Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the reviews! I especially loved to hear that liljenrocks woke up just read the last chapter after hear phone alerted her to the update. And also that it felt like Christmas came early for sirwayde. I was also happy to hear that so many of you are in love with my Quil. But he is just that, my Quil, so back off. Just kidding, but maybe not. Also, look out for a new story that is not really a new story. I am going to upload all the outtakes that I write from Quil and Jacob's POVs from this story into their own sub-story. I put the first chapter up today, it's called Learning to Love Bella. Check it out!
DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer, along with Little, Brown and Company, owns all the rights to the Twilight Saga. I own nothing and profit nothing from this story.
Previously on Learning to Live Again…
"I have to admit, it'll hurt if she's not mine. I never in my life would have thought that I would be praying that a condom I used failed." I heard them both laugh lightly. I felt my mind getting foggy.
"It will all turn out okay, Quil. We have to believe that. Everything happens for a reason, right?"
"God, I hope so," was the last thing I heard before falling back into the darkness.
I felt myself waking up, but I wasn't sure how long it had been since my previous semi-consciousness. I kept my eyes closed and listened to the sounds around me. I heard steady breathing on one side and snores on the other. The only other noise was from the annoying machine next to me. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Quil's face break out in relief.
"Bella," he breathed out.
"Hey," I croaked. He quickly moved to get me a glass of water. I drank it greedily, while seeing Jacob asleep with his head resting on my bed.
"Do you need anything, Bella?"
"I want to talk to you, Quil, but can I get a minute with Jacob first." He looked a little hurt, but he smiled anyway.
"Sure, I'll just go grab something to eat in the café down stairs. Do you want me to bring you anything up?"
"Can you bring sugar cookies?"
"Yeah, I think I can handle that. I'll see you in a bit," he said bending down and leaving a kiss on my forehead.
"Thanks, Quil." He nodded and walked out the door. I looked over at Jacob who was still sleeping. I wondered how much sleep the two of them had gotten since I went into the hospital. Clearly, Leah's threats have worked to keep them civil. I moved my hand and ran it through Jacob's shaggy hair. He sighed, and I moved down to his arm.
"Jake, Jacob, wake up. I want to talk to you," I said quietly.
"Hmm," he said as he muttered some unintelligible words.
"Jake, I'm fixing cherry pie."
"What?" He said opening one eye. Once he realized I was awake both eyes opened widely. "Bells, thank God. I knew you were stubborn but jeez, I didn't think you'd ever wake up," he said smiling at me.
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"Why do you always apologize for everything, Bella? I should be the one saying I'm sorry. Which I am, by the way, it's my fault you're here. I just got so freaking angry, that I couldn't hold it in."
"I understand, Jake, I do. I know it was quite the shock. That wasn't how I wanted you to find out."
"Yeah, well…" Jacob sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I can't understand what you were thinking that night, Bells. I mean, I would have fought for you, I did fight for you. Why did you have to run off like that? Why did you have to sleep with Quil, or anyone for that matter? Why couldn't you have more faith in me, Bells? Why'd you give up on us so easy?" He looked so sad and vulnerable.
"I left because I thought it was for the best for everyone, especially for my self. You would have been torn in two, Jacob. I knew you would fight for me, but you'd have lost that battle and it would have hurt more for the both of us. I knew if I waited and heard all the words you would have spoken then I wouldn't have gotten on that plane and left. I needed to leave quickly and without a fuss. I didn't give up on us, Jake. I just accepted that it wasn't meant to be, just like you need to do."
"And Quil? Why did you do that with Quil?"
"Um, I was selfish and hurt. It seemed like the only thing to do at the time. I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to temporarily forget about you, and I wanted to still feel wanted. Quil was there when I needed someone to comfort me. I trusted Quil, he was my friend, one of my closest on the res. I loved him even if it was as a friend. I didn't want to give myself over to just anyone. And I know to choose someone from the pack was just cruel of me. He's your cousin and your pack brother and you share a mind link. Which, I guess is lucky that he worked that part out for us. I don't know what else to say, except that in the moment that it was what I needed to feel something other than pain. I'm sorry." He was quiet for a few minutes. I left him to digest everything. I was looking at baby bump when he started to talk softly.
"Sometimes I look at Katie and wished that she never came to La Push. Of course as soon as the thought crosses my mind I get a pain in my heart, like I just stabbed myself. I can't help but think of the 'what if's'. I mean if that's my baby and she never came, then we would be celebrating each milestone and probably getting married soon, or at least getting engaged. We would be starting the life I dreamed of with you. And now it's all fucked up to shit. I don't have you, that might not be my baby, and my fucking best friend is the other possible father. Life fucking sucks. Why does everything in my life get so screwed up? I had just gotten everything that I'd ever wanted, and literally the next day it was all ripped away."
"I don't know, Jake. You're right, it does suck. Life's not fair; it doesn't ask us what we want. But you know, Jacob, that even if she is your baby that we still won't be together."
"But why not? She deserves a family and I want to be that family with you," he was slightly whining.
"You know you can't be away from your imprint, Jake. It doesn't work like that."
"Is it wrong to wish I could have both of you?"
"Normally I would say yes it's wrong to any other guy, but because of imprinting, I'd say that it isn't."
"And the worst part is, Sam told me not to pursue a relationship with you repeatedly, so did Dad. But I was so damn selfish, and I was convinced that you were it for me, that I didn't listen. I hurt us both because of my stupidity and selfishness."
"I knew it was a possibility, Jake. We were both selfish. You were my sun, and I didn't want to give you up either. You can't take all the blame." We were both silent for a few more minutes. "Does your imprint know about the baby?" I knew her name. How could I forget the name of the girl that robbed me of my future? I just refused to say it outloud, or think it for that matter.
"Nah, not yet. I wanted to talk to you again before I did. Just to clear things up and find out the details. Like when is she coming and what needs to be done before then? I guess I see that we can't be together. I still hate it, though. I know that the fates think I belong with Katie, and I don't really get a choice. But I still want to be there for you and the baby. I don't want Quil doing it all. I deserve to get to do stuff, too. I just don't really know anything about babies and I'm not sure what those things are."
"It's okay, I'm still learning, too. We'll work something else. I was going back to Florida, but I have a feeling that I'm stuck here."
"Yeah, the doctor said you can't fly and that you are on bed rest for the next week, maybe longer depending on how your check up goes at the end of the week." I sighed heavily. I wasn't returning to the life I'd manage to build in Florida and I really wasn't looking forward to bed rest. I got bored way too easily for that.
"Well, that doesn't sound fun."
"Trust me, I think there are plenty of people to keep you company and entertained."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, well, the whole pack sort of knows that you're pregnant with mine or Quil's child. You know Sam was already phased when I attacked Quil. Sam stopped it before anything happened. Well, you already managed to trip over those two things you call feet, but I didn't get a chance to tear out any of Quil's hide."
"Jacob!"
"What? Technically we weren't broken up, and he slept with you. He deserves a good ass kicking."
"I think me telling you good-bye was our break up."
"Yeah, but I didn't get any say so in it."
"Well, now what done is done. We can only focus on the future," I said rubbing my belly.
"Sure, sure. Anyway, so the pack knows, which means all the imprints, well except for Katie, know. Emily and Kim are ready to pounce on you and plan the baby shower. Emily wants to start trying, but Sam is freaked out at being a father."
"Well, they should soon, so that this little one can have someone to play with."
"Yeah, I'm sure that Emily will start using that argument." He paused and looked at the door. "Quil and Leah are outside the door eavesdropping."
"We aren't eavesdropping you ass wipe," I heard Leah yell. Jacob rolled his eyes.
"You guys might as well come in," Jake said. The door opened and Leah strutted right in placing a kiss on my cheek and sitting by the window. Quil walked in slowly, looked back and forth between Jacob and I before sitting down on my other side. He handed me a large stack of freshly baked sugar cookies. Leah informed me that she walked into the café to hear a complaining Quil, because they only had chocolate chip cookies baked. After some yelling and begging, the chef agreed to make some just to get rid of Quil. I had to admit, they were the best sugar cookies that I'd ever had. Crunchy on the edges and gooey in the middle. Absolutely perfect. While I munched on my cookies, they also, filled me in on what was going on with the pack and what the doctor had said about the baby and me. I didn't bother to tell them that I had heard most of it while I was semi-conscious before. I would keep the knowledge of that conversation to myself.
