So... it's been a while again. *hides* I did have exams! But they're done now, and i'm just taking this chapter at a time, because i'm having block issues with it. This chapter will probably feel kinda familiar to those of you who read any other of my jisbon fics... i feel like i'm writing the same stuff. But nevermind, it fitted. I hope it's okay... and for your benefit i've put like half of the last chapter so you can remember what is actually going on. :P Thank you so much to those of you who are still reviewing despite my awful UDing skills ;) It means a lot :)
Gently, he pushed her back off him, and looked down into her gorgeous, and tearful, green eyes, he didn't know what it was that gave him the push, but he knew why he did it, bending down to her, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips, and she responded, gently kissing him back.
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
She looked at him, her eyes full of tears and emotion and in less than a second she had pulled away from him, and turned her back to him, needing to get away. From him, from all the emotions running wild through her. He watched as she walked up the stairs and out of sight, and his heart broke, why was this hurting so much?
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
Chapter 12
The words from the song rang in his head... I just want you to know who I am... Maybe another day he would have left her, another day he would have let her run away, leave her in peace and not poke and prod at the feelings she, they were experiencing. He would have told himself he was doing it out of kindness, but in reality, it would have been out of fear. But today was not that day. He thought about the song, and the dance... the kiss. It had been so perfect, so idealistic, for a few blissful moments he had been close to heaven, but he knew nothing lasts forever. Perfect moments are just moments, they are wonderful, they make life bearable, but that doesn't change the fact that they're still just moments. They come and go in less than a second – all the best things in life don't last long enough. That dance, that kiss... was just one of many. But it was perfect, and emotional, and that is why he needed to follow her.
He followed her footsteps up the rich coloured carpet and up the stairs, there was a large open area that separated off into doors. This place was massive, a curtain was half swept across an opened door, the wind had caught it and presumably someone had recently passed through. It was quite quiet up here, considering the size of the event but he wasn't complaining. A few people were milling around, but mostly towards the other end of smaller hall type thing, the door that had caught his attention was the opposite end, and he was fairly sure she would have headed that way.
Careful to be quiet, he made his way through the door, pushing the blowing curtain out of the way onto a balcony, the view of the city from up here was breath taking, but all his concentration was focussed on the small dark haired figure looking out, her back shaking as she tried to get herself together. Even upset like this, she was still the most breath taking thing in this building. "You don't have to do this you know," he said softly,
His voice made her jump, startled she turned to him, but the surprise quickly turned to sadness, which turned to hurt, "Go away," she said, attempting a glare at him, and failing miserably.
She had no idea how to handle this situation, she had just done the one thing she hated the most, the one thing she tried hardest not to do – she had lost control. He'd kissed her... she'd kissed him and this just... this wasn't happen. It was all some horribly twisted nightmare that she would wake up in a cold sweat from in mere seconds. At least that was what she was praying. "You can't ignore this Teresa," he said softly, unwilling to hurt her, and hating being unable to provide her any source of comfort.
Yes I can, she thought,squeezing her eyes shut.
"Closing your eyes and willing it to go away doesn't work either," he said, but softly, not in a teasing voice. "Trust me, I've tried," he said, choking a little on his words.
She shook her head slightly, unsure of the exact reason she was crying. Kicking herself she could maybe understand, anger, frustration, but, why was she so sad? Why did her heart feel like it was being crushed inside her chest? This was exactly why she couldn't let this happen, if it hurt like this already, imagine how bad it would be when she screwed up... provided there was even a chance to be screwing up! The thought that actually it was a spur of the moment thing and didn't mean anything to him left her winded, like someone had punched her, pushed all the air out of her lungs. And this was exactly why this was just too dangerous, for both of them.
"Why are you up here?" He asked quietly, trying to get her to say something, anything.
Because I'm running away. "The view's beautiful," she whispered,
"I'm sure it is, but that's really not what I'm interested in right now,"
"Look Jane," she said, wiping her tears away and turning round to face him, "I don't want to talk," she said, and he could already sense her walls rising again, if he left it too much longer, he wouldn't have a hope in hell of getting over. "Would you please just leave?" she begged, ashamed of what she had resorted to.
"I don't want to talk," he told her, "But I don't want to leave,"
"Jane," she said, forcing a coldness into her voice, "Just go,"
"Don't do this," he said, watching her carefully, she may be able to fake her tone, but one look into her eyes gave her away immediately.
"Is it too much to ask to-" he interrupted her, kissing her with so much feeling, so much passion - using it as an attempt to pour all the things he couldn't say into her, a desperate plea for her to understand.
"Jane," she moaned through the kiss, as tears quickly built up again and rolled down her cheeks, control was slipping away again, and she wanted it... she wanted it so badly that it hurt.
"I thought you didn't want to talk," he whispered, kissing her again before she had the chance to reply.
The words of the song again rang in her head, and the tears flowed faster.
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And, her mind made up, she threw her arms round his neck. And kissed him back.
I hope it was okay... :) Please review and let me know :)
xxxx
