"Fluctuate"

We'd gotten off our horses sometime the next day as we made our way up a hill, slowly. The last thing we needed was to get ambushed by enemies, so we remained cautious. I kept my footsteps as silent as possible as I followed close behind.

I didn't know the full reason why he'd done what he did at the time, because my stupid ass didn't think to ask anyone else. It was because he was vulnerable to binding. That was all. I refused to let myself feel anything as I fiddled with the wound on my arm, causing a few jolts of pain to come up to my shoulder. I winced, looking up just in time to see anger make it's way to Cole's face.

It wasn't directed at me, no. He was looking at a man with an odd looking wrap on his head. His mustache was curled slightly as he walked up to get a look at us.

"You..." Cole's voice sounded just as angry as he looked, which startled me greatly. I'd never heard him get angry before. It was just... "You killed me!" I could hear the anguish in his voice as he appeared in front of the man and looked like he was about to punch him.

My eyes were wide as I stared out at the scene before me. Was he –

"You forgot. You locked me in the dungeon in the Spire, and you forgot, and I died in the dark!"

My breath hitched and I ran forward alongside the others. I wanted to run up to him to try and calm him down, tell him it was alright. But … my feet seemed to freeze before I could.

"Cole, stop!" Solas called as we ran up to him. I listened to Solas and Varric try to calm Cole down, but he was having none of it.

"He killed me! He killed me and I have to kill him back!" He reasoned, his voice raised as he pointed in the direction the man had scrambled off to. Had he? Had the real Cole been killed by that man? He was the reason he was here, like this. He.. My lips thinned as I watched them speak to one another. It's not my place to butt in. This was their discussion.

I stood there, silently taking in all of this. Who Cole was. How he came to be, as he'd come out of the Fade to help the real Cole. The apostate Cole. It was kind of confusing, to be honest. But I could see why he was angry. I could understand.

"Let me kill him... I need to. I... need to.." I'd never heard Cole with that tone of voice before and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. But Varric had turned around and I heard Lynn and Solas talking about whether or not they should even let him kill the man. I furrowed my brow. Why were they discussing this without him? Didn't he have any say in this?

"Come on, you can't just forgive someone like that for killing you." Varric reasoned.

"You don't... but a spirit can." Solas was absolute on his decision. And they continued their debate, back and forth. Until it was Lynn's decision on what to do. The elf looked torn, not knowing how to even answer. I don't know why, but something about this just … it pissed me off.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I growled in disbelief from my place not far away. I gained their attention, "You're just sitting here. Talking to eachother about his decision? This should be his choice, not yours. He's not some child that you can control!" I yelled, my brown eyes alight with fury. Even though I wasn't even sure if we were friends anymore, I was still fiercely protective of him. I didn't know why.

"Not control. But if diverted from his original purpose – "

"Fuck off, Solas. This isn't your decision to make!" I seethed.

I saw Varric nod in my peripheral as he walked over to Cole. Eventually they made their way around the brush. Solas looked furious.

"Do you realize what you've just done?" He turned toward me, disappointment clearly on his features. Lynn stood between us as I glowered at him.

"What I've done was treat him like a living, breathing person. Someone with emotions, just like you or I!"

"Cole is a spirit!"

"Not anymore." I hissed, "If you couldn't tell, he was in pain. Do spirits feel pain? You said so yourself, spirits embody emotion. Cole is different."

Solas looked down at me with a sneer, "Naive girl, he could become twisted – "

"How about I twist something else!?" I roared, lunging toward him. I fully intended to beat the shit out of him. His eyes widened in surprise as he took a step back. Before I could get to him, though, Lynn wrapped her arms around me and held me back.

"Stop it! Arguing will get us nowhere! What's done is done." I tried to pull her off a few times before I gave up. For a spindly elf, she was rather strong.

We were silent for awhile, but with tensions running high between Solas and I. It was inevitable, really.

"Ah, I see." The elven man sighed, realization dawning on his face. "You must have feelings for the boy. You'd be so selfish as to let it cloud your decisions? Even at the cost of his life?"

I was about to jump him, but was held back by Lynn again. This time, however, I was trying to push by her with much more force than last time. My hands shook as I tried to push myself away from her, but her grip was stronger than mine.

"What are you implying?!" I yelled, my rage was back and my hands were twitching with the urge to hit the man in front of me.

"He is a Spirit of Compassion, it wouldn't be hard to manipulate him-" Solas was cut off when I spat at him, seeing it land at his feet and completely missing. The bald elf looked rather repulsed by me at the moment, his mouth open slightly as he gazed at my angry face. I can't believe he would even imply that I would use Cole! What kind of sick person does he think I am!? The thought itself disgusted me, so I lashed out once more.

"You seem awfully well versed, Solas. Ever used someone to get something you needed?" I sneered. I'd only meant to agitate him further, but I saw his gaze turn flat and he turned away. I must have hit home, because he'd signaled the end of the argument.

"I'm done here." Was his only reply as he turned around to walk back to our horses down the hill. My body was still tensed, but eventually I backed away and saw Lynn. She was staring at me with complete disappointment clearly in her eyes, a small frown etched on her usually bright face.

I had gone too far, hadn't I? My angered expression remained but I could feel my face twitch as I felt shame fill my body. I didn't regret that I'd stood up to Solas, but … perhaps I could have handled it better.

Then again, Solas had been egging me on as well. I wasn't completely at fault. I sighed and kicked the dirt, a frown on my face.


After they'd come back, we made our trek back to Skyhold. Though, we didn't make it all the way since it had gotten too dark to go on any further. We'd all settled on making camp for the night. Lynn had told us, Solas and I, that she was disappointed in us both and had expected better. Neither of us apologized for our actions, to eachother that is. I apologized to Lynn for being an asshat, but said that I didn't regret my words to Solas. Solas had said something similar and we'd just glared at eachother.

The moon was out, shining brightly down on our little camp. The small fire in the middle flickered and illuminated our faces as we stared into it.

"Why does it hurt? Why won't it stop hurting?" I heard Cole ask for the second time since we'd made camp. Varric was sitting nearby, trying to offer comfort. I squeezed my eyes shut, wondering if I'd done the right thing. I only wanted to protect his right to have a choice. His choice.

"Look, kid. It'll be alright, I promise." Varric was looking up at him from under his hat. I flicked my gaze over toward Solas, who was looking at me with a scowl on his face. The expression he was giving me just then practically screamed, 'This is your fault.'

I shook my head, letting out a growl and standing up. I stalked out of the camp and toward where we'd tied up the horses. They were not too far away from camp, but enough to where I was able to get away from the light the fire emitted. Far enough away so that I couldn't hear them talking.

I stood next to the massive animals for awhile, attempting to calm my mind. The torrent of emotions I was feeling at the moment. I couldn't let them get the better of me. Resentment. Anger. Regret. Had I done the wrong thing? Had I just hurt my friend? …. Were we even considered friends anymore...? That last thought made me stumble, eyes widened with grief.

I gritted my teeth and shuffled away from the mammals, standing a distance away by a tree. I stared at them as they tried to sleep, tails flicking back and forth.

I heard footsteps approaching as I stared at the ground, grass swaying to and fro as the wind pushed them. My eyes had adjusted and I could now see everything as it was bathed in the moonlight. It was better out here. Thin leather clad legs made their way into my vision, causing me to turn my gaze up. I was met with the view of Cole as he stared down at me through his blonde locks. Regret coursed through me and I clenched my hands into fists. It was my fault he was hurt.

"Are you alright, Cole?" I asked softly as I frowned. He wasn't much taller than me, but tall enough so that I could look up and see his face from underneath his hat.

"Are you?" He'd countered, voice sounding much different now. It was almost like it had more inflection. Not as even and composed, like usual. My responding chuckle sounded desolate, even to me.

"I don't even know." I answered honestly. Was I alright? I thought I was handling my entrance to this world just fine, but it seems not. I had a horrible habit of pushing away my problems until they turned into bigger problems. Now I've ended up dragging poor Cole into this.

"I didn't want to … but I ended up hurting you anyway." My friend murmured from in front of me.

"I hurt you, too, you know."

"You … protected me." His body shifted a little closer, causing me look up at his face again. "We're still friends. Aren't we?"

"That'd be up to you." I could feel the dull ache inching it's way into my body as I remembered what had happened back at Skyhold.

"Yes. I ran and hid. I didn't want to hurt you. You're … important to me." It seemed like it had just dawned on him. I smothered a whimper as I lowered my head to look at the ground. My rusty waves fell in front of my face, blocking my expression. I felt stupid. Stupid for doubting him, now. I didn't stop to think about how he might have seen it and why he did what he did. I felt like a shitty friend, really. I'd just instantly assumed and made an ass out of myself in the process. It seems I tend to do that a lot.

I knew I couldn't hide my expression, and I didn't really want him to see it. My vision blurred and my body started to tremble as I held back a sob. And now I've hurt him, because of the decision earlier today. Something happened, I'm not sure what, but he has been in pain since then. This was too much. It's been far too long since I'd actually let myself cry. And it had to be here. Now, this is kind of embarrassing.

I don't know why I was crying. He said we were still friends, I was relieved. Happy, even. But...

"Lyn..?" He questioned, sounding concerned. I broke down as silently as I could, hating every minute of it. Words seemed to come out of my mouth like word vomit.

"S-Shouldn't friends … help eachother?" My breathing hitched, "I-I only wanted to help. Protect your right to make a- a choice. I'm a shitty friend! All I've done is hurt you."

"You did what you thought was right." Cole replied silently and I almost couldn't hear him. Even though I was part of the reason for this predicament. He still found it in him to listen without judging. Still offer his friendship and show me the kindness I didn't feel I deserved.

As greedy as it was, I fully accepted the comfort he was offering with his words. My body didn't seem to want to listen to my brain and sought more. I ended up acting purely based on my emotions. Which was unlike me, really. I stumbled forward and pressed my face into his chest, the soft fabric of his shirt pressing against my cheek.

I awkwardly clutched his shirt with my hands. It was kind of like a hug, I guess. It'd been a long time since I'd done this, as well. I was still but a child when I'd last hugged someone. But it felt nice. Good. I let the tears flow, body shaking as I let my emotions release.

Cole was silent, his posture stiff and unsure as I felt his hands gently rest on my shoulders. Shaking. I don't think he knew what to do either as he pulled me closer, if at all possible. His head rested on top of my own, in my hair. I bit my lip, feeling my wound start to bleed again.

Was this why people hugged eachother all of the time? Whether they were happy or sad. I always saw people cling to their friends, family, lovers. I could never understand what it meant, since I'd stopped doing such simple things long ago. But I could see, now. All of the negative feelings seemed to ebb away, ever so slowly as we stood there and clutched onto eachother. It was a simple gesture, really. But it seemed to aid in a multitude of things.

We stayed like this for minutes, awkwardly holding eachother. Once my tears stopped and my body finally ceased it's shaking, I slowly tried to detach myself. Though his hands seemed to be cemented onto my shoulders, keeping me in place as I was pressed against him. Cole made a small sound of objection at my wanting to pull away, but I placed my hand in front of me on his chest.

"It's okay.." His grip loosened and I looked up at him. Even in the dim light that the moon had offered, I saw his somber expression as he stared down at me.

That was different. I'd seen a few emotions flick across his face before, but I don't remember ever seeing him sad like this. The way his eyes looked, filled with … something. I'm not sure, maybe guilt? He must have picked up on my emotions. Felt them, even. I felt awful. I'd forgotten how sensitive he was to other people's pain and here I was sobbing on his chest. Stupid!

"I'm … really sorry, Cole." I apologized, voice finally without any cracks or pain. I saw his brows knit together in concentration and his eyes flicked around as if examining me more closely. His hand rose up to my face and he brushed the bottom of my lip with his thumb, thin fingers caressing the side of my jaw.

"Me too." He replied lowly. I felt a small sting, from where my lip had busted open. But that was at the back of my mind as I stared up into his blue eyes. We just stood there, gazes locked. It felt like my body froze and I couldn't move at all.

For reasons completely unknown to me, my heart sped up and thumped against my rib cage almost painfully. It wanted to beat it's way out of my chest. My stomach did these weird flips. My brown eyes widened in alarm at these new sensations. Why? Why –

I stood there, battling with myself on the inside about what I should do. This wasn't right, the feelings I was having right now. This was a whole new can of worms that should not be opened. Not now. Maybe not ever. A choked gasp could be heard from my right, breaking me out of my daze. My head snapped in the direction of the noise and I spotted the slim form of Lynn.

"O-oh. I'm sorry. I just. I-I..." She stumbled on her words and started to fidget clumsily. "M-making sure... you were alright... guys... heh." Lynn chuckled awkwardly as her big grey eyes darted around on anything but the scene before her. My mind instantly conjured up an image of what we must have looked like and my face was set aflame. It was, no doubt, as red as the first car that I'd bought. (Which was dead, by the way. Remember?) But perhaps they wouldn't be able to tell in such poor lighting?

I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what to even say to the elf as she looked toward camp, probably looking for a way out without making things even more awkward than it already was.

"Perhaps it is time to sleep, yes?" I coughed, holding my hand up to my lips. Starting to feel the after effects of whiplash that my emotions had just given me minutes ago.

"Y-yes. Right." She turned around and stumbled around a bit before making her way around the trees and into the camp. I sighed in relief. I certainly hope no juicy gossip would be floating around Skyhold anytime soon.

"You're tired." Cole commented, looking down at me. When I returned his gaze, I could see that his face was composed again. He was different. I don't know how, but … before this. I couldn't pinpoint what it was, but his eyes held something different. Foreign to me.

"Are you tired? Wait... wrong question. You don't sleep, right?" I looked off toward the camp, making my way there lazily. I saw him nod in my peripheral, but he otherwise stayed silent. He seemed lost in thought. When we finally entered camp, the fire had been fed and was slightly larger than when I'd left. Varric was seated out by the fire and I didn't see anyone else out. He must have had first watch, then. I waved and trudged toward my tent.

Third Person

Everything hurt. That's what Cole thought, after what happened back with the Templar that killed him. Killed the real Cole. He was still angry at the Templar, but Varric had said killing him wouldn't help. It was like the world had shifted from underneath him, making him see things in a new light. It was more vivid, now. A sharp contrast to what it had been before, like he'd just been simply existing. But now it was like … he was more real. More him.

Instead of reaching out and listening to others almost instinctively, it was like his own thoughts and feelings were louder. More prominent. He'd tried to listen to Solas, Lynn, and Varric – but they seemed quieter. Like it was dulled. It was similar to how Lyn had been before this.

Lyn, however, it seemed he couldn't hear her at all. Almost like she made no ripples, anymore. The stillness had scared him, at first, like stagnant water. Dead. But when he'd been walking beside her on the way to set up camp he could hear her again. She was there. Still hurting. Still alive. He'd watched her as she looked at Solas, scowled, then got up and left.

That was when he followed her, intending to find out why she was still hurting.

When Cole had gotten there, he'd moved a bit closer so that he could get a better read on her. Lyn was still in pain over the conversation they'd had up on the Templar tower. She hated herself because she thought she hurt him.'All my fault' 'Are we even still friends?'

The last thought made him go still, she'd thought they weren't friends anymore? Was that why she was acting the way she was?

Then what surprised him even more, was when she'd started to cry. He had seen her eyes water before, but it was like the girl refused to let them fall. Ever. But right at that moment, he saw them roll down her cheeks. One by one, as she pushed herself against him and sobbed.

He could feel the relief she'd felt, but what had got him was the fact that she was hurting so much that she actually broke down. Cole was confused, he hadn't intended to hurt her. Quite the contrary, actually, he hadn't wanted to end up killing her if he were to be controlled. But he ended up causing her pain anyway, which only served to upset him. The emotions he'd seen in others before were now bubbling over in him. His own. He felt his own sadness and grief. Regret, for not explaining things to her first before running off. Also relief for knowing that they still stood on good terms, they were still friends. It was overwhelming and he almost didn't know what to do about it.


Which brings him to the present, as he sat at the fire with Varric. Cole was stuck in his own thoughts this time, instead of listening to others. No. His were much louder now. They demanded his attention. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"So... what had Her Inquisitorialness all flustered when you guys got back?" Varric asked as he leaned forward with a smirk. Cole's gaze fixed on him from across the fire, small flames flickered in front of his vision. "Don't tell me she walked in while you guys were having a moment."

Cole tilted his head, thinking about his answer. A moment? He wasn't sure what Varric meant by that, but tried to explain the best he could.

"I was afraid. I didn't want to hurt her, but I did anyway. I ran away, back at Skyhold. She thought we weren't friends anymore."

"Oh..." Varric seemed to deflate, almost like he'd been expecting something else. "Was that why Screech has been acting weird? Damn near got herself killed by Tiny. I heard she snapped at Chuckles, too. Didn't hear all the details, but jeez. Can tell they're pretty pissed at eachother, that's something I won't willingly involve myself in."

"When I held her, thoughts were clearer. Not muddled. Silent. Like they are now. This world scares her and she doesn't want to die. Her friends make it easier." Cole nods, his gaze turning away from Varric and on the flames before him.

"Yeah … I'm just now coming to terms with Screech's story – wait. Held?" His smirk was back as the dwarf leaned forward.

First Person

I silently listened to them talk just outside of my tent, my eyes closed and breathing slowing down. I really had to shake off the feeling I had just minutes ago, trying to make myself forget it. I knew that it would only cause more problems than it's worth, really. I knew that. Feelings always made things more difficult and seemed to just get in the way. Sometimes they even ruined friendships.

My eyes snapped open at the thought and I felt dread creeping up onto me. I didn't want to lose my closest friend because of some stupid crush I had. I used to watch people all the time, as creepy as that sounds. I know. But people would develop a friendship with one another and everything would be completely fine. Then, one would develop feelings for the other and would end up confessing. Eventually, though, their friendship would be left in tatters. They'd drift apart and become strangers to one another, as a result.

I don't want that. Never. I won't let it happen. I lay there and glared at the top of my tent, small flickers of light coming in from the flap at the front. I pulled my blankets over my head and squeezed my eyes shut. Stupid. Why did this have to happen to me?


We made it back to Skyhold before noon that day. On our way there, Solas and I had been exchanging glares the whole time. Well, maybe not the whole time. But every time we caught one other's eyes we'd both frown and look away. It seems that relationship had been spoiled. Not that I mourned the loss of anything, really. He was a royal prick.

During the times when I wasn't scowling at the back of Solas' bald head, I was trying to keep my mind off of the night before. It really scared me, it did. I fully intended to try and keep my little secret under wraps.

I stared at the cloudy sky, searching for the sun. It would occasionally peek through the clouds and the wind was starting to pick up. I silently wondered why whenever there was a blizzard, Skyhold never seemed to be bothered. Did they have magic around the walls that protected it from the weather conditions? A thought for another time, then.

The horse swayed beneath me as we ambled across the bridge toward Skyhold's gates, hooves clicking on the stone. Cassandra was standing at the entrance with a hand on her hip, a serious expression on her face. Then again, I never saw the Seeker ever without that look. It seemed to be her default setting. I dismounted and brought the my horse over to a post and tied her to it. Everyone else in the party followed suit and I started to work my magic. Working with horses, that is. Not actual magic.

"There's someone that needs your attention. In the prison, Inquisitor." Cassandra reported as I started to unsaddle the horses. I listened and worked at the same time.

"What is it, Cassandra? Is something wrong?" The elf had asked, curious. She was taking some of her stuff off of the saddle and setting them aside.

"No … it's just. A girl came into Skyhold with some of the merchants and she appears to be wearing the same clothing as Lyn." The Seeker explained, making my body freeze. What? I looked over, eyes wide.

"What do you mean?" I asked, astonished. "There's no way anyone … it's not possible." I murmured, brows knitting in thought. Would it be? I mean, I got here right? Unless someone else found a way through from my world. What did that mean for us, then? If more people from my world started to come through and into this world, it wouldn't mean anything good.

"You both speak in the same manner, as well." Her face was straight as she examined my reactions. I assumed she would accuse me of being a spy of some sort or point her sword in my face, but she did no such thing. She simply stood there with the same look on her face as before.

"I'm not sure I like this... wh-what if Corypheus found a way to get to my world? What if this girl is -" I was starting to panic, hands shaking. Gods what have I done? But I was promptly cut off by the Inquisitor.

"Lyn, calm down. We need to go see who it is, first." Lynn tried to placate me, holding her thin hand up to me but not making contact. "It might just be a coincidence, yeah?"

"If he f-finds a way..." I couldn't even begin as I thought of what it would be like if he somehow gained that power.

"She had this." Cassandra pulled something out of her pouch and held it up. It looked like a piece of glass for a second, as the sun glinted over the top and I could see a faint reflection of the Seeker's hand. But upon closer inspection...It was an iPhone.