Grandma Yue was dragging me up the mountain in the direction of the altar. I was stumbling along to her persistent yanking and noticed that she was burnt on her wrist. "Grandma Yue! You're hurt!" I yelled, but she ignored me. I turned around to find someone, anyone, that would help me convince Grandma Yue to stop and bandage her burn when I saw our village. Everything was in flames. The houses and our temple was engulfed in a puff of smoke as if the fiery pits of hell had opened up under our village. The screams of my sisters echoed through the night as I heard the demons massacre them.
Turning in horror, Grandma Yue was no longer the one grabbing my wrist. It was an unfamiliar man with emotionless eyes. His smirk sent chills racing up my spine. "Who are you? Where's Grandma Yue?" I screamed, yanking my hand away, but his grip was too strong. He stepped towards me with a sneer. I gazed into his eyes and suddenly my brain gave a name to the unfamiliar face. Kuuga…
He yanked me hard and I fell forward into his grimy hands with a shriek. I struggled to escape his hold, but he only held on tighter with my back pressed against his body. I heard him chuckle into my ear as his disgusting breath blew onto my neck. I screamed, but there was no one there. His hands crept upwards towards my breasts and my body bucked harder, trying to dislodge his hold on me. When one large hand cupped my breasts and I was completely subdued, I screamed, "Hiei!"
Hiei was suddenly there in front of me, but he was bound and kneeling on the floor. A large bulky man stood behind him with his sword held against his neck. Kayan…He smirked. My eyes trailed down to Hiei and saw instead the frail figure of Grandma Yue lying motionlessly in the snow. A very red blossom bloomed on her chest. Hiei looked up at me with tearing eyes, "I'm sorry…" And I screamed into the unforgiving night.
A set of hands was rocking me as I sat up screaming. I was suddenly looking into Hiei's familiar garnet red eyes. I fell into his chest crying while he rubbed my back, "I had a dream that my village was on fire and Grandma Yue was...dead...You were captured by this man named Kayan and...and...Kuuga-
Hiei cut me off with a finger to my lips, "Shhh, it's okay. I'm right here." He hushed. I buried my face in his chest again and noticed that we were still both nude. I jumped away blushing, the dream suddenly strewn aside.
"What's wrong?" Hiei asked, and I felt his mind probe my thoughts again. He smiled at what he heard or saw and leaned in to place a soft peck on my forehead. I blushed redder. He stood up to pull on his pants when he suddenly stiffened, alert. In a blink of an eye, his pants and shoes were on. Still topless, he threw his tunic over my nude body and picked me up, cradling me to his chest. We were suddenly behind a post in the Inari shrine. I blushed and settled into his chest while he peaked out from behind the post.
Footsteps were finally heard to my ears as I also peaked out to see who it was. It was two boys, one with short black hair and sharp slanted eyes. The other had long red hair and emerald green eyes, he was pretty enough to be a girl. For some reason, their faces were very nostalgic. The red haired one walked forward and picked up my strewn clothes. Suddenly, the red hair disappeared and was replaced with a long haired silver fox demon. He took one whiff of the room and my clothes and a small smile settled on his lips. The other boy was still confused, "What's wrong Youko? What do you smell?"
The silver fox demon spoke, "Hiei, stop hiding, I know you're in here." I jumped and Hiei turned to look down at me.
I thought furiously, He knows who you are! He looks strong too, should we run?
Hiei smirked, Don't worry, he's not an enemy. Just a doting fox.
I relaxed, Oh, shouldn't we go out to greet them then?
He gave me a strange look, Are you sure?
It was my turn to look confused, What do you mean? Suddenly, it dawned on me what I was wearing. I blushed beet red and shook my head furiously. Hiei chuckled silently.
"It's no use hiding it, Hiei. I can smell the sex from outside the shrine." The fox demon said again. The other boy was suddenly blushing.
Hiei gently placed me on the ground and immediately disappeared only to reappear again with all my clothes bundled in his hands. It never seized to amaze me how fast Hiei was. I took them gingerly and blushed again. He smiled and walked out from our hiding spot to greet his friends, leaving me to scurry into my clothes.
"Hiei!" I heard the black haired one cry, "We were so worried when you didn't come back and it turns out you're just having fun with Yuki?!" I could even hear the embarrassment in his voice.
"We heard from Botan what happened." The fox demon said, "It seems you found her before we did though." They know who Botan is?
"Hn, of course I'd find her first." He said emotionlessly. I chuckled. You mean I found you? When all my clothes were on and the ribbon was tied properly in place, I stepped out from the post to greet Hiei's friends. They all turned to look at me. The black haired one immediately ran towards me and gave me a hug. I stiffened.
"Yuki! We were so worried!" The black haired boy said. Hiei was suddenly there, pulling him away from me.
"What? It's not like I'm going to steal her from you, possessive jerk." The black haired boy muttered. Hiei ignored him and turned to look at me. I gave him a reassuring smile. He replied with a small one.
"Ohhhh is that a smile I see?" The black haired one teased, elbowing Hiei.
I bowed, "My name is Yukihime, nice to meet you." I smiled.
"Her memories are still not back?" The silver fox demon asked worriedly, "I thought maybe seeing Hiei might trigger something."
"Um, did I know you guys?" I asked confused, cocking my head to one side.
The fox demon smiled gently, "Yes, you were one of our comrades." They both smiled softly, almost heartbreakingly so. I felt guilt stab at my chest. Why can't I remember them?
"I'm sorry…" I mumbled with downcast eyes.
The black haired boy put an arm around my shoulder, "Don't worry about it! My name is Yusuke! Urameshi Yusuke! This one is Youko. When he's a red head, he's Kurama."
I looked closely at the silver fox with wide eyes, "He's two different people?"
The fox Youko chuckled, "We are two personalities in one body. It's complicated, but that's what we are."
Hiei decided to cut our get-together short, "Where's Botan?" He said with a small glare.
Yusuke dropped his easy-going smile and turned with a frown, "She's back at home waiting."
With one curt nod, Hiei returned his attention to me. His warmth from this morning was already fading. His eyes were as cold as ice. I reached a hand to him, afraid that he would disappear with the breeze, but his hand found mine instead. I realized he was still inside my head when he whispered, I'm sorry… like a breath into my thoughts. I smiled softly.
"Let's go." Hiei said softly, taking my hand in his. Ignoring the teasing giggles from his friends, he lead me out of the Inari-shrine and down the long flight of stairs with my hand securely in his as if he were afraid to lose me again.
We walked mainly in silence while Yusuke and Kurama chattered on about missions and their hectic lives a few paces in front of us. I heard him muttering insults about Koenma a couple of times and I wondered how he was doing. Quickly though, my attention was back at my hand that currently was very still enveloped in Hiei's warmth. His fingers were entwined between mine and for some reason I was very aware of how his thumb kept rubbing circles into my skin. I peaked at him from the corners of my eyes and saw that he was turned away from me gazing at the battered houses that surrounded us. I trained my eyes to the floor and prayed that he wasn't in my head again.
By the time I realized it, Kurama and Yusuke had come to a stop outside one of the many houses that lined the streets. The houses had gotten newer the more we walked towards the heart of the city, and the one Hiei lead me into was one of the bigger ones. It was one storied, but built very much in the traditional Japanese house style that I picked up from one of the books at the human library. There were large walls surrounding the entire estate and opening the double set of large wooden doors lead to a rock garden on both sides of the walkway towards the main room.
Botan was pacing at the entrance when we walked in. She immediately jumped towards me and gave me a hard squeeze. She wasn't her usual cheerful self. Pulling away, she turned to Hiei and was suddenly bowing on the floor in front of him with her forehead touching the wooden flooring.
"I'm so sorry for lying!" Botan cried at both of us. I turned to Hiei, confused.
"Get up. I need to talk to you." Hiei replied coldly. He turned to me with a small smile and unlaced his fingers from mine.
"I'll be back." Hiei said, still emotionlessly, and walked towards a sliding door with Botan following behind him hanging her head. The door slid shut with a bang and Kurama turned to me.
"Are you hungry?" He asked, leading me down the hall.
"A little." I smiled sheepishly. My stomach chose that moment to make itself heard with a loud growl. I blushed.
Kurama chuckled, "I made dinner." He brought a small tray full of food to one of the dining rooms. I knelt on the little cushion pad as Kurama set the tray in front of me.
Dinner was a bowl of rice with fried mackerel. Miso soup with a few tofu pieces floating on the surface sat in the corner of the tray. Pickled radishes and mashed potato concluded the dinner tray in little bowls on the side. An approving growl from my stomach echoed the empty room and I blushed again while Kurama sat opposite of me smiling.
"You're not going to eat?" I asked, not wanting to start without him.
"No, we ate before going to find Hiei. Hiei might eat later though." Kurama replied. My hand hesitated at the chopsticks.
Kurama laughed, "Don't worry, just eat. Hiei won't mind you starting without him." I blushed again and gingerly brought a piece of mackerel into my mouth. The soft texture with the slightly salted flavor of fish sent me hungering for me. I dug in and found Kurama an exceptional cook.
Hiei walked into the room halfway through sullenly. I stopped my shoveling and turned to Hiei worriedly, "What's wrong?"
Hiei forced a small smile, "Nothing."
"Do you want something to eat?" Kurama asked, standing up to prepare a tray. Hiei nodded. When Kurama left and returned with Hiei's tray and we ate in silence. I thought about all the things that I remembered and the dreams that I've been having. There were so many things that I've forgotten. I wondered why Hiei and the others didn't seem to want me to remember. Maybe it had to do with the two people in my dreams. Kuuga and Kayan… And my burning village… Koenma had said I temporarily couldn't return, but now that I thought about it, he hadn't said exactly what prevented me from returning. I had a sudden urgency to go back and make sure everything was alright, but I reasoned with myself. It was all just a bad dream. There was no way Grandma Yue was...gone. It isn't easy to find our mountain peak, getting to it is even harder. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
Yusuke lead me to my room and Botan came into to chat with me a little before everyone retired for the night. I curled up in the futon and my thoughts wandered to Hiei. He made my chest ache and I realized that I was lonely without him. I thought about visiting his room next to mine, but reasoned against it. I needed to find out what I had forgotten and the only way to access my memories was within my dreams. At first, the dreams scared me enough that I would stay awake at nights reading human books to pass the time, but now I felt as if I needed to remember. I closed my eyes and let sleep drag me under its hold.
My village was burning again. The flames were so vivid that it must be a memory. I tried to head towards the village, but someone was holding me back again. I turned to find Grandma Yue. Once again, her small hands were on my wrists, dragging me towards the mountain peak and this time, we arrived at the altar. The snow storm howled around me so loud that I couldn't hear what Grandma Yue was saying. Her lips were moving as she pushed me onto the altar. I struggled to open my mouth, to ask her what she was saying, but no words came from my mouth. I reached out to her, but before I could touch her, she burst into a wash of white snow and rushed towards me, surrounding me in crystal ice.
The scenery changed again and I was tied up naked, hanging from a rope on the ceiling. Someone's whip lashed out repeatedly and marked my body in red lines as I screamed, but once again, there was no sound.
As if the vision shifted again, my surroundings changed and I was tied up on a bed. Someone was on top of me and I could barely make out a maniacal smirk before I felt something rock my entire body in the familiar rhythm of sex. I tried to concentrate on the sharp image of his laugh to sharpen the rest of the image, but it all seemed to fade away like grasping for air. I was suddenly falling down and down into the hell fires.
With a start, I sat up abruptly. Sweat soaked through the borrowed pajamas I received from Botan. My breath was ragged as the images faded again slowly. I cradled my throbbing head in my hands as I relearned how to breathe. It was then that I finally noticed that someone's hand was on my back. I swiveled to meet the intruder and my eyes met a pair of familiar garnets. I relaxed.
"Hiei." I whispered, my voice breaking. He only pulled me into his chest while stroking my hair.
"You don't need to try so hard." He spoke into my hair. I nudged myself harder into his embrace.
"I'm sorry, I just…" I struggled to find the right words, "I just feel like I need to know what happened. And...I keep having the same dream of my village burning. I feel like I need to go back." Hiei was silent.
I continued, "I know you guys are protecting me from my own memories, but I need to know...What happened?" I tried asking, pulling away to look into Hiei's eyes. He turned away.
"Hiei please!" I asked with more urgency. He still refused to look at me. I touched his face gently, but he still wouldn't meet my eyes.
"Please!" I begged, "I can't live without knowing what happened! I keep having the same dream of Grandma Yue dying and dying and dying over and over again! I can't stand it anymore! My village keeps burning and the same two people keep appearing. Kayan and Kuuga. Who are they?! It's literally driving me crazy so much that I'm afraid to sleep! I'm just-
Hiei cut me off with a kiss and I shoved him away to realize that while I was unraveling, he, too, had come apart. A tear slid from his garnet red eyes, "I'm sorry...I couldn't protect you…" He buried his face in my neck. I was shocked frozen.
He continued his sobbing ramble, "I'm afraid too...I'm afraid of losing you. I finally found you and I'm going to lose you again…"
"I'm not going to go anywhere." I argued.
"You won't be you anymore." Hiei's shoulders shook as he pulled me into his tighter. He held me like I was his last anchor to the world, as if he would drift away if I was no longer there…I could no longer find the words to argue with him. It shattered my heart to see him like this. I could only pull my arms around his trembling figure and hold as much of him as I could.
I swallowed down that need to know. I ate away the urgent curiosity that dragged me into my dreams. I didn't need to know. Not if it costed this much. I held onto the Hiei that I had only met a day ago and realized just how precious he was to me. My body knew him. My heart knew him. My soul recognized him. His existence was engraved so deeply into me that I knew I could throw away my past for him. If it would break him for me to remember. Then I won't remember anymore. I closed my eyes and abandoned my past.
When the first rays of morning came streaming through the half parted window, I realized that we had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Hiei's limbs were tangled in mine as I carefully dislodged myself from him, trying my best not to wake him. When I had successfully gotten up without alerting Hiei, I turned to look at his sleeping face. It was so peaceful and content that for a second, I almost didn't recognize him. Hiei had always been so cold and aloof, so distanced from everyone. Even the rare moments when he was alone with me, he had been loving and caring, but never vulnerable and peaceful. No, cute was definitely not Hiei. And yet, when I looked down at his sleeping form now, all I could think was how adorable he looked curled up around the blankets.
It was when I saw myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth that I realized yesterday was the only night in a long time since my dreams had been peaceful. The nightmares had not come. I wandered distantly if it was because I had decided to not pursue my past any further. While I was dazing off still groggy from the morning haze, Hiei had wrapped his arms around me from behind, pulling me into his nude form. I blushed, still not used to men, especially not naked men. He rubbed his face in my nape, successfully tangling my ice blue hair even further. I heard him take a deep contented breath in and paused a moment before he released it. He bent over with me as I gurgled the toothpaste foam and wiped my mouth.
"I need to go to school." I smiled at the sleepy Hiei in the mirror.
He groaned into my hair, "You're still going to the human schools?"
"There's nothing better to do, is there?" I smiled, scooting towards the door with Hiei still holding my waist. He finally let me go and I retrieved my uniform from the wash. As I was changing in the bathroom, Hiei's voice rang through the door.
"I'll go with you." He said finally.
"What?" I asked, not sure my ears had picked it up correctly.
"I said I'll go with you." He repeated, "To school."
I peaked my head out the door, "I thought you said it was a worthless human custom."
He looked away, blushing. I smiled, "Okay."
When Hiei had announced to his friends that he would be joining me at school, they had all teased their fair share. Botan had magically retrieved all the documents needed for Hiei's "transfer" into my school much the same way she had faked mine. Before I knew it, I was in the school office handing in his documents while Hiei glared at the gawking students peeking in from the doors.
"It's nice to have you, Yukimura Hiei-kun." Fuuma-sensei greeted. Hiei stared at the teacher and finally nodded. Fuuma-sensei didn't seem to notice or pretended not to.
"Kuon-san, please escort your cousin to class." Fuuma-sensei continued. I bowed and exited with Hiei in tow.
There was an empty seat next to mine where Botan sat before. Hiei sat prickly and ignored the gawking of our fellow students. I could tell he really hated being here. I reached a hand to his arm, "Sorry." He opened his eyes and his eyes softened. He shook his head and went back to being a statue. I sighed and began digging my notebook out of my bag when Hiroichi skipped over to my seat.
"Yukihime-chan!" He grinned, "Where were you yesterday?" Hiei opened an eye at the friendly way the newcomer had greeted me. Hiroichi glanced over at Hiei.
"Hiroichi-san!" I tried to reply with the same energy, "There was a family emergency I had to take care of." I smiled. Hiei turned to me with an unfriendly look. I ignored it.
"Oh, I hope everything's alright." Hiroichi continued, "Anyway, are you free today after school?"
Mikage chose that moment to walk over and cut in, "Kuon-chan. Is he bothering you again?" The two boys glared at each other again. I sighed.
Hiroichi decided to ignore his insult and throw an arm around my shoulder, "Yukihime-chan, who's this?" He motioned with his head at Hiei. By then, I could tell Hiei was nearing his limit. I tried to squirm out of his arm, but Hiei instead grabbed my hand and yanked me away from Hiroichi's hold.
"This is my woman. Don't lay your dirty human hands on her." Hiei pulled me into his embrace possessively. I blushed but didn't push him away. The entire classroom had suddenly gotten very quiet as they all watched the confrontation unfold.
"Your woman? Who do you think you are?" Hiroichi said loudly, not quite yelling yet, as he stepped closer to Hiei. His friends stood up from their seats, ready to either back him up or pull him away.
Mikage stepped in between Hiei and Hiroichi, "Kuon-chan, is he your boyfriend?" He asked me, ignoring Hiei. I wasn't sure how to reply. Hiei was supposed to be my cousin, but he had went and called me his woman. I blushed again. I was his woman.
"Um...he's my cousin." I replied uneasily.
"So he's just a cousin!" Hiroichi glared, "Get away from Yukihime!" He reached over to pull me away, but Hiei moved us both out of reach easily.
Hiei answered coldly, "She's mine. You touch her again and I'll break your arm."
"Why you little shrimp-
Hiroichi was cut off by his friends as they pulled him back away from Hiei, "Stop it, man! We're in class!"
Fuuma-sensei chose that moment to enter the classroom, "What's the ruckus? Get back to your seats!"
Hiroichi shook his friends off and stepped towards Hiei threateningly again. "We'll settle this after school." Hiroichi whispered darkly and returned to his seat.
Mikage stepped up this time, "Stay away from her, cousin." He glared, and turned away.
I looked up at Hiei, who still was sporting a death glare, "This is why I detest humans."
"Class, we have a new student." Fuuma-sensei quieted everyone, "Yukimura-kun, why don't you introduce yourself."
I untangled myself from his arms and stood next to him, unsure if I should sit or not. Hiei spoke, "Yukimura Hiei. I am Yukihime's cousin." Hiei sat without another word and I followed suit. The rest of class continued normally. Hiei had resigned himself to gazing out the window while Hiroichi sent him glares every so often. I wasn't sure what to do about Hiroichi and Mikage's persistent courting. I wondered if making it clear to them that I was not interested would help or it would only aggravate the situation more. I didn't understand humans and I didn't understand courting. Their customs confused me. I was starting to see why the ice maidens had closed ourselves off from men.
School ended much too soon. Hiroichi and Mikage had ambushed Hiei and I as we were heading home. Hiei followed without arguing, even though I knew he could easily take us both and disappear. I followed nervously.
"Hiroichi-kun, Mikage-kun, please don't fight! Hiei is important to me!" I stood in front of them before they could do anything.
They ignored me, "Yukihime-chan, don't worry! I'll protect you from him! I won't let him force you to stay with him anymore!" Hiroichi replied gallantly. I was speechless.
Hiei smirked, "Let's get this over with. I don't have as much free time as you humans do." Hiroichi and Mikage had gathered their friends and all of them were holding metal rods. Hiei on the other hand was weaponless. I turned to Hiei nervously, but he brushed me off coldly and pushed me behind him. It was over in seconds. Hiei had hit them all in the back of the neck with lightning quick speed. They groaned as they were all stunned and disoriented from the hit.
Before I could speak, Hiei answered my question, "They'll be fine." And without another word, he headed off back home. I had to run to keep up with him. I had the feeling that he was angry with me.
Reaching for his arm, he moved away out of my reach. I felt hot stinging tears brim my eyes, "Hiei, what's wrong?" He turned on me in rage.
"Do you just let any man touch you?" He asked coldly. I was so shocked by his anger that I was momentarily speechless. By the time I found the sense to answer, he had already turned away and continued down the road.
"Hiei! Wait! Listen!" I ran after him, "I just didn't want to-
I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and went sprawling. Propping myself back up, I looked around for Hiei and found that he had disappeared. Hot stinging tears scorched my cheeks as they fell like raindrops, each becoming black diamonds as they fell to the ground. My hands and knees were scraped and bleeding. They stung as I limped back home alone, crying because of the pain of a broken heart.
Kurama found me first as I staggered in with tears streaming down my cheeks, leaving a trail of black diamonds, "Yuki! What happened?" He rushed over and helped me to a chair. When he saw that it was just a few scrapes, he relaxed. I still couldn't find the breath to reply.
"Where's Hiei?" He asked, suddenly noticing that Hiei was not with me despite having glued himself to my side for the past few days.
"H-He left." I sobbed almost childlike. Kurama waited until I had calmed down enough to ask me what had happened. I told him the story and he had smiled.
"He's just jealous." Kurama suggested, "He didn't like anyone else touching you."
"What's 'jealous'?" I sniffled.
Kurama contemplated for a moment, "It's a feeling you get when you feel like someone is going to take away someone precious to you." He smiled.
"I don't get it." I frowned. Kurama patted my head.
"It's okay. Don't worry. He'll come back soon." Kurama smiled, and helped me bandage my scrapes.
That night, I was alone again. The night seems to press down on me from all sides and the large bedroom seemed to become even bigger. I huddled into my futon and cried myself to sleep with thoughts of Hiei.
The next few days passed crawlingly slow. I had decided to not attend school anymore in hopes that Hiei might come back. He didn't. He hadn't come back since the time he left. I tried to kill time reading some of the books that Kurama lent me, but the words didn't seem to settle in my head, as they floated away right after reading them. I couldn't concentrate and a strange sense of restlessness took me. I often visited the Inari-shrine and found myself reliving that unforgettable night with Hiei again and again in my head. Longing...I was longing for Hiei. It was around three week's time when I first started feeling sick.
Demons didn't get sick. We don't catch colds. But I felt a rolling nausea spread from my stomach to my head as if it was rolling my insides left and right. I nibbled at Kurama's food that I normally gulped down. When I finally sipped the miso, I knew I couldn't hold it anymore. I sprinted to the bathroom and heaved whatever I had just eaten into the toilet bowl. My face was burning and some had come out my nose. It stung with stomach acid and I wiped away the tears that brimmed my eyes. Kurama peeked in worriedly.
"Are you okay?" Kurama asked.
"I'm fine." I croaked, but just when I finished my sentence, another wave of bile came rushing out my mouth. When my stomach was completely empty, I leaned against the bathroom wall, resting my face against the cool wood.
By then, everyone was aware that I was sick. Yukina came into the room and knelt down next to me with Kuwabara only a step behind her, "Let me see what's wrong." She smiled, and put her palm to my forehead. I felt her cool spirit energy resonate with mine as she searched my aura.
When she finally retracted her hand from my forehead, everyone had crowded outside the door. Except, well, Hiei. "What's wrong?" Yusuke asked, curiously.
Yukina blushed, "Um, there's nothing really wrong. Rather, it's a good thing."
"Good thing? But she just threw up everywhere!" Kuwabara added in confused.
Yukina continued, "She's...well. She's pregnant." She blushed crimson. The word echoed in my head and I was suddenly very alert.
"I'm what?!" I croaked, my voice raspy with acid bile.
"You're pregnant." Yukina smiled.
I'm sorry I haven't been updating for awhile! I felt like this really long chapter belonged together since it was mostly uneventful. :) There will be a lot more action to come!
