Authors Note: As always, huge thanks to SallyJetson for the beta and the encouragement -wub you

I should have replied to everyone who reviewed – if I haven't I apologize! As promised this is D/L all the way!!


Chapter 12 – In the Cold Light of Day

Happiness is nothing more that good health and a bad memory

- Albert Schweitzer


She woke after a night of restless sleep; sleep disturbed by dreams of Danny with another woman; another woman whose face remained shielded, frustratingly, from her view.

He was lying on his side, facing towards her. She lay for a while just watching him, fascinated by the twitches his face made in response to the dream he was having, hardly able to believe she was here, with him. She'd come so close to losing him.

Dreams. Nightmares.

The memory of her dream returned and her frustration intensified. She wanted to know; she needed to know.

The temptation to reach out and touch him, to wake him, to demand to know, was growing with every passing moment. Her hand moved of its own accord, reaching out to him, then stopped a hairsbreadth away from his face as doubt assailed her. She slowly withdrew her hand and instead slipped from the bed, pulling on one of his T shirts before heading into the living room.

The lights from the street outside cast an eerie light, making familiar objects seem strange and unrecognizable. In her mind her dreams had gained a life of their own and now all she could see were images of Danny with another woman. But the picture remained infuriatingly incomplete. Was she blonde or brunette? Tall or short?

The questions hurtled through her mind as she pictured them lying on the couch watching TV; making breakfast together in the kitchen; making love together in his bed…….

'Lindsay?'

His voice sounded uncertain; worried. She turned to see him standing hesitantly in the doorway, watching her carefully; his eyes betraying his thoughts.

She turned away, her eyes drawn again to the couch and the ghostly images she could see there.

'What colour is her hair?'

He was silent and she turned to look at him.

'What colour is her hair?'

She was aware of the urgency in her voice; it mirrored the increasingly desperate need to know.

'Brown...a bit darker than yours. Why are you asking?'

The words were torn reluctantly from his lips; they ended in a note of pleading; the wariness in his eyes growing as he took in her restless pacing up and down.

'Because I need to know. Because all I can see in my head are images of you with her and I need to know what she looks like, what she does, why her.'

She turned to face him again, her eyes challenging him to argue. He didn't; instead he looked resigned, weighed down with guilt that his actions were causing her so much distress.

Her voice softened as she continued; 'and because she's the woman before me and women need to know these things...I need to know.'

He sighed and walked towards her, stopping just short of her. 'OK, well, what do you want to know?'

'How tall is she?'

He regarded her thoughtfully for a moment; 'a couple of inches taller than you maybe? Not tall.'

So, brown hair close to my colour; height about my height

What does she do?

'She's an ER attending at St Vincent's

Smart then. Would I have felt better if she'd been dumb?

How old is she?

He shrugged. 'I honestly don't know. I didn't get to the point of asking but she was at medical school with Hawkes so I guess about the same age, maybe a year or two younger.'

Medical school with Hawkes...Stella said something about her being a friend of Hawkes

Is she pretty?

He hesitated and she felt a stab of something she recognized as jealousy twist in her gut. She couldn't stop herself...

'Beautiful?'

The frustration was evident on his face as he spoke urgently.

'Lindsay she's a lot of things; she's smart, she's beautiful; she's a nice person but it's what she wasn't that mattered the most. She wasn't you.'

His words stopped her in her tracks. She met his eyes and was shocked by the guilt she could see there. She closed the gap between them, reaching for him and finding herself caught fiercely in his arms.

'Lindsay...if...if you regret what happened last night then -'

She cut him off with a kiss. He relaxed slightly.

'Lindsay -'

She stopped him again

'I'm sorry...I just...I just need to know what she looks like. Do you have a photo?'

The mixture of guilt and confusion left his face momentarily, replaced with incredulity

'I don't even have a photo of you. Why would I have one of her?'

For a moment they stared at each other before a gurgle of laughter bubbled up through her and spilled out. He stared nonplussed at her until he started to laugh as well. She slipped her arms around his neck. The laughter faded as his eyes darkened with desire.

'If you find it difficult to be here...if there are too many ghosts, we can always go to your place'

His words cut through the deepening need to have him inside her again and she paused.

'Ah, well, there's a problem with that.'

His face had been dropping towards hers, his eyes fastened on her lips. At her words they flew upwards to meet hers

'Problem?'

'Hmmm, well, Doug's there you see.'

'Who's Doug?'

His voice was sharp, jealousy obvious in both syllables. She giggled.

'My brother...my big brother. He's staying in New York for a while and he's staying with me.'

He paused for a moment while he processed this information then suspicion closely followed by concern crossed his face

'Does he know about me...about Lucy?'

She was tempted to lie for just a moment until sanity prevailed.

'Yes, he does...' at the look of horror that appeared she rushed on, 'he's OK about it - he understands.'

She hoped beyond hope that he did...she strongly suspected that he didn't.

Danny looked as if he wanted to say something but then changed his mind. Before either of them could speak a phone started to ring.

'It's mine,' she moved quickly to where she'd left her bag and pulled her cell phone out. The caller display showed 'Doug'.

'Hey'

'Hey, you OK?'

'I'm fine.'

'Good. Wondered if you and lover boy wanted to meet me for breakfast?'

'Doug...'

'Its OK, I'll play nice. But I think I should meet the man who's, er...my sisters in love with.'

She didn't miss how he changed what he was about to say. She suspected that she wouldn't have liked his first explanation.

'Hang on'

She covered the phone; 'Doug wonders if we'd like to meet him for breakfast?'

The reluctance on Danny's face faded as he saw the pleading in her eyes and he smiled.

'Of course.'

She finished the conversation with Doug after giving him directions to where they would meet him and put the phone down. She looked at him.

'You'll get on great. I know you will.'

She hoped she sounded more confident than she felt.


He knew as soon as he took Doug's outstretched hand that he had a problem; two problems if he included losing all feeling in his fingers after the bone crushing grip to which he'd been subjected. The self control needed not to wince in agony was second only to the control needed not to thump the guy.

Danny knew Lindsay knew too, because she was talking too much, trying to cover up his silence. Doug, the bastard, was sitting back in his seat, very relaxed; his eyes warm as they rested on Lindsay as she described some case or other they had worked on together. Danny didn't miss the fact that every time he switched to look at him the warmth was absent.

Lindsay stood up and Danny felt a moment's panic as she headed towards the bathroom. Doug waved his arm and attracted the attention of the waitress

'Some more coffee please? Danny?'

He nodded warily.

Doug took a long drink from his re-filled cup.

'Great coffee. Can't always get decent coffee when I'm abroad.'

It seemed innocuous enough. He allowed himself to relax just a little bit.

'Yeah, well, I've not really traveled like you...' he shrugged, watching the older man carefully.

Doug leaned forward.

'Look, Lindsay loves you and I guess we're going to be spending time together so it would probably be best if we got along.'

Danny nodded, cautious at this apparent change of attitude.

Doug smiled disarmingly at him.

'Hey, I'm not in a position to criticize you...hell, I've been lonely, frustrated, headed to a bar and ended up in bed with some woman I've met there – it's a guy thing, right?'

'I guess.'

'I'm betting she was a real looker, yeah?'

Danny paused, his sixth sense warning him to be careful, but...

'Yeah, she is.'

'And it was just a fling. It means nothing. It was just your way of coping, right?'

'I guess...'

'And it would be incredibly hypocritical of me to hold it against you wouldn't it?'

His sense of imminent danger was fading at Doug's apparent reasonableness. He shrugged, risking a slight smile.

Doug lent forward, his face cold and implacable; his voice low.

'But I don't care if it's hypocritical of me. She's my baby sister and you're the fuckwit that made her cry, so I'm entirely comfortable with hypocritical. So let me lay this on the line for you; if I hear that you've spoken to this 'Lucy' woman again or I even suspect that you've upset Lindsay I'll kill you…….and no, its not a threat, it's a fucking promise.'

Shock was replaced by rage. Danny started to open his mouth to tell the guy to go fuck himself, but the words stilled on his tongue as Doug broke the eye contact, sat back in his seat, and smiled at a point over Danny's left shoulder.

Lindsay slipped into the seat next to him, looking anxiously from one man to the other. Danny managed to plaster a smile on his face, trying to give the impression that he and Doug had talked about nothing more controversial than the football games due to be played the following night.

From her expression he guessed she wasn't fooled.


They arrived back at his apartment after spending nearly two hours with Doug. His handshake on leaving had been every bit as fierce as the one when Danny had first met him, but he had been prepared this time, gripping Doug's just as tightly and taking satisfaction from the other man's realization that he might not be as tall, but working out and firing a gun gave him a grip every bit as strong.

She hadn't spoken much on the way back to his apartment. Danny hadn't pushed her to talk, being too wrapped up in contemplating how a day that had promised so much had rapidly descended into the day from hell.

'I've got a headache and I'm feeling really tired. I think I'll go lie down if that's OK?'

He looked at her worriedly. She looked OK; maybe a little pale, but otherwise OK.

'Sure, I'll get you some water and an Advil.'

She smiled and headed for the bedroom

Great, just great...can this day get any worse?

He headed resignedly for the kitchen, filled a glass with water, found a packet of Advil and headed for the bedroom, wondering glumly if there was anything on the television he could watch for a while. He pushed the door open…….. and nearly dropped the glass.

Lindsay was lying on the bed, on her side, her head propped up on her hand, wearing nothing except a smile.

'Holy fuck'

The words escaped him before he could stop them. Her smile widened.

'My headache...it's a tension headache. Can you think of anything I could do to… er, relieve the tension?'

He'd managed to find a surface to put the glass down on and the packet of Advil had long since fallen unheeded and un-needed to the floor. He stripped off his top and had unfastened the button to his jeans in a heartbeat before joining her on the bed.

The day was definitely looking up.