Jade didn't know what to do. It was really pissing her off, too.
Confessing had taken nearly every ounce of willpower she'd had. So when Tori had just run away… admittedly, after the tears she found that she'd been incredibly pissed off. And she had a right to be! Running away from such a heartfelt confession… who does that?!
…that may have just been the rejection talking, though.
Still, that hurt. And she wouldn't even let me drive her home! What, did she think I was going to ravage her in the car whether she wanted it or not?! Come on, I may be slightly psychotic, but I would never take advantage of anybody like that!
...so says the girl that practically shoved her tongue down her crushes throat. Without said crushes consent. While said crush thought the whole thing was some kind of sick joke.
She sighed, hands clamping down on her scissors and moving yet another inch farther across the thick plastic of the garbage can. Luckily the janitor had gone out and gotten new ones, otherwise she would have had to take her frustrations out on something else. Something… softer.
She retracted her hand and cocked her head, admiring her handiwork. Instead of just shredding the poor thing as she'd done in the past, this time she was cutting the entire thing up into one giant spiral, like an apple skin. She was already halfway through, and even though her hand was killing her she wouldn't stop until she was done.
Maybe she'd have her feelings sorted out by then.
Even if I am angry, it doesn't matter. I'm always angry. But I've never been this antsy before. I was so hoping I'd get to talk to her in class or something, or at least at lunch. When I saw her… with Beck, no less, I almost lost it. It was like I couldn't breathe… I… I wanted to talk to her, I… needed to be close to her… I just needed to feel her warmth. That would've calmed me down. We would have been able to sort this all out, or at least make a step in the right direction.
Tori hadn't come over though. Tori had seen her and her eyes had gone wide, spine snapping straight up and her mouth dropping open into a horrified, skittish, slack-jawed stare.
It was like someone had shoved her heart into a clamp and swung the lever as far as it would go, squeezing her until she felt like she was sure she was going to die…
Then Tori had run away again, and Jade knew that her anger had only been a natural reaction, her natural reaction. The aching sorrow and desperation that forced her to rise from her seat and reach out after Tori's retreating figure was something entirely new to her. The jealousy she felt was new too; up until this point her 'jealousy' had only ever been her insecurity making itself known. When girls would flirt with Beck she wouldn't be angry because she was worried he might be falling in love with someone else, she'd be angry because she didn't trust him to be satisfied with just her.
When she sees Beck look at Tori with those dark, intense eyes not a fiber of her being worries that she isn't good enough. Every fiber worries that Tori might just not want her… despite everything she might do.
And it terrifies her.
What am I going to do if she ends up with Beck? What am I going to do if I end up alone? I couldn't. I can't… I can't be stuck in that big house alone until I graduate… I-I can't. I need someone… and, right now, I think the only person that someone can be is Tori.
She cares about me. She does! I know it! Even after everything, she cares! I don't know why, but she does! And… I care about her. When that jerk Ryder was two-timing her, I literally wanted to kill him. I wanted to go to his house, wake him up with some kind of horrible Dubstep mix that would make his ears bleed, then shove a pair of scissors in each eye.
Then raid his closet. I have to admit, the boy had nice taste, at least in jackets and boots.
The pace of the scissors had started to slow as Jade began to realize how much Tori truly meant to her. The pressure she put on each handle eased down as her slicing nearly came to a halt, eyes distant as memories began to play across her vision. Their "date" at Nozu, Tori helping her with her play, Tori helping her win Beck back when she was still convinced she was in love with him…
And she realized that, even though she was pissed, after everything Tori had done for her the least Jade could do was give her time to think. Demanding an answer right away would just be downright selfish.
Sighing, Jade brought her hand away from the demolished garbage can to see what she'd created. The poor thing really did resemble an apple skin, the single cut extending around and around the outside until the entire thing looked like one curling piece of discarded plastic. She stared at it for a moment more before blinking and looking up, suddenly feeling as though she'd just woken up from some kind of deep, groggy slumber, like the one she'd normally get while writing an essay or a difficult screenplay. She shook her head then ran a hand through her hair, retrieving her phone from her bag to check the time.
4:02… the hallway should be devoid of losers by now, so… guess it's time to leave. I'm not gonna see her today. She's not just gonna come barging in with an apology and a stuttering declaration of love like I'd hoped she would. Man.
Moaning as the aching feel of pins and needles shot through her calves the moment she moved, Jade waited for the blood to rush back into her lower region before she uncrossed her legs and attempted to stand. She put her scissors away in her bag and cast one last look at the modern art piece she'd left lying on the floor before leaving the closet…
…and bumping right into her ex-boyfriend.
Surprised, Jade jerked away and almost let out a shriek. Almost. Instead, she held it down, constricted in her throat as her expression and mood instantly grew foul. Green met near-black in a deadlock stare, neither pair of narrowed eyes faltering.
Beck had his hands shoved deep down into his pockets, backpack hanging treacherously over one shoulder, threatening to spill. His eyes were narrowed down at her, suspicious and yet somehow cautious… guarded. That hurt, somewhere inside, but then Jade remembered that the person standing before her was the only thing keeping her from getting to Tori.
Crossing her arms and raising her chin defiantly, Jade spoke first. "What do you want, Beck?"
He didn't answer immediately; his eyes flicked upwards past her shoulder, presumably at the door to the closet. Jade frowned, ignoring his hint and moving past him as she rolled her eyes. She heard him call after her, but she spoke over him, "Whatever you need to say can be said in the parking lot. I'm sick of being here."
Heavy footsteps began to follow her just as they'd been doing for the past two years, and Jade breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't wanted him to see what she'd been doing for the past hour; he knew her too well, he'd have known she was upset. Somehow the idea of him knowing how Tori affected her made her feel sick, especially since he was the cause of her current misery. If it wasn't for him, Tori could have been her girlfriend by now.
The word 'girlfriend' brought the smallest of grins to her face, which thankfully Beck couldn't see. Having Tori as a girlfriend, being Tori's girlfriend… was it possible? It had to be. Tori had to have felt something for her…
"Jade, I wanna talk to you about Tori."
The smile faltered, falling back down into a frown as pale hands instinctively clenched. "What about her?"
Tense silence followed her through the doorway and out into the parking lot; she almost thought that he'd given up and walked away when he lengthened his stride and appeared in front of her. A physical wall of flesh and bone, he forced her to stop and meet his eyes once more. The guarded look was still there, and she realized that his own fists were just as clenched as hers.
"What you said… about liking her… was that, was that true?"
One ebony brow perked, piercing glinting in the sunlight. "Excuse me?"
"Well… I mean, you've hated each other forever, and even though I know that it's all just an act I find it hard to believe that-"
"Excuse me?" Beck visibly flinched at her tone, eyes widening as her own narrowed to slits. "What the hell are you saying? Did you actually think that I would make something like that up? Wait a minute…" her mouth dropped down in shock, "Is that why you were so pissed? Did you… did you actually think this was some kind of plot?! Did you think that I was jealous?! What the hell, Beck? I'm in love with her, and if you didn't want her for yourself I wouldn't give a rat's ass about whatever ditz you decide to date! How could you even think- this is why I was always so pissed off when you were around other girls! You think you can get anyone you want, and that everyone wants to be with you! But it was fine when we were together, because I was 'all you needed' and those other girls were just S.O.L.!"
Beck had taken several steps back, the harshness of her words sapping his strength and there was obvious embarrassment showing in his eyes, in the way they danced away from the fire in hers. She couldn't believe what he was insinuating; was he really that thick? Could he have honestly thought that she was just trying to keep them apart because she wanted him to miserable?
Lip curling in a snarl, her hand flashed out and grabbed Beck by the collar of his shirt, dragging his face close to hers so that there was nowhere else to look but her brimstone stare. "Listen closely Beck, because I'm only going to say this once. I do want to keep you two apart, not because I'm so pathetic as to try and keep you single for misery's sake, but because Tori is mine. You hear me? Mine. I don't care what you do, I don't care what you try, but I swear to you, here and now, she'll be with me before I ever let you have her. She deserves better than you, you arrogant piece of trash."
Oh how she'd wanted to just leave it at that, just let him loose and let him scamper away with his tail between his legs, but of course he had to have the last word.
Scowling, he wrenched himself away, collar twisting as her fingers curled, trying to hang on, her nails scraping against the cotton. "Oh yeah? Well don't forget you dated this piece of trash for two years, you psychotic, twisted chick. If I'm not good enough for her, what makes you fit for the job?"
"I've grown up Beck, you haven't. I've realized how stupid I was being, how typically teenage-brand-selfish I was. I know now that I'm in love with her; she's not just a pretty face and a smile, she's everything I could ever want and, more importantly, everything I'll ever need. The only thing I regret is not realizing it sooner; then maybe I could have broken up with you first and saved us all a lot of heartbreak."
He glared at her half-heartedly, childishly, for another moment before storming away. Crossing her arms, she noted that this was both the second time he'd fled the scene and the second time she'd stood up for herself. This was the second time she'd defended her feelings for Tori, and the second time she'd been left feeling lighter than air after she had.
A pleased grin spread across her face as she sauntered over to her car, sliding in and immediately reaching for her CD case.
Plucking her favorite (and the only decent) Fall Out Boy album from its slot, she slid the disc into her radio system and turned the car on, still grinning. Stretching out to reach into the glove compartment, her fingers played with the buttons, finding the desired track as she retrieved her sunglasses. Leaning back and sliding them on with a content sigh, she settled into her seat, buckling her seat belt and wriggling in place until her butt was properly settled.
Her hands gripped the wheel, ready to go, but she waited for the first words of "Sugar, We're Going Down," to fill the car before she sped out of the parking lot and out into oncoming traffic.
Laughing uproariously at the sound of aggravated honking from whatever people she'd just cut off, Jade contemplated where to go.
Screw going home, I'm in too good of a mood. You know what? Since I was so worried about whether or not I'd be able to back up my feelings, I should treat myself. I've been wanting a new piercing… the other day I saw a dude with a rook piercing that looked sick.
Her grin stretched wider.
Blackwork it is!
Blackwork was her favorite place; it was a body piercing and tattoo shop that also sold jewelry and clothes, good clothes. She couldn't count the number of nights she'd spent just wandering the aisles or admiring the tattoo work. She knew every employee by name, and she knew the store better than some of the fresher meat.
The music continued to blare as she drove, and even though she wasn't sure how well things stood with Tori she was confident that she'd given Beck something to think about. If he didn't back off, then he'd certainly start chasing Tori seriously; while she may have dreaded that, it meant that even if Tori didn't want to be with her at least she'd be with a guy that realized how precious she was.
But I do hope she picks me.
She pulled into the parking lot still humming the first song she'd played, turning the car off and stepping out onto the asphalt as she propped her sunglasses up on the crown of her head. Tossing her keys into her purse then shouldering the bag, she made her way to the entrance of a black, two-story building with intricate tribal tattoo work decorating the first floor. This was Blackwork, the best place to go when you're Jade West and you've had your fill of irritation.
She was just about to reach for the door handle when all of a sudden the door swung open on its own and she was hit with what was either a person or a spongy door frame.
The sound of flesh hitting flesh and the warmth of a body pressed up against hers, accompanied by an unlady-like "Oompf" clarified that it was a person.
Realizing which particular person this was had a fire going in her body in moments.
"Vega?!"
Tori looked up at her, and for a moment Jade wondered how that was possible considering Tori was taller than she was; then she remembered that the half-Latina had been wearing flat shoes today, whereas Jade had opted for her combat boots which provided her with an extra inch (useful information).
"Jade! Uh… what are you, u-um, I mean…"
Neither girl moved, but Jade realized that two very gentle hands were on her waist, most likely a defense mechanism to prevent them from crashing to the ground. As she realized this, she also conveniently realized that her own were in a similar position. Tori seemed to realize it as well and was the first to pull away, but Jade clearly saw a blush darkening the other girl's cheeks. Curious, Jade made sure to gently drag her fingers across Tori's hips, watching her face for the slightest reaction.
Tori… do you care about me? Do you feel the same way about me? Do you realize what a sap you've turned me into? Will you take responsibility for it?
Obviously none of these questions wet answered, for the only question Jade actually verbalized was "What are you doing here?"
"U-uh… well, you see, I felt bad about… the other day and, well…" Tori took a breath to steady herself, one hand coming up to rest against her chest, "I thought I should apologize. The way I reacted, well… it was kind of ganky… so I went and got you an apology gift."
"I don't know if I'd say ganky… because it's a stupid word, but-"
"Jade! I'm trying to be serious here!"
Jade brought her hands up in defense. "Hey, easy! I'm sorry, but really, you didn't have to get me anything! I mean, it was… it was a lot to throw in front of you and… I guess I can't blame you for reacting the way you did and-"
"Yes you can, what I did was stupid. I ran away! I would totally hate me." Tori was looking at the ground now, shoulders slumping as she sighed in a self-deprecating manner.
Jade bit her lip, hands twitching at her sides as her wants and her common sense battled internally. Eventually her wants won out, because her hands began to move with a will of their own; one came up to rest on Tori's shoulder, the other gently taking Tori's chin and bringing her face back up so their eyes could meet.
Staring into those beautiful brown eyes, Jade said "I could never hate you."
Tori stared at her for a moment, eyes wide. "Really? Because it sure seemed that way when we first met."
Jade chuckled, thumb unconsciously brushing against tan skin. "That was the young and stupid Jade. This is the new and improved Jade… who still loves scissors and dead things but realizes what a great friend you've been to her this entire time."
Tori smiled and Jade knew it was safe to let go, shocked to find that right now she had no desire to kiss the other girl until it hurt, but that she only wanted to know what Tori had gotten her. She was curious really, about how Tori had known about this place and what she thought Jade might like.
All thoughts of getting her rook pierced gone, she nodded towards her car. "You wanna go sit in the car? I won't try anything, I promise. I just don't want to put my butt on the pavement, who knows what other butts have been there."
Tori looked oddly at her for a moment and Jade thought that she just might refuse, but then the half-Latina grinned shyly and nodded. "I didn't think you would. I know you're not like that."
For a moment Jade was tempted to mention the kiss, but that probably wouldn't have been such a good idea, so instead she just led the way to the car.
The two of them plopped in, and made themselves comfortable; Jade reached for the radio but Tori reached out and stopped her, gave her a meaningful look that clearly said 'This is serious time. Not crazy Jade music time'. So, she settled back into her seat and waited for Tori to start.
"Look… this whole thing is just crazy… and it's just kind of hard to wrap, my head around the idea that you like me that way. Plus with you just having broken up with Beck and Beck asking me out too, it's just weird. I'm sorry, but I just don't know what I want, so I can't give you a definite answer about any of this. I mean, you can't make me fall in love with you and neither can Beck; this has to be my choice." Jade nodded, though the half-Latina's words made her face fall and her heart sink. "Still… the way I handled things the other day was unacceptable. The amount of courage you showed? You deserved so much more than what I gave you, so… here."
And Tori handed her a small, nondescript black bag, the classic trademark of a Blackwork purchase. "Cat said you come here all the time, so I thought I'd try here. I hope you like it, and…" Jade gasped as she opened up the small little black box that had been sitting at the bottom of the bag, revealing a present that meant so much more than any words could.
Tori had bought her a ring, a beautiful, full-finger ring shaped in the form of a black rose, its vines wrapping around and creating the ring shape, with little silver thorns poking out at every turn. Before she even had a chance to fully take it in Tori had taken it from her, gently sliding it onto the pointer finger of her left hand. "..I hope you don't give up on me."
Jade was speechless. She felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and she couldn't stop the smile that was slowly growing on her awestruck face.
"Tori…" She looked up, the first tears falling as Tori smiled back at her, sheepish yet proud. "I love it. But… if you don't leave, I might just kiss you… and I don't want to ruin that little speech you just made. So, maybe you should-"
But she couldn't speak, because Tori's lips were on hers, and she was in Heaven. Her eyes slid shut, tears still flowing freely from their corners. The warmth, contentment, and utter perfection of this moment was indescribable.
Tori pulled away slowly, Jade's eyes opening to gaze at her in wonder. The other girl shrugged sheepishly. "If you think about it, we've already had two dates."
This time Jade was the one to lean in, practically lunging at the other girl and crushing their lips together, the hand with the ring coming up to cradle Tori's head. This was a kiss to convey feeling, every feeling that Jade had in that moment: joy, adoration, a hint of the larger desire hiding within her, and a fierce sense of recognition, of accomplishment. Her efforts hadn't been in vain!
She felt Tori smile against her lips and the kiss broke off because a similar smile broke out on her face, shining with all of the celestial light of the North Star. "Tori…"
"Jade…"
She was probably going to regret this later… but she told herself that she owed it to him. To him and to herself, to see if what Tori was trying to prove to her was real. She knew that her feelings were true, but she had to test Tori's. She couldn't let herself be heartbroken again; she couldn't risk letting herself fall into a relationship with the girl that was like the lighthouse in her dark, stormy life unless it was one hundred percent tested and true.
So, with a heavy heart, she took Tori's face in both hands, looking deep into her eyes…
"You at least owe Beck a chance."
You guys hate me, don't you?
I apologize for the lack of update; being an art major is kind of awful in terms of due dates and the sheer amount of time I dedicate to work every week. Let me just say this; my roommate, who is studying neuroscience, has less homework than I do.
You must all thank Hurricane Sandy for this chapter. Without her, none of this would be possible!
One last thing; I'd like to thank all of my anonymous readers that are so kind as to me leave me reviews even if they don't have accounts here. I really appreciate it, and I must say you guys have some great input! Keep it up!
