19. Reconciliation
(HiME-verse, dark-fic, but not too dark, Shizuru-centric.)

I'm a sinner, but it's not god that I've sinned against.

It's not my peers either, neither enemies nor allies.

Unfortunately, it's myself.

Love is a word that drenches itself with shortcomings, and knowing this I tried to gather those four little letters into something compact. Something that I could squeeze in the palm of my hand. No ownership would ever prepare me for the truth behind the statement.

The lie that I made for myself, that I could not love, that I would not...

It was dust in my mind, ash in my hands, because I had indeed fallen so deeply in love. I was at the end of my rope, in more ways than one. I'd resorted to begging, because I had no other way to find my way out of my own sadness. I wanted to be saved, I needed to be.

"You can have what you want. I'd give it to you, no matter what it is. Anything, as long as you can take away my failures, clean them away. Just as you've done for others, please, do that for me." I would plead on my hands and knees, if I thought for an instant I'd be forgiven. In the end, I'm my own worst enemy, and no amount of soothing away the blemishes of my past can save me.

I've made terrible errors, they've added up, and left a murky undertow in the wake of such realities.

A hand touched mine, and I lifted my eyes from the city streets below.

She spoke to me gently. "I'm not a bargaining chip, you can't use me that way."

As if I would ever try that…

Still, Mai had a point, I was a very manipulative person when I wanted to be. I could be so many things, and violet eyes were sure to scan through my every waking plot, to see if the intent was mercy or pain. I wanted everything, Natsuki's acknowledgement of my existence, Mai's ability to captivate a great many people, for better or worse, the tenacity to do what I wanted, when I wanted…

There were so many things I desired, so many tiny little truths, but none more so than the blonde who looked at me with such disgust that I was no more than a mere bug under her foot.

Mai had a way with words, at least when it came to abrasive people. I wanted her to bridge the gap. "Won't you talk to her for me?"

She shook her head, and once again, I found myself denied. "You need to do that yourself."

Natsuki wanted me to make peace.
Mai expected that peace to come from my own freewill and intent.
Mikoto found me interesting, and Nao thought I'd lost my mind.
Haruka was the last straw on my thinning desire to even become worthy of redemption.

"I can't, my sins, they're too deep."

Yet, even as a said that, it wasn't hate that I saw in her eyes, her hand was warm, as was her breath, and her lips were soft as she kissed me.

"Maybe they are, but so what? It doesn't matter anymore."

20. Music
(Romance, fluff, Mai-centric)

She plays the piano, her eyes closed with a soft smile on her face.

Truly at peace.

Those little moments mean the world to me, and although I know that from the deepest parts of my being, part of me wonders why?

Is it just circumstance? The way the keys feel to her fingers, or the fact that the morning is warm? Is it because of her audience? It's only me here, but, if that were so, I'd be happy.

I want to see her smile. I want to know that I'm important to her. That every single reason I have for being the type of person that I am, that all of it stems from her. I want to know that. I want that to be the greatest part of me.

My love for her, being what it is. Raw essence of the sounds in my ears.

No words.

No wavering voice.

Just the sounds of the music she chooses to make, the tinkling little high notes that are far too fleeting. The low ominous pattering beats that unnerve me, making me want to be near her…even the constant, mid-toned melodies, the ones that hold steady.

All of it, all of her.

21. Element
(HiME-verse, Mai-centric)

It doesn't matter what it is, only that it exists.

The symbol of feeling, in and of itself. It could be a necklace, a letter, even a ring. It just needs to be something, tangible proof that an emotion so tender once existed. For the HiME, it was just a tiny little dot high in the sky. A little glowing spark that instilled fear, and hope. It was so small, for the emotions that it pulled from deep within us, and to look upon the night sky now, is to remember that it was once there.

Looking over us, watching our every move.

I wonder what it sees sometimes, or rather, what it saw.

What image did we, as HiME, paint in that illusionary battle?

It was so real, wasn't it?

Unbelievable, I know, but, some things in life just are. I want to believe in the impossible, to know that it exists. I want to feel more than just her hand mine, wordlessly looking up to the same sky that I do. I want to have something more than that, between only us.

Those unquestionable, unchangeable facts, that sit before us like the stars in the universe.

Part of me wants the one thing Natsuki had; the ability to look onto those far away crimson eyes. I want to pull the woman seeing with them back down to earth.

It's just that Shizuru looks to the sky in fear, and I look to it in hope.

Even when holding hands, sometimes that bridge just isn't enough. You need something else, some other element.

It doesn't matter what it is, so maybe a kiss will do.