Chapter 12
Angelica seated herself beside the elegant grand piano and watched as Philip sat down on the bench. Little James attempted to climb up next to his older brother but failed, his small arms flailing as he fell to the ground. Angie came and sat beside Philip, and the elder sibling began to move his fingers over the keys. He created a breathtaking melody, the notes soaring high before falling low and soft. Angie played a lower harmony next to him, and together they formed a magnificent song. Angelica was still amazed at their ability to create such amazing music from scratch, and she still enjoyed every second of the new songs they composed. As Philip finished, he slid off of the bench, turning to face his aunt.
"Thank you, Angelica," Philip said quietly. He was well-spoken and mature, and he always addressed Angelica as if they were both adults. Angie hopped off the bench after him, smiling widely at the older Angelica.
"Philip and I are going to play piano together when we grow up! And, Alex is going to sing for us and James play the tambourine," she announced, gesturing proudly to the other two siblings making their way to the piano. Angelica lips stretched into a grin as Alex and James smiled at their future band positions.
"We're even gonna go to France and play, because Philip can speak French," Alex stepped in front of the group and pronounced this new information, and Philip's cheeks warmed a little it.
"Can you, Philip?" questioned Angelica.
"Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf," Philip responded, singing the numbers like a song. Angelica heard a voice joining in from the other room, and turned to see Eliza floating in from the hallway, singing the numbers with Philip. Angelica almost joined in as a third voice, but watching their faces, she realized it was a special mother and son thing between the two of them.
"He needs to get a tutor to properly learn the language, but for now I'm satisfied with this," Eliza said, nodding to Philip. Angelica pushed down the thoughts bubbling up at the word satisfied- it only brought back memories of a day she hoped to soon forget.
"Alexander is fluent, I believe?" Angelica remembered this bit of information just in time to add it to the conversation, and Eliza nodded. Philip smiled proudly, and Angelica knew he wanted to learn the language so he could be like his father.
"Mama, Philip! There's a letter from Daddy!" Alex cried, interrupting their talk. Angelica smiled sadly and let the family congregate around the newly arrived letter. Eliza read it out loud to the children, and they laughed in delight at the words.
"Angel, I'm worried," Angelica heard her sister's voice behind her and turned, putting down the brush she had been using to untangle her curly hair. Eliza was standing in the doorway, holding the letter from Alexander.
"What is it, Eliza?" she stepped to her sister and gave her a hug, before pulling her down to sit on the bed.
"It's Alex. He… there's something wrong with his letter. It's rushed, and there are mistakes, and I just don't know…" she trailed off, and Angelica pulled her closer, taking the letter and fingering it gently. She didn't read the words, and instead looked in her sister's eyes and smiled.
"Eliza, he's probably just worried about Jefferson and his plan. He's under a lot of stress," Angelica said, brushing her sister's hair out of her face.
"I guess so… " Eliza hugged her sister, then took the letter and stood up,"Thank you, Angelica. You don't know how much you coming here means to me," Angelica watched her sister's eyes soften, and Angelica smiled back at her. Then, turning from her, Eliza quietly left the room, letter in hand. As she left, Angelica spun to face the wall, not wanting Eliza to know that she was nervous about Alexander too. He always has words on his side. Why is he writing differently now?
"Auntie Angelica! We're going back to Daddy today!" Angie cried out, her small voice echoing throughout the house. Angelica swept down the stairs, bag in hand, and walked to the source of the voice. She gave Angie a hug, then stepped behind her, searching for the rest of the children. She located them in the living room, fighting over a shoe.
"Philip! Alex! James!" she called. Philip snapped to attention, taking his eyes off of his siblings' fight. Alex turned around, exasperated, the coveted shoe clearly not in his hand. James, on the other hand, turned triumphantly to face his aunt, shoe in hand,"I'm leaving today, and after we visit your father I won't be seeing you for a while," Angelica felt the underlying pain in her words, but tried to keep it under control. She watched Philip's eyes, perceptive as his fathers, searching her face for a break in the emotional wall she had built. London… Angelica stepped towards the children, engulfing the two younger boys in a tight embrace. Then, turning to Philip, she took a deep breath and whispered something in his ear. The boy nodded, and the two of them stepped into a small parlor beside the living room.
"Angelica, do you love my father?" Philip's voice was small, but he was staring intently at his aunt. Angelica felt shame creeping into her, but she pushed it back down and tried to keep her breathing under control.
"I— I do. In a sisterly way," Angelica said quickly. And it was true- she loved him like a brother. But… there was a small part of her… a part that she had twisted and pushed deep inside herself and smothered with lies. A small part that yearned for the day he had connected his lips to hers and she hadn't felt regret.
"I think… I think my mother loves you very much. And so does my father," Philip spoke, each word calculated. Angelica felt a pang in her side- Eliza. The innocent victim who gave out more love than she had ever received. Slowly, she knelt down and looked directly into Philip's eyes.
"Philip, you must know… I would never do anything to hurt your mother. And… your father, I—" Philip cut her off.
"Angelica, it's okay. I know," Angelica watched his eyes, and she knew he was being truthful. He understood, as much as a nine-year old could understand love. Angelica pulled him into one more tight hug, then turned and walked briskly out. She blocked out the small thoughts of Alexander and Philip slithering into her mind, and instead focused on leaving the Schuyler Mansion. She didn't want to say goodbye to Eliza- or any of them for the matter. But she had to. John was expecting her in London, as he wrote in his incredibly plain-written letters to her. They were nothing like the web of words woven when Alexander wrote. But she must not compare the two- one was decidedly off limits. Angelica walked to the front hall, her bag growing heavier with each step.
"Eliza, the coach has arrived. I'm to leave in a minute," Angelica's words fell flat as she desperately tried to convey how she wanted to stay. Eliza smiled sympathetically, pulling her sister into her arms. The older sister felt her calm demeanor fall to the ground and began sobbing, her shoulders shaking against her sister's. Eliza just held her, and Angelica felt what she had just days before grasped so solidly slip away from her into the afternoon air.
"Here, please," Angelica said, trying to keep her voice from faltering. The driver stopped the coach and let her out, his eyes clearly amazed at the size of the Hamilton house. Angelica stepped onto the gravel path, her legs shaking as she made her way up to the door. She knocked twice, then leaned back against the wall, setting her suitcase down. Exhaustion from the past few months was creeping into her, and she felt dizzy inside. A few moments later, Alexander answered the door, his long hair disheveled and his eyes darting around dangerously. When he saw Angelica, he drew a short breath before relaxing and pulling the door all the way open.
"Oh, hi, Angelica," he spoke quickly and nervously, and Angelica felt suspicion growing in the pit of her stomach.
"Um, Alexander, I just came to say goodbye. I am sailing off to London. Today," Angelica's tone matched his in nervousness. Just as before, she didn't want to go to London. The three months of summer in Albany had been heavenly, but now she knew she had to return to reality.
"Okay, goodbye then…?" Alexander was searching for what to say, but he couldn't quite find the words. Angelica watched him flounder. It was quite a sight- the man who had wrapped language around his finger struggling to speak to his sister-in-law.
"Goodbye Alexander. Be good to Eliza," Angelica said quietly, and she turned from the door. Saying goodbye seemed to be the only thing she was doing lately. Alexander shut the door, and she slowly walked back out to the coach, trying not to think of London and John.
