races across the room and launches herself at me. We topple backwards on the mattress, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her against me. Bella buries her head against my neck and begins to sob, her breaths coming in ragged pants and my shirt soaking up her tears.
"No, no, no," I whisper, panic starting to build in my chest. It's over. She's leaving.
"I – I get to stay," she mumbles against my shirt.
"What?" I stammer, disbelieving. I push her up, grabbing her face with both hands so I can see her. "You're staying?"
"I'm staying," she repeats, smiling through her tears.
I pull her to me, hugging her tightly to my chest as I breathe a huge sigh of relief. "Jesus, woman, you scared the crap out of me just now. Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm happy."
"OK, now your mood swings are giving me whiplash. You're making me crazy. I can't keep up. You've got to quit that. You're killing me here."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm a mess today."
I roll us over so Bella is now lying next to me and I can clearly see her face. Propping myself up on one elbow, I stare down at her and gently wipe away the moisture from her lashes. "No more, OK? No more crying."
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm done. I promise."
I continue to stoke her cheek with my thumb while she composes herself. Bella grasps my wrist, twists her head, and kisses my palm once before turning her eyes back to mine.
"I was scared," I confess. "I mean, I know you were going to lose your scholarship and everything you've been working for, but I was more upset that they were going to take you from me. I know that's pretty selfish, but I don't know what I'd do without you. I – I love you, Bella."
A soft smile creeps across her lips. "I love you, too."
I chuckle happily once as my blissful smile tries to compete with hers. She loves me.
Leaning down, I kiss her tenderly. My life could have ended in that moment, and I wouldn't have cared. I have everything I never knew I wanted wrapped tightly in my arms. For the first time in my life, I feel like I could drown in happiness.
She loves me.
I pull back and Bella opens her eyes, shining with more tears. "Hey now, you promised," I scold.
She laughs. "This is your fault," she says, sitting up and wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "You can't say stuff like that and expect me not to cry. I'm a girl. That's what we do."
I sit up too, twisting my body so I can lean back against the headboard. "Well, you better get over that 'cus I plan on saying it - a lot."
"Oh, you do?" she teases. Bella follows me, crawling up the bed and straddling my lap. I pull my knees up, effectively turning my legs into a chair for her to lean against as I grip her hips. Her hands brush over my shoulders, up my neck and into my hair. I close my eyes as she presses her forehead against mine, and I can feel her lips lightly graze mine. I lean forward, trying to capture her mouth, but she pulls back slightly. "Say it again," she whispers.
"I love you," I repeat softly, and I'm rewarded with a single kiss. My hands travel up her sides and around to her back.
"I love you," I say again, and I'm compensated with a solitary kiss. My hands navigate higher, tangling in her hair as I sit up straight, fighting to get as close as I can.
I stretch my neck forward, aching for more, but she pulls away again and I chuckle. She's going to make me work for this. Time to pull out the big guns.
"I love you. I'm yours. For as long as you'll have me. You are the most important thing to me - the most important thing to me ever." I can feel Bella smile as she presses her mouth to mine. This time she doesn't pull away, and I concentrate on showing her how I feel rather than telling her.
Our kiss is long and unbreakable, and we only pause to slowly undress each other. Bella remains in my lap, her knees pressing against the mattresses and her hands wound tightly in my hair. As she lowers herself onto me, I fight to keep myself from slumping back onto the pillows. I wrap my arms tightly around her back to anchor myself to her as she rocks against me.
Dropping my head against her shoulder, I groan as our seated position pushes me deeper inside her than ever before. Bella lowers her hands from my hair, wrapping them tightly around my shoulders for support. I'm breathless and panting, frantically trying to hold on as she challenges the limits of my control. My legs begin to shake and I open my mouth, scraping my teeth lightly across her collarbone as I groan.
When Bella's fingernails dig into my skin, I can't hold back any longer. I slide my hands up her back and grip her shoulders. I pull her body down as I thrust up, plunging deeper inside her with every forceful lift of my hips. Bella stills her movements and surrenders her body to me, allowing me to take over and propel us over the edge.
Her whole body begins to shake, and when I drive into her even harder, she throws her head back and cries out. Her walls spasm around me, gripping me tighter and tighter with each wave of her orgasm, and I can't hold back any longer. I lose all sense of control as the sensation rips through me, causing me to explode inside her, my hips bucking wildly as I hold her tightly against me.
Our movements slow as we descend back into reality. Bella drops her head to my shoulder, practically curling herself into a ball against my chest. Her entire body is shaking, and I rub my arms up and down her back, trying to soothe her. I roll backward, pulling her with me as I collapse against the pillows. Bella remains in the same position, and I remain inside her.
"You OK?" I ask, continuing to rub her back with my hands.
Bella chuckles. "You know you ask me that every time?" she mumbles into my shoulder.
"Do I?"
Bella nods her head without moving from her position. She doesn't answer my question.
"Well?" I prompt.
Bella laughs again and slowly rolls herself off of me. She lies on her back, and I roll on my side, propping myself up on my elbow so I can study her face. Something about my expression causes Bella to smirk, and she raises her hand and rubs her finger between my eyebrows. She scowls, and I realize she's mimicking my expression.
"So serious," she teases in a deep voice, and I roll my eyes. "Edward, I'm great. I'm better than great. Don't worry so much. I would tell you if something was wrong." She props herself on her elbow, copying my position, bringing her face in line with mine. Wrapping her other hand around the back of my neck, she pulls me to her and kisses me.
I slide my free arm over her hip and around her waist. Without breaking the kiss, I push her down on the bed so she's lying on her back below me. Just as round two begins to heat up, my phone vibrates with an incoming text.
"It's probably just Jacob," I mumble as I kiss her again.
Bella pushes me up. "Jacob? Why is Jake texting you?"
"He called me when you were downstairs." I start to laugh as I remember our conversation.
"What?" Bella scolds, narrowing her eyes at me. "What did you say?"
"I told him you'd call as soon as I saw you. He's probably freaking out." I wince. "I maybe gave him the impression that we were going to run away together."
"Edward!" Bella says with a chuckle, sitting up, and playfully shoving me off of her. She reaches for my phone and reads Jacob's message.
Any word yet? ~ Jake
"He's probably having a heart attack," she says, quickly tapping out a message to send back.
It's me. I'm staying. All good. Explain later. ~ B
She hits send and returns the phone to the nightstand. Bending over, she picks up her sweatshirt from the floor and tugs it on. Next she retrieves her underwear. Her hands disappear under the sheets as she pulls them up her legs. She kicks the covers away and swings her legs off the bed. Just as she's about to stand up, she glances over her shoulder at me.
I'm propped up on my elbow again, my chin resting in my hand, and one finger tapping against my cheek. I'm sure the expression on my face is pretty smug. "And just where do you think you're going?"
"Shower," Bella says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. She thinks for a second, then turns around, crawling toward me on all fours. Her faces stops mere inches in front of me, and she brushes her nose lightly against mine. Just when I think she's about to kiss me she asks, "You wanna join me?"
She doesn't have to ask me twice.
~o0o~
Bella never tells me what caused Charlie to change his mind, and I didn't think to ask. All I care about is that she's staying.
By Friday night, the drama from the previous day is long forgotten. At dinner, Bella chatters happily about her upcoming trip, telling us hilarious stories about her mother's fleeting attachment to various hobbies: painting, pottery, writing, antique collecting, scuba diving, scrapbooking, the list goes on and on. Each pursuit seems to be a bigger failure than the one before. We are still chuckling as we climb into bed that night.
Saturday morning, I'm surprised when I wake up to find the bed empty. I glance at the clock and realize its well after nine. I'm tempted to roll over and sleep for a couple more hours, but Bella is leaving tomorrow, and I plan on spending as much time with her today as I can.
Maybe we could start the day off with a nap.
I reach for my phone and call Bella to find out where she is. The phone rings several times before her voicemail picks up. I hang up and decide to text her instead.
Where are you? ~ E
Fifteen minutes later, I still don't have a response. Grudgingly, I roll out of my warm bed, pull on a long-sleeve t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and drag myself down the hall. Just as I'm sticking my head inside the dark studio, I hear her voice coming from her room.
Her door is open halfway, and I don't even bother to knock before pushing my way inside. Bella is pacing back and forth from her bed to her dresser, creating neatly folded stacks of clothes along the foot of her bed. On the floor, the largest suitcase I've ever seen sits open and empty. I have to look away; the blinding hot pink color is too much for my groggy eyes.
Bella turns toward me as I enter, and I notice her phone pinned between her ear and her shoulder. That explains my ignored call. She mouths the word "sorry" to me, and I brush her off with a shake of my head.
"Yes, of course," she says to her caller. Bella holds up a shirt, considers it for a moment, then folds it and adds it to one of the stacks to take with her.
I shuffle into the room and crawl on all fours across the bed to the far side – the side free from the mountain of clothes. Pulling back the covers, I climb into her bed and make myself comfortable. Closing my eyes, I tune out her conversation and the soft swooshing noises of her folding more clothes.
I actually begin to doze off again, the warm bed and the comforting sound of her voice lulling me back to sleep, but something she says catches my attention. I assumed its Jacob she's talking to, but as I pay more attention to her serious tone, I start to think this call is more professional in nature.
"Yes, ma'am. No, I understand."
I peel one eye open and observe her as she adds another pair of shorts to the stack.
"Thank you, I appreciate that." She turns to her closet and disappears inside. I close my eyes again. "Yes, ma'am, I do. Yes… yes, I'm sure."
I hear Bella shuffle back into her room and then the unmistakable thud of shoes being dropped into the empty suitcase. "I'm sorry too. Yes, thank you. Uh huh, you too. Bye." Bella lets out a deep breath.
"Everything OK?" I ask, my eyes still closed.
"Huh? Oh, yeah… fine. Just tying up some loose ends."
Something is off, but before I can ask, Bella crawls under the covers and snuggles up next to me. Maybe we will get that nap after all.
"You know, I'm leaving tomorrow," she purrs.
"I'm aware."
"Are you going to miss me at all?"
"Eh, I doubt it," I tease. "It will be nice to get a quiet night's sleep for once. You talk too much."
"I do not!" she screeches.
"Yes, actually you do." If I open my eyes, I'm sure I'd see Bella turning a beautiful shade of pink right about now.
"What do I say?"
"Mostly you mumble stuff I don't understand, but sometimes you say my name."
"That's not so bad I guess."
"Nah, I don't think so. I kinda like it. Even when you're unconscious, you're still thinking of me." I pull her closer to me as I nestle further into the mattress. We stay quiet for some time, and I gently stroke Bella's hair as she lies in my arms. I could stay like this forever.
"But seriously," she says abruptly, "what are you going to do without me for a whole week?"
I laugh. "I honestly don't know," I admit. "I'll probably mope around the house all week or be Jazz and Alice's third wheel. You should meet her, Alice, I mean. I think you two would get along great."
"I'd like that."
In truth, I plan on conquering her song - her lullaby - so it will be finished for Christmas. I want to record it, along with some of my earlier compositions, for her present. I smile at the thought of her playing the CD in her studio, maybe even dancing to some of my songs.
Bella sits up and quickly climbs out from under the covers. A gust of cold air penetrates my warm cocoon and I groan. "Come on," she says excitedly. "Let's do something fun today before I'm gone."
I scoot closer to her, trying to recapture some of the warmth from her body. I lay my head in her lap and make myself comfortable again as Bella combs her fingers through my hair. "Don't you need to rehearse today? Is Jacob coming over?"
"Nah, he's with Seth and Paul. I don't feel like dancing today anyway."
OK, now I know something is wrong. In the four months I have known Bella, she has danced a minimum of two hours every day. I peel my eyes open and lug myself upright, leaning back against the headboard. Rubbing my hands over my face roughly a few times, I force myself to wake up. "Bella, what's going on? Are you sure everything's OK?"
"Yeah… yes." She gives a nervous laugh. "I'm just sad to be leaving you."
I appraise her for a moment, my expression clearly saying 'I'm not buying it.'
"What? Aren't I allowed a day off every now and then? I just want to do something else. I want to spend a normal day with my boyfriend doing normal things other people my age do! I'm not some Olympic athlete that needs to train all day every damn day!"
I laugh at her rant. The furious kitten strikes again.
"What's so funny?"
"Well, for starters you are an athlete in training. You might not win a gold medal in the end, but you work just as hard… maybe even harder. And second, that was the first time I've ever heard you call me your boyfriend." I smirk.
Finally, she smiles. "Well, right now you're being a sucky boyfriend because I want to go out and you won't take me." She pretends to pout, sticking her bottom lip out as far as it would go.
I laugh again. "All right, woman. Geez! Let me put some clothes on, and I'll take you anywhere you want to go."
Forty minutes later we are walking hand in hand through Waterfront Park, watching the ships come and go from the port. It's a beautiful fall day, the leaves just beginning to change color and the air is cool and crisp. We pick up lunch at one of the sidewalk cafés, taking it in to-go containers and eating at the picnic area at the north end of the park.
"So, how am I doing?" I ask. "Still a sucky boyfriend?"
"You're doing better," she teases between bites of her salad.
"Just better? Hmm." I dramatically stroke my chin, trying to appear like an evil mastermind hatching a plan. "I wonder if a trip to… oh, I don't know, the aquarium would help me improve upon better."
Bella's eyes open wide, her excitement evident on her face. "We're going to the aquarium!" she squeals like an eager child before catching herself. "I mean… well, it couldn't hurt." She shrugs.
I turn in my seat and point to the large building just behind us. "All part of my master plan," I muse.
We spend over two hours wandering the through the aquarium exhibits. I'd been here numerous times over the years for school field trips. Those outings were tedious, monotonous, and almost painful to endure. But being here with Bella, the experience is entirely different. I probably watch her more than I look at any of the displays. She is mesmerized by everything she sees, and I'm mesmerized by her.
Bella stands before the tanks of tropical fish, her hands pressed against the glass, taking in everything. She points out fish she thinks are pretty or funny or scary. She turns away from the tank of electric eels, shivering and claiming they look too much like snakes.
She takes my hand and leads me to the touch pool. Dipping her fingers in the cold water, she plucks a starfish from the rock and places it in my submerged hand. I hold my palm open, cradling the small creature in my hand as Bella runs her finger over its prickly legs, petting it gently. I would have never participated in such activities before, but when Bella glances up at me, the smile on her face and the excitement dancing in her eyes make this moment the highlight of my day.
We make our way to the Underwater Dome, a spherical room with a 360 degree view of an enormous fish tank. The filtered sunlight shimmers through the glass above, casting a blue glow into the room. For the first time all afternoon, Bella drops my hand and wanders into the center of the room, staring wide-eyed at her surroundings. It really is impressive, and Bella is visibly amazed. I stand back, watching her expression.
"This is incredible," she mumbles to no one.
A family with four small children, evidently on vacation, files out of the room, leaving us alone for a brief moment. I walk up behind Bella, wrapping my arms around her waist, and rest my chin on her shoulder. Bella leans back against my chest as I hold her close to me.
"I love you," I whisper.
Bella turns in my arms to face me, wrapping her hands behind my neck. "I love you, too."
I lean down and kiss her, bringing my hands up to stroke her face. She turns back around and we resume our position, my arms around her, her body leaning back against my chest. Our posture reminds me of that night on the balcony when I rocked Bella to sleep in my arms. I begin quietly humming her lullaby as I hold her tighter to me. Clearly, Bella remembers the moment too; she smiles and lets out a contented sigh. We watch the fish swim around us for several minutes while I hum her song.
"Thank you, Edward, for bringing me here, for today."
"You're welcome. Are you ready to go?" I ask.
"Yeah, I guess we better. I still have to finish packing." Her voice sounds defeated.
"You sound so sad. I thought you were excited about going to visit your mom."
"Yes, of course I am. I just… never mind." Bella shakes her head.
"No, what is it? What were you going to say?"
She sighs. "I just wish you were coming with me is all."
"Bella, I - "
She turns to face me, breaking my hold around her. "No, I understand. I do. I get it. It's… complicated."
"Yes, it is." I let out a deep breath. "I - I just - "
"No," she stops me again, "it's ok. We don't have to talk about it now. I don't want to ruin our afternoon. I'm having such a great time. I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry."
She isn't going to let me explain, and I don't want to dampen our afternoon with such a heavy topic of conversation either, but we still need to talk about it. We can't avoid it any longer. It's time we sit down and have a serious conversation about us, about me, about where we are headed.
"OK. Not today. But we still need to talk. When you get back, we'll talk, and I'll explain everything. You need to know everything, Bella."
She nods. "Come on, let's go home."
~o0o~
It's after eleven when Bella finally sneaks in our room after her shower. I close my book and set it on the nightstand when she enters. She quietly closes the door and tip-toes over to the bed, her skinny legs sticking out from under one of my t-shirt. She obviously isn't wearing any pants – again – and she knows that drives me crazy.
She doesn't stand a chance. The second she touches the bed, my hands are all over her. I pull her to me as I kiss her passionately. I don't intend for it to be quite so frenzied, but as soon as I see her and the realization hits that this is our last night before she leaves, I become a man possessed. I have to have her, as much of her as I can get, as much of her as she will give. And I know because she loves me, she will give all of herself and I would do the same for her. This act is our way of saying goodbye, of trying to convey all the emotion of our coming separation. I know she's only going to be gone a week, but in this moment a week feels like forever.
We fall asleep, tangled in each other. I try to hold on to her tightly, as if I can keep her with me.
It's well after three in the morning when I wake with a start, feeling a chill in the air and an anxious awareness in the pit of my stomach.
Something isn't right.
I sit up quickly, turning on the lamp next to the bed. I'm alone; the sheets on Bella's side are thrown back, exposing the vacant space next to me. I look around confused and somewhat disoriented. The door to the balcony is open just a crack, allowing the night air to fill the room. What is she doing outside?
I crawl out of bed and walk to the door, pulling on my shirt as I move. As I make my way onto the balcony, I'm assaulted by the night air. Fuck, it's cold. I wrap my arms around my shivering body and search the darkness outside. Finally I see her, curled into a ball on the lounge chair, her knees pulled to her chest and her head buried in her arms as they encircle her bare legs. She's wearing my t-shirt again, but the rest of her skin is exposed to the frigid temperatures. Her body shifts slightly back and forth, as if she is sitting in a rocking chair. Her arms and legs tremble as she shivers against the cold.
"Bella, what are you doing out here? It's freezing. Come back inside."
She jumps, startled by my voice, her head snapping up to look at me as rivers of tears stream down her face. She covers her month with her hand to stifle a sob that racks her body. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, another wave of fresh tears streams down her cheeks, and she quickly turns her face away from me.
I'm beside her in a second, sitting next to her on the chair. "Bella, what's wrong? Are you hurt? What is it?" I'm completely terrified. Of course I have seen her cry before, several times this week in fact, but that's nothing compared to this. She's practically in hysterics.
She doesn't answer me. She just continues to sob uncontrollably as her whole body shakes. I'm not sure if her tremors are from the cold or her crying.
"Please," I beg, "please, love, what's wrong?"
She finally moves, turning to bury her face in my chest. Her hands grab fistfuls of my shirt as she crawls into my lap. I hold her close to me, rocking her slowly as she begins to sob even harder than before. I have no idea what to do or what happened to cause her to breakdown like this, but I'm about to go to pieces myself if she doesn't talk to me.
Bella continues to shiver. I reach down and touch her legs; they feel like ice. Without a word, I scoop her up and carry her back inside, her body practically limp in my arms. She has to get warm or she will certainly be sick from her little excursion.
I head straight for the bathroom and sit down on the ledge of the bathtub. With Bella still curled in my lap, I turn on the faucets and begin to fill the tub with warm water. As I watch the water rise, I resume my rocking motion. Bella seems to calm down; the sobs have disappeared, and now silent tears trickle down her face as she shivers.
I stand, placing her gently on her feet before me. I lift her shirt over her head and carefully slide her underwear down her legs. Her skin almost looks blue under the millions of tiny goose bumps. I hold her hands and she carefully steps into the tub and sits down. Immediately, she curls back into the same protective posture I found her in on the balcony: her knees pulled to her chest, her arms circling her legs. I kneel down beside the tub, using my hand to scoop the warm water and pour it over the exposed skin on her back.
The tears finally come to an end, and Bella regains some of her composure. The shivering stops too, and she releases her legs and leans back against the back of the bathtub. She inhales a deep breath, closes her eyes, and submerges her entire head under the surface of the water. After several long seconds she finally breaks the surface again. She rests her head against the back of the tub, slouching down so the waterline laps against her bottom lip. She still doesn't look at me.
"Bella, did I - did I hurt you?"
"No," she says quietly.
"I don't understand. What happened? What's wrong?"
She takes another deep breath. "I had a nightmare."
"A nightmare?" I repeat, disbelieving. I've had some bad dreams in my life, but nothing that would cause me to run crying from the house in the middle of the night.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" I ask.
Bella shakes her head fiercely. "No, I - I don't… wanna go back there." She chokes back another sob.
"Ok. Ok. We don't have to talk about it." I rest my chin against the ledge of the tub, my right hand still submerged in the warm water. Reaching toward her, I trace my fingers over her shoulder and down her arm as far as I can reach before running my hand back up again and repeating the motion. I just want to touch her, to let her know I'm here, that she isn't going through this alone. "Does this happen a lot? Your dreams?"
"Sometimes," she admits.
"I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry. I wish I could protect you from what you saw."
She turns her face away. Something I said causes her to shed another tear. I brush her wet hair away from her face. "Hey, it's over now. Look at me. I'm here. It's OK. It's going to be OK."
She nods and wipes her cheeks with her wet hands.
"Are you warm enough now?" I ask, and she nods.
I retrieve a towel from cabinet and place it on the side of the tub. "I'm going to get you some warmer clothes. You OK by yourself for a minute?" She nods again.
I sneak out of the bathroom quietly and make my way to Bella's room. Her winter clothes are easy enough to find. All her short sleeves, tank tops and shorts are packed away for her trip to Florida tomorrow, leaving only warm clothes hanging in her closet. I select a pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and a new pair of underwear, and return to the bathroom. Bella is sitting on the side of the tub, her body wrapped in the towel I left. I hand her the clothes and she gets dressed as I riffle through the medicine cabinet, looking for a bottle of pain reliever.
"Here, take two of these. Otherwise you'll have a terrible headache."
She does as I instruct, and we make our way back to our room. Bella crawls into bed first and I follow closely behind, turning off the lamp and pulling the blankets around her. She snuggles into my chest, and I hold her tightly against me. She has barely spoken a word since the whole ordeal started, so I'm surprised to hear her speak now.
"I'm sorry," she whispers in the darkness. For a second, I wonder if she's talking in her sleep again.
I lift my head, looking down at her. Her eyes are open, staring straight ahead, glistening with unshed tears.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. That wasn't your fault."
She snuggles closer into my chest, closing her eyes again. "That song, the one you hum all the time… will you do that again?"
I smile. She likes her song. Quietly, I begin to hum, stroking her wet hair as her breathing becomes slower and deeper. She's asleep again before I finish the first verse.
I look down at the beautiful girl sleeping in my arms and wondered what horrors she must have seen to cause such a reaction. I feel so helpless, unable to protect her from whatever is tormenting her subconscious.
She mumbles something incoherent that I don't understand. I start to drift off then too, saying a silent prayer that Bella has an uneventful sleep. But before I'm completely gone, I think I hear her speak again.
"Stay."
Author's Note:
Like I said, it's my birthday! So, no hating on me for avoiding the big conversation, again! ;-) Next week: the wait is over! Promise!
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