AN: Okay, faster update than I thought. I really hope you're going to like it. Next chapter, we will finally reach the end of the first 48 hours of Callie and Arizona as interns. I wanted to focus on them because they are important, right? Then we'll get some private time as well, I promise
AN2: Thanks for nice reviews! Really. I do appreciate all your words. It's nice to know that some of you are still invested in TIAM and the girls.
Happy reading
Running down the halls after she had scrubbed out after the surgery she had been allowed to be in with Dr. Bailey, Arizona felt on a high. Of course she had not been allowed to do anything in the OR, but just smelling the sterile air, hearing the medical chatter and the shorter surgeon's explanations made her feel like she was running over a rainbow and now all she needed was to find her wife and tell her everything about it. She needed to tell her, kiss her, hug her. She needed to feel the Latina's tongue slide against hers and moan into her mouth. It was all she could think of with the surge of ecstasy from her hours of standing in the OR rushing through her veins.
After almost running over a nurse and then very close to crashing into another intern or resident, Arizona turned the last corner to the nurses' station a little slower, coming to an abrupt full stop when she found the woman in question obviously thinking hard over a couple of charts. Callie's brows and forehead were furrowed, a pen dancing between her middle- and index finger as she was – subconsciously as always – playing with it. The blonde loved that look on her wife. A concentrated Calliope Torres was sexy as hell and the sight before her only added to her already rapid beating heart. Biting her bottom lip while she stared at the brunette for just another minute or two, she could not stop her brain from going to very inappropriate things. Things she should not be thinking about, because they would be stuck at the hospital for at least another sixteen hours.
Finally wanting to be close to the most beautiful woman in this hospital – at least, in her eyes – she walked over to her wife, stopping right next to her and nudged her hip when Callie did not notice her. It was a telltale sign that the Latina had been too caught up in her thoughts and had blanked out everything that was going on around her to focus on her work, but the light push was enough to pull her out of whatever she had been thinking. "Hey", Arizona grinned. She knew she had just startled her wife, probably jump-started her heart for only a few seconds, so she thought giving her a dimpled smile could help to get her out of the doghouse since she knew Callie didn't like being startled at all. "What are you doing?"
Groaning, the brunette stretched her neck. "Going over charts Hahn gave me." She understood that she had to catch up with all the files, cases and patients that were currently admitted to this hospital. But she also thought that wanting to put everything in her brain within a time span of three to four hours would only cause her a major headache, so seeing her wife was a welcome distraction. "How was it?"
"How was what?", the blonde played as her fingertips lightly traced over the skin of the Latina's forearm. Yes, they had agreed to not act too intimate at the hospital, but that agreement was out of the window with the excitement still making her feel like she was flying in the clouds. She looked around, checking if the coast was relatively clear before she pulled the brunette along with her and into the interns locker room. Bailey had warned her about on-call rooms yesterday and had once again told her – while doing the surgery – that everyone spread gossip around this place as soon as two people walked into one together. The locker room should be safe ground, though. Since every intern had stuff in there, right?
"Come-" Before she could say another word, she felt soft lips pressed against her own, one hand snaking around her waist to keep her close and the other getting tangled in her long curls. The kiss deepened, her tongue was worshiped by the blonde's and it took her breath away, even more when Arizona pushed her against the lockers, effectively trapping her between them and herself. But just as soon as it had started, it was over again, the blonde pulling away from her, breathing as heavily as she did. She watched as the broad smile on her lover's face appeared and pale fingers pulled out the tie that was holding blonde tresses together. "I take it, it was good?", she asked ironically, already knowing the answer.
"It was amazing!", Arizona beamed. She had expected to feel tired after being awake way too long and on her feet for more than nine hours already and after standing behind Dr. Bailey, watching the surgery and answering questions the shorter woman threw at her for the last five hours. But for a strange reason, she wasn't. She thought she could still run a marathon without collapsing. It was like someone had drugged her to keep her going all day. "Bailey was so amazing. As if it was nothing, she was focusing on assisting the main surgeon and asked me question after question without letting go of her task. I think I can learn a lot from her", she gushed. "Did you hear that one of us gets to do a solo surgery today? Apparently, every year a first year intern gets to do that on the first day. Bailey said some fail and some rise. I can't even decide whether I would want to be that surgeon or not."
Smiling at her wife, Callie stepped forward and closed the gap between them, pulling the blonde into a hug and leaning her cheek against her temple. She inhaled deeply, the pure scent of her wife soothing her and making all the bad thoughts about Hahn and her very visionary expectations go away. "Some of the nurses mentioned it, yeah, but I don't think I want to be that intern. Did you get the text I sent you?", she asked in one go with the answer to her lover's question, changing the topic to what had been on her mind. "I wasn't sure if you would check your phone before scrubbing in for surgery, but did you get it?"
"Text? What text?", the blonde wondered and reached for her cell phone. After leaving Callie and Miss Miller, she had gone straight down to the OR and Bailey had showed her how to scrub in properly. The woman had told her that a proper scrub in should take at least seven to ten minutes, that is, if the patient was not rushed into surgery and about to die. She had copied the woman's every move and only turned off the faucet when Bailey had done the same. "You need to talk to me? Talk to me about what?", she asked when her brain had finally got the meaning of the words she had stared at for about a minute, because her brain had wandered off to five hours earlier.
"It's nothing bad, I promise", Callie rushed when she noticed the puzzled, yet worried look on her lover's face. "I actually think it's good, but maybe you should still sit down." Forcing out a grin, she loosened her arms around the smaller waist and walked over to the bench, sat down and patted the spot next to her. "Please?"
Blinking and not knowing what to say, Arizona slowly followed her wife but stopped in front of the Latina. She squatted down and put her hands on either of the brunette's thighs before blue eyes looked up to find Callie's. "Am I allowed to say that you're scaring me?" When her lover opened her mouth, she shook her head and continued, "I know you said it's not bad, but everybody would be a little freaked out by the words you just used." Her own sentence was said with a quiet insecure chuckle as she circled the inside of the brunette's legs with her thumbs.
"I promise you, it's not bad, at all", Callie assured her. She wanted to explain everything to the blonde, and she really tried not to ramble, but as usual, her nerves got the better of her as she stared down at the woman kneeling before her. "It's just, I talked to Miss Miller for a bit, but you already know that, because you saw us in the cafeteria and she said that the orphanage is totally ruined, like, none of the kids can go back to it and she said that it's actually not safe for anyone to go in there, but she said that she probably won't be able to find a house soon enough, at least none that's big enough and it's not only the missing home, it's everything else that is gone to and I just want to help so I thought I could give away the house." Finally taking a deep breath since her lungs were seriously out of air by the time she was done, she still looked at her wife who hadn't moved an inch.
Not knowing what to think about her lover's ramble, Arizona just looked at her and tilted her head. She could see that Callie meant what she had said and honestly, she didn't expect anything else from her wife who probably had the biggest heart in the world. And she loved her for that, for caring, for wanting to help everyone, for being who she was. But giving away her house? The house she had inherited from her parents? "Did you really think this through?" she asked. It was uncalled for the Latina to make a decision with her guts and something about this felt weird to her and she was worried Callie would regret it sooner or later. "It's your parents' house, your home, Calliope.
"Yes", the brunette answered, sincerity and strength behind her answer. Tugging at her wife's hands, making her move and finally sitting down next to her. "Because I can never see myself living there. You were right when you said that it's my parents' house, but it is not my home. It hasn't been my home since the day I had officially moved in with Susan and Liam, my mom and dad. And now you are my home", she said and took her wife's hands in her own. "This house has so many memories and, admittedly, I haven't had any flashbacks or nightmares in years, but I don't think I could ever move back into that house. Even if we would have ten kids and twenty grandchildren, I wouldn't want to live there."
Once again baffled by her wife's statement, she focused her baby blues on brown orbs. That the house had always been kind of a trigger place for Callie wasn't any news to her. Sometimes she found herself wondering why the Latina had no problem being in the beach house in Miami, but every step into the house in Seattle made her struggle. She understood, however, what Callie was saying. During the last years, she had often thought about selling it, but had always been stopped by their parents just in case she would change her mind.
"I also want to donate some of the money", Callie said slowly. Still waiting and hoping for a reaction from her wife, she couldn't take any more of the silence and needed to break it. Frankly, money would probably never be a problem for them. There was still so much left on their joint bank account, they could easily retire now without having to worry about the future. Technically it had been her house and her money. But with marrying Arizona, she had made a lawyer and the bank put both names on everything she had inherited. So, it was their money, their house, and she felt the need to tell her wife, because Arizona would always have just as much of a say in this as she did.
"No objection here", Arizona said. "We can donate some of the money. As much as you want. But the house?" Despite her question if Callie wanted to move into the house, she had never pictured herself living in their either. But she also wasn't the one who had memories about the house and the family that had lived there. The Latina on the other hand had those memories. "Are you really sure? Giving away your house is a really big deal, Calliope."
"Our house", she corrected the blonde. "It's our house, that's why I am telling you all of this. I know you said that I am the one who should make the decisions about it, but we're married and what's mine is yours, so I want to know what you think." To be honest, she hadn't thought that Arizona would be against giving the house away. On the contrary, she had been sure that the blonde would be happy to help the kids.
"What I think about it...", Arizona trailed off, not vocalizing it as a question but more as a statement to herself. She closed her eyes for a moment and immediately, she saw ten kids and twenty grandkids running around in the backyard. Smiling at her own goofiness that this thought filled her brain instead of the important topic of their conversation, she still couldn't stop herself from loving the prospect of the big family. "Ten kids is a little bit... exaggerated", she whispered, not meaning to say it out loud at all.
Whining because her wife's brain seemed to be lost in an imagination of their future, Callie let out an impatient, "Arizona..." When no answer came, she took another breath before voicing her thoughts. "This is important to me. Because these kids need a home and they need new toys and beds and clothes and new everything! They have nothing left, Arizona and I want to help them. I want to help Miss Miller because she helped me to get a new family. She cared enough to find good parents for me, parents that also live just few minutes down the street from the house you lived in."
"Okay", she said and opened her eyes, looking straight at her wife. Donating the house was a good thing. Selling it was pointless, that much she could agree with the Menkens' as well as her own parents. But giving it away, turning it into an orphanage was a good thing. "Okay, let's give it away, let's give the kids a new home." The smile she saw forming on her lover's face was miraculous, beyond stunning. There was no word in her head that could describe the Latina's smile right now. And it brightened even more as she went on with everything they needed to do. From getting it all cleaned up – obviously, since it had not been used as a home in many years – to the shopping they could do. Stuffed toys, beds and whatsoever.
"You know that, usually, the donors don't do the shopping, right?", Callie asked. She wouldn't care if she had to do all the shopping herself, to be honest. She was just thankful that Arizona didn't call her crazy, but instead had agreed with her plan. She felt as if something was lifted from her shoulders. The house had always been there, somehow haunting her since it had always brought back her memories. And while it would still be there, it felt good knowing that it would soon be filled with – hopefully – laughing children, playing hide and seek in the big house. "Can we tell Miss Miller after our shifts-"
"TORRES!", bellowed a female voice as the door flew open, Dr. Hahn standing in the frame, her face red and angry. The blonde woman closed the door just as harsh as she had opened it and stared at the couple. "What the hell is going on here?"
Within a millisecond, Callie's hole body went stiff. She had almost finished the task of catching up with the charts but when Arizona had pulled her in here, kissed her and then with the talk about the house, she had completely forgotten about it. "Dr. Hahn-"
"Look, I don't care about your personal business and I don't know what you did or said to Dr. Shimmer, but I was sent to tell you that he personally recommended you to be the intern that does the solo surgery. Actually, he requested you to do one of his ortho surgeries. What did you say to him?"
The glare Hahn shot in her direction was even colder than all the ones she had to endure since yesterday and she really thought that Hahn was treating her unfair right now, but didn't dare to say a word and instead kept holding her tongue. However, defending herself, that was something she would always do. "I didn't say anything, Dr. Hahn. I-"
"You must have", the blonde growled. "Dr. Shimmer has never so much as looked at an intern in the past three years. Because, while us residents are at least called baby surgeons, you are not. You're nothing. You can't do an ortho surgery alone without having any experience." Narrowing eyes were still observing the couple and she noticed pale hands slowly sliding out of tanned hands. "I swear, if you make a total fool out of yourself, I'll put you on diaper duties for a month."
With another loud bang, Hahn was gone and the two of them were alone again. Callie was thankful that the resident didn't ask about the charts and Arizona just looked at her wife, Hahn's words still sinking in. "I can't do that", were the first words uttered from the Latina's mouth as realization kicked in, her eyes wide with fear.
"What? Of course you can!" Not waiting for the Latina to say something else, she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. She was so happy for her wife. If Dr. Shimmer personally asked for her to do the surgery, that must mean that she was kind of the chosen one. And she was so proud of her wife. "Do you know what just happened? Dr. Bailey said that the first solo surgery for an intern is normally a routine appendectomy, something every resident can fix if the intern screws up. But you, my super smart brainy, you are allowed to do an orthopedic surgery. More than allowed. He wants you to do it. I am so proud." Kissing the Latina fiercely, Arizona only pulled back when she needed to breathe.
"I can't do it, Arizona. I am not ready. Nowhere near ready, actually", Callie panicked and stood up, starting to walk a ditch into the ground the moment she was on her feet. "I can't do it", she repeated over and over again. "I just can't."
Standing up and stopping her wife with her hands pressed against strong shoulders, she forced the brunette to look at her. "Remember what you said to me yesterday? When I was completely frozen in the trauma room? You. Can. Do. It", she said, emphasizing every word. "You can, because you are so smart and you know everything about bones and you have memorized every little common technique to fix them. Screws, casts, splints", she mentioned, pecking the brunette's lips after every word. "You know all of this and Dr. Shimmer won't throw you into the most complicated surgery today. He will most likely be there with you."
Worries still evident in her deep brown eyes, Callie let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding back. Her voice was still laced with anxiety when she asked, "You really think that?"
"I know it", the blonde affirmed, kissing her wife hard again and consequently stopping her from disagreeing once again. When she felt her lover's tension fading away, she whispered against full lips, "and I'll be there in the gallery, rooting for you."
A-C-T
It was not even an hour later that Callie found herself standing in the scrub room. Arizona had walked her down there, had stolen a kiss from full lips and then whispered a soft 'I love you' against them before she had left the Latina to herself. She had wanted to scream after the blonde, to tell her that she couldn't do that alone, but she knew she had to. There were times she could chicken out of things she didn't want to, but this was not one of those moments. Everyone would have their first surgery at some point. She just didn't want it to be on her first day, yet she knew she wasn't exactly given an option here since Dr. Shimmer had requested her.
Looking through the window, she saw people routinely arranging everything for the surgery. Surgical instruments were placed on a sterile cloth. The anesthetist checked the charts one last time before letting the patient on the operating table slowly fall asleep. Those people knew what they had to do and Callie felt once again out of her element. What was she supposed to do if the patient coded? Admittedly, she was not going to do an open-heart surgery, but still. What was she supposed to do?
"Don't do it", Dr. Shimmer said as he stepped up to her. He had been in the room for a minute or so and had watched the new intern from the door, noticing that she was clearly freaking out. "Don't start cudgeling your brain on something that has not happened yet and most likely won't even happen. I know how you must feel. We all felt the same. We've all been there. Every surgeon, every surgical nurse and every anesthetist. Because we've all had a first time. But do you know what helps?"
"What is it?", the brunette asked. She had jumped a little the moment his voice had reached her ears the first time. Up until that moment, she had thought she was the only one in the scrub room. And frankly, she'd rather still be alone. To gather her thoughts, to calm herself, to prevent herself from starting to quiver from the stress.
"Breathing, evenly and deep. It calms your heart and your nerves", he explained and started to roll up the sleeves of his scrub top. "Tell me, did you ever truly scrubbed in during med school? I know that I learned it while I attended Columbia University, but I also know that a lot has changed since that." Looking at the young intern, he smiled, chuckled even a little as she remained silent. "I take that as a no then. Well, it's okay. I'll show you."
When Dr. Shimmer mentioned for her to roll up the sleeves of her top even more, Callie followed his instruction. Brown eyes were transfixed on the man standing beside her and when he reached out for a little package, she did the same, opened it a few seconds after he did. But then he put it aside and she looked at him, confusion written all over her face.
"We will use it in a bit", he answered. "It's the scrub brush and it's good to open the package before you start because otherwise you'd have to do everything again. We'll start with our nails. Can you show me yours?" The Latina lifted her hands and let the older doctor inspect the skin and her fingernails, nodding approvingly after a few seconds. "Good. Now, we'll turn on the faucet and wash our hands. Just the usual hand washing you do at home, only we'll wash our arms as well, okay?"
Nodding and once again following the surgeon's assignment, Callie began to wash her hands and arms, up to the elbow and even a little higher. "Can I ask you a question, Sir?", she asked, her eyes still flickering back and forth between her arms and the man's.
"Of course you can", he answered and picked up something to clean his nails under the running water. He could probably scrub in in his sleep, knew every step and thing he had to do, he was used to small talk or going over a procedure while scrubbing in.
"Why did you pick me?", Callie let the words spill from her mouth and copied his every move. Hahn's words were stuck in her head, echoing through her brain and telling her over and over again that the orthopedic surgeon never cared about the new interns. She didn't dare to look at him anymore, thinking that her question could just as well displease him, thinking that he could think she wouldn't agree with his decision. Well, she didn't, because she still didn't feel ready, but she would not tell him that.
Dr. Shimmer turned to face the brunette, all the while letting the water run over his arms. "When everybody had been focused on the boy's skin because it was the obvious cause of his pain, you saw his wrist. You were the one telling Bailey to page ortho. Sure, sooner or later, someone else would have noticed the damage too, but under all the hustle in the trauma room, you took your time examining the boy. And then later, you told me that you like bones and everything that comes with ortho. I have seen interns come and go and all of them were so focused on cutting, on holding a heart, a brain or any other organ in their hands. You must be the first one interested in ortho for five or six years. You might think, that you can't do it, that you couldn't even get the cast right the first time. But your second try was close to perfect, because you payed attention and you are willing to learn. You learn fast and you're focused. That's why I picked you", he told her and without blinking, went on with the explanation of scrubbing in. "Use the scrub brush now, make sure to scrub every little inch on your hands and arms just as I do, okay?"
And again, Callie nodded. This time though, a small smile could be seen on her face as she did as she was told. Once the orthopedist and his student were done, they stepped into the OR, gowns and gloves were put on them within a minute and the next thing the Latina knew, she was standing at the table, looking down at the patient's lower leg. She had seen the x-rays of this leg. It was definitely broken. Not an open, scary fracture but still one that needed surgery to fix the damage. "What are we going to do?", she asked, finding Dr. Shimmer's eyes, silently pleading with him to give her an answer.
"You've seen the scans. Tell me how you would proceed", he said and waited. Despite the fact that he rarely had been the one surveying the first surgery of an intern, he knew he had to be patient. Pressuring a young doctor into anything was never a good idea, and though this patient's surgery wasn't life-saving, it wouldn't be good if the woman would freak out.
Not exactly sure if she should say what was on her mind, she looked up at the gallery. As promised, Arizona was sitting there in the first row, her piercing blue eyes staring lovingly down to meet the brunette's. She also saw Dr. Hahn sitting right behind her wife and that made chills run down her spine. The resident was probably there to see her fail, most likely wishing for it. But then the soft wave of a pale hand made her smile and her heart fluttered in her chest. Closing her eyes for a moment, she remembered Dr. Shimmer's advice and took three deep breaths. She saw Arizona as if the blonde was standing right in front of her and everything Dr. Hahn would think about her just didn't matter anymore. This moment, it was just her, the surgery she needed to do and Arizona watching her. When she opened her eyes again, she looked at the orthopedic surgeon and said, "I would use a ten blade to open the leg, free the bone and fix it with at least four screws. Five would be better because even though the bone didn't cut through the flesh, the fracture is pretty bad. It will take him a week longer to start rehab, but I think it's the safer way to repair the leg."
When Dr. Shimmer didn't say anything for at least two minutes, she panicked, naturally thinking that she had chosen the wrong procedure. It wasn't exactly helpful that so many pairs of eyes were staring at her, whether they came from the gallery or from within the OR. She was just about to think of another plan when the older doctor's voice could be heard. "Alright then, hand Dr. Torres a ten blade so she can start fixing the first bone in her career."
AN3: There will come a time when I will take down TIAM1, and that time will be very soon. A girl can have hopes and dreams and while I still think that it's not gonna work, I want to try. So I'll take down TIAM1 this Sunday night. However, I won't stop updating TIAM2 because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my beta and you.
