==Warnings: Depictions of alcohol abuse, prescription medication abuse, marijuana use, non-consensual sex, date-rape, panic attacks, depression and thoughts of suicide. If any of these are triggers, please do not read.==
They spent the day organizing the library that he still felt uneasy in. It was always Sam's domain, being the brain of the family. Cas though paused every time a book caught his attention, which was practically every one. He could see that this was the place that Cas would probably spend his time. The concept of lying low and taking your time was foreign to the guy. Cas wanted to find a way to help the angels back into heaven, and possibly restore his grace.
All he wanted to do was gank Metatron purely on the grounds of taking Cas's grace. There was the other banishing all the angels to Earth thing too, but mostly for what he did to Cas. The guy had played on Cas's need to redeem himself, to do the right thing and turned it on him. That alone made him a douchbag, but taking his grace? That he equated as basically gutting his friend, and you hurt one of his family, he'll chase you to the ends of existence.
At the moment, they had no leads to follow. Their best hope had lied with Kevin translating the angel tablet. Anything that's on the tablet Metatron would know since he wrote the thing though. He was thinking it might be better to try to find another way to deal with him, and that meant scouring the files and books here in the bunker. There might not be much since something like this has never happened, but if they have to make their own ritual then so be it. Granted, he had no idea on how to do that, but if there was a will there was a way.
"This collection the Men of Letters have is extensive. I doubt that any other library had this wealth of material, not since the fall of the Library in Alexandria." Cas remarked paging over yet another book.
He looked up from the shelf he placed the latest book on, "you were there?"
Cas didn't look up, "no, but it was a loss for humanity that day. The library then was more than just a repository of knowledge; it was a center of learning. Once the original was burned, it never regained its imminence."
"Well, Sam said that there are thousands of years of knowledge here, and then there is the vault to in the back. We haven't had a chance to really look at everything." He walked over to the table and picked up another book.
"It is remarkable that you and Sam are legacies of the Men of Letters. Even I did not know of this detail of your family history."
"Were they known to heaven?"
Cas looked up aimlessly in thought, human mannerisms were beginning to make itself apparent now. "It's possible, but if we did, then I never knew about it. I was relatively low on the hierarchy."
Putting the book away, he came back to the table and plopped himself into a chair interested. Cas never talked about what it was like in heaven, but there were some things he was curious about. "So how did you get dealt the job of finding me?"
"I wasn't." Cas supplied putting another book away before setting himself down at the table as well. It was mostly cleared and the ones that were on here were ones they wanted to read. "It is better described that I found you purely by accident. Though I attributed it to divine intervention, still do in fact."
That's interesting. "Weren't you the leader of a garrison? I always thought it was your mission to find me."
Cas sighed but looked like he was reliving a memory. "Yes, I was before I was reeducated. It was our purpose to guard the flank of the other garrisons as the archangels were supposed to locate you. The demons put up a greater resistance than we anticipated and broke some of our lines. I became separated and found you by chance."
"Hmph, a chance meeting in Hell. Suppose that's one way to meet." He mused. "Well, everything is sorted for now. I was thinking we head out later to the store."
Cas looked at him with a hint of fear of going outside or being left alone. There wasn't a choice in this matter, either Cas stays or comes. "Now I don't want to leave you here by yourself so it would be great if you came with Cas. 'Sides, I need to see what fits on you. We'll go way later though, when there isn't much of a crowd."
Looking somewhat ok with that plan, Cas nodded. "I would prefer that. Thank you."
"Cool…in the meantime you're gonna hit the books then?" Cas nodded and opened the one closest to him. "I'm gonna go clean the weapons, it's been a while since they've been serviced." Walking away, he went to retrieve the weapons. He planned to clean them on the other end from Cas since there wasn't a work bench in the range. It was mostly because he wanted to keep an eye on the guy though.
The library contained a book an virtually every subject he could think of, and there was still the files and vault he had to explore. It was easy to see why Sam loved it here, this was more suited to his tastes. And it was also the reason why Dean avoided it until now, because it reminded him of Sam. There were times when Dean would mention Sam casually, and other times when he couldn't. Dean was still processing his grief about the loss of his brother. He was too in his own way. Sam was the more empathetic Winchester, easier to talk despite his imposing physical stature. Dean and Sam balanced each other out, and now Dean was coping with the new reality, just as much as he was.
Perhaps he should go outside and pay respects to Sam at his grave. Dean only mentioned in passing that Sam was buried close by. He thought that burying the body is a hazard, but it is impossible for Dean to do so. To do that would be to admit Sam was never coming back. Granted, they had all survived death numerous times, each one of those times was a miracle. There was possibility yes, but it was highly unlikely.
Several hours later after he tired of reading and Dean finished cleaning all the weapons, Dean showed him how to use the computer. He was using the internet to browse the news and research sites bookmarked on there. It became obvious that this was Sam's laptop because all the sites were all academic. He wanted to ask Dean why but Dean just simply said to take care of it because it was his now before he could. Not wanting to force Dean to explain why, he accepted the gift. This was far more complicated than the cell phone he had previously. Now he needed a new one, since he couldn't hear prayers or zap anywhere now.
Reading articles about the 'freak' meteor shower, he found that once again the world at large remained blissfully ignorant on what was truly happening. Since he encountered an angel after the fall, he knew they retained their strength and powers to a degree. It appeared that they were keeping a low profile as well. Being suddenly banished to earth must have been a shock to many. They must be trying to figure out how to get back home…or find him. The one thing the fall appears to have curtailed was their ability to fly. Thus his only defense was to outrun them if he encountered one. As long as Dean and the Impala were nearby, he was relatively safe.
Some hours later Dean declared it was time to go. Heading to the shower room, he found that he did indeed needed to now use the restroom facilities. This was something he had been dreading, but keeping in mind what he was told, he relaxed and let it pass. There was still a little bit of blood, but he was going to shower next to clean himself fully. Repeating what he had done before, he was presented on a stool a pair of jeans and t-shirt. They smelled of Dean so it was obvious he was lending him his clothes again. Part of him wished not to go shopping for clothes for himself, he liked wearing Dean's clothes.
It was an hours ride to the nearest shopping center and before they went shopping, they stopped at a diner. His appetite was something he had been getting used to since becoming human, since the incident though, he only ate when he absolutely needed to. However, the diner was filled with delicious smells that made his mouth water. It was also mostly vacant since it was a late hour. There were just them and the staff apparently. Dean seemed pleased with himself for bringing him here, and was delighted to find they had pie.
"You're going to love pie Cas, it's the best thing ever. Period." Dean told him gleefully over the burger he was eating.
"Because you have an almost fanatical desire to consume pie does not mean I will enjoy it Dean." he replied over his club sandwich. "This sandwich is good. I like the tomatoes in it."
"Oh god, don't be a rabbit food eater like Sam." Dean said worriedly.
"I plan to eat healthy Dean, now that I am mortal I have maintain this body. Also, tomatoes are good for you, especially for men and their prostates." Taking another bite of the sandwich, he looked over at Dean.
"Dude, don't ever discuss prostates at the dinner table. If you want to eat like a rabbit, fine, but I'll have some real man food thank you."
"Wasn't there a case where you suffered a heart attack when you were aged drastically?" he asked casually.
"Shaddup Cas! It was a witches spell ok? I'm fit and healthy now, so can we drop the health talk Dr. Oz?" Dean retorted before stuffing his face with his overly stuffed burger with bacon.
"Very well Dean. Though I did clean your arteries when I healed you last so please be careful. I want you to live a long life."
"Thanks man." Dean said with a full mouth. The waiter came over to check on them and took an order for two pies. "So we're just going to shop for some clothes, food and a TV. You're not going to fall asleep to Star Wars next time Cas."
"I couldn't help myself, your bed was comfortable and you were warm."
Dean panicked a bit, "Cas! Don't say shit like that in public. They'll think we're gay or something."
He frowned, "oh, I'm sorry Dean."
Sighing, Dean smiled a little at him. "It's ok, lets just say what happens in my room stays in my room."
"Uh…here's your pie sir." Dean froze.
"Thank you." he replied since Dean was turning a bright shade of red and not facing the waiter. Once the plates were down, the waiter seemed to hurry away. Picking up the plate, he looked at the pie, which was a pecan pie. Taking a bit, at first he found it overly sweet but the nutty flavor and texture balanced it out. Humming in pleasure, he looked at Dean, who was watching him intently. "This is good. I think I like pie."
Unfreezing himself, Dean smiled though he still had a red tint to his cheeks. "Awesome. There's so many different kinds of pie too Cas. Just wait until we hit the road, I know some great places for pie man." Picking up his own fork, Dean cut off a slice for himself. "Mmmm, this is good homemade pie." He rubbed his belly, "it hits the spot every time."
He arched his eyebrow, "'hits the spot'? I do not understand, the only thing it's hitting is the acid in your stomach for digestion."
Dean rolled his eyes, "it's a saying Cas, just means it makes you feel good."
"Oh. Then yes, this indeed does hit the spot." He finished his pie sooner than Dean did. "Can I have another?"
"You lecture me about eating healthy and you want a second helping? That's rich Cas. Sure, why not, and have it 'a la mode' this time. It's better with ice cream." Dean smirked.
Calling the waiter over, he asked if he could have another with ice cream. Nodding, the waiter left back in a hurry and was back in under five minutes with the pie. Setting it down in front of him, he used a spoon to scoop some of the ice cream and pie. Dean was right, this was much better, the creaminess added to deliciousness of the pie.
"You want some Dean?" He asked since Dean was looking at him eat it. Dean looked at him and he read in his eyes that he did. Using the spoon he used, he got the pie and ice cream and leaned over to Dean so he can take it in his mouth directly. Dean took it though and smacked his lips to get a drop of melted ice cream. He continued using the same spoon to feed them both and he thought he heard an 'aw' from the kitchen. So did Dean who blushed again and told him to eat the rest himself.
After the diner, they went to large store to buy clothes and food. It was a mega-center apparently, and they could do all the shopping in one place. Since it was now late in the evening, it was mostly deserted. He could handle small groups of people he figured, as long as he kept their distance. They stopped at the clothing section first. Dean was mollified since he was going 'commando' so they bought boxer briefs, then undershirts. The pants were easier and Dean let him choose what henleys and over shirts he wanted.
They also had to get him a jacket, but they only got one since Dean had a couple back the bunker. Dean expressed his sadness that his iconic coat was thrown away. To him, it was just a coat, though he was fond of it as well. Why Dean was more sorry about its loss than he was, he did not understand. Shoes were next since he was wearing Dean's since they were the same size. A pair of durable hunting boots and sneakers. They finished his wardrobe with miscellaneous things like socks and other personal care products. Dean said he could keep the sweats.
Deeming clothe shopping done, Dean efficiently went through the grocery section. He did request some more fruits and Dean indulged him. When they came to the frozen food isle he say that they had frozen pies. However, Dean refused to buy them since they were not in fact 'homemade'. Frowning, he failed to see the difference but followed Dean's advice. It was about an hour they spent in the store before heading back.
He helped Dean unpack everything, but his clothes he placed on his bed. Opening the underwear he slipped one on before putting on the sweats since he was feeling tired. They were going to sleep in the same bed together again, and the prospect made him both anxious and happy. The good out of this arrangement though heavily outweighed his trepidation though.
Walking into Dean's room, he saw Dean was already there changing into his own sleep wear. Turning around, Dean looked as nervous as he was, but he motioned his arm to his bed. Quietly, they set themselves up on opposite ends, not touching like before, but close enough to feel their body heat. Dean had his back to him and turned off the light.
"Night Cas."
"Good night Dean." He replied. He wanted to reach out and touch him, but he would not intrude on his personal space. After e few moments, he tried to find a position he liked, but he couldn't find one. Lying on his back, he just stared at the ceiling until he heard Dean move. He felt Dean's hand wrap around his own and he immediately relaxed. It was only a few moments before he entered the realm of sleep.
