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And now what you all have been waiting for...Edward :)


The Trail

Chapter 12

Nebraska

July 1842

EPOV

During the last two weeks of June I traveled around on my own, living off the wild. It reminded me of the time where I traveled alone for a year. Then my solitary gave me peace but now my mind was anything but peaceful. At night I would stare up at the stars and think about her. I couldn't help myself. I tried to think about the good things, the good moments between us. As much as I tried to bury the memory of her kissing Black it always seemed to work its way back to the surface of my mind, tainting all my good memories of her.

I thought a lot about what I had done, if I had done the right thing by leaving. I know Carlisle would have told me that I should have stayed and talked it out with her. Alice would have begged me to stay no matter what. Jasper would have told me to do what I felt was right. But the problem was I wasn't sure if anything I did was right anymore. She had turned my world upside down. Made me feel things I had never felt before, both good and bad. It was so hard to combine those two versions of her. The version of her when it was just the two of us where she was so kind and lighthearted. I could see the goodness in her in those moments where she would laugh at my jokes or that night when we first kissed. The feeling of her wrapped up in my arms, her warm brown eyes staring up at me. I felt like I could see into her soul.

Then I would think about the version of her I saw at Fort Kearny. Specifically the one that was wrapped in Jacob's arms. Yes, she could have lied to me when I asked her if she was engaged but she always seemed so honest and innocent. I never would have thought she could be so manipulative. God, I even told her about my past! Well, I did not tell her everything but I certainly told her more than even the Cullens knew.

Was she playing with my feelings for her? She had to have known how I felt about her. How I was starting to fall for her. Well, I got played the fool. The worst of it was I couldn't forget about her. Worse still, my battered heart still cared for her.

~T~

I made good time traveling through Nebraska. I was able to travel further and faster on my own without being slowed down by a wagon. The horse the Lakota had given me was used to traveling and with only my weight and a few supplies I only had to stop a few times during the day.

It was the last few days of June that I arrived in Fort Lamarie. It was almost dusk when I checked into the inn. I asked the innkeeper if any Cullens had arrived yet. He told me they hadn't.

I was relieved. I must have beaten them here. I knew they were traveling to Independence Rock to have Alice's wedding there on the fourth of July. When Jasper and her had become engaged she had made me promise that I would be there no matter what. At the time I thought it was silly that she would make me promise to be there when she made no one else make the same promise. When I asked her why she wanted me to make the promise she just said she had a feeling. Alice and her 'feelings.' I would never understand her. But I guess she was right for now I had to keep my promise and see them again, see her.

I made a decision that night as I laid on my bed. I would be there for the wedding then I would continue the journey on my own. I didn't think I was strong enough to be able to see Jacob and her wrapped in each others arms. Just the thought of it made me angry and jealousy ate away at my core.

I ran my hands through my hair. I would have to prepare myself to see her. To see her with a ring on her finger, engaged to Jacob. Once I saw her one last time I think I could let her go and let go of my feelings for her.

I rolled onto my side. Maybe I should have stayed and talked to her. I felt the familiar burn in my eyes. It's too late now. I've lost her.

~T~

On the last day of June I decided to leave Fort Lamarie and make my way to Independence Rock. If I made good time I could there by the first of July. It would usually take a few days to travel by wagon. This would allow me time to prepare myself for the Cullen's arrival.

It was the morning of the first of July that I saw the famous rock. There were already quite a few wagons there, no doubt wanting to arrival early to prepare for the celebration. Since there were few reasons to stop and celebrate on the trail, those who made it to Independence Rock by July 4th were more than ready to celebrate.

I set myself up a little bit away from everyone else. People tended to be suspicious of lone travelers. I tied my horse to a small tree and went to gather some brush to make a small fire. Even though it was July the nights in Wyoming were beginning to be chilly. It was best to always prepare.

As the hours past and I sat by myself I noticed how more travelers filtered in. They avoided me and went towards the other wagons. There had to be at least twenty wagons. I didn't mind that they all left me alone, frankly I preferred it that way. I was not feeling particularly social.

I thought I had succeeded when nightfall came but then I heard the sound of a banjo and clapping. Apparently they were celebrating early. I leaned back against the tree and stared down at the small embers of my fire. My thoughts continually going back to her.

I heard some loud giggling and looked up to see a young couple had wandered away from the party. The man seemed to be tugging the girl towards some wagons as she giggled annoyingly. He pulled her in his arms and kissed her passionately before pulling her into the darkness behind some empty wagons. No need to guess what they were about to do. I shook my head and stared back into the fire.

"Hi there."

I looked up to see a beautiful woman with reddish blonde hair standing to my right. She was tall and appeared to be my age. She wore a tight purple dress that hugged her body. I guess many would say she was beautiful but she just didn't compare to her.

I nodded at her and turned back to the fire hoping she would get the hint and leave. I wasn't in to the mood to socialize.

"I don't want to bother you sir, you seem so occupied with the fire,"

I glanced up at her. Was she mocking me?

She smirked at me apparently glad she had my attention. "I was wondering if you happened to see my sister. She was probably with a boy."

Oh so the sister was the girl currently behind the wagons.

"She disappeared behind those wagons." I pointed over there.

The woman gathered her skirts and sat down beside me. "Well it looks like I'll have to just wait for her to finish."

"Look Miss, I don't want to be rude but I'm not in the mood for company." Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

"You look very familiar." She said as she leaned in closer to me.

I looked up at her meeting her blue eyes.

"Edward? Edward Masen?" she whispered.

I was shocked. How did she know who I am? I nodded slowly.

Her hand covered her opened mouth. "Oh my God! It is you!" she gasped.

"You have me at a disadvantage."

"It's me! Tanya Denali! Your family lived in the farmhouse down the road from mine in North Carolina."

"Tanya?" I hadn't seen her since I was a small boy.

"Yes!" she touched my arm excitedly. "Pa will be so glad to hear you're alive! We thought you were dead! Where did you go?"

I looked back into the fire. "I couldn't stay there." I didn't want to think about my family. It hurt too much. And with everything that has happened with her I didn't think I could take any more pain.

"So are you traveling with anyone?" She asked, thankfully changing the topic.

"I was. I'm waiting for my caravan to catch up."

"Why did you go ahead?"

I felt uncomfortable. I didn't want to talk about why I left. "I went to make sure the road ahead was safe." I lied poorly.

"Oh," she said. We stared into the fire for a while. A loud moan from the wagons distracted us. We looked up at each other and I couldn't stop the smile that tugged against my lips. Tanya covered her mouth to hide her giggle.

"So are you married?" she asked after a moment.

"No. You?"

"No." She sounded wistful. "Any prospects?" she smirked at me.

She immediately came to mind. I felt that pain inside my chest.

"I'll take that as a yes. Not that I'm surprised. Even when we were younger all the girls had a crush on you." She smirked at me. "So where is your sweetheart?"

I swallowed uncomfortable. "I rather not talk about it." I looked down at my hands. I didn't want to tell Tanya that I found her in the arms of another. That it felt like my heart was ripped out.

"That bad huh?"

I nodded.

"I'm sorry Edward. No one deserves that." She paused as we both stared into the fire. "Want to hear something funny?"

"Alright." I looked over at her.

"I had the biggest crush on you when I was a little girl." She smirked at me.

I felt that tug of a smile again.

"It's true!" She smiled widely and scooted closer to me. "I thought you were the most handsome boy with that red hair." She reached out and ruffled my hair as she laughed softly. "You know, I thought we were destined to be together then." Her laughter died away. "A ten year old girl with a crush." She touched my hands.

"Tanya," I said softly.

"Look Edward, I know that this woman hurt you but it's okay to accept comfort from another. You don't deserve to be alone. Let me comfort you." She spoke softly and held my hands.

Could I do this? Could I take this comfort from Tanya? I wasn't sure. Then I thought about seeing her tomorrow in the arms of Jacob. The thought alone crushed me. But maybe if I did this with Tanya I could bury my feelings for her. I knew they would never go away. She had changed me. But maybe, just this once, I could try to forget.

Tanya touched my face with her fingertips. When I didn't move away she leaned in closer. Her lips touched mine and we both breathed in. My entire body felt frozen. Tanya wrapped her arms around my neck as she deepened our kiss. I felt…numb. Why didn't I feel that fire that I felt with her?

Tanya climbed onto my lap and wound her hands into my hair.

Here was this beautiful woman kissing me and it just felt…wrong. I shouldn't be doing this. I couldn't bury my feelings for Bella. I still cared about her, still wanted her, even if she was with Jacob now. I realized in that moment that I would always care for her.

I abruptly pulled away from Tanya. Tanya was breathing heavily and she moved her hands to her dress and started to undo the buttons. I grabbed her hands and stilled them.

"Tanya, we have to stop."

"Why?" She panted.

"I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong of me." I gently pushed her off my lap.

"Is it because of that woman?"

"Yes." I looked down at my hands.

"I don't care." She said defiantly.

I had to make her understand. "But I do. Look Tanya you deserve someone who can really love you, not someone who will always be thinking about another woman. Do you understand?"

She smiled sadly at me. "Yes Edward. I understand. I shouldn't have pushed you and for that I am sorry. Please forgive me?"

"Of course Tanya." I pulled her in and hugged her.

When we released from our embrace we saw Tanya's sister and her beau coming out from behind the wagons.

"It seems like once again I've found a wonderful man but I'm too late. Good luck with everything Edward." She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "You deserve the best."

She got up to follow after her sister.

"Tanya?" I called out.

She stopped and looked back at me.

"Friends?"

"Of course." She smiled and walked back towards the bonfire.

~T~

I didn't sleep much that night. I felt this overwhelming sense of guilt about kissing Tanya. I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter, that she was with Jacob. But my heart felt like it had betrayed her.

I watched the sun rise on the horizon on the second of July. Its colors were beautiful, pinks, oranges, and reds painted across the sky. Would the Cullens arrive here today? Would they accept me back? Although I was slightly worried they had always accepted me back in the past. No questions asked. There were times when I was staying with them that I just needed to get away. Be back in the wild again. Sometimes being around a close knit family like theirs was difficult for me. Yet they always welcomed me back. It was a kindness I didn't deserve. I think they knew I would always come back.

The bonfire party had lasted late into the night. Sounds of laughter and music filled the air. I recognized the sound of a banjo and a harmonica. I could barely even understand their joyfulness when my own world seemed to have turned to darkness.

It was stupid of me to hope that I could forget her by being with Tanya. I knew in my heart I would never forget, never forgive myself for leaving, for not telling her how I really felt. None of it mattered now though. I had lost her.

I glanced over to the camp to see Tanya carrying over some breakfast.

~T~

The sun was high in the sky when many wagons started coming in. No doubt they were hoping to be here for the Fourth. I had just got back from the small creek to gather some freshwater when I felt the small sparks of a fire within me. She's here.

I quickly put down the jug of water by my things and went towards the main camp area. There were over thirty wagons now. My heart picked up at the idea of seeing her again. What I saw when I got there made my heart stop cold.

"Bella." I breathed. She looked…dead. She was lying on a mat of sorts and Carlisle was kneeling beside her. She looked so thin and pale, even from a distance. She wasn't moving.

I ran towards them. No. She can't be dead.

"Jacob, go see if you can find some freshwater. She's incredibly dehydrated." Carlisle ordered. Jacob stood up from Bella's side and saw me.

"Masen." He growled.

I ignored him and ran towards Bella and Carlisle.

"Carlisle, what happened?"

He took up at me briefly before turning back to Bella. "She's sick Edward. I think she has," he paused and glanced up at me. "I want to be sure."

I grabbed Bella's hand. It felt clammy.

"Her fever is too high. We need to cool her down." He said.

Jacob came back with water and handed it to Carlisle. He glanced down at Bella worryingly as Carlisle wet and cloth and wiped it across her forehead. Bella didn't stir at all. He then poured a small amount into her mouth.

Carlisle glanced around at the people that had gathered around. "Edward we need to move her." He whispered to me. Fear gripped me. "She could be contagious."

I lifted her up and cradled her in my arms. She was so light. Her body felt hot against mine. She was sweating through her clothes. I took her over to my campsite away from the onlookers. Carlisle stayed behind and gave the rest of the group orders about setting up camp. I placed Bella gently on my mat and looked up to see Carlisle carrying his small medicine bag. Jacob followed him over to my camp.

I didn't let go of Bella's hand. Carlisle rummaged through his bag as Jacob stood watching him.

"Damn," Carlisle cursed.

"What is it?" Jacob asked.

"I'm out of antipresis. I need it to lower her fever. Jacob can you ask around and see if anyone here has some. If not I'll need you to travel back towards town."

I was surprised that Carlisle did not want me to go but I did not want to interject. I didn't want to leave Bella's side.

"Ask Tanya Denali. She'll help you." I said to Jacob who nodded curtly before running back towards the camp.

Bella stirred. Carlisle pulled out a small bowl and knife from his bag.

"Edward… no…don't…" Bella mumbled.

"I'm here Bella. I'm not going anywhere." I said to her softly taking the small wet cloth and wiping it across her forehead.

"She's hallucinating." Carlisle said. He put the small bowl by her arm. Taking the knife he cut a small gash below her elbow.

"What are you doing?" I asked as red blood began to slowly drip from Bella's arm into the bowl.

"I have to bleed her Edward."

I wanted to stop him but I knew he was right. She looked so pale and weak. Her head was thrashing from side to side.

"What do you think it is Carlisle? Be honest with me."

"I think she has typhoid fever." He said grimly.

Cold fear seeped through my entire body. "How?" I whispered.

"I'm not sure." Carlisle stopped bleeding her and wrapped up her arm with a bandage. "She fell into the river a few weeks ago. She probably inhaled some of the dirty water. There's no way to know for sure."

We exchanged places so he could bleed her other arm.

"I don't know for sure how contagious she is. It's a risk to be around her. You could get sick too."

"I'm not leaving. Not until she orders me away." I would never leave her again. I would not make the same mistake twice.


Aww he's staying! But duh duh duh Typhoid Fever what?

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