Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.

A/N: Even though this story is rated M, I am reminding you that this chapter is rated M. You have been warned. Although they are tame scenes, compared to some stories, it's not even near smut level. I couldn't write smut even if I wanted. In case you didn't know, the italicized words are dreams or flashbacks.

I am taking the geography of the FF VII world into account, same as with the monster population. However, I am taking liberties with some of it, just for the sake of the story. The OCs that I have won't be main characters, just supporting characters if that much. Well that and just plain old fashioned cannon fodder.

A new favorite quote that I found, "Ask yourself this question: "Will this matter a year from now?""-Richard Carlson The quote right above the chapter title is also one of my new favorites.

I have had a busy week and I wanted to share a few things that I learned about myself, both new and old. It was kind of an epiphany moment for me. First off, there was something that I thought that I lost and that was my passion for what I love. Once we lose our passion, we lose ourselves. With everything that I have been through the last few years, my passion has wavered, but it never disappeared.

Then there is when I get kicked, I get back up. I knock myself down, I pick myself back up and when people try to push me away, I only fight harder to become the hard-ass bitch that I have to be so that I can survive and make sure that my children survive to grow up and be independent, productive members of society. Seasons come and go, years pass by and the only thing that stays constant is yourself and if you stand up and try your best, that is all you can do. When you make a mistake, look over the carnage and learn from that mistake. If you don't learn from your mistakes, then you won't learn anything out of life. If you stay true to yourself, don't bow, don't cower and don't give up, then you have succeeded where others have failed.

This was something that hit me earlier this afternoon when I thought that I had failed as a human being and began to hate myself. I laid down in a mess of my own making and thought how worthless I was. Then that is when it happened. My six year old daughter came in and smiled, followed by my youngest boy who came in with a hug for me. A flood of anger washed over me for giving up. Now, I am more determined than ever to be the person that I am not necessarily by nature, but who I have to be to raise my kids and do what is in the best interests of my family. Through all the threats of bill collectors, ultimatums of people who want to own who I am, pressure of being a single income, stress of being a mother and being a blindingly good friend to so many who love me for just being me, I will rise up and fight where others may want me to fail. One very important lesson my parents instilled in me when I was growing up was to be yourself and if people don't like you, fine, that is one less person to waste your time with and if they do like you, then that's even better.

I hope that everyone that reads this can love who they are and just be yourself. If you make a mistake, own up to it and ask for forgiveness, but don't compromise your own self worth. That is something that I struggle with and I know that many other people struggle everyday and I just wanted to say that it is important to know who you are and love yourself. I tell my kids and my autistic son everyday that he is exactly who he is supposed to be and not to let anyone tell him any different.

Sorry about rambling on, but I was excited about this and wanted to share it with everyone. I love you all and thank you for reading my attempts to tell a story that I feel passionate about. So how about we get on with the chapter? I do not have a beta, so forgive any mistakes and just enjoy them, I do!


"We learn wisdom from failure much more than success. We often discover what we will do, by finding what we will not do." –Samuel Smiles

To You I Give My Heart

Chapter 12

~ Are You Busy? ~

A little over a week after they left Conrad's, their trek brought them that much closer to their destination. They still had a long way and a hot, desolate expanse to cross, but until then, he stopped when he could to rest as much as he dared. Coming to another river that was not near as big as the first, Zack got lucky to find a shallow area to cross with the flow of water slow and lazy.

Enjoying the feel of the cool water, he took off his shoes and waded across the knee-high water barefoot, "You wanna try babe?" On the other side, he took off her boots as they sat on a partly submerged rock, "I don't think you'll mind getting your shorts wet, will you?" With a smile, he immersed her feet deeper when she reacted. Her toes twitched, almost like she was trying to wiggle them, "Oh, you like the cool water don't ya?"

Leaning her head on his chest, he couldn't see her face, but he wanted to believe that she was smiling. It wasn't too much to ask for, if only in his own mind. Leaning on his hands behind him, they lounged with her head comfortably and securely on his shoulder. The open sky was clear with small wisps of clouds that whipped around in varying shapes and sizes. Noticing two of the smaller ones, they almost looked like people and when they joined together to make a bigger one, he nudged Cloud, "Hey, what do you think? Maybe that's Gaia telling us that we belong together."

After a few more moments, he sighed, "Well I guess we need to get going. We can't camp here out in the open. Sooo… I think we'll try somewhere with more cover than nothing," Snorting out a laugh, he nudged her again and when he moved, that's when he saw her eyes were open.

Again, it was the same, the lost look that was all he got from her anymore. Intently, she looked at something, just nothing that he could see. Sweeping a few strands of hair from her face with gentle fingers, he kissed the soft sun-touched skin of her forehead, "Come on, we can't stay here, we got to find some other place."

Heading up-stream a bit, Zack found one last oasis before they got to desert-like land in the next day or two. Taking time to rest up and fill every bottle they had with water, he got them both bathed and cleaned their clothes. The next week or so would be difficult. Knowing next to nothing about this part of the world between here and Cosmo Canyon was not to their advantage. Optimistically he figured that if he walked fast enough, they could get there at least two days sooner, if nothing happened to slow them down.

After trying to get Cloud fed, Zack lay her down and just watched her sleep. Her beautiful eyes opened and she looked around but didn't focus on anything, then they closed again in slumber. It was a cycle that he figured out. Every night, around the same time, she would sleep, then first she would open her eyes for awhile and blankly stare. After she closed her eyes again, they would open again just a few minutes later. That was when her eyes moved around, looking at everything, but seeing nothing.

Zack had faith that deep down in her mind she was still there and fighting the good fight. With mako poisoning it was a gamble, obtaining proper and prompt medical care was essential.

Getting to the man who Conrad had told him to see, Bugenhagen, the thought of having her awake again got his heart jumping. He missed everything about her and not having that part of his heart was making his natural confidence waver and dent. That was something that he was known for and now, he was just part of a person anymore.

Although she opened her eyes more often during the day, it still dashed his hopes every time. Thinking that it was silly at first, he clung to the thought that she would see him again, just like the way she did at the first river that they had come to.

It was the end of her waking cycle so now she would sleep for the rest of the night, unless she had a nightmare. Moving several feet away, he sat on the other side of a tree, took a deep breath and looked up to the bright moon. In just a few days, it would be a full moon. Picking up a small stick, he drew pictures in the dirt, trying to get his mind off of the problems for a while. Just a moment, to collect his thoughts, he wanted to just sit and contemplate a possible solution. However, no matter how hard he tried, she was always on his mind.

Looking around the tree so he could see her, she lay still and peacefully resting. Moving back to the other side of the large tree, he sat back and leaned his head on the rough bark that made up the trunk. Groaning in frustration, he didn't want to do this, but he didn't not want to either.

Closing his eyes, he thought back to that day in the river. Her eyes opened, she did see him and she tried to communicate with him. Pushing aside that she was unresponsive most of the time, he moaned at the thought of her wet skin on his. The way it felt so… right.

Unable to stand it anymore, he reached his hand down to the waistband of his shorts and lowered the confining material down his hips a bit. Pretending for a moment, he kept his eyes closed and imagined her awake and embracing him. The cool water flowed around their heated bodies as she clawed at his back when he entered her. The tight hold of her legs around his waist and her firm thigh in his hand got a louder moan out of him. His other arm wrapped around her back as he moved within her and she rocked her hips in time with his. Together they created waves that lapped over the rocks on shore.

Making eye contact with her, he would lose it every time she looked at him in her intensity. It was like she wrapped him in her world, just with her eyes. Everything that made her beautiful. Pure joy. It was what happiness would be if you could roll yourself up in it and snuggle in the cushy euphoria forever. Every time they were together, in that instant, her moment, when she looked at him, he melted in her arms...

Sobbing broke him from his fantasy. Quickly tidying himself up, he went over when her hands clasp at her chest and stomach. With furrowed eyebrows, she grunted out a sob. When she stopped moving and inhaled harshly, she let loose a dynamic scream of what he thought might be fright. It caused him to wince at the volume, but then he noticed that she still clutched at her chest and stomach. Taking her wrists in his hands, he tried to get her to relax her strained arm muscles.

The crying fit didn't last much longer when she calmed and fell back into slumber. With a shy smile, he sat in a spot just a couple of feet away, "I guess I don't have to be embarrassed, huh? Hey, I hope you can't remember this so that you can laugh at me later. It's not like I do it all the time, but I'm still a guy you know," Situating himself back across from her and getting comfortable, he smiled as he blushed, "Since you couldn't help me, I needed to take things into my own hands… so to speak."

That was when he was reminded of something. Glancing over her small, frail and sleeping form, he couldn't help but smile…

"Kunsel, I know it's late... but I... I just thought that maybe we could watch a movie… I'll bring beer," Rolling his eyes, he listened to Kunsel's rejection to his desperate suggestion, "No… no it's fine," Looking at the shelves in front of him, he raised his eyebrows and finished, "Uh... I got something to do now anyway. Go have fun with Evelyn tonight, and remember, I want details!"

Closing his phone, he glanced around to make sure no one was around, as he looked over the items holding his interest. Picking one up, he tried to peek through the plastic to see just a little of what was inside. With a sighing grunt, he put it back and picked up a different one. Damn it was hard to choose which one he wanted if he couldn't see what he was buying.

"Don't you hate the plastic that covers those?"

Startling from the voice directly behind him, he juggled and caught the latest issue of 'Full Nude Busty Asian Beauties' that he still held. Swinging around, the red blush heated his face as he tried needlessly to hide the magazine behind his back, "Oh… yeah, that. Well my buddy sent me… Umm…"

With her hands clasped behind her, the deep ocean blue eyes smiled with her glistening lips, "You aren't fooling anyone."

Rubbing his neck nervously, he tossed the magazine back on the shelf. If it was possible, she had gotten prettier than she was two months ago. Her long silky blond hair was tied back to uniform regulation and her blue infantry uniform clung to her small curvy frame. The thought passed through his needy male brain, 'Screw that magazine, I got something far better in front of me.'

Clearing his throat, he tried to keep his voice from cracking from his nerves, "Oh, hey. I didn't see you there." A cringe worthy of the first place award for embarrassment, he thought to himself how stupid he sounded.

The smile never leaving her radiant face, her voice was full of amusement, "I didn't think you did," Without wasting a beat she added with raised eyebrows, "Am I interrupting anything?"

"Okay, I get it. You caught me-"

"-With your pants down?"

"Oh ha ha, you think you're a funny girl don't ya?"

Turning to walk down the aisle, she said over her shoulder with a smile, "I don't think. I know."

His feet moved, forcing him to follow her, "So what happened to you? I thought you were going to call me."

"You're not used to girls turning you down are you?"

Watching her profile as she picked out a soda, he fumbled over his words, "I, well… No. I mean that- What makes you say that?"

Walking down the candy aisle, she shrugged her shoulders, "Just a hunch."

Zack's eyes widened at the small assortment of candy she horded in her arms, "What's all this for?"

Looking down at his empty hands, she moved her expectant eyes from his hands to his bewildered face and then sounded exasperated when she asked, "Well?" Jerking his hands up, she began to fill them with her collection of various types of sweets. Grabbing a few other things, she stacked them on the top of what Zack already held, "Just to snack on," Getting another small handful of chewy candy and adding to the still growing pile in his arms, her eyes twinkled with another devastatingly striking shy smile, "I've got a bit of a sweet tooth."

This girl was so different from so many other girls. Not that he was bragging, but he was a good looking guy and he never really had problems picking girls up before. There were times that he used his looks and charms to get things that were normally out of his reach.

One particular time, he sweet talked the cantankerous older lady behind the reception desk into letting him into the General's office. Of course he was up to no good, but he had been dared to get into his desk and turn the drawer upside down and super glue the phone handset to the cradle. When the General opened his desk the next time, everything would fall out on the floor and his lap. Sure they were the oldest tricks in the book, but a dare was a dare. He could thank a fellow second class, and roommate, Dean, for those lame ideas.

But now, this girl held some sort of power that he had never encountered before, "Well, since you didn't call me, so I guess you're talking to me now because you lost the paper with my number on it?"

A light blush washed across her features, "Well, no. I just saw the opportunity to embarrass you and couldn't pass it up."

Turning up his charm meter, he tried again, "So, are you busy? You want to go get something to eat and maybe a drink?"

Paying for her purchases, she looked up at him and appeared hesitant, "…Now?"

With an eager nod, Zack confirmed, "Yeah, I'm not busy now… So if you're not busy, and I'm not busy, maybe we can be not busy together," With his signature suave smile, he thought 'Oh, that was a fantastic line! If she weren't right in front of me, I'd pat myself on the back.'

Searching his face, her deep piercing gaze studied him, "…Okay, I guess so."

"Great!" Reaching down, he took her bag and held the door open for her, "I know a great place. So Cloud, do you like to dance?"

Deciding to get some rest, he went back over, lay down and just enjoyed the feel of her in his arms. Now, as they lay together under the stars, listening to the sounds of crickets chirping, he held her close. The small breaths from her quiet lips warmed his neck as he tried to sleep, knowing that he had a long way to go still. It wasn't going to be an easy journey across the barren lands to Cosmo Canyon, but it was one he had to make anyway. Getting as much sleep and overall rest was needed for sure as he planned on getting an early start tomorrow. Cloud wasn't getting any better, and he feared that if he didn't get there soon, it would be too late.


A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, subscribes and/or reviews, I appreciate your time and I dedicate all of this to you. To quote another author, "Getting reviews makes me feel all warm and squishy."

Please send me your reviews if you want. It is really easy. Just click your arrow in the little box, write what you thought or felt about the chapter and then click right down there, just below the box. A little lower… a little to the right… yeah, right there! Click it! *grinning*