I'm a bit worried, no, make that very worried, because the last chapter only got one review. It's the chapter I'm most insecure about, because it's so intensely emotional. I don't think Jane was too OOC, because everybody has a breaking point and he's been through so much without any release for so long. So his feelings have been accumulating for almost ten years, and with recent events added to it, I don't think it's too far-fetched to assume, he might have reached his limit. Now he has the person who he trusts above all by his side, and for the first time since his wife died, he has someone to open up to. No wonder his walls crumbled for once... But that's just my opinion, and I would be happy to hear yours. Did you all think it was over the top, stupid, bad?
Anyway, on to the next chapter - a lot less angsty, I promise...
He was still sobbing violently, even after at least twenty minutes had gone by. She rocked him gently, and continued her soothing mantra. His hands were clenching the front of her shirt frantically like a lifeline. It didn't faze her, and neither did the fact that his tears had drenched her top. She just felt an overwhelming need to protect and comfort him.
It astonished her, how much love she seemed to have for him. She had known for years that she had deep feelings for him. Why else would she have put up with all of his shams and subterfuges for so long? And why else had she gone through such hell while he had been in Vegas? She hadn't acknowledged her feelings until last night, but she'd known they were there. She had, however, no idea just how all-consuming they were. It was almost like her heart hurt from all the deep love, affection, and compassion she felt right now. She'd never felt anything like this before, and it was actually a bit scary.
His sobs had grown a bit lower now. His hands unclenched somewhat as well. She relaxed her hold on him slightly. One of her hands found its way to the bedstand where she took hold of a pack of paper tissues, which she handed to him. He sat up and wiped his face, his head bent forward. He took a few deep breaths and seemed to collect himself. A few moments later, he cast a tentative look at her.
"Sorry…" he squeezed out huskily.
"Shshsh, no, Patrick. Don't apologize," she said warmly, her hand coming up to caress his cheek gently. "There's absolutely nothing to apologize for, love. I'm glad you allowed yourself this release. You're really a strong man, Patrick."
"I just fell apart in front of you, and you call me strong, Lisbon? Come on, we both know I'm a wimp." The little laugh he produced sounded condescending.
"Patrick, just don't, please. Don't sell yourself short. Crying isn't a sign of weakness. You do know that, right? I'm glad, this happened, my love. It is been a long time coming, and it's very good you finally let go." Her eyes carried only warmth, when they found his. "I might have jested about it on occasion, but honestly, Patrick, I've never thought of you as a wimp. I know you hate violence in any form and hide from it. That might not be the manly-man action, but I don't want or need some macho cop boyfriend. I'm perfectly capable of defending myself after all." She cast him a determined look, which softened again when she continued. "To me, the very fact that you have managed to get up every morning of your life, shows more courage than any displays of so-called male strength ever could. I truly admire you, Patrick."
He stared at her in total disbelief.
"Honestly, Patrick, I do."
"I'm not sure, I understand, Teresa," he replied.
He'd calmed down completely by now. Though his eyes were still red and puffy from crying, he looked otherwise composed. She was very relieved because she wouldn't have known how to deal with a total melt down. Well, he was probably a too controlled person to allow it to happen, though she knew he must have suffered something like that a few months after the murder of his family, otherwise he wouldn't have ended up in a closed ward.
She pulled him into her for a short kiss, before she answered. "I hope you will understand soon, imp. I'm awed by that joie de vivre you still seem to have in abundance. It's incredibly humbling to see how you can take joy in all those small things so many people either do not see or take for granted. Mundane things, like a good wine or food, but also momentous things, like a beautiful sight, a laughing child, or a piece of art. That's real strength, Patrick, not playing the tough guy. That wouldn't suit you at all. And I love you for who you are. I wouldn't want you any other way."
His face lightened a bit at her words. "So, what you said before, you know, about my father? Did you really mean that, too?" he inquired carefully.
"Every single word of it," she answered with conviction.
He nodded. And then he sat before her in deep contemplation for several minutes. "What you said, Teresa…it makes a lot of sense, actually. If I try to look at it from an outside perspective, there's a certain logic to it. It's just really hard to apply it to myself. It's so completely opposed to what I have believed to be the truth my whole life." He took a deep, determined breath. "But I'll take what you said into serious consideration. That much I can promise you."
"That's great, Patrick. I'm very glad to hear that. I can imagine that it will take time and effort before all of this has a chance to overcome the distance between your head and your heart. I'm happy that at least your head is starting to acknowledge it. It's a very big first step in my book. I'm incredibly proud of you," she replied with a warm smile.
"Proud, Teresa? You're proud of me? Gee, things are obviously spiraling downwards. A few minutes ago, you were still awed and humbled…" he teased, clearly trying to end the difficult subject.
She rolled her eyes and had to chuckle. "It's okay, imp. I get the message – change of topic. But make no mistake, from now on, I'll remind you of the truth whenever I think you need to hear it." Her eyes conveyed her seriousness. "For now, how about another glass of this sinfully delicious wine? I think we deserve to indulge ourselves a bit. Your stomach up to it?"
"I should probably eat something first, but then I'm all for it. I'll just go and freshen up in the bathroom. Would you do me a favor and get me one of the left over pancakes from earlier? I don't particularly feel like eating pasta right now. I want some comfort food," Patrick answered.
Teresa nodded and they both got up from the bed. "I'll even make you some tea to go with it. A hug in a cup, right?"
He pulled her into his arms, resting his cheek on top of her head. "Yes, that's absolutely right, my love. This is even better, but I'll still have that tea."
He pecked her lips before he released her fully. "Thank you, Emy," he whispered in her ear. "For being there for me and loving me. I'm still not sure I deserve you but I won't let that deter me from being with you. I love you too much."
They reconvened in the bedroom about 15 minutes later. Patrick had managed to eliminate all traces of his crying fit and was sporting a slightly pensive expression but also a small smile. All in all, his demeanor reassured Teresa that he was okay. She'd arrived before him and had already sat down the food and the tea on her nightstand. Right now, she was standing in front of her closet where she had found a fresh shirt and changed a moment ago. The one she had worn before had become rather uncomfortable, wet as it was with his tears. She greeted her lover with a warm smile when he entered.
"I found some vanilla ice cream in the freezer, Patrick. I think it'll taste heavenly combined with the pancakes and your stuffing. I hope you like it because I already put some onto your plate," she said.
"It's a fact universally known that I would never say no to ice cream, Teresa. And it sounds like a perfect match. I hope you brought enough in case I'm not willing to share," he announced with a grin.
She looked at him fondly "Spoiled brat! Fortunately I anticipated this… Somehow I doubt, even you'll be able to eat four pancakes all on your own…"
"You shouldn't challenge me like that, my dear. I might try it, just to prove you wrong," he teased her.
"Well, don't expect me to hold your hand, when you throw up again…" she bantered right back.
"Okay, maybe I should pass up this particular dare… Darn, I really hate to back down," he mumbled.
She laughed out loud at that, went over and ruffled his hair. "You are so cute sometimes, imp."
"Oh please, not the ugly c-word again. I'm not cute, Lisbon. I'm greedy and a dogmatist who didn't want to share his pancakes with you. If you find that cute, you're officially screwed up, Agent," he replied with indignation. "And now I want my pancakes and my tea, and you'll just have to wait and see whether you'll get any or not!"
Teresa chuckled, took one of his hands, intertwined their fingers, and pulled him over to the bed and stole a kiss. He was standing with his back to the bed and she took advantage of that. With one strong shove to his chest, he was pushed down onto it. She snickered at the expression of confused shock on his face.
"Gotcha!" she exclaimed, before she crawled on top of him and started an intense kiss.
He moaned into her mouth and she could feel him getting aroused. Just when he was about to pull her closer, she broke the kiss and got up. "Pancakes, Patrick. The ice cream is melting as we speak. Can't have that, can we? And your tea is getting cold as well."
He groaned loudly. "That's mean, Emy. You're such a tease. I've told you before, I would always choose you over food. I'm even willing to surrender the pancakes and the ice cream."
"Wow, must be true love then," she replied, feigning awe.
He propped himself up and cast her a warm look, though his words contradicted his expression. "Nah, just hormones, Lisbon. Did you know, that the male body…"
"I know enough about the male body, Patrick," she said, glancing at his groin and arching an eyebrow suggestively. A smile quirked one corner of her lips. "This particular one however will only receive food right now."
He chuckled happily, before he reached out for the tea cup and took a big mouthful. "Lucky me, I got my hug in a cup at least," he said after swallowing. "Come, love, sit down on my lap, so we can eat our treat together," he added, motioning her over to sit between his outstretched legs.
She cast him a slightly dubious look before she decided to follow his suggestion. "But no funny stuff, mister," she warned him, before she leant back against his chest.
He gave her a light kiss on her hair and whispered alluringly in her ear, "No funny stuff, Lisbon. I told you I would never seduce you over a meal, remember?"
And it could have been a coincidence that his hand touched her breast exactly at her most sensitive spot, when he handed her the plate with their dessert, but she seriously doubted it. That cunning bastard, she thought, but she still couldn't keep herself from smiling.
TBC
