A/N: Hello and welcome back to the story about Kurt and his insecurities and Blaine and his people-pleasing mind. You know the one where Nick and Blaine are fighting, Kurt lives with his aunt, and they kissed on New Year's Eve?

In an early chapter I promised I wouldn't do this story the predictable way and I hope I haven't dissapointed you too much, but I feel like I have to a bit with this chapter. To me it seems quite obvious and I just hope it won't make you lose interest in the story or make you quit it. There are so many of you follow it (nearly 160!) and I'm starting to feel the pressure a bit...

The song used for this chapter is Cover My Eyes by La Roux, which was actually one of the songs I originally listened to when I first thought of this story.

Enjoy the update!


Chapter twelve: Cover my eyes


January 1.

Kurt

A hangover was something new to Kurt Hummel. But then again, who ever gets used to those except maybe alcoholics and Santana Lopez?

With a groan Kurt finally got to a point where he could sit in his bed without it hurting too badly if he didn't sway too much. After a couple of minutes he was convinced he had it under control. That was until his aunt opened the door and the smell of waffles reached his nose.

"Kurt are you-?" was all she managed to get out before he'd stormed past her and into their shared bathroom in the hallway. "Just a little bit, huh?" she said quoting what he'd told her the night before, her voice full of sarcasm, as she held his oversized sleeping shirt away from the toilet as her nephew heaved.

"Shut up," he groaned and spat into the toilet. "Just give me a towel or something."

When he joined her in the kitchen after taking a shower and getting dressed, he was feeling a bit better. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and sat down, knowing the interrogation could start any moment.

"So how was your night?" Katherine asked, as she put a stack of only slightly burned waffles on the table. Kurt actually felt proud knowing six months previous she never would had tried cooking anything in fear of having to call the fire department. Baby steps, he thought, and scooped a waffle onto his plate.

"Uh," Kurt hesitated. His night had started out really good. Jeff and Nick had been super nice to him, let him sit with the group, let him have some? most? of their wine... oh yeah - the wine. And then there had been something fruity but with a bitter aftertaste, and soda with something in it, and more wine - no wonder his head hurt. But what else had he done besides drink and probably make a fool of himself?

After a second it hit him.

Blaine.

Oh dear god – Blaine! Kurt suddenly felt dizzy again. They'd kissed the night before. They'd left together hadn't they? No wait, he'd called Katherine to get him, so they hadn't left together, but... stars? And definitely kissing.

"Kurt?" his aunt prompted with a smile as she took a sip of her coffee.

"It was okay," Kurt got out and then quickly took a bite to avoid saying anything else. What had he done.


January 9.

Blaine

"I'm still sorry," Kurt said for the hundredth time, and just like every time he'd said it before it felt like a stab to Blaine's heart. Okay, you're sorry, stop rubbing it in my face.

"I know, stop worrying about it," Blaine said in a rush, and if it came out snappy it wasn't really meant to be. But after Kurt had given him a ten minute speech about how sorry he was on their first day back, how completely out of place he'd been and for it to please not change anything, Blaine felt a little snappy, to be honest. He'd been shocked to say the least. To him the kisses they'd shared New Year's Eve had meant something, but after hearing Kurt apologize a thousand times, he wasn't going to state his true feelings only to be disappointed and possibly even loose Kurt as a friend. "Do you like this t-shirt?" he asked in an attempt to change the subject.

They were at the local Gap on one of Kurt's this-is-not-weird-please-don't-let-it-be-weird-tri ps and honestly Blaine just really wanted to go home. They'd been shopping all morning and he was getting tired. And maybe it was the idea of not being able to lean in and kiss a pout away on Kurt's lips when he saw the price tag that wore him out, but Blaine wasn't going to say that.

"I think I saw it in red on a table not long ago. Red is much more your color than green. I'll just go back and see if I can find it," Kurt said, not even waiting for an answer before he walked back to where they'd been looking previously.

Blaine let out a frustrated sigh. How was he suppose to act normal when all he wanted was to push Kurt against the wall until he listened? Maybe while he was there Blaine would kiss him as if it were the most natural thing to do. And Kurt would smile into it just like he'd done that night. The night Kurt regretted, Blaine thought with a sigh.

"Blaine. Blaine!" Kurt whisper shouted from somewhere beside him. Blaine shook himself out of his thoughts and looked to his friend. But Kurt was not looking at Blaine. "Don't look, but there's a guy at three o'clock checking you out," Kurt whispered almost as if he was in shock that someone would.

Blaine didn't want someone checking him out. He wanted Kurt to look right into his eyes and tell him he meant something more than a drunken kiss to him. But Blaine wasn't going to make a scene at the Gap, so he dutifully looked casually to his left to see that there in fact was a guy checking him out. He looked like he might be a couple of years older than Blaine, his hair blond and curl. Blaine appreciated the guy's strong jawline, and he was attractive, but...

"He looks nice," Kurt said quietly beside him. "I approve of his look. Very hippie-meets-sophisticated-boy-scout," he then added, making Blaine laugh.

"I guess he does," Blaine said with a smile. He sneaked another look at the blonde before looking back to the t-shirts on the table.

"Go talk to him," Kurt prompted with a shove to his shoulder. Blaine froze. He didn't want to talk to him. Why would he? He looked into Kurt's eyes, and though his smile was subtle and his words unnecessary quiet, he still seemed sincere. Maybe talking to the blonde was what it took for things to stop being weird. They hadn't had a single conversation without Kurt apologizing for a week and Blaine could remember more than one of said conversation ending in awkward silence. Maybe what Kurt needed was a reassurance that nothing had changed, that Blaine didn't feel anything he couldn't reciprocate.

Blaine was going crazy with them being awkward around each other. He wanted Kurt as his boyfriend, wanted him for sweet kisses and secret jokes, but apparently the universe wouldn't let him, and he had to settle for next best: things being the way they were before.

"Okay. What should I say?"


January 21.

Blaine

"You've never had Oreos – you're kidding, right?" Blaine asked in disbelief, as his date shook his head and laughed. His date. Second date. Second date with Jeremiah from the Gap. Jeremiah who was funny, intelligent and who had said no thanks to Blaine buying him a cookie and instead asked for English tea. In Blaine's eyes it didn't get more sophisticated than that. But... he was still just Jeremiah and not who Blaine really wanted to sit across from.

And honestly, talking and setting up dates with Jeremiah had done nothing good for his relationship with Kurt. Now they barely even talked. Blaine was so confused by the mixed signals he was getting, which led him to asking Jeremiah out again. It was simple, easy to focus on, and it had seemed to be what Kurt had wanted that day at the Gap – for Blaine to find someone else to focus on.

"I've had cookies that looked like them. I used to eat these Swedish ones with jam in them. Not quite the same, but they were very much a part of my childhood," Jeremiah explained, but Blaine was having a hard time caring. Okay, so Swedish cookies... big deal.

"I used to eat pop tarts almost every day when I was a kid," Blaine told him. For a second he thought he saw Jeremiah chuckling.

"I never had pop tarts – always felt like eating sand to me," he said with a shrug and another sip of his tea with no sugar and cream. Blaine only drank tea when he was sick, and then only with at least two spoonfuls of sugar in it. The guy before him was practically alien.

"I always thought eating kidney beans was like putting sand in your mouth," Blaine smiled and took a bite of the cookie he'd gone ahead and ordered anyway.

"Really? My family are all vegetarians, so naturally we eat a lot of beans."

Well, weren't they just the perfect match.


January 24.

Kurt

Once again Kurt was biting his nails.

He'd tried his best not to. In an attempt to distract himself he'd cleaned his room. Cleaned the living room. Made dinner. Lit candles all over the apartment. But nothing seemed to work.

Finally he'd given up and curled up on the couch with Breakfast at Tiffany's playing on the TV. He couldn't concentrate on the movie though. His mind kept going back to thoughts that made his heart scream in pain, kept replaying the night that made his toes curl and tears well up in his eyes. An image of Blaine with that stupid smile on his face. Those stupid kisses he'd placed on Blaine's lips and then that stupid guy.

"Kurt, are you there?" his aunt called from the hallway, as she loudly made her way into the apartment. He didn't even bother to answer her. "Wow. Are we out of power or something?" she wondered as she walked into the living room, putting her purse on the kitchen table.

"No, there's power," he muttered distractedly, pointing towards the TV as an evidence.

"All right," she said slowly. "You cooked?"

"No, the elves did it," Kurt replied impatiently. Couldn't she just leave him alone?

"No need to get snappy," she said. When she got no response she stopped what she was doing in the kitchen to look at her nephew. "Is something wrong?"

No answer.

"Is it... something at school?" she tried slowly. No reaction. "Kurt, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he sighed, but he wasn't looking at her as he said it.

"Is everything all right with your friends?" Kurt knew she meant his old friends from McKinley, since he'd never told her about the group he'd become a part of at Dalton.

"Nothing's wrong, I said."

"You just look so sad," she said, as she sat down on the other side of the couch. She turned the sound off the TV and looked at her nephew. Then after a long pause she tried once more. "Is it about a... girl?"

"What?" he asked in chock.

"...a guy? Kurt, I don't even know!" she cried at the disgusted look on his face.

"You don't know?! What does that even mean?"

"Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry. But you never actually told me," she defended herself.

"I shouldn't have to tell you! I came out to everyone nearly a year ago – it's your own fault if you didn't listen!" He got up from the couch, ready to lock himself in his room until his problems disappeared, but apparently his aunt wasn't going to let him.

"No, no, no. Sit down, we're talking about this," she said in a voice that told him not to test her. With a sigh he sat back down on the couch. "Okay. Now you tell me why you're moping like someone told you Madonna died."

"Why should I?" he asked tiredly. "You just proved you don't know the first thing about me."

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I didn't want to assume - and I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything and tell me what's wrong," she sighed.

"You really want to know?" It was meant as a challenge, but his aunt didn't even blink.

"Yes," was all she said. With a lifted eyebrow she gestured for him to go ahead.

"I'm a teenager. Teenagers have problems. Teenagers have feelings," Kurt tried to brush it off.

"I'm taking away your car for the rest for of the week if you keep stalling, Kurt," she said seriously. Kurt's mouth fell open in shock.

"You can't-"

"Two weeks," was all she said with an almost bored expression.

"You know what? Fine! Let's pretend for a minute that we care about each other. Let's pretend we're more than roommates. Let me tell you about my struggles so that you can give me an advice and we'll hug as if we're actually family. Then say good night and forget it ever happened while I probably cry myself to sleep because talking to you won't help!" He was angry, hurt, and corned. When the last words left his mouth he was ready to be grounded for a month, no car and if she felt like it she'd probably take away his skin care products – he honestly wouldn't blame her.

"I-" she tried, her eyes trained on the carpet. "Where to begin," she sighed and looked at him. Kurt was surprised to see tears in the corner of her eye. "I care. I care about you so very much, Kurt. I'm a horrible guardian, and I know it. I work too much, I don't check on you often enough, I don't always take care of you in ways a teenager should be taken care of. But I care, okay? And if you hate me, I won't care any less. This apartment is suppose to be your home. I want you to feel both safe and... loved here. And we are family. Your mother was my sister. A sister I loved, but what you don't understand is how different your mother and I were. She was the easy going one. She was the one they all liked, all of them," she said and Kurt could see how it was paining her to say it. "Did your parents ever tell you how they met?"

He had never seen a grown up as vulnerable as his aunt looked in that moment. He simply shook his head. He'd heard of the love at first sight and the I instantly knew she was the one but never in what setting his parents had realized their attraction.

"I met your dad when I was in college and he was 'trying out carrier options' meaning he helped out at a café on campus. We were just friends, but pretty close. Then one Christmas, the weather was crazy and flights got canceled, including your father's. I invited him to my parents house, where your mom was spending the holidays along with the rest of our family. I can't remember the number of times your father used the word 'destiny' while he was still alive to describe the moment. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for them and wanted them to be together, but that night I could count the times your father looked at me on one hand. He practically forgot about everything that wasn't Elizabeth, and our friendship was never the same. I accepted that, went for my dreams of getting out of Ohio and never looked back.

"I hate the circumstances in which I've been forced to come back under, but I can't help but feel like I'm meant to be here again. You're my nephew, I love you, and I'm sorry for not saying it often enough and not being here as much as I want. I look at you and I see Lizzie's eyes, Burt's confidence, and then something that's just... you. You are so strong, Kurt. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be you, and I think that's part of why I act the way I do. You need someone who knows just the right things to say, and I've never been that person. I'm awkward. I didn't have friends until my mother told me I should probably stop criticizing people in the third grade. I don't even have friends now. I have coworkers and contacts, but no friends. I don't know what you'll take from all of this, but hopefully you'll realize how hard this is for me too," she said. It took Kurt almost half a minute to realize she was done. His eyes were stinging. All that talk of his parents hurt in places he usually buried under homework and loud music. It hurt even more to hear his aunt speak somewhat badly about them. Of course, he knew it wasn't meant to be offensive, but his heart was screaming to defend their memory. But he got the message. She was trying.

"I'm gay," he said softly, making her look up and their eyes connect.

"Okay," she accepted with a sniffle as she carefully dried her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I'm not okay," he continued. It took her a moment to chew that one over.

"I know," she finally said, her voice full of regret. "I know that and yet I keep ignoring it, and I'll try to be better. Kurt, I promise."

It didn't take him long to decide whether he should trust her. After all, he didn't have much of a choice. Kurt was by nature a forgiving person.

"His name is Blaine," he sighed and threw himself onto the couch again. She nodded thoughtfully as if she understood that her promise was the end of this conversation and the start of a new one.

"Blaine. A last name?"

"Anderson," Kurt responded.

"And he's the reason you're moping?"

"Yes. Well, no. Indirectly," Kurt sighed and thought that maybe telling his aunt wasn't such a good idea after all. How was he suppose to explain how much he'd fucked up without getting into who's lips where on who's?

"Indirectly. Okay, I'm afraid I'm gonna need a bit more than that."

"I- I messed up. New Year's eve I messed it up between us by going too far. I tried apologizing, but he kept ignoring me. Told me to not worry about it, but I saw the fear in his eyes all the time. It was as if he thought I'd jump him if he turned his back on me," Kurt explained the best he could while his aunt listened. "Then I saw a guy checking him out and at the Gap and I screwed up more by telling him. And Blaine just... he decided to go for it and now," Kurt could feel the tears welling up once again. He'd wanted things to work out so bad. That had been all he wanted – for things to either be better or at least stay as they were. And then he'd ruined every chance he'd ever had with Blaine - which weren't that many in the first place – by pointing him toward another guy's arms. And Kurt knew that they'd gone out at least three times. And it hurt.

"Come on, get over here," his aunt urged and with an awkward move to his left he managed to get wrapped in her arms. "Now what?"

"Now he's with Gap guy and I just…. He barely talks to me and we talked all the time before New Year's. And I feel like I can't breathe when I see him, and," he was crying by then. He kept desperately trying to wipe his tears away before they hit any of their clothes, but the task became more and more difficult as he kept talking. "And- and the worst part is I ruined it."
"Kurt, I don't think you've ruined anything," Katherine said softly as she slowly caressed his temple. "Maybe he just feels awkward about it, but it will pass," she tried, but then Kurt drew back from her arms with his mouth slightly open and eyes wide in shock.

"That's not what you're suppose to say!" he erupted in a high pitched voice.

"No? Um, he's probably just playing hard to get," she tried again, but Kurt just looked at her in confusion.

"Blaine's a guy not a twelve year old girl." His aunt bit her lip.

"I'm really bad at this," she concluded with an apologetic look on her face. Suddenly Kurt couldn't help a small smile.

"You really are," he agreed as he relaxed a bit.

"What can I do? I could call him and be really embarrassing pretending to be the Gap guy's mom?" she offered which had Kurt snorting with a tiny smile playing on his lips. "I could... lend you my copy of To Seduce a Sinner? Buy ice cream?"

"Low fat ice cream?" he asked quietly and she sighed in relief.

"Sure."


January 25.

Kurt

Kurt was frozen in front of his computer screen. His stomach felt weird and once again his eyes felt like they were about to overflow.

Blaine Anderson posted: I want to have Jeremiah Mellen's children!

Blaine Anderson commented: Wes! What?! FACERAPE!

Wesley Montgomery commented: I didn't do it!

Blaine Anderson commented:Then who did? And how do I delete this post!?

Wesley Montgomery commented: You click the pencil.

Blaine Anderson commented:What pencil? There's no pencil!

Jeff Sterling commented: Yeah who knows where the pencil went along with the erase-button...

Blaine Anderson commented:JEFF!

Jeremiah Mellen commented: Blaine, can I call you?

Blaine Anderson commented:Okay.

Wesley Montgomery commented: Uhhhhh!

Jeff Sterling commented: This is way better than I'd dared hope for!

"Kurt, would you like some soup?" his aunt asked from the doorway. When Kurt just sniffled she came closer and looked at the screen. "Blaine Anderson," she mumbled to herself, obviously reading the post.

"I'm not hungry," Kurt said flatly, not taking his eyes away from the screen.

"Okay," his aunt said quietly. Before she left the room she gave his shoulder a loving squeeze. It didn't help him feel less hopeless, but knowing she was trying made it a little more bearable to accept that Blaine's hand would never hold his own, his smile never be just for Kurt and his lips would probably never form anything but trivial pleasantries in Kurt's direction.

But it still hurt more than what he'd ever imagined.


I still have a tumblr, you know. Why don't you come visit me? I really want to talk to you! bust-my-buttons . tumblr . com