AN: Thanks for the fans who really appreciate this story, you guys are awesome! More to come! Drop a review, graciasssss!
Chapter 12: Scorlett's Royal Nip-Slip
The following few weeks, Mustache racked with guilt, spent most of his nights separated, sitting in lonesome sorrow with fur in hand at the lonely café. Rhett appeared unaffected by the whole thing and Anne somehow managed to loose half her memories, therefore feeling no sadness. Life continued on for Rhett and Anne, they grew even closer without having interference in their love life due to Mustache and Rat Tails constant bickering. One night while Butthoarder slept and Anne snored loudly, Mustache decided it was time to get his happy back. He felt guilty beyond all repair until the soothing thought of one, desirable creature intervened. Yes, Marionberry, her luscious purple berries plump and taught, those flowing juices that never seemed to end, that dark mystery that surrounded the most amazing scent. Ahhh Marionberry, you haunt Mustache's very soul with lust and dare I say it...love?
The clock struck midnight after Anne and Rhett decided to sleep in separate bedrooms, on account of a roaring butt trumpet escaping from the tight cheeks of Butthoarder. He detached himself slowly and carefully, peeling his thick black furs away, hopped off the bed to the vanity which he hadn't visited since Rat Tails…incident. He checked himself out and fixed a few stray hairs, trimmed himself up nice and clean so that five o clock shadow look was gone. He looked good, dare I say, handsome and full of life once more, until a shimmer caught his attention out of the corner of his eye, a piece of Rat Tail, just laying there. Horror consumed Mustache, his heart raced and a sick feeling filled his mustachey tummy.
"Oh why god, why is this happening to me... I deserve to move on!"
He fell back off the vanity, dizzy and struck with terror.
"I deserve a better life!" He thought.
He was having doubts of going out tonight, until the scent of smoke and Marionberries filled the air.
He turned around to see Marionberry sitting there in the moonlight, her quellizaire stuck diagonally into her side, smoking a fine French woman's cigarette. She looked at him and his heart melted, this was the new chapter to his life. She was the one to ease his broken guilt stricken, not so inanimate, inanimate object heart. He slowly stood up and walked over to her, her crust layers were especially even tonight, she winked and he blushed. Mustache invited her to go on a romantic midnight stroll through the park, and she agreed, laying a big ole pie kiss on him, the purple stained his prickly hairs, and in that moment, he knew life could only get better from here. The pieces of pie in his stache later that night would be an indicator that they had quite the time together, and Mustache showed her all he got, dubbing him the New Lord Fenton of the face.
Marionberry and he spent a lot of time together after that, he was so happy, finally happy again and that's how he intended to keep it, let's just hope things work out for the two new lovers.
Scorlett O'Hara Butthoarder had earned a name as a badass in the county, after the whole ripping a baby out of some dyke's stomach incident, and was enjoying her new status as a badass and the O'Hara. She was seeing Lord Fenton regularly now, they made passionate, mind blowing sex every night since her return to Ballyhara and she loved every minute of it. Lord Fenton was the man, and the woodpecker, that she needed to console herself over the fact that the one buttchined man she had ever loved was married and boinking another closeted homosexual. It was simply too much to bear so she put all of her frustrated sexual tension into pleasing Lord Fenton with her…skills. To say it frankly, she was a lady on the streets and a freak in the bed.
One night, after some feverish lovemaking, Scorlett lay in Lord Fenton's strong, caring arms and sighed deeply…then let a wet one rip. Lord Fenton gave a chuckle and Scorlett acted like she didn't notice.
"Oh, Richard, I want to go on a trip somewhere, anyway, I just want to get away from here".
Lord Fenton nodded and reached for a cigarette and lit it with a match, popping it into his mouth and taking a long drag on it. Scorlett thought he looked like such a sex god.
"I know. I'm going to Dublin soon to meet the Viceroy of Ireland, no reason really, just felt like dressing up and showing off how strong my pimp hand has become since I last visited", Lord Fenton then took the cigarette out of his mouth and then burned it out onto Scorlett's nipple with a devilish smile.
Scorlett waggled her eyebrow and resisted the urge not to jump on him then and there.
"I'd love to go", she cooed, "as long as you give Mama a little more sugah".
Lord Fenton smirked and blew out the candle, giving Scorlett a purple-nurple as she giggled in delight.
Eleanor Butthoarder, wasn't getting any younger. Those massive meals she continued to make weren't filling anyone's tum-tum these days, except the trash's.
She treasured the fun times she had with Sally, making crocheted pictures and hand towels, cooking sausages and giving her advice in bed, but where was her own love life heading? Better yet, where had it been? Eleanor was a woman of mature years, much like that of Mrs. Fitzpatrick (but we'll get to her in a little while), she had so many lovers back when she was a hot young thang on the streets of Charleston. In her prime she satisfied 10 men at a time, and could make a man shiver with a single look, and a flash of those she-lumps strapped tightly in by an over the shoulder boulder holder push up made them nearly faint. Yes it was time once more, to create an in paper dating profile.
Name: Eleanor Butthoarder
Nick Name: Ellie Rompshaker
Age: I forget
Height: 5'4"
Weight: a couple buckets of sausage mhmmm
What you are looking for in a mate: I am looking for someone who shares the same love for sausages, and various breakfast foods. Someone who doesn't have a drinking problem, like I used to have, mhmmm and oh, my goodness, I would love to have a man with an appendage the size of my favorite black sausage! Mhmmm…yes. Other than that I don't care, someone full of spirit and who can keep up with me in the marital sorts, you know, the bedroom. Mhmm okay my mailing address is as follows. Thank youu. –Eleanor Butthoarder.
The following weeks mail flooded in, men of all types ages and freak numbers. Eleanor was so excited to start dating again, it was just a matter of who she chose first.
"Hmmm let's see here, how about a Donald Carter, age is 58 not bad. Ohh my, what about Stewart McDermont, age 26, says he's lookin' for a good time, well that sounds nice."
Sifting through she finally made a decision, and was to be on a date the following evening.
It was the day that Scorlett and Lord Fenton were off to meet the Viceroy of Ireland. Scorlett put on her fanciest dress (aka the most over-embellished piece of fabric she could find in her massive closet full of other over-embellished pieces of fabric.) Scorlett chose a low-cut, red dress, exposing her juicy fun-bags which she hoped would surely impress the Earl and the Viceroy, deciding sneakily that if he wanted a midnight romp she would oblige him.
Scorlett waited in the hall as the cheesy brass band began signaling her to start her strut into the room. She burst through the doors, her bug eyes blazing and her gremlin smile shining. Most people looked away from her, even though they were used to the dirty Irish and the bad-teethed British, Scorlett was almost too much for them to look at. An all together new type of beast.
She strutted down the furry, red carpet, her head high in the sky. She stopped just in front of the Viceroy and prepared for her dramatic curtsy. She swept down real low and then swooped up again, her eyes closed and her smile wide.
All of a sudden she felt a draft on her Yum-Yums and she looked down. Her left knocker was hanging out for all to see, Scorlett was horrified and then realized she couldn't move. A nip-slip, and at a place like this! Damn her luck!
The Viceroy's eye patch suddenly fell off and his eye and he became infected with the "Tex Avery Syndrome", along with various classic sound effects accompanying his retinas as they bulged out of his sockets.
Scorlett quickly covered her melons and ran out of the room sobbing. Lord Fenton ran up to the Viceroy to apologize for Scorlett, but the Viceroy drew him close and whispered in his ear, "When can she be made available?"
