What a strangely damp dream…what…what is this humidity? It felt as it some warm, thick coat of something that resembled the consistency of water was all over my face. And it kept getting thicker.
"What the…" I mumbled as I became more aware. Something was licking me. My eyes snapped open with this realization, only to meet a pair of large, expectant brown ones above me.
Something had definitely been licking my face.
"Judo, get off," I heaved as I shoved him off of me. That's when I noticed: I was alone. And to top it off, I was completely naked. I huddled the sheets around my underarms, and got a good look around the room.
Everything was clean. This had definitely not been the case the night before. There had been clothes strewn about, even a lamp had been knocked over in the process of Ichiro opening the door. But now, only my clothes remained, and they were folded neatly in a small, contained pile on the dresser across the room.
"Chiro?" I called out. Silence answered. Maybe he had to work or something. He could have been on call for all I knew. Judo stood there panting happily as his tail swished back and forth, his tongue hanging carelessly off to the side. I shifted off of the bed, still holding the sheets around me tightly as I reached for my clothes, trying once again: "Chiro?" This time, I was answered by a sticky note that was stuck to the mirror hanging above the dresser. I stretched up and took it carefully, pulling it close to my face to read the small, perfect handwriting.
I can't stay. Take care of Judo and the house while I'm gone.
Wait. What? I read it at least 10 more times just to be sure. "No, no, no, no -" I whispered out loud, flinging the note to anywhere but my incapable hands. There was a key next to my pile of clothes, just sitting there.
I yanked open the dresser drawers; each one was empty. I threw the closet door open; nothing remained.
"Chiro!" I yelled out, though a part of me just knew it was too late. "Ichiro!" Judo whined, his ears shrinking back at my sudden outburst. Something suddenly beeped from the bedside table, causing him to inspect. A clock, I recognized. It was 6:42 in the morning.
Which meant I still had time to make a few calls before I went and vowed my life away. I scrambled for a phone, still naked with the sheets wrapped around me. The first person I called was Kazuha.
"Mphmorgph…'Lo?" She answered in a voice thick with sleep.
"Kazuha? Kazuha!"
"Kokone?" She yawned. "What's wrong? Why are you calling me at such an ungodly hour?"
"Listen, you can't tell anyone and you can't ask questions, got it? You can't even tell Heiji. But I need you to be my alibi."
"…You didn't kill someone, did you?" she was more awake now, as she seemed alarmed by my demands.
"No! Don't be insane. If anyone asks, particularly Hyo Yeoung, I was with you all night last night. Okay? From…9 to now."
"Why?"
"Because. I told him I'd be out with you as a sort of bachelorette party type deal, but I was really…just by myself."
"Oh. Oh. Sure, sure, no problem." I wondered what she was comprehending at this moment, but decided not to ask.
"Okay, but that means you can't tell anyone, not even Heiji that we had this discussion. Got it?"
"S-Sure. Can I go back to sleep now?"
"Yeah. I'll see you next week." She gasped.
"Oh, good luck good luck!" She breathed into the phone.
"…Thanks." I didn't even say bye before hanging up. The next person I called was an operator that transferred me to the nearest airport.
"Yes, I'd like to take a flight to Tokyo tomorrow, could you book a ticket for me? Any time, it doesn't matter. Sure. 2:30, sounds great. How much? No, that's fine. That's just fine. Kokawa Kokone. Thanks."
Who else was there to call? I stared sadly at the phone in my hand, silently daring myself to dial the next number that popped into my head. I eventually did, exhaling a long, shaky breath.
It only rang twice all the way. Someone had rejected the call midring.
I'm not going to lie, but that really hurt for some reason. In a fit of frustration, I chucked the phone at the bed, where it bounced lightly against the mattress. All I could do now was get dressed and show up at my mother's to get ready.
"…Kokone?" My mother stood at the door, just looking at me for a moment.
"Uh, yeah. Who else would it be? Let's get this over with already." She continued to stare. "What? You honestly didn't think I'd show up at all?"
She let me in and guided me to her room, where the hanbok was hanging in anticipation from her armoire. I hadn't been in this room since long before my father's death, so this was basically a completely new experience for me. Everything was neat and organized, almost as if no one really lived there. I swallowed against the acid taste at the back of my throat that resulted from the connection between this room and Ichiro's as I left it. It's okay, I thought. I'm okay.
My mother dressed me up and messed around with my face and hair for a good long while, treating me as her own personal Barbie doll. We didn't talk as she did her finest work, though I noticed that when she was done, there really wasn't anything on my face as far as makeup went.
"Omma, are you done?" She was looking at my reflection in her mirror, her hands on her hips with an expression of such concentration that I was almost afraid to break it.
"…Yes. Yes, I think I'm done," she finally decided.
"But…my face is still -"
"Your face is fine. Stay here until I call for you then." She left the room in a bustle, presumably to prepare whatever it was that needed attention. I stared at myself in the mirror, unable to comprehend everything that had happened. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
This became my mantra throughout the day. When my mother walked me out, and made me approach Hyo Yeoung and his uncle beside him, I told myself to forget the empty feeling that evolved after the thought that I was alone. If only my father were here, I thought dully. If only Ichiro were here.
But he isn't, I told myself sternly. Get over it. He's done putting up with you, it's about time.
I just wished I could have had some sort of fair warning.
I nearly bit my mother's head off – and would have willingly done so to anyone else – when she attempted to change my name. At that point, I decided it didn't matter that I was in front of my "new uncle," or Hyo Yeoung for that matter. My name was not going to become Han Kokone. So it remained that I was to be referred to as Kokawa Kokone, though the added Mrs. in front of it made me gag.
When we got back to my apartment, I ripped off the stupid hanbok, not even caring that I was going to be half naked in front of Hyo Yeoung. He just stood there and watched me, though not in a perverted way at all as one may assume. He also hadn't said a word the entire day that wasn't planned, so if that wasn't any indication that he knew this was definitely not my most desirable experience, I don't know what else would be. I was still working on getting the thing all the way off of me when he shrugged, seemingly unbothered by my stripping and entered the kitchen.
"I'm going to Tokyo tomorrow," I said, attempting to get my feet out of the ridiculous costume. Hyo Yeoung came out with an apple in his hand, already bitten into.
"What for?" he inquired around a mouthful.
"I'm going to visit someone. I won't stay for more than a day."
"Oh? Who?"
"Just a friend. I haven't seen her in a long while, so I figured I could pay her a visit, catch her up on what's…going on in my life." I worded this carefully, but he nodded in understanding.
"Ah. Right. Well, I'm going to go shower and get this monkey suit off after I finish my apple, so if you want to go first -"
"I'll wait, thanks." I suddenly became aware that I was only in my bra and underwear while having this casual conversation with him. He didn't seem to be distraught in any way about this though, so I cleared my throat and left to put something else on before things could get too awkward. My phone started to ring as I was pulling a t-shirt over my head.
"Hello?" I answered tiredly.
"Can I talk to you somewhere? I know you got married and all that today…but this is important." It was Heiji, and I hadn't heard him sound so sincere and urgent in such a long time that it kind of freaked me out at first.
"…Heiji?" I clarified.
"Yes?"
"Oh. Uh. Yeah, I guess. Where?"
I tapped on the sticky table nervously, fidgeting around every so often. What was it he had to talk about?
Oh God, I thought. What if he knew? What if he was somehow so in tune to the situation without me even knowing?
"Hey." He slid into the seat across from me smoothly, placing his hands on the table in a position that suggested that he was just as nervous as I was.
"Hey. What's going on?"
"I have to…tell you something."
"…Okay…"
"Ichiro-san is…gone." I just glared at him as if he hadn't said anything. He waited for a reaction, a look of sympathy on his face. I wanted to slap that expression right off.
"So you called me. Told me to meet you. To tell me something I've known since 7 this morning." His eyes widened.
"You knew?"
"Of course I knew! Idiot…" I punched him in the shoulder. He rubbed the spot with a grimace.
"How?"
"I-I went to see him early this morning. He left me a note that told me to take care of his house and his dog – His dog. Crap, I have to go get his dog."
"Wait, do you know where he is?" I was getting up, and Heiji was trying to follow in order to keep up.
"Do you?" I countered.
"…A little. Not exactly…"
"What is that supposed to mean!" I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation.
"He's moving to America for a while. He told me he has to figure some things out, study abroad and all that. He didn't tell you?"
"No," I swallowed. "He didn't. He won't talk to me."
"I…really? Did something…happen?"
"I don't know. Why don't you ask him next time he calls you?" I sneered towards him, feeling an unknown source of hurt and anger bubbling up inside me. "Because God only knows the next time I'll have the privilege of speaking to him again." I shook him off when he placed a hand on my shoulder, rushing out of the little café as soon as I could.
Gotta go pick up his damn dog, I grumbled in my mind. Hopefully they allow animals in my building…
I knew that they did to some extent, but somehow decided that I was going to hope for the worst from now on. After all, hope was for those that had something of importance to strive for.
I had nothing.
