Ain't No Civilized Man

Disclaimer: Not mine. Would accept Spike as a Christmas pressie though.

Summary: Lorne reads Spike.

Reviews: Yes please. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: This site had my account messed up for several weeks so I wasn't able to access any of my fics and therefore could not update. So I got lazy and didn't even work on them. Sorry, now that it's fixed I'm working again and not playing with the cool James/Spike mahjongg game I found.

A huge 'Thank you' goes out to my favorite writing partner and muse WayWard Childe for his input into this chapter. Meet you under the Mistletoe later, ok?

To everyone else: I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season and best wishes for the coming New Year. May all your hopes, dreams and wishes come true. Except those of you wishing for Spike, he's mine so there.

Once again, the lyrics to James Marsters' incredible song 'Civilized Man' are used with permission.

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A heavy silence settled in the bar following Spike's rant. Not even Andrew dared break the tense atmosphere. Spike stood defiantly facing Giles and Wesley with bitter resentment shining in his tormented dark blue eyes. A small accented voice sounded in the stillness.

"Spike? Would you sing for Lorne? It would answer so many questions without upsetting you any more." Fred suggested hesitantly.

"Yes, that's an excellent idea." Giles smiled at the slender brunette.

"What do you mean? Sing? I don't sing." Spike growled.

"I've heard you and I want more." Lorne told him.

Spike's lean body tensed even more. "You were spying on me?"

Lorne seemed to finally realize that the vampire was extremely annoyed. "Yes, well. We didn't know who you were and wanted to make sure you were…" He was interrupted.

"Make sure I was what?" Spike snarled.

"Not a threat." Wesley finished calmly.

Dawn stood up and placed a gentle hand on Spike's bunched bicep. "Lorne can tell a lot by listening to you sing. You sing so well. I trust him. Please?"

Spike looked down into her crystal blue depths and closed his eyes briefly. "Fine. But I pick the song." Slipping out of his jacket, he handed it to Dawn, who immediately put it on. He turned to Cindy. "Kitten? Is there a guitar anywhere in the back room?"

"I think so." Cindy dashed over to the bar and had a quiet word with Jay. He nodded, left and returned quickly with an ocean blue electric acoustic guitar. Cindy took it to the slightly raised platform no one had noticed over in one corner of the large room. She efficiently plugged the guitar into the appropriate amplifier and leaned it against a stool she dragged to the center of the small stage.

One of Spike's talents, not one he shared easily, was his ability to remember songs after only hearing them once or twice. He'd learned the guitar several decades before in an attempt to keep Dru calm with music to fill the long sunny days they'd spent in various places.

He strummed the instrument several times, checking the tone and the sound level of the amplifier. He settled on the stool. The angry sounding guitar filled the tense silence of the bar.

'Tear a wall just to get to you'

Spike's hostile blue gaze settled on Andrew for the first line. Upon hearing the words, Andrew shuddered and reached a hand up to touch the faint silvery scars on his neck.

'You can hit me
Don't mind black and blue'

His eyes swung to Buffy. The slayer tried to hold the angry stare but let her eyes fall, ashamed of her past behavior.

'You set me up
Not gonna fall
Runaway'

Giles was the next target for the livid glare. A minute part of him was still certain he'd been right to try to kill the blond vampire and he met Spike's gaze defiantly. The bitter rage he encountered caused him to drop his eyes guiltily after only seconds.


'Went to sleep a long time ago
Several years since I hurt anybody'

He switched his gaze to Dawn, silently pleading with her for forgiveness. Her eyes filled with tears again and she caressed the pendant with shaking fingers.

He looked up at the ceiling. Trying to convey to the Powers That Be just how unhappy he was with the situation.

'Don't wake me up
Let me sleep
It won't do you no good

(spoken) Just keep to myself

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

(spoken) Nobody want a part of this

It's hard to be a civilized man
Times I want to be just what I am'

Whoa catch yourself
Want to wind up in jail'

Willow's green eyes were caught in Spike's knowing gaze next. She flushed as she realized he knew more than she thought he did.

'Better smile and watch football'

Xander was Spike's next target. All the football they'd watched together in the basement of doom was something Xander didn't think about very often, but now he was missing those simpler times. He reached up to fiddle with the eye patch, missing the guilty flinch on Spike's face.

The blond vampire hunched his shoulders defensively and closed his eyes for the final portion of his song.

'Civilized man
I ain't no civilized man
Civilized man
Wasn't born to be a civilized man

(spoken) That's it
I ain't got no more to say'

Spike slid off the stool and gently placed the guitar against the legs of it. He walked over to Cindy and Dan. "You heard?" Inconsolable grief darkened his eyes and he dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry. I should have told you I'm not what I seem. I'm a vampire."

"Yeah, kinda hard to miss. What with the references to Heaven and dying and all." Cindy told him. She tilted her head and studied him. "Think that makes a difference? Chuck sent you to me. If he approves of you then you're one of us." She slid her arms around his thin waist and gave him a hug. A sudden gleam lit her sparkling eyes. "Do you have fangs?"

The question surprised a short laugh from the blond. "Do I have what?"

Dan took the opportunity to show Spike his support. "Yeah, fangs. You just said you're a vampire. You look pretty human. Show us the fangs."

Spike shook his head in bemusement. By the time the shake was finished he was in full game-face. He raised his golden eyes and bared his fangs in a threatening growl, light glinted on the razor-sharp ivory.

Dan's hazel eyes bugged. "Damn." He breathed. "I didn't believe you. I was beginning to think you'd been in an institution the past year. But you did die. You are a vampire."

"Yeah, I am. I drink blood. I'm a killer and I don't want either of you to forget that. Vampires are not humans. They walk like you. They talk like you. But they're not like you. They're monsters who would just as soon kill you as look at you. They see humans as prey, playthings and sometimes more. They enjoy it, the pain, the torture, the killing. I enjoyed it." With a low snarl that made the hair on the back of Dan's neck prickle, Spike bent his head until his mouth was uncomfortably close to Cindy's neck. Her dark eyes widened in sudden fright at the creature she'd thought was so nice.

Spike straightened suddenly, a proud light beginning to gleam in his eyes. "But I don't do that any more." He stated almost arrogantly. "I'm not a normal vampire. I have a soul. I fought for it and won it. If you ever see anyone else with a face like this, run. Now that you know that vampires are real, I want both of you to get a cross to wear and a wooden stake to carry. A bottle of holy water wouldn't be a bad thing to have either."

Dan frowned. "What are you saying? Should we be afraid of you?"

Cindy elbowed her friend. "Hush. Spike wouldn't hurt us. And I'll bet three days tips that Chuck already knew. I'm right, aren't I?"

Spike nodded hesitantly, returning to his human features. "Yeah, sorta had to tell him when I checked in. Anya knows too. We knew each other in Sunnydale. You probably guessed that, eh?" He smiled shyly at Dan. He raised a hand to self-consciously rub at the back of his neck. "The dying thing gets kinda old after a couple of times, you know?"

Dan shook his head, bemused. "No, not personally."

Across the room, Lorne had planted his elbows on the table and was supporting his head in his hands. He had covered his eyes during Spike's song. The images that had begun playing through his mind were horrific in the extreme and the urge to find a deserted island to hide out on was nearly overwhelming.

Wesley glanced over at the Pylean with concern. "Lorne? Are you all right?"

"I need another drink." Lorne mumbled without raising his head.

Xander got up. "I'll get it."

Wesley nodded. "Thank you." He watched as the male Scooby made his way across the floor to where Spike was still talking to the bar's employees. He frowned when he realized that Cindy had known a lot more than she'd let on. He turned back to the shaken Pylean. "What did you see?"

Xander slowly walked over to the vampire and his friends. He saw Spike's back straighten as he drew closer. The blond half-turned, his profile implacable and cold.

"What do you want, Harris?" He growled. Cindy's eyes grew huge at the blatant hostility.

Unperturbed, Xander nodded toward Cindy. "Lorne needs a drink."

Cindy blinked. "Which one is he?" She asked faintly.

Xander grinned. "The green one."

"Oh. Sure. Coming right up." She turned toward the bar. Dan glanced between the vampire and the newcomer and decided to go with her.

"Um… Spike?" Xander said hesitantly.

The blond closed his eyes with exaggerated patience. "What?"

Xander fidgeted with his patch, this time seeing the flinch that crossed Spike's face. "Spike, you don't…" He stopped, unsure how to phrase the question.

"I don't what?" Spike's tone lowered with anger.

"You don't feel guilty about my eye do you?" Xander finally blurted.

"I wasn't fast enough." The vampire answered softly, gazing moodily at the wall that sparkled with glass shards.

"Yes, you were." Xander told him fiercely.

Spike jolted with surprise and turned around fully to look at the one-eyed man. "How can you say that after…?" He gestured futilely towards the patch.

"It's because you were fast enough that he didn't get the other one." Xander told him patiently. "I never thanked you for that and I'm sorry."

Spike was speechless but for only a moment. "There must be an apocalypse coming if you're saying sorry for anything. Oh, wait. There is. And my ponce of a Sire is gonna start it."

Xander nodded. "That's the other thing. I'm sorry the PTB pulled you back. It was wrong. We want to help. Anyway we can. Anything except stake you and send you back cause I don't think that would work and frankly I'm tired of losing people even if they are evil, soulless vampires. Oh, wait, you're not soulless and if you're willing to save the world, you can't be evil. Damn, I think I just ran out of reasons to hate you."

Spike's mouth had dropped open at the impressive display of Xander-babble. Recovering in time to stop the smile lurking on his lips, he smirked instead. "Who said I was willing to save the world again?" He asked harshly, folding his arms defensively across his chest.

Xander blinked but otherwise gave no indication he heard the hatred in the vampire's deep voice. "Well, in that case. Know any good hiding places? Cause if you're not in on the fight, I'm not playing either."

On the other side of the room, Wesley and Giles were trying to persuade Lorne to tell them what he'd seen. The Pylean was holding his aching head and shaking it fitfully. "No. Don't ask me that." He whined.

"Lorne, we have to know. How can we stop it if you won't tell us what's going to happen?" Wes asked exasperatedly.

Cindy nudged him aside to place Lorne's fresh drink in front of him. She looked up at Giles. "We're closed. You all want to take this somewhere else so we can go home?" She suggested.

The elder watcher frowned but one look at her set face convinced him that arguing would be futile. "Yes, of course." He pulled out his wallet. "Do you take credit cards?"

With a brisk nod, she held out her hand. She took the proffered card to the bar so Jay could ring up the check and when he finished, took it back to Giles for him to sign. The elder watcher added a healthy tip and began gathering his charges so they could return to the motel.

Buffy's green eyes searched out Spike across the room where he was still chatting with Xander. The dark hostility on the vampire's face saddened the Slayer. She knew all too well how he felt. She started when she felt Willow's small hand grasp her upper arm.

"He'll be all right, Buff." The witch soothed her friend.

"Will he?" The blonde asked sadly.

The redhead was silent for several minutes. "I hope so." Willow finally admitted.

Dan had locked the door and was starting to help Cindy and Jay put the chairs up on the tables so the dishwasher could sweep and mop the floor as soon as the place was empty. Anya and Dawn wandered over to keep Spike and Xander company, the vampire being unwilling to go back to the table and face the inquisition of the watchers. Dawn was chattering about school, trying to catch her best friend up on her life when she realized he'd stopped paying attention.

Spike had been listening to Dawn babble with a sense of homecoming. He'd missed her so much it was almost painful to recall. His 'demon tingle' began climbing up his spine and his head snapped up to scan the nearly empty room. A low growl built in his chest until his companions abruptly fell silent at the sound. Feral gold eyes were fixed on the door. Xander, Dawn and Anya turned to see what had caught his attention.

Buffy's slayer sense kicked in almost simultaneously. Her huge green eyes swung around to the entrance to the bar. She scowled and stalked that direction.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

TBC