A/N: Sorry this story is taking so long to be told, I hope I'm not losing people along the way. Have you ever started a story that seems so clear in your mind, then the characters decide to take a different path then you wanted half way through? I appreciate everyone that has stuck with me this far, and want to let you know that I truly love the reviews, please keep them coming. Without further ado . . . here is:
Appearances Darlin', are Everything
Part XI
"Come on Ez, I'm sure the bed in Chris's cabin would be more to your likin'. I ain't meet anyone who likes a saddle over a bed." Vin knew his friend needed the sleep, but the tracker also knew how proud Ezra could be and was afraid of what the gambler would do if he or Buck tried to carry him inside. However, with as much trouble as they were having waking Standish up Vin was just about to the point of risking it. "I reckon we could just carry Ez in, he left that pea shooter in his room right?"
"No Mr. Tanner I did not forget my 'pea shooter' at my quarters for some reason Mr. Larabee felt I should relinquish my weapon to his safe keeping before we departed." The gambler had woke up at Vin's first prompting but still being in a mild state of shock from the events at the saloon Ezra had been uncertain how to proceed so he had choose to feign sleep while he decided. Ezra was split in half, and currently his two parts were wagging a war within him unknown to his friends. Half of him wanted to grab Chaucer's reins and flee from everything that had happened the last two days like he would have done to solve previous problems. The other half begged him to stay and let the six men, who had come to mean so much in his life, help him face Maude and put an end to this game once and for all. "Good lord, I'm beginning to sound like mother, I just referred to this whole thing as a game."
"Ezra, are you al'right?" Vin was really worried about his friend, with a quick glance at Buck it was obvious the lady's man was sharing his growing concern. The usually clam, collected gambler was not only showing more emotions than usual, but was now talking to himself. What is that woman doing to ya Ez? "How 'bout you come down from there and we'll head inside while ol'Bucklin takes care of the horses?"
Ezra finally looked at his friends and saw the distress he was causing them. They really do care, it's not just an act with them. The realization of this was all the gamester needed to put a stop to the internal struggle ragging inside him on what his next course of action should be. "I'm fine Vin, and that sounds like a marvelous plan, if of course Buck does not mind being burdened with the care of our noble steeds?"
"Hell no I don't mind, you boys go on inside, get that ice box Chris calls a cabin warmed up." The mustached gunslinger took the reins of the three horses, waiting till his companions had removed their saddlebags before he started to head the animals towards the coral. When Buck got to the gate he glanced back towards the cabin in time to see Vin take Ezra's saddle bag when it appeared that the gambler was about to collapse. "Chris I don't know what you're planning to do to that woman, but I hope it keeps her away from me and Vin. I don't know about that boy, but I could force myself to finally hit a woman right about now."
With one finally glance to make sure Vin got Ezra inside with no further problems Buck returned to the task of bedding down Lady, Peso and Chaucer for the night. When he had finished up and was heading in Buck couldn't stop the smirk that crossed his face as he remembered Chris's last words to him before the three of them had rode out of town.
"Don't know who's got the harder job. Me dealing with Maude here in town or you boys with getting that damn fool to talk about whatever it is that's goin' on. Be careful out there. Don't plan on Ezra being much help with watching your backs."
"Yup, sure hope Chris has some whiskey in that place. Have a feeling we're all gonna need some before the night is over."
VT VT VT VT VT VT VT
"Ah hell Ez, sit down before ya fall down, I can handle getting this place . . . 'habitable'." The Texan stumbled over the last word but it was worth the embarrassment to see his friend smile at the attempt. "I mean it Ezra, sit down!"
Realizing his defeat the gamester returned the coffee pot he had been attempting to prepare to the table top with the rest of their supplies. With the slow, steady movements Ezra was using Vin could tell he was angry about being unable to help his friend, but was also aware how tired the gambler was to be moving so slowly. When Ezra moved to sit down he bumped the coffee pot he had just filled with grounds on to the floor, along with some of the other supplies.
"Gwad damn it!" With shaking hands the southerner moved to clean up the mess and almost (if not for the quick reflexes of a certain tracker) ended up going head first into the stove as Ezra's knees buckled under him.
"Woo there Ez, how 'bout we get you into that warm bed over there?" Vin half carried, half dragged the weakened peacekeeper across the room, all the while watching for Buck through the window. Be right nice if he decided to get in here soon.
"Really Mr. T-Tanner I'm fine. I-I see no reason for s-such concern, I merely knocked over the coffee pot-." Ezra was beginning to re-think his decision to stay, if his poker face slipped anymore these men would have so much to use against him. "Enough of that Ezra, these men are nothing like mother, I could never see them sinking so low."
That was enough, Vin was convinced something was terribly wrong with the gambler, now he had the proof. Reaching the bed Tanner lowered his burden down far enough on the bed to remove Ezra's jacket, boots, vest, and guns (those were left close enough to be of use if the gambler needed to reach for them), then when the Texan was sure the gamester was settled he tucked Ezra in while he started talking.
"Now you are gonna go to sleep, Buck and I will let ya sleep as late as ya want tomorrow mornin'." When Ezra made a move to talk he was silenced by a raised hand from the tracker. "When ya wake up . . . of your own 'accord' . . . we are gonna get some chow in you-." Again the hand rose to stop the beginning interruption. "Then iffen ya feel up to it you can explain what's goin' on with you and your ma, what just happened in the saloon and iffen ya want it . . . which we hope ya would . . . how me and the rest of the boys can help."
"Mr. Tanner-," when no staling hand was raised Ezra choose to rush on through his thought before his companion changed his mind about allowing the gambler to talk. "Vin, I assure you there is nothing wrong. Mother simply had the unfortunate luck of visiting our fair hamlet on a week when I find myself suffering from one of my cases of insomnia. I assure you once I get a little sleep things will appear much clearer and-."
"Ezra don't try talkin' yer way out of this, like it or not we're friends-."
"I like it."
"And . . ." The Texan had to pause at the whispered confession. "I like that we're friends too Ez, which is why I want ya to listen for a minute. Can ya do that, just listen without interrupting?"
Twice now in the last three days Vin watched as this man he now called brother fought with his inner demons in order to trust the tracker enough to ask for or accept his help. Those green eyes which so often appeared a blank slate now revealed every emotion that past through Ezra's mind. Just as Vin watched the fear showing in those green pools fade a little Ezra nodded that he could full fill the Texan's request.
"Good. We've been friends long enough now that I know your cases of insomnia only trouble ya when things get to slow around here for that active mind of yers, or-." Vin could tell that Ezra was about to interrupt, which despite the conman's promise Vin could not picture his friend remaining quiet for too long and had actually expected.
"Which it has been, I mean except for Mr. Wilmington and my trip to deliver those miscreants to justice the most exciting story anyone has to tell is that a portion of the boardwalk needs to be repaired after the fair Miss Wells miscalculated the room needed to turn her wagon." The gambler knew he had promised to let Vin finish but he knew where this was going and deep down Ezra P. Standish knew he was not ready to go down that road yet. Please let it go! Please just let me go to sleep and plan to talk tomorrow.
"Ezra . . . why won't ya just tell us what she wants? Tell us how we can help? I know ya ain't had a lot of people in your life that ya've been able ta trust, but I was startin' to think ya had six more names on your list now."
"Vin-."
"I know she's your ma, but Ez . . . Hell, DON'T YA DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!" Vin hadn't meant to get mad, before he could apologize though Ezra answered the screamed question. It was answered not by the grown man Tanner saw sitting before him, but by the lost, scared little boy that lived inside this man that the others were beginning to see through the cracks in the gambler's perfect mask. It was an answer the tracker had a feeling the cardsharp had heard to many times in his life at some point to be able to believe anything else could be true, or it had been told to him by someone who he could not believe would lie or be wrong about such a thing.
Sensing that they were not alone Vin turned to see Buck standing in the doorway holding more firewood from the outside pile. One look at the older man's face told Vin that he had arrived in time to hear what the card sharp had said. Knowing that he could not let the conversation end like this Vin turned to knock some sense into the hard headed southern fool.
"Ezra, ya know that-."
"Let him sleep junior, we'll make that boy see reason in the morning when he's more in control of his emotions." Buck had seen Ezra lay down with his back to the room when Vin had turned to look towards the door. Known that the tracker was probably right about talking to Standish tonight he still felt the need to give the man and themselves time to consider what had been said and what to do about it. Buck had seen Ezra's face before he had turned to lay down, he had seen the pain in those emerald eyes. Ezra had gone too far, and new it, now the gambler needed to figure out how to deal with everything that had been said tonight.
"Good night Ezra."
"Good night gentlemen."
"Night, Ez."
Waiting to make sure the gambler really was asleep Vin motioned for Buck to follow him outside. The tracker wasn't sure if his sudden need to get outside was due to the stress of the day finally catching up with him or the fact that the room suddenly felt three times smaller than before he had heard Ezra's hear breaking answer. Vin knew two things for certain, one he needed to get outside now, and two he and Buck had to plan what to do next. Having not seen the pain in Ezra's expression the tracker had no idea why Wilmington had let the issue go, and needed to know why.
Now however, standing on the cabin's porch looking up at the stars the ex-bounty hunter realized he truly had no idea what to do next, and was glade that the lady's man had let the conversation drop for now. He was getting frustrated with his inability to help his friend, if Ezra would just tell them what was wrong, tell them what to do. "Damn it if the fool would just trust us!"
"Come on Vin, ya know trusting people is hard for him. If I remember right he wasn't the only one in our little group with that problem in the beginning." With this comment Vin saw the corners of Buck's mouth go up in the hint of a smile.
Yeah, the older peacekeeper was right, it had taken them all quite a while to really learn to trust each other. Years of watching one's own back against everything did that to a man, and with all of them (with the exception of JD) knowing there were still people from their past lives out there gunning for them, having six other sets of eyes to help with the job had seemed like a blessing. A blessing Vin would admit they had all paid a small price for in the time the Seven had protected Four Corners and its citizens for Judge Travis, but one they would all certainly pay again if given the chance. With Ezra though it seemed like he was still having problems with the situation, not with trusting the other six to watch his back, but with believing they actually wanted the job, believing that there were people who truly cared about his safety. Vin now wondered if after hearing what the smooth talking conman had just let slip would he and the other be able to gain a little insight to why that was.
"How could he believe that's his fate Buck? Who could have told him that so much it was the natural answer to give?"
"I don't know Vin, I mean . . . I know Maude's not the picture of a perfect mother, but up till Four Corners they had lived the same style of life so I can't believe she would spout off stuff like that." Buck could see the pain and confusion in Vin's eyes, and he had a feeling the tracker could see the same in his. How could they call themselves Ezra's friends when they hadn't seen this? "Why not take your own advice? We'll get ourselves some shut eye and see what Chris found out when the boys come out tomorrow."
"Think we should tell Chris what Ezra said?"
Buck had to pause at this, he knew it wasn't fair to the other peacekeepers to not keep them informed of all the facts, but he also did not want to be the one to repeat the hurtful things. They also had to take Ezra's feeling into consideration, the gambler was so private and so much of his life was already on display, what would the fall out do to him if the others knew what he had said. Since Vin had asked Buck's opinion the older peacekeeper could only assume the Texan wasn't looking forward to that conversation either, for several of the same reasons most likely. Buck knew some things escaped his attention since he was not the most observant member of this group, but he had noticed the friendship that had formed between these two unlikely men. It was clear how hard this was on the tracker, being unable to help their friend. "We'll wait, see what the others learned, and go from there on what to tell them."
"Well, alright . . . if you think so, I'm gonna go put some more firewood on the stove and turn in. Night Buck."
"Good night junior. Think I'll stay up for a bit, keep an eye on things."
Vin nodded in understanding before heading inside, he knew as well as Buck that neither man would get much sleep tonight. Helping a friend deal with an annoying parent was one thing, helping him work through demons like the ones Ezra obviously carried with him was starting to look like a harder job than they had originally thought it would be. How do ya help someone who thinks that about themselves? Who would've told him that so much he believes it?
Stopping just inside the cabin door Vin looked once more at the form of his sleeping comrade. There were so many things the gambler had done over their time together as lawmen to help others, most of the time at his own risk, that the tracker could not see how the gambler could still feel that way about himself. The man had done so much good in Four Corners; the other six lawmen knew there was more to the southerner than you saw at the first glance, why couldn't Ezra see that about himself?
"Ya'll see Ez, when we settle this thing with yer ma, we'll maker sure ya know that won't be yer fate. We'll make ya see the Ezra Standish we all know is in there." Knowing he was talking to himself did not make Vin talk with any less conviction in his voice. Yes sir, me and the boys will fix this. I'll never hear those words from yer mouth again.
The tracker was sure he would never forget those words either, spoken in that soft, broken southern drawl, sounding more like a five year old boy than a grown man. Never again Ezra, I promise never again.
"Souls as stained as mine never deserve happiness Vin, ah am resolved to the fact that ah am to be committed to my own personal hell for whatever is left of my pathetic existence for the sins of my past."
VT VT VT VT VT VT VT
Even though he had given the appearance of being asleep Ezra knew he would not be visiting the land of Morpheus anytime soon. This meant the gambler was awake to overhear the entire conversation between his fellow peacekeepers. Instead of easing the emotions and turmoil that Ezra had surging through his thoughts, the compassionate words of his friends only added new depths and layers to the problems. In the past when his mother tried this kind of thing it was easy to solve . . . pack his carpet bag, change his name, and move on. Now however he had done what Maude had taught him to avoid, what he had seen as a rule to run his life by except . . . once before . . . and well that had ended . . no, after that he had vowed to go back to his rules . . . NEVER get attached, NEVER form bonds, NEVER make friends. In this town he knew several people whom he was found of, people like Inez whom he called friends. Not to mention the six fiercely loyal men whom he (though he would never say it to their faces) called brothers.
When Maude had rode into town this time Ezra was taken by surprise usually there was a letter heralding her arrival, but before he could follow through with his traditional course of action he watched as these people he had promised to protect threw themselves into the act of protecting him from a threat that was still nameless to them, simply out of friendship. The instant they had seen their gambler falter in his usual controlled persuade, they had stepped in to help, no questions asked, no prices set for their services, they were simply people helping a friend in need.
Now the cardsharp found himself at a crossroads: should he follow his childhood training and leave Four Corners behind before any of these wonderful people got hurt trying to help him, or stay to finally face Maude with the support of this strange family he now found himself a part of. Staying would mean finally letting these people see past his poker face, it would mean reviling more about his past to them, the past that he had worked so hard to keep from their view. Could he do that? Could Ezra P. Standish bring himself to trust others with his secrets? Could he allow these people to see what all of the fancy words and flashy clothing covered?
"Damn it if the fool would just trust us!"
Oh Vin I do trust you, it's what you may end up thinking about me that keeps me from seeking your assistance. How could he make them see the whole situation without losing their respect? Every word of the conversation going on outside echoed in his head. How could these men want to aide him in his troubles so strongly? When had he come to mean so much to them and the citizens of Four Corners that they thought nothing of helping him like this? When had they come to mean so much to him that he couldn't just pack up and leave town like he had done for so long in his life?
Ezra felt terrible that he had let those words slip from his mouth, that his lack of control now added to the pain his friends were feeling. He had come to think his time in this fair town had helped finally close the door to that part of his life. However, when Vin had been able to pull that response from him with so little prompting the gambler realized how far from being free of that man he truly was.
Ezra stop! Going down that path right now will not help.
Buck and Vin were right, they would all do better with some sleep, especially if the other two decided to tell Chris what had been said. Ezra sighed at that thought, the gunfighter was hard to deal with on a good day if Chris really did talk to Maude before heading out tomorrow he would be impossible. No, it was probably a good idea to get some rest; he would truly need it if he was to survive whatever tomorrow brings.
". . . We'll make sure ya know that won't be yer fate. We'll make ya see the Ezra Standish we all know is in there."
Ezra wasn't sure how the tracker planned to go about that, but he hoped he got to stay around long enough to find out. That after all was said and done Vin still felt that way, and saw him as something worth that much concern. Ezra would miss this town and its people if he had to leave, but he would find a way to cope. The gambler was sure though, that if he had to give up the bonds he had formed with the other six peacekeepers he would never be able to move beyond that pain.
TBC . . .
VT VT VT VT VT VT VT
A/N: Please review . . . what do you think? Is it still worth the wait?
