Pei figured that the first Espada she should torture would be Nnoitra (The Spoon). After all, he was responsible for her third degree burns. Maybe she should steal one of Szayel's fraccion/foods…
Szayel's fraccion foods tasted a lot like socks, Pei mused, fondly remembering the time when she had been introduced to the taste of socks (it was when she had bit someone on their foot). Wiping the last drop of purple from her chin with a long ribbon extruding from Akane Ayumu's hilt, Pei smirked to herself. Akane, needless to say was pissed. She swooshed from the katana with a burst of flame and loudly berated Pei for her decision. Pei sighed. Sometimes it was a drag to have a Zanpakuto so similar to her. It was a wonder how two such territorial demons could have ever survived their first encounter not counting the ones needed to train for Bankai and Shikai. Reluctantly, Pei offered Akane a part in her overcomplicated scheme. She had been hoping to be left alone for a while. It did get frustrating talking to yourself.
Demon number one and Demon number two as they had become known were busily plotting world destruction (it was purely fictional) when a certain eyeless fox intruded. Akane glared at Pei for inviting the little viper. Pei paid no attention to her judgmental Zanpakuto and offered Gin a seat.
"Now, we all know why we're here," Pei stated as she wiggled around on her mat until she got comfortable. There was a meaningful silence where you could see the well polished gears the evildoers' minds' turning. Within minutes, the council of the Demons had closed with a mutual plan.
Thirty minutes later…
Nnoitra was tied up by his feet with a length of secure iron chains to the ceiling of one of the many overdone domes in Aizen's palace. Akane, Pei, and Gin each sported a large bucked of spoons sharpened to a point for their throwing contest.
"Alrighty then; 500 if it goes through his hole, 400 if it hits his other eye, 300 if it goes in his mouth, 200 if it hits his you-know-what, 100 if it gets his ears, 50 for the nostrils, and 10 anywhere else," Akane happily sang. She was in her element. Evil, torture, and mass-scale destruction; what more could a Zanpakuto want (at which point Pei muttered sushi)?
Gin threw his first spoon. It sailed through Nnoitra's Hollow eye. Nnoitra glared at them all until the second spoon (courtesy of Pei) slammed into his…penis with the force of a steam train.
"FUCK YOU DIPSHITS! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!-"he shouted only to be interrupted as the third spoon (Akane) pierced his tongue.
Gin grinned like he had just won the lottery.
"Looks like I'm winning," he smirked. Unfortunately for him, Pei had extremely good aim and had only missed the Hollow hole for the hell of hitting him in the nuts. As Gin's second spoon sailed towards the Hollow eye, Pei's spoon knocked it out of the air and turned at the last moment to clunk painfully through Nnoitra's eye with a bit of help from Pei's reiastu. Gin pouted. Now he was losing by two hundred points.
"No manipulating your reiastu," he whined. Akane glared that the source of the irritating noise before she too threw her second spoon to nail the other eye of the poor spoon. Spoon twitched in agony as his many spoon throbs burned. Damn those brats. And just where the hell had Demon number one and Demon number two learned to combine some of their reiastu with their projectile weapons…I mean spoons? Now he had many bruises and numerous first degree burns.
"Let's question him now," Gin said as identical innocent smiles spread across the plotters' faces.
"Does the shopkeeper of the silverware store ever try to capture the first talking spoon in all of history when you walk in?" Pei asked. Nnoitra merely glared at her all the while silently cursing her in his head. Who knew what Demon number one would do to him if he said it out loud? Gin chucked his next spoon at the unfortunate Quintero Espada who failed miserably in dodging. Instead of slapping his normal eye like the fox had intended, it hit him full throttle on the nose. The walking spoon howled in pain. Just what he needed; it appeared that the demons had taught the fox how to combine reiastu with projectile weapons…spoons.
"Once," said Nnoitra, deciding that actually answering might spare him some misery.
"My turn; was your mother an overgrown mantis that ran away with a spoon?" Akane chimed in on psychologically torturing the spoon.
"NO! WHY THE FUCK-"Nnoitra spluttered as Gin threw some soap into his mouth. The three glanced at each other. One down, nine to go.
By the time Nnoitra made it out of the torture room, he had turned into a cross-dresser.
A/N: Wondering how the hell we are updating? My mom got me a new laptop and I sent all of story files on there so now I can update during my vacation. It won't be as often as usual 'cause we're really busy with scuba diving and shit. Bye!
-Pei
Parody Thingy:
Harribel: Care to explain why Nnoitra is cross-dressing? *crosses arms angrily*
Gin, Akane, and Pei: *stares at each other and giggles*
Gin: Oops, I guess she caught us!
Pei: Originally, I had been hoping to spare her.
Akane: That however, is no longer an option.
Gin: Shoot to death, Shinsou!
Akane: Burn them all!
Pei: Hadou 54: Haien!
We apologize to all Harribel fans. It was totally necessary and not at all overdone.
