Third Full Moon

Sirius was still avoiding everyone and everything, and it had been well over a week now. He came to class every now and then, but he just sat there, with his head resting on his desk. He wasn't talking and it was so weird. I gave him his space, but James was freaking out.

Sirius and I had our moments; eyes meeting across the distance, a simple touch of our hands if we passed by each other in the hallways, an especially bad night when Sirius climbed into my bed. He thought I was asleep, but I was a light sleeper and his movements woke me. I didn't let him know and he wrapped his arm around me, pressing his face into my back before falling asleep.

When I had free time, which wasn't often, I looked for him, but I couldn't find him anywhere. I still wasn't worried.

I looked up from my book as the staircase I was on changed course. I sighed knowing I'd have to take the long way to my next class. Two hallways later, I spotted him. The hallway was relatively empty and Sirius was staring at the ground.

I made sure our paths would cross and when I got close enough, I grabbed his wrist. He pulled away, staring at me furiously, but it softened when he noticed it was me. He didn't say anything, but I did.

"Tonight," I told him and he nodded his head before he left. I knew he liked to know when I was going through my monthly transformation even though he didn't know the details.

I went to class and Sirius didn't show up, not that I thought he would. I took extra notes so he wouldn't get behind, but I knew Sirius didn't care about classwork like I did.

Sirius was missing for the rest of the day and I was starting to worry. My transformation last month had gone so smoothly and although I hadn't remembered what the wolf did, I knew it had to do with Sirius' cloak. I was selfishly hoping he'd give me another one tonight. I might just have to take the shredded one with me, but it no longer smelled like him. Maybe that didn't matter.

"Have you seen Sirius?" I asked James, knowing that I would have to leave soon.

"Professor Binns gave him detention," James told me.

"But Binns never gives detentions."

"I don't know, mate," James said, "but I knew his absences would catch up with him eventually."

So Sirius wouldn't be here to see me off. My heart sunk, this would be the first time he hadn't been around.

"Are you alright?" James asked.

"Yeah, sure," I said, gathering up my work. "I've got something to do before curfew."

I took all my books back to my room. I hated that Sirius wasn't here, but I had to remind myself that this was normal, what I was used to. I'd been doing this alone for years. When I got to my dorm, I carefully put my books away.

There was a cloak sitting on my bed and I frowned, I didn't leave it out. I pulled it on and noted that it was a little longer than mine. I looked at it more closely, trying to figure out who's it was. There was a small piece of parchment rolled up in the wand pocket. I pulled it out and unfurled it. It held two words.

Be safe.

Sirius. I smiled. I sniffed the cloak, yep that definitely smelled like Sirius. I took another whiff, letting it calm me. Even though Sirius was going through his own problems, he was still thinking about me. I hid the note in my trunk and left Gryffindor Tower with a newfound confidence.

This was my first time making it to the tree by myself, it went fine. I was used to doing things alone. I froze the tree when I was close enough and something caught my eye in the branches. It looked like a book. I didn't hesitate. I climbed up the frozen tree so I could get a closer look.

There was a little hollow in the tree where all the branches stemmed from. I picked up the book, it was a fifth year Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. Had someone thrown it up here? It looked brand new.

It was bookmarked on a certain page: defending yourself against dark curses without the use of a wand.

Someone had been up here. I flipped to the front of the book hoping it held a name. Narcissa Black.

Sirius, this must be where he's been hiding. No wonder I could never find him, but why was he researching how to defend himself? Was he just curious or did this have something to do with his mother?

The wind blew and I looked up at the sky, the moon was almost here, I needed to move. I set the book back where I found it and quickly climbed down.

I unfroze the tree and quickly slid into the tunnel.

"Remus," Poppy said, "you're cutting it close."

"Y-yes, sorry," I said, walking towards the shack, "I-I got distracted, it won't happen again."

"Okay," she said, "a little faster please."

I nodded my head and picked up my pace.

I made it to the shack and pulled myself through the trapdoor. Poppy didn't follow me today.

"Good luck," she said and I shut the trapdoor behind me.

It was close, too close. I quickly pulled my clothes off. I threw them and my wand into the far corner, but kept Sirius' cloak close hoping it would please the wolf inside me. I sat against the stairs and two minutes later my first bone snapped. It had been too close. I shouldn't have bothered climbing the tree, but I didn't regret it. I was glad I now knew where Sirius was hiding, it made me feel better.


I woke up with Sirius' cloak wrapped around my hands. I sat up slowly, hoping that I wasn't injured. My body protested, as usual, but I couldn't feel much pain. I looked down at my chest I had a few scratches, but they weren't deep. I felt good, but these things took time. I needed to wait until all my senses were back.

My senses snapped into place and I let go of Sirius' cloak, grabbing my shoulder. Something was wrong, it felt like it was on fire. I looked at it, there were no obvious scratches or bites, but it was bruised. What had happened? I tried to move it, but that only made it hurt worse. It was so painful, I'd never done whatever this was in a transformation before.

I slowly got to my knees and tried to get dressed, it was impossible. I got my pants, socks and shoes on, but there was no way I was getting my shirt back on. I grabbed Sirius' cloak, it was ripped up again, but not as bad as last time. I threw it over my back and pulled it around me, it would have to do. I pocketed my wand and grabbed my shirt.

Lifting the trapdoor with one hand was hard, but I managed it. Usually I lowered myself into the tunnel, but I'd have to jump today. I weighed up my options and I decided to just go for it. I jumped down, but lost my footing.

I reached out with my sore arm and screamed in pain as my full weight went against my shoulder. Something cracked and I fell to my knees. What happened to me? Would Poppy be able to fix it? Poppy, I needed to get back to her. I struggled to get to my feet, but it was useless, I was in too much pain. I fell back to the ground, curling into a ball.

Poppy must've heard my scream echo down the long tunnel because she came running.

"What's wrong, Remus?" she asked, kneeling beside me.

I pointed to my shoulder and Poppy carefully examined it without moving it.

"It's dislocated," she said, "suspected broken collarbone too. I'll know more once we get back to the castle. Do you think you can stand?"

"N-no," I whimpered.

"Okay, I'm going to pick you up." Poppy slid her arm underneath my knees. "This is going to hurt, Remus, support your arm the best you can."

I held my injured arm at the elbow as Poppy picked me up. The movement jostled my shoulder and I gritted my teeth.

"Do you know how it happened?" she asked, taking my mind off the pain.

"N-no."

"I've seen this type of injury before," she said, "I think you tried to get out using your shoulder as a battering ram."

But why would I do that? The wolf wasn't that stupid, he knew he was trapped. It had been a long time since he had tried to escape, it made no sense.

"Perhaps there was something you needed to do," Poppy suggested.

That didn't make sense either.

"Someone to see."

Her comment made me pause. Had the wolf wanted to see someone? He liked Sirius' cloak… Sirius. No, the wolf wanted Sirius, why? I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want the wolf to hurt Sirius or to kill him. My face drained of all its color just thinking about it and Poppy picked up her pace.

We made it back to the tree and I had no idea how Poppy managed to get us out of the tunnel. The pain was starting to overtake me, so I tilted my head back, looking at the Whomping Willow as we walked away from it. Sirius' hiding spot. I searched the tree, hoping he'd be there, and I saw two wide eyes staring back at me.

I watched Sirius as he skillfully managed to climb out of the live tree and dodge its wild limbs as he rushed over to us.

"What happened?" he asked.

Poppy turned to face him. "Mr. Black, this doesn't concern you."

"Like hell it doesn't," Sirius said. "Remy, talk to me."

"Don't," Poppy warned me. "He will be fine, Mr. Black, if you would allow us to get back to the castle."

"Let me hold him," Sirius said.

"I don't think that's wise," she said.

"Let me hold him," Sirius' voice was firm.

"P-Poppy," I said, "it's okay." I could see that she was struggling under my weight, she was only a slight thing and she'd carried me far enough already.

"Fine," she said, "but be careful with him, Mr. Black, especially his shoulder."

I held onto my elbow tightly as I was transferred into Sirius' arms. I breathed a sigh of relief when I settled and I stared up at him.

The cloak had fallen open and I realized too late that Sirius was staring at my scarred chest. I tried to cover it up, but I couldn't. Sirius bent down and pulled the cloak back over me. I could see nothing but sadness and determination on his face. No disgust, but maybe he was hiding it. No one would tolerate my scars, I knew that much.

"Come on, Mr. Black," Poppy said.

He nodded and strode towards the castle with me in his arms. I continued to stare at him, everything felt better when he was around. Now that I felt safe, I closed my eyes and turned my face into Sirius' arm. My shoulder still hurt, but I was okay now.

We made it to the hospital wing and Sirius was instructed to put me on the bed.

"Mr. Black," Poppy said, "thank you for your help, but you can leave now."

Sirius faltered, staring at me.

"Mr. Lupin will be fine," Poppy said. "He will be back in his dorm this afternoon and you can visit him as much as you want then."

Sirius was still torn.

"The moment my last class is finished," he told me and I nodded my head.

Sirius left and Poppy got to work.

"I'm sorry," she said, "but this is going to hurt and I didn't want you to have to go through it with Mr. Black watching. I can tell you both care for each other, but some things need to be kept private."

I didn't understand what she meant, but I nodded my head regardless. One minute later, I understood. Poppy had grabbed my hand and rested her other one on my sore shoulder. I screamed in pain as she popped them back together. It hurt so much that I started crying, but as it settled, it felt better. Poppy was right, I didn't want Sirius to see me go through that.

Poppy picked up her wand and started healing my bones, it was an odd sensation, but it didn't hurt as much as I expected.

"Drink this," she told me and I did. "Don't move your arm, I will be back."

She came back with an already open bar of chocolate and a sling. She helped me sit up so she could put the sling on.

"Now," she said, "everything is healed, but you have a lot of soft tissue damage so you're going to have to keep your arm immobile for a few days. Eat this."

She handed me the chocolate bar and stepped away. Halfway through the chocolate bar, I started to feel good. It had to be magic chocolate.

"Is this special chocolate?" I asked when she came back with a potion.

"No," she smiled, "just regular chocolate. It's amazing, isn't it? It boosts your mood almost immediately, makes you feel a lot better."

I nodded and continued to eat. My mind went to Sirius, maybe if I gave him some chocolate he'd feel better. I missed him.

"I want you to take a sip of this potion three times a day," Poppy instructed, "it will help you heal."

"P-Poppy, do you think you could give me some more chocolate? It's just, I have a friend who hasn't been acting like himself and I thought it might make him feel better."

"Of course, Remus," she smiled, "stay here and I'll grab another bar."

I finished off my chocolate while she was gone and sat there against the pillows. My shoulder was stiff and sore, but it was no longer painful and I was so thankful for that.

Poppy came back with the chocolate and she helped me stand up. The movement hurt my shoulder a little, but it was okay. She slid the chocolate bar into my sling and pulled Sirius' cloak around me, securing it tightly.

"You might want to get this cloak altered," she said, "it's a bit big on you."

I smiled. "It's okay," I said.

Poppy handed me the potion and my shirt. "Off to bed, straight there," she said, "rest for the remainder of the day. If you feel up to it tomorrow you can go to class, but don't push yourself, Remus. Keep that arm still and remember to take your potion."

I nodded my head and made the long trek back to Gryffindor Tower. This time I didn't wish I was in class, I was too sore and too emotional. I made it to my bed and pulled Sirius' cloak off. I put the potion and Sirius' chocolate on the nightstand between our beds. I was going to give the chocolate to him when he finished his classes. I hoped it would make him feel better, even just for a little while. I hated seeing him sad and distant.

I pulled my covers back and kicked off my shoes, sliding into the bed. I couldn't pull the covers over me properly with one arm, so I grabbed Sirius' cloak and used it as a blanket. I fell asleep almost immediately.

I woke up later and wondered what time it was. My arm was sore, so I decided to have a sip of the potion. As I looked at the nightstand where I'd set it, I sat up in a panic. Sirius' chocolate was gone. I'd put it right there with the potion, where was it?

I looked around the room and my eyes fell on Peter who was sitting on his bed eating it. I flew into a rage. That was for Sirius.

I grabbed my wand and was on top of Peter before he knew it. My wand pointed at his face. I was so angry.

"That wasn't yours," I snarled.

"Wh-what wasn't mine?" Peter cowered back, but I moved with him.

"Why would you come over to my bed and take my chocolate?" I asked. "Are you stupid? You must be."

"I-I didn't mean to. I just came in and I saw it and I was hungry."

"And that gives you a right to take it?" I asked, touching my wand to his forehead.

"What's going on here?" James entered the room.

I spun and pointed my wand at him, my face twisted in rage.

"Umm," James lifted his hands, "Remus, it's just me, mate."

"Leave us alone," I told him eerily calm. James faltered. "Now," I roared.

James left and I turned back to Peter. He'd taken the distraction as his chance to scurry into the corner. I walked over to him, pointing my wand at him again. I could do so many things to him, but which curse was best?

That was Sirius' chocolate, to help him feel better, and now it was gone. I leaned over Peter and he whimpered. I laughed. Good, I was glad he was suffering, he deserved it.

"Remy, don't," Sirius said.

"He took it," I snarled, "he needs to pay."

Sirius walked towards me. "Peter," he said, "get the fuck out of here before I let Remus curse you."

Peter scampered away and I wasn't happy with that.

"Why would you do that?" I roared. "It was for you and he took it, now it's gone."

"What was for me?" Sirius asked and I couldn't understand how he was so calm.

"The chocolate," I roared, "I got it for you and he ate it. Filthy rat."

"Remy, you need to calm down," Sirius said, "this isn't you."

This isn't me? What did he know? This was me, this was who I am and who I'd always be. I'd worked hard to suppress this side of me, but no more. Peter would pay for crossing me.

Sirius wrapped his arms around me and pulled my head against his chest. I fought it even though it hurt my shoulder.

"Come on," Sirius pleaded, "calm down. This isn't you, Remy. Calm, you can do it."

I gulped in his scent like I needed it to survive and it was calming me down. I continued to struggle against him because I didn't want to be calm right now, Peter needed to pay, but it was all futile. The longer I stayed in his arms, the more I calmed down.

When I had calmed down fully, everything hit me. How could I attack Peter like that? He was so scared and I made him feel like that. I pulled away from Sirius and he let me.

His eyes dropped to my chest and I realized I had no shirt on. Everyone had seen my scars. How could I be so stupid? I couldn't help it, the tears fell. Sirius grabbed me and crushed me against his chest again.

"Don't worry about it," he said.

That was easy for him to say, he wasn't scarred like me. He hadn't shown everyone what he was so desperately trying to hide. I felt disgusted in myself. Everything had been going so well, but it was all starting to unravel.

"Fuck them," Sirius said, "if they care, or they look at you differently, then fuck them. We don't need them, Remy."

I pulled back and looked at Sirius. What about him? Why didn't he care?

"Wh-what about you?" I asked and Sirius looked at me confused. "D-don't you hate me? I'm disgusting."

"Oh, Remy," Sirius said, "we all have scars, remember that, some are just hidden on the inside."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Anyway," Sirius said, tinting pink, "I think you're perfect."

He did? I didn't believe him. No one could think that about me.