Warnings: mentions of self-harm, self-loathing.
Disclaimer: All rights to Rick Riordan. I own nothing, but the plot.
Themes of self-harm, anxiety, and depression are expressed within this story. TRIGGER WARNING! Please do NOT read if these themes upset you. TRIGGER WARNING!
Criticism is appreciated, but please no hate. Please review and leave me suggestions! Enjoy!
Will's POV:
Will was having a bad day. First, he woken up to find his patient missing. Second, he spent the day searching for said patient, not knowing if Nico was injured, or worse, dead. Third, his search for Nico was interrupted by a bad archery injury which required his expertise. Needless to say, when Jason told him to leave Nico to him, and to get his own medical supplies, Will was a little pissed off. He stormed down to the infirmary. He grabbed a sedative, to relax Nico, and some other medical equipment. He wrapped his stethoscope around his neck and grabbed his medical bag. He jogged back to Nico's cabin. He walked up the stairs to find Jason pounding on Nico's door. Uh oh. Nico had barricaded himself in his cabin. Will cursed and Jason locked eyes with him. Will could hear Nico crying through the door.
"What. Did. You. Say?" Will asked in a scary calm voice. Jason looked stressed and worried.
"We were talking about his personal life and he... he just stormed into his cabin, and locked the door. I can't get it open."
"What about his personal life, Jason? I need to know what triggered him," Jason looked terrified.
"Will, I can't tell you. It's Nico's business and he would kill me if he knew I told you..."
"I don't care Jason! If you don't tell me, it could kill Nico, or he could kill himself!" The last four words rang out. The two boys were silent as the full impact of the words sunk in.
"Will, I can't, I made a promise!"
"And I made a promise to heal Nico and you are making that difficult!" Will said forcefully. Jason was rendered speechless. "Fine, don't tell me. Just get out of here. Nico is obviously done talking to you, but maybe, just maybe he will talk to me."
Jason opened his mouth to protest, then must have thought better of it because he walked away. Will dropped his bag and put his hand to door.
"Nico," he said, using low tones. "Please open up. I am not going to question you or judge you, please, I just want to help. I just want to know that you are okay." His head leaned against the door. The sobs started lessening as if listening to Will's words. Will continued murmuring encouragements for Nico to open the door.
Eventually, after the sun had set, Will heard tentative footsteps. He heard the unlocking of the lock. Will put his hand to the door handle and slowly turned it. The door slowly opened. Will grabbed his bag and pushed his way into the room.
The room was dark and Will could barely see the outline of Nico against his black covers. He shut the door behind him. He snapped his fingers and Greek Fire, contained in torches, flared up around the room. Nico's face was lit up with a greenish glow. He flinched from the light and tried to bury himself in his covers.
Will had caught a glimpse of his face. It was streaked with tears and he had bags under his eyes. He looked unnaturally pale and his skin looked gaunt as a result of his refusal to eat. Will slowly walked over to where the son of Hades was buried under the covers. He knelt down and pulled the covers back. Nico's face was in his pillows. Will tentatively put his hand on Nico's back. Nico flinched away, but Will did not move his hand.
Eventually, Nico turned his face from out of the pillow. He carefully sat up. Will didn't move, not wanting to frighten the boy. Nico reached out to Will, seeking comfort. Will took Nico's hands. He felt a razor grasped in one of his hands. With a sigh, he removed the razor and put it in his bag. Will retook his hands to feel how much residual darkness was left. Will almost jumped at the amount Nico had in him. It was way worse than it had been the night before. Will shut his eyes and began concentrating on every piece of healing magic he knew. He heard Nico gasp as Will's hands lit up. He coaxed the darkness out of Nico and into his own hands. He kept his focus until almost all the darkness was out of Nico. He then took the darkness that he had received and squeezed his eyes. He felt the blessing of Apollo as the darkness evaporated, overpowered by the sunlight from within Will and lent by his father. Will and Nico both relaxed as the darkness was expelled.
Will felt exhausted, though he could feel relief pulsating through Nico's body. Will wrapped his arms around the boy, offering comfort. As Nico began to become more alert, the pain inside him lessening, he realized his place. He started pushing away from Will. Will had enough strength to hold him back, but not for long. Nico flinched and fought harder. He managed to keep Nico in place as he grabbed the sedative. He took it and plunged it into Nico's arm. Nico gasped.
"No... Will..." He started falling back into Will's chest.
Will watched Nico's eyes as the sedative took effect. Nico's eyes held a betrayed look as he gained eye contact with Will. Will held him as he sunk out of consciousness. His eyes slid shut and Will relaxed. He let Nico's head fall back onto his shoulder. He slowly slid Nico off him and back into his bed.
He grabbed his bag and started taking supplies out. He removed Nico's jacket and shirt. All his injuries were healing, though Nico still needed some more unicorn draught and ambrosia which he wouldn't be able to take until he had food. He turned Nico over to look at his back. Same story. He took out his stethoscope and started listening to Nico breathe. It was steady. Will looked at Nico's werewolf claw marks. They were healing quite well with the stitches. To prevent them from getting tampered with, Will wrapped a fluffy, white bandage around Nico's arm. He secured it and looked at Nico's wrist. Nico had not etched any more scars thankfully, but Will still had to check his legs. Will pulled Nico's shirt back onto him. Will removed Nico's pants and examined his legs. All his cuts and bruises still needed some unicorn draught. Will looked at Nico's thighs. No new cuts either. He pulled Nico's pants back onto him. He tucked Nico under the covers. He started Nico on an IV to last him until morning. Will then crawled over to an empty bed and collapsed from exhaustion.
Will groaned as he woke up. He felt groggy and the sun still wasn't up yet. He glanced at his watch 12:30pm. What? He checked again. Yep, it was already noon the next day. Will usually woke up with the sun. Will shot up and over to the window. He opened the curtains and sunlight spilled into the room. He heard Nico groan and bury himself deeper into the covers. Will chuckled to himself and turned towards the son of Hades. He knelt so he was eye level where he thought Nico's eyes were.
"Nico, wake up,"
"Hmmmmm"
"Nico."
"Hmmphmm"
"Good morning Death Boy!"
"Domm camm mem thmm"
"Death Boy!" Nico's onyx eyes popped open right in front of Will's blue ones. They held eye contact for a moment before Nico's fluttered away. Nico groaned and started to sit up.
"This isn't the infirmary; why are you in my cabin?" Nico didn't remember what had happened the night before.
"Well, you were hiding out on your roof and when you came down..." Will tried to phrase the next bit as delicately as he could. "You had some memories come back and you reacted badly towards them..." Nico's eyes widened as he recalled the previous day. He pushed the covers back and leaned against the bed frame. He wrapped his arms around his knees.
"Oh... Now I remember." Nico flushed in embarrassment. Will rushed to reassure him.
"Nico, it's okay. You just had a bad memory come up. Considering what you have been through, you handled it quite well. It's okay to need help and to let it all out. There's nothing wrong with that-" he was interrupted.
"Oh great, thanks, Will, I'm fine though now. You can leave." Will wasn't leaving that easily.
"I'm leaving, but you are coming too. We are going to get lunch at the dining pavilion." Nico scowled. Will scowled right back.
"No way I can get out of this?" Nico asked.
Will shook his head. "Nope. Now, go get dressed."
Nico ducked in the bathroom to change and get freshened up. Will prayed that he didn't look like absolute crap. He finger-brushed his hair. Nico came out of the bathroom in his usual black attire. He was missing his aviator jacket though. In its place was a black hoodie. Will pushed open the door to the Hades cabin. He walked out into the sunlight, happy to get some fresh air. Making sure Nico was following him, he set off towards the dining pavilion. He passed by Connor Stoll who was tied with some vines as he had tried to steal a Demeter's girls' wallet. Lou Ellen was playing with her pet piglets that Will really hoped weren't campers. A pegasus was dragging around a Hephaestus kid. Just another normal day at camp. They arrived at the dining pavilion. Nico sat at his table, trying to blend in with the shadows. Before Will could even chose a seat, he was beckoned to the head table by Chiron.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Solace. We needed you in the infirmary last night."
"Yes, I know, I'm sorry, I was with Nico in-"
"Yes, in his cabin. As you know it is against camp rules for two campers who don't have the same parent to be... alone in a cabin-"
"Oh my gods, I was healing him and watching over him in the night, nothing like that happened!" Will could feel the heat rising off of his face.
"Okay, Mr. Solace. If you need to watch over him, make sure you run it by me first."
Will sulked off. He started muttering under his breath about stupid horse-men. He reached the Hades table to find a whole swarm of people around Nico. The rule about sitting with your cabin had kind of disappeared as nobody followed it anymore. The six from the quest and Reyna were at the Hades table. They were interacting with Nico and including him, but he was still trying not to be noticed. Will observed that Nico was merely pushing the food around on his plate, not eating anything. Will knew for a fact that it had been a day since Nico had eaten. He sat down next to Nico.
"Nico, I really need you to eat. You haven't eaten in days and your body needs the nutrition." Reyna, sitting closest to Will, had enough tact to get the attention off Nico. Nico scowled and continued pushing the food around on his plate.
"Nico, you can't just not eat," Will tried again, but he was ignored. Nico was looking down at his lap. Will was about done with Nico's attitude. "Nico, look at me," Nico's eyes slid up to lock with Will's. "I know you don't want to, but you are eating. Whether you feed yourself or I do is up to you, and I am not afraid to play doctor right here."
Nico saw how serious Will was being and started to shove food in his mouth. Once Nico had finished half his plate, he pushed it away, saying he was done. Will sighed, but let it pass. Jason said something about sword training and invited Nico. Will intervened before Nico could do something stupid like try to train after almost fading away.
"No, Nico will not be doing any sword training. He is still recovering and I doubt he is strong enough right now-" Nico interrupted him.
"I am plenty strong enough, Solace, don't tell me what I can or can't do!"
"I will tell you what to do for as long as you continue to do things detrimental to your health. You end up hurting yourself doing them! You don't seem to care enough to take care of yourself, so I have to do it!" The two were glaring daggers at each other and Will could feel the tension. An oncoming storm was brewing in the son of Hades.
"Maybe I don't want you to care. I don't want your help! I hate you and your stupid doctoring of me. You act like you completely understand me, but you don't. You don't get anything. You are a horrible healer who can't save anyone. You can't fix anything. I certainly do not need you trying to fix me. So just leave me alone!" The words hung in the air as silence fell over the table. The full impact of the words hit Will. His face hardened, as he tried not to let his hurt show.
"Fine, I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll just leave you alone to take care of yourself and use my useless healing skills somewhere else. I guess you didn't appreciate me saving your life!" As he spoke, he pushed himself away the table and stood. He started to walk away, but had one more thing to say. With a shaking finger, he bent down so he was right in Nico's face so only the son of Hades would hear him. "I could have let you die, I could have let you fade away. I could have let you make those scars deeper, but I didn't. I stopped you because I cared. You should think about how the things you say hurt the people that care about you. You push people away. Maybe that's why you feel so alone." He let his hand drop and stood back up.
He curtly nodded to the others, sent daggers at Nico and stormed out of the pavilion. He noticed the other campers watching the action at the Hades table with bated breath. He shot glares at all of them and they hastily turned back to their conversation. Will got clear of the eyes of the campers, and he felt the impact of Nico's words. He knew he shouldn't get upset. Nico had just said that because he was frustrated. He didn't mean any of that. Or did he? Did he really think Will was a terrible healer and that he couldn't fix anything? That hit a sore spot for Will. Will was unbelievably insecure about his abilities. Too many people had been lost under Will's watch. He hadn't been able to save them. While all of his siblings, Chiron, and even his father had countlessly told him that it wasn't his fault, and the people were beyond help, the guilt was still there for Will. He blamed himself for their deaths. On occasion, he had nightmares about those lost who blamed him for everything. Nico was right. He couldn't save anyone. Because of his incompetence, good people had died.
He hadn't noticed which direction he was walking during his escape from the pavilion and he found himself in the woods. He decided to climb a tree to wait out all the guilt crashing down around him. He pulled himself up and rested with his back against the trunk, feet sprawled across the branch. He took deep breaths as he tried to get his thoughts under control. He had to try to assure himself that it wasn't his fault. His fault. All his fault. His tears worsened and he started sobbing into his hands, praying that those he had lost would forgive him for failing to save them.
