Present: 217 Years Post War
Shepard lifted her head at the sound of her wife's voice. She had dozed in the stuffed chair in the back garden, sleep stealing over her once again like a thief, with no care or concern about what was going on.
Waking these days was always a heavy struggle, seeming to almost bring with it even more exhaustion than she'd fallen to sleep with. Sometimes, sleep let go so reluctantly that she became confused. Old forgotten dreams and memories mixed up with her conscious mind until she didn't know where she was or what was happening. Was she on the Normandy still? Was she in her bunk at boot? How had she gotten to this place?
This time, the confusion lasted only a minute or two. She looked at the asari standing a few feet away, regarding the old ehlas trees, unable to place who she was.
Then Liara spoke again, stepping out of the door and into the garden, and clarity snapped back into being. The asari looking at the trees was Melara, of course.
How could I forget my own daughter?
"You will leave us," Liara had said. Melara turned around and looked at her.
"Mama-"
"Go in the house and leave us be for now, Melara. Shepard and I have much to discuss."
"Mind your mother," Shepard said slowly, her voice still thick from the sleep that still tugged furiously on her eyelids. "Go on."
Melara nodded, the motion stiff and tense, before she walked past and went inside. Shifting, Shepard pushed herself up from her slump, leaning forward and wiping her hands over her face. She heard a chair drawing closer and Liara sat facing her, gently taking her wrists. Del lowered her hands and regarded her worried bondmate.
"How are you feeling?" Liara asked.
"Just tired, Tianlán."
Tired did not truly begin to describe what she was feeling. The day had started off well, but with the added stress of Athena being here- of everything that Melara had told her- it was swiftly becoming one of her bad days. Even exhaustion was not a fitting description of how she felt. It was as if every cell of her body was weighted down with anchors, making each motion a herculean effort.
Worse was the heavy, wet weight that seemed to lie just behind her eyes…an impenetrable fog that made each thought a struggle, made focusing an impossibility. At times like this, it seemed her mind refused to actually 'wake up', at least completely. Sometimes she heard voices, at other times, she hallucinated visually. The doctor had explained this as part of her condition. Part of her mind, as elderly and strained cells became fragile or disintegrated, did in fact simply remain in a dream state, randomly sparking off memories and thoughts like a frayed electrical cord might sputter and short.
Though she had never said as much to Liara- that she was suffering from these confused hallucinatory states- she knew that her bondmate was aware. She knew the toll all of this was taking on her beautiful Tianlán, and it only made her heart ache the more.
Blessed as she was to face a death wrought of nothing more than old age, she still sometimes wished she'd gone on a bullet. Five years ago, even two…just bang and done. It would have been far kinder on Liara to go in such a way, than to linger like this, slowly falling apart in front of her love's helpless eyes.
Soft, warm hands slid over hers, Liara's beautiful gaze filling her vision. "Shepard…"
"Mel told me," she said. She could feel her bondmate's spirit moving against hers, holding it up like a friend might hold up a wounded comrade. It helped to clear her mind a bit. Nowhere near enough, but it did help, and it was an immense comfort. "Athena. You're not hurt?"
"No," Liara said. "She was…civil, though infuriating. I do not know what possessed our children to bring her here, but they seem to think that the galaxy is under a larger threat."
"Oh? What does she want?"
"According to her, she has come across hints that there may be a graver threat to this galaxy than that posed by the Reapers. She has nothing concrete, but is insistent that you may hold the answers, locked inside the nanites in your mind. She believes that your blocked memories of the Citadel master program may contain what she needs."
Shepard scowled. "And what is it she proposes to do? I'm not doing a joining with that bitch-"
"No, no joining," Liara said gently. "If the information is locked in the nanites themselves, a joining would be pointless. She wants to try and retrieve the information wirelessly. Barring that, she wants to identify and remove the nanites containing the information from your brain directly."
Del stared at her. Such a procedure would be painful. Del couldn't be sedated. Even if she could, in her present state even mild sedation would likely prove to be fatal. And without sedation, the pain alone would stress her body to the point it also might prove to be fatal.
"You know what she's asking."
"I do," Liara said, her voice tight. "And I hate it. I hate it with everything that is in me. All you have given for this galaxy- would fate ask for still more, even now? Would it…would it ask for your life again, on a simple thin possibility?"
She looked down, her brows set angrily but her eyes swimming in tears. "I promised I would put it before you. It is your decision, one I cannot make for you."
"How do we even know she is speaking the truth? Is all she going on a hunch?"
"She did seem as if she believed what she was saying," Liara told her reluctantly. "She does truly appear to be greatly concerned. She saw fit to remind me of our younger days, when we knew of a threat and yet others refused to listen, refused to believe."
Shepard scowled, then drew her hands back from her wife and slowly got up onto her feet. It felt as if gravity had increased by a factor of three when she did so, and Liara automatically rose with her, taking her arm to steady her.
Gently enough, Del drew away from her, walking over to the hedge that outlined the garden and looking out toward the distant sea.
Ever since V-Day, she had been haunted by the thought that she had done something terrible. Watching all the celebrations, looking at the faces of those who were laughing in joy or thanking her for what she'd done…all made her feel like a liar, garnering praise for a misdeed. A vague feeling of impending doom had pressed down upon her.
She had thought it was simply a left-over from the war, part of her PTSD making itself known in a new way. She'd fought so extremely hard for so long against a looming threat, that she couldn't let go of that, even with the threat abolished. As time passed, the feeling had lessened and then vanished altogether. Two hundred years now after the war…and nothing had happened. No mysterious doom had appeared from the unknown. No voice had come decrying her for her crimes. Nothing had happened.
Why now? In the last days…possibly the last hours of my life, now it suddenly starts making itself known? What cruel joke is this?
Liara was close at her side, of course, snaking a hand around her waist. It was not only for the closeness but also to steady her, to make sure her body didn't give up on her and send her collapsing.
Liara had always been there to steady her.
"Athena is strong enough. If she wanted to do us harm she could have," Del said.
"I know."
"I fought, Liara. I gave everything I had to keep this galaxy safe once. I did it for you, for my crew, for the children not yet born. Now those children are born, and they deserve to live their lives too. If…if there is a chance that what she said is true- that there is something equal to or even worse than the Reapers on the horizon- and that the key to revealing or even stopping that threat is locked in my head…"
"Del," Liara said thickly. "It could kill you. I am already losing you. Please…do not steal away what time we might have left."
"Tianlán," Shepard said softly. Turning, she put her hands on Liara's shoulders. "I love you. More than I ever thought possible. Every day that I've known you, that has only grown. I would do anything for you, for the girls."
"I know."
"I have to think of them. Irie, and Mel. Little Lily who can't even walk yet. The daughters you have not yet borne-"
"What? Shepard, without you I-"
"Li, you listen to me. You're still young. You're barely a matron. You have seven hundred years left of your life. The last thing I want is to think of you spending those alone-"
"I cannot discuss this. I cannot even entertain this right now," Liara said, shaking her head furiously as tears broke free, sliding down her cheeks.
Shepard nodded, lifting her hands to cup her bondmate's face, brushing the tears away. "Ok, love…ok. But you know as well as I do that if there is even a chance of that kind of threat against this galaxy again, then we need to act. If I can do anything to put a stop to it, I will."
Liara lowered her head with a sob, pulling Del close and burying her face against her shoulder. "I am not ready," she said thickly. "I am not ready to lose you."
Shepard just closed her eyes, and held her tight.
Little Lily had wakened bright-eyed from her nap, and was now laughing happily as her aunt held her close, spinning around and making her dizzy. When Mel spotted her parents entering the living room, however, her smile of mirth faded and she drew to a halt, holding the girl close. Almost immediately, Dae stepped up, taking Lily in her arms. "I will take her in to the study with her toys," she whispered.
As Dae left, Mel unconsciously stiffened, hands clasped behind her back. Irie rose from her spot on a nearby chair and stepped up next to her sister.
"You have discussed-" she began, but closed her mouth quickly when Liara fixed her with a look.
"I am not happy with either of you two," the older asari said. "You could not even consider warning us about all of this first? Your best idea was to simply ambush us with Athena herself?"
"Irie, why didn't you bring this to us the moment she started talking with you?" Del asked.
"That is my fault, not Irie's," Melara said, clearing her throat. "I told her not to mention anything to you until today-"
"Why?" Shepard asked. "You want us to trust you, to trust her, and yet you go about it like this? It is incredibly disrespectful."
"Yes, ma'am. Honestly…we thought you would refuse-"
"Refuse? If my children had come to me honestly and explained the situation like adults, you think I would have refused?"
"Del," Liara said softly, squeezing her shoulder. Her interruption wasn't because she disagreed with her bondmate's sentiments, but because Shepard was getting too upset.
Del fell silent, shifting away from Liara's side and sitting down in her chair. Liara watched her carefully, before looking at her daughters. "We both know you did what you thought was best at the time…and what is done is done. We can talk over foolish choices and reasoning later. For now, the situation is as it is. The decision is made."
"Bába is-"
"Yes. I'm going through with it," Shepard said grumpily from her chair. "If she really thinks there's something in my head that could protect or even warn us about something big on the horizon, then I have to take that chance."
Irie nodded slowly. Though she schooled it very well, Del did not miss the look of pain in her eyes. She knew what the risks were, very keenly. And she knew that she had upset her parents by her decision. Eroding even the tiniest amount of trust they had in her was something she never wanted to do, let alone in these circumstances, where she would not even have the chance to earn Del's back.
She had spoken with Athena at length, about her regret over what she had done to Melara, and to Liara. Irie had always been something of a sensitive soul, and she hated to see a creature suffering, in pain. For whatever choices she'd made in the past, Athena was suffering for them. That much could be seen. Athena had not disclosed the details of what she was seeking to Irie, and it was Irie's belief that she would not unless she had the chance to talk to Liara and Shepard in person. She had not even known it was a threat, at least…not a galactic one. Without being able to disclose any real information to her parents, being only able to offer the fact that Athena was apologetic and needed to talk to them, her fear that Del would have adamantly refused to speak with her was well-founded.
Only by getting Athena here, face to face with Liara, was at least a hint of the real threat exposed. Enough to get Del to agree to at least talking. Shepard cared nothing about simple reconciliation with Athena, not when the new Broker had threatened the lives of her family. With Irie unable to offer anything of substance, she would have refused.
And it is better this way? This threat truly is only her intuition, a line of logic following vague evidence that may or may not even be founded. If she is mistaken- or flat out lying for other reasons- bringing her here may have just robbed both Mama and Bába what time they have left together.
"I-I shall fetch her," she said softly, and slipped outside.
Sitting in her chair, her hand clasped tightly in Liara's and her head spinning, Del nodded off again. Vaguely she was aware of Melara and Liara speaking to each other, both emotional yet both trying their best not to argue or upset the other.
When Irie and Athena appeared at the door, Liara's hand slipped out of hers as she rose to her feet. The motion woke Shepard, and as she lifted her head and looked toward the two in the door, her dreamlike confusion could not work out who they were, nor could she make sense of her surroundings.
Mel, seeing the expression on her face, crouched at her side and touched her arm. "Bába, Irie and Athena are here now. You are at home."
Del looked at her, and her eyes seemed to clarify a bit as she relaxed. Yes. This was home.
Getting to her feet, Liara's tension palpable even in her fuzzy state, Del looked sternly toward Athena. "You touch any of my family…so much as look at them cross-eyed, and it will be the last thing you do, do you understand me?"
"Yes," Athena said. "It is not my wish to harm anyone, Shepard. I only hope to save lives-"
"That's rich, considering how many you've taken."
"It is because of how many I have taken that I hope to do this. We all must make our atonements in this life, Shepard. You know that as well as I."
Melara was standing stiffly nearby, her glare at Athena notably pointed though she said nothing. Athena was studiously avoiding her gaze. Given what had happened between them, Del was proud of her daughter for even remaining in the room.
"Let's just get this over with," Shepard told her.
"I will be as quick as is possible," Athena said, then gestured at Shepard's recliner. As Del sat down and laid back, she fought the immediate urge to close her eyes and fall asleep again. Liara knelt down at her side, clasping her hand and brushing her hair back from her forehead. Del looked at her, memorizing the already well-remembered features.
Athena had brought a small bag of equipment. As she prepared, she explained everything she planned on doing. "Hopefully I can just perform a few scans- isolate the proper nanites and then just copy their information wirelessly. Unfortunately, the chances that will be successful are incredibly slim.
Liara lifted Del's hand and kissed her knuckles. "You will be all right," she said softly.
Shepard gave her a weak, lopsided grin. "Hey, you know me."
"All right, I am ready for the first scan."
Shepard focused on her wife and on staying awake, while Athena passed the scan beam carefully over her head, then made a few adjustments. Time ticked slowly past as she repeated the procedure four more times, each second that passed one with which Del struggled heartily to remain awake.
Finally, Athena shook her head. "I have isolated the nanites I need, but as I feared, I am unable to take the information wirelessly. I must remove the nanites physically."
Liara's grip on her hand instantly tightened. To one side, Mel had slipped an arm around Irie's shoulders, doing her best to look stoic. After a moment, Irie broke away from her and went over to Shepard, kneeling beside her mother. "I love you, Bába. I am sorry that-"
"Hush, Nub. No need to be upset. Everything I lived through, a little needle isn't going to take me down now."
"But-"
"Hey, you listen to me." Her eyes shifted toward Melara. "Both of you. I love you, and I am extremely proud of you. No father the galaxy over could even dream of having two such amazing, wonderful daughters."
Tears filled Irie's eyes and she leaned over, kissing Del's cheek, before she sniffled and retreated. Mel moved forward, clearing her throat roughly before she bent and pressed her lips to Shepard's forehead. "It'll be nothing, Bába. Nothing to even be concerned over. You'll be just fine."
"Course I will," Shepard said. "No sweat."
When Mel straightened again, however, Del could see the carefully schooled tears in her own eyes, before she turned and walked over to Irie, whispering softly to her in comfort.
Athena's face was unreadable as she finished her preparations, and looked at Liara and Shepard. "I have managed to cluster the nanites just at the point where the optic nerve joins with the chiasma. I will try and be as gentle as possible."
"Just get it over with," Shepard said. "Today is for my family, not for you."
Athena stiffened a little, but nodded. "I will need you to look directly ahead and whatever you do, do not turn your eyes."
The nanites had to be extracted with an old-fashioned needle and syringe. Athena quickly sterilized the area around Del's left eye, then produced the syringe. "All right. Here we go."
Moving as gently as she could without being torturous at the same time, Athena slipped the point of the needle between Del's eye and the side of the socket. Del grimaced, struggling not to blink or move her eyes as her hand clasped tighter to Liara's. With every centimeter in the needle moved, the pain grew worse. It was as if her eye was being skewered slowly with a hot poker.
She could feel her heart speeding up in reaction, her breath growing taut. She clenched her teeth, staring studiously ahead as Liara bent and whispered in her ear.
"It is almost over. Just focus on me, Del. Concentrate on me and not the pain."
The needle slipped in deeper, a sensation that felt like miles though it was only a few millimeters at best. She was panting hard now through her clenched teeth, the urge to tear her head away from the invading pain almost impossible to resist.
Yet, resist she did, trying to keep her concentration on Liara's soft murmuring and not on the white-hot agony.
"I have reached the chiasma where the nanites are clustered." Athena said. "I'm removing them now. Just a few more seconds…"
She carefully drew back the plunger on the syringe, blood and fluid swirling into the ampoule. After she'd drawn out three ccs, she nodded. "Brace yourself."
She drew the needle out with one smooth motion. As soon as it was clear of her face Del let out a gasp of relief, immediately closing her eyes. The invasive white-hot pain had dulled to a red aching throb, and she could feel gathering warmth and wet behind her eyelid that quickly broke free, spilling down her cheek.
There, it's done, she thought distantly. Now she can leave.
Her breathing and the rush of her heart had gone distant and soft. Somewhere at the end of eternity, she vaguely felt something mop against her cheek. Liara's voice in her ear was a fading echo as she called her name.
Then she was lost, and everything was silence.
