Of Secrets and Lies
Chapter 12
In Mourning
As cheerful as the atmosphere at the Kamiya household had been it rapidly hit a downwards spiral that started on New Years Day. Misao had locked herself in the bathroom back at the dojo and was refusing to come out. Kaoru had to go through re-telling the Aoshi story six times to each member of the Oniwabanshu who were appalled at their Okashira's behaviour. Eventually Megumi had barged her way into the bathroom and had emerged an hour later with Misao. After that Misao refused to talk about the incident. As the week progressed towards their return to school tempers grew short and even Kenshin felt a pang of sorrow when the Christmas tree was taken down. The wet weather they had been enduring continued as the sky was full of grey dismal clouds. As for the kiss between Kaoru and himself they seemed to have reached a silent mutual agreement not to mention it. Kenshin inside were in turmoil. He couldn't understand how exactly he'd done it...it just sort of happened...should he feel guilty? Or happy? Or embarrassed? He felt a mixture of them all...
Finally it was with a heavy heart that he departed the Kamiya household on the seventh of January. Kaoru bid him goodbye and he prepared for the next day which would be his first day back at school. Meanwhile Kaoru was hardly feeling much happier as the exams were looking increasingly closer from this side of January and with Kenshin gone and Misao and the others returned to the Aoi-ya and Megumi departed for Aizu things seemed too quiet. On a wet Monday morning with the prospect of Maths first and double P.E last Kaoru trudged to school with her brother in the rain.
"I don't see why your so worried Kaoru. There just exams," Stated Yahiko airily. Kaoru frowned. Of course asking Yahiko to understand would be hoping for too much. He had no exams to take while Kaoru was stuck worrying about March the twenty-first which was only two months away...and she was not exactly an A star pupil. Her maths could do with improvement. Her biology was dismal and her Home Economics was pathetic and worst of all she had one year of school left and she had not of yet figured out what she was going to do. Secretly she'd thought perhaps of teaching...not at secondary school but at Primary level.
Still as she rolled into Maths taking her usual seat next to Sae she felt her heart sink. The first lesson had been made up of a lecture on the exams and the regulation and what they would cover the other half was an Algebra quiz. When Kaoru got her marks back she'd only got 51 while Sae sat next to her beaming about her own 89 mark. The rest of the day was hardly much better. Each teacher seemed to make it their personal goal to terrify their class into passing. History followed Maths and then after a small break she was cooped up in the Home Economics department being taught how to make the perfect Miso soup.
"Kaoru-chan. Your not stirring it enough...the mixture still quite gloppy," Informed Nagoyaki-sensei on her rounds. Kaoru sighed and ladled the mixture watching as it dropped off her spoon feebly. The only compromise Cooking gave her was the fact that she got to see Kenshin...but for some reason every time she saw him now she felt like her insides were trying to eat her internal organs. Finally after the disgusting canteen lunch she sank into the changing rooms where the usual gang of girls were each whispering. She made her way over to Misao who was shoving on her usual bright pink t-shirt.
"Todays been horrible," Complained Kaoru.
"Yeah...no kidding. I got told in English that I needed to go to remedial classes," Groaned Misao. Kaoru nodded feeling slightly better knowing she was not the only one who felt like condensed crap in a can. She pulled on her blue top and she looked around. Keiko was of course absent...Kaoru thought enviously of the pigtailed girl laying on some beach in France or perhaps climbing the Eiffel Tower.
"Lucky Keiko-chan. I wish I was in France," Said Kaoru wistfully. Next to her Keiko's pack of giggly friends stopped talking and looked up at Kaoru as if she'd said an extremely bad swear word. Kaoru stopped feeling their eyes on her she coughed nervously. It was Keiko's best friend Ayama who spoke in a hushed voice.
"Haven't you heard? About Keiko-chan's father?" Asked Ayama incredibly. Kaoru shook her head feeling the plunging sensation she'd just gone and stuck her toe in something. Last time she knew Keiko's father had been healthy and happy. Already her mind was concucting various stories but what Ayama said next made Kaoru feel like she'd crashed into a brick wall, "He was assassinated...on boxing day," Said Ayama sadly.
From next to Kaoru Misao looked up. Kaoru stared in surprise...she'd known there was an assassination on Boxing day but she'd never thought anything of it. It was just another news bullet in like the rest. Now she sat down thinking of happy go-lucky Keiko who adored her father sitting at home.
"Thats...awful! I never knew..." Murmured Misao.
"Me neither...oh...I'm so sorry. Tell Keiko-chan that she has my condolences," Said Kaoru in a strained voice. Ayama shook her head too.
"Yeah...they think it was Hitokiri Battousai...Keiko's in bits. Their staying at her Grans house because of all the investigations going on at their own. Apparently she'd just nipped out with her okaa-san to go see her Aunt...you can imagine how she felt coming back to her house seeing the Police all outside it," Said Ayama. Kaoru nodded slowly. What was she meant to say? She felt completely numb from the realisation.
"How horrible..." Whispered Kaoru, "She must feel awful."
"That nutter is back again?" Said Misao viciously, "He deserves to be locked up and the key thrown away." Ayama nodded in agreement before continuing.
"Yeah he does. Keiko-chan just sits in her bedroom these days...the funerals tomorrow. I'm going to see her tonight...you could come with me...I know you've both lost relatives to assassinations," At this she looked quite apologetic," So maybe you'll be able to get through to her...at the moment when I go in she just sits there staring at the wall."
"That's how Megumi was after Okaa-san died," Said Kaoru, " Are you sure that would be alright though? I mean we don't exactly know her very well...do you think it would help?"
"It can't hurt to try...she might be able to relate to you," Said Ayama thoughtfully. Kaoru and Misao nodded. If there was anything they could do to help. For a moment Kaoru was reminded of Megumi and how she'd been the days following her mothers death. From what she could remember Megumi had just sat in her room crying refusing to come out. Refusing to eat or drink...refusing to get out of bed. Still Kaoru couldn't help feeling slightly awkward. What on earth was she meant to say? At her own Mother's death she'd been too young to mourn...she couldn't really remember much of it.
The thought of Keiko weighed on Kaoru throughout double P.E. Maybe it was because she'd had her own relatives assassinated that she felt so much for the young girl. The thought of it brought back painful memories from her own past and it left a bad taste in her mouth. After getting hit by the basket-ball twice she'd decided maybe it would be better if she focused on the game. After P.E had finished Kaoru offered to stay behind with Kenshin to help collect the balls in. Now it was getting closer to seeing Keiko Kaoru felt nervous. What if she made things worse? She was hardly a great conversationalist. Still Misao would be with her.
"You seem very distracted today Kaoru-dono de-gozaru. Is there something bothering you?" Asked Kenshin picking up a stray basket-ball. Kaoru nodded slightly before looking at him. If already the Assassin's had started killing off people she knew then maybe it was only a matter of time before someone else got dragged into it. But who next...I mean her family was hardly likely but what about Misao's?
"It's nothing really," Said Kaoru slowly dragging the bag of basket-balls behind her, "It's just...well I heard some horrible news in the changing rooms. You know Keiko-chan? Apparently her father was assassinated on Boxing Day by Hitokiri Battousai...she's meant to be in bits. According to Ayama-chan she won't even leave her bedroom and she's refusing food."
The basket-ball in Kenshin's hand dropped to the floor and his eyes widened. His skin paled slightly as he rushed to retrieve the lost ball. Kaoru nodded...she'd had much the same reaction. Scooping another stray ball into her bag she eyed him as he returned.
"Sessha...is very sorry to hear that..." Said Kenshin quietly lowering his head to stare at the floor.
"Me too...but it's making me think. I mean obviously I knew Hitokiri's where out there...but I never really thought they'd hurt anyone I knew...they were just sort of...there...in the background. Now what if Keiko-chan is just the start? What if next time it's a friend like Tae...or Misao...plenty of people would want her family...I guess it's just starting to dawn on me that my Otou-san's right. Nobodies safe..." Said Kaoru sadly tying the knot on the bag of balls so no more of them would escape. Beside her Kenshin watched her.
"No."
"Huh?" Said Kaoru her hands twitching with the bits of thread. She was never really good at tying things but she was a bit taken aback with the tone of Kenshin's voice. He sounded very firm...almost angry. Which was odd...in the last four months she'd never seen him get angry.
"Nobody...would hurt your family Kaoru-dono. Sessha promises..." Said Kenshin kneeling down to tie the bag for her. Kaoru smiled.
"I know. I'm being paranoid. It's just Ayama reckons Misao and I should go talk to Keiko...because of our mothers. She thinks we might be able to help but to be honest I'm a little afraid. What if we're intruding and she doesn't want us there? Or what If I make things worse..." Said Kaoru shaking her head as Kenshin tied the bag with ease.
"Maybe...could you come with us Kenshin? It's just...well...Keiko's Grandmothers house is on the other side of Kyoto and I don't want to have to walk home alone...and I don't want you walking home alone either. Just because your a guy it doesn't make you any safer...and it doesn't make me any weaker...I just think we could do with sticking together," Said Kaoru pleadingly watching as Kenshin stood up carrying the bag of basket-balls. He stared at her like she'd grown an extra head.
"Kaoru-dono...I'm...I'm not sure if K-Keiko-chan would want to see me right now de-gozaru," He murmured.
"Why not? Please? It would take a weight of my mind if I knew you were there. I mean Sanosuke can look after himself but you...no offense but one punch would probably send you out cold," Joked Kaoru eyeing his skinny frame. Kenshin smiled slightly.
"I'm still not sure..."
"Please? I'll let you get me Ice-cream?"
"Hai...okay Kaoru-dono...sessha will accompany you de-gozaru..." Kaoru grinned happily before running off towards the gym hall door. Kenshin watched her until she was out of sight before he dropped the bag to the ground and kicked it grabbing his hair.
"Kuso! I'm such an idiot!"
"Whose he?"
Kaoru looked up at Ayama as she jerked a thumb in Kenshin's direction. They were just leaving sight of the school when Ayama noticed they'd recruited another person. Misao who was walking beside Ayama informed her of Kenshin's identity and Ayama raised her eyebrows as if impressed.
"Oh. Your the boy that beat Misao-chan?" This immediately caused Misao to halt as her cheeks burned and her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. She rounded on Ayama furiously.
"Himura did not beat me! It wasn't a fair race! I was exhausted!" Misao screeched as Kaoru rolled her eyes. Loosing was still a sensitive spot with Misao. She still insisted the race between her and Kenshin was not a fair one. Kenshin murmured a faint Oro and Kaoru walked beside him eyeing him with some concern. Today he seemed to be...well a little unhappy about something. It wasn't really like him. She watched as Misao and Ayama tore ahead. Both were keen Sport fanatics and lost Kaoru in their conversations about Netball and Football. Kaoru had no clue about either and the only sport for which she kept any fondness was kendo. Once they were out of hearing range of Misao and Ayama (both of whom were immitating somebodys famous goal against Spain) Kaoru spoke nudging Kenshin on the arm gently.
"Are you feeling alright Kenshin? It's just...you seem a little upset about something?" Said Kaoru honestly. Kenshin jerked and looked up as though Kaoru had nudged him out of deep thought. He smiled slightly as though to reassure her but Kaoru wasn't.
"Sessha feels fine Kaoru-dono...just a little distracted," He confessed. Kaoru nodded...today had certainly been tiring and with the threat of exams looming in the near future the next two months were set to be some of the most boring of her life. They all went on Study leave on February the 30th but in between that you had the day all singles loathed and detested. And Study leave would be far from relaxing.
"Me too...tell you what. After we visit Keiko-chan lets go get something to eat at that Italian bakery. You can tell me what's bothering you and I can tell you what's bothering me. Sound fair?" Asked Kaoru smiling. Kensin nodded and the rest of the walk was fairly quiet. Both Misao and Ayama were having enthusiatic conversations which Kaoru had no desire to enter. Who care about a bunch of people trying to get a ball into a hoop? It was far from her idea of fun.
"Here we are...this is Keiko's Grandmother's house," Said Ayama stopping outside a large house. Kaoru stared in awe...it could fit about four Kamiya Dojo's inside. Still it did have the feeling that it belonged to a really fussy old lady. For instance the lawn was perfect and it had little garden gnomes. And the front door had a cat flap. Kaoru looked it up and down nervously. What now...what if the door was answered and they told her and everyone else to get lost. Kenshin seemed to be thinking the same but Misao didn't seemed bothered in the least. Ayama walked forward up the steps leading to the front doo and knocked the heavy iron knocker which was shaped like an eagle.
A few moments later the door was opened. Kaoru half expected to see a little wizend old lady with a stick and iron grey hair cawing at them all to get off her property. Instead they were met with a much younger women. Kaoru considered that she would have been extremely beautiful in different circumstances. Today however her dark hair hung at her shoulders limply. Her brown eyes seemed dull and her skin was pale and pasty. Her black blouse was hanging off her...clearly she'd lost a lot of weight in a short time period. She looked at them all in surprise but smiled slightly as she recognised Ayama.
"Oh...it's you Ayama-chan..." She said kindly but her voice sounded strained and exhausted.
"Hi Setsuna Gaitou-san," Said Ayama politely in a gentle voice, "Is Keiko...I just came to see if she was alright."
"She's...She's up in her bedroom I'm afraid..." Sighed Setsuna Gaitou wearily as her eyes moved from the people on her doorstep to the stairs behind her, "She's...not doing to well. Perhaps...Perhaps you might cheer her up. I-I try...I did try...but...she..." The Widow's voice trailed off. Ayama patted her on the shoulder.
"We're sorry...this is Kamiya Kaoru, Makimatchi Misao...they've both lost people as well...and this is Himura Kenshin..." Said Ayama awkwardly gesturing towards the crowd. Kaoru opened her mouth but found no words would come out. She didn't really know what to say...how on earth do you comfort somebody whose just lost so much? The woman smiled gratefully.
"So...so nice of you all to come..." Said Setsuna moving aside to allow them entry to her home. Misao nodded and for once like Kaoru was speechless. Setsuna closed the door behind them. Kaoru looked around the hall. It was big but snug with warm red walls and oil paintings. Setsuna nodded and lead them up the stairs which creaked slightly. The house was eerily silent though...you could almost tell it had lost something. Kaoru shivered as Setsuna lead them into a long narrow hallway and up to a door. She knocked almost nervously.
"K-Keiko darling...Keiko-chan...it's your friend Ayama...she's here and she's bought some friends with her...isn't that nice dear?" Asked Setsuna anxiously. After a moment of silence she opened the door and Kaoru had to peer through the inital darkness of the room before she could see Keiko's form curled up on top of her bed staring at the wall. Ayama ran forward immediantly but Misao, Kaoru and Kenshin hung back. Setsuna nodded and shut the door. Kaoru could hear her footsteps retreat back down the stairs.
"Keiko...how do you feel?" Asked Ayama sitting down on the edge of her bed. Kaoru stared feeling like an intruder upon family grief. Keiko had none of her usual vividness or giggles. Her hair was out of it's pigtails and was limp like her mothers hanging around her waist like a wet blanket. Her skin was not it's usually peachy tone but pale and waxy as though it hadn't been exposed to sunlight. Huge bags of sleep hung under her eyes and she looked up at Ayama as though she couldn't really see her.
"Just...Peachy," She mumbled feebly.
Misao dared to approach and sat down next to Ayama. Keiko looked up in surprise at seeing Misao.
"Hi..." Said Misao gently, "We're here to see if your...feeling okay. Me and Kaoru...and Kenshin. We were worried about you..." Keiko looked confused and sat up to look at everyone else. Kaoru approached and knelt next to the head of the bed. She wasn't sure if it was instinct or not but she smiled slightly.
"Yeah...Misao-chan's right...you shouldn't be cooped up in here alone," Said Kaoru comfortingly. Keiko shook her head as tears began to spill from her eyes.
"I-I don't want...want to go outside...I just...I just want..." She sobbed as the tears began to flood. Kaoru felt quite alarmed and Ayama hugged her friend. Keiko seemed to struggle for the right words, "I...I want to go home...but they won't let me...I want...I want Otou-san!" The girl's voice was shaky and she sobbed uncontrollably so her whole body was heaving with the effort. Kaoru eyed Misao who looked just as helpless.
"We know...Misao and I...we've both lost people...people who were assassinated..." Said Kaoru slowly. At this Keiko looked up like she was seeing Kaoru for the first time. Something glittered feebly in her eyes and she looked curious. She stopped crying at least which Kaoru thought could only be a good thing. Misao stirred and nodded.
"You...lost?" She mumbled.
"Yeah...in the war ten years ago," Said Misao gravely, "My parents were assassinated and I was asleep next door...my mother's name...it was Keiko like yours. And Kaoru's mother my Auntie Katsumi was killed on protocol doing her shopping..."
Keiko's eyed widened, "I'm sorry...I had no idea...I mean I knew you'd lost people...I'm sorry...I must look like a fool sitting here crying..." At this she gave a weak chuckle, "But I miss him so much...I mean...the last words we exchanged. I mean they were so useles...I never told him that I loved him. I never told him anything...the last thing I said to my Otou-san was remember to check the chicken it's cooking in the oven? How stupid was that..."
"It wasn't your fault," Assured Kaoru firmly, "You didn't know what was about to happen. I'm sure your father loved you very much Keiko and I'm sure he knew how much you cared for him. I know you feel like he's gone...but nobodies ever really gone. He'll always be there so long as you remember him...I can't remember my mother very well but what I can remember I treasure..."
"I know..." Sniffed Keiko, "But...I feel so empty without him. Knowing I'll never hear his voice again. Never be able to hug him...or make fun of him. Never be able to hear him rant at the news...It's gone and I'm so afraid now. Afraid because I don't know how I'm going to cope now...Okaa-san is a wreck...she's not eating, sleeping or drinking. She keeps trying to act like she's alright but she's falling apart..."
"My Father was like that," Said Kaoru remembering how her father had been, "He tried to act like everything was fine for us but it wasn't. Megumi was just like you...only she was twelve and didn't know how to cope either. I was seven and Yahiko was two. We needed our father...but he was a wreck...but he pulled himself together...for us. Your Mother probably feels scared...but she'll be there for you...she'll see that she needs you as much as you need her."
"I hope so...everything's so uncertain. What I don't understand is why?" Said Keiko bitterly shaking her head, "Why do this to us? Why punish us...what did I ever do wrong? What did Okaa-san do wrong? We don't care about the stupid Government or the bloody Ishin Shishi! We just want to be a family!"
"I know..." Said Misao, "And they all deserve to rot in hell."
"I'll never forgive him...never..." Snarled Keiko uncharacteristically, "I'll never forgive my Father's murderer. I'll never forgive the Ishin Shishi either...I hope they all die. They deserve it!" Kaoru felt a little taken aback by the display of hatred. 'Do I feel the same about okaa-san's killer? If I saw him...would I want him dead? I suppose...I might...but I'm not sure...could I kill someone?' The question buzzed in her mind.
'Could I kill?'
An hour later and Kaoru had left Keiko's house. Keiko was now in the capable hands of Ayama who said that she'd stay with Keiko until she felt well enough to sleep. Misao had caught the bus back to the Aoi-ya leaving Kaoru and an unnatrually quiet Kenshin. The sky was full of dark clouds but the rain was not yet falling as they both paced through the busy streets of Kyoto. Every so often Kaoru would glance at Kenshin and feel her insides squirm...this was the first time they'd been alone together since New Years Eve and Kaoru didn't know if she should raise the topic now or leave it. As they entered the Italian bakery the usual smell of herbs and bread made Kaoru's stomach growl and so she gave her usual order.
"What about you Kenshin?" She asked prompting her friend.
"I'm not hungry," Said Kenshin shortly. Kaoru frowned and ordered him a milkshake and a double chocolate muffin once he was out of hearing range getting them a table. Kaoru followed and sat down next to the chosen window table. The normal scene of people drifting past usually relaxed Kaoru but today she felt restless and fidgety. Kenshin was acting far from his usual self and it was a bit disconcerting.
"Kenshin...we did say we'd come here and talk. So what's wrong...you've been sort of strange all day," Said Kaoru firmly. Kenshin looked up at Kaoru through blank purple eyes. Kaoru froze feeling for a moment like she was being x-rayed. She shook herself and finally Kenshin spoke in a down cast voice.
"Kaoru-dono...may I ask you something?"
"S-Sure..." Said Kaoru in a voice of fake chirpiness as she grinned widely inwardly cringing. 'Is he going to ask me about New Years Eve? Kami-sama...what do I say? Um...um...I could run. Yes Running works...or I could stay and listen about why he now thinks I'm a...no wait this is his fault! He kissed me not the other way around! I have nothing to be ashamed or worried about!' She gritted her teeth preparing herself.
"Kaoru-dono...do you think I'm a bad person de-gozaru?"
"Kenshin this is...wait what?!" Stammered Kaoru in shock. Why did she feel like she'd just had another near Kenshin experience. One moment he was saying one thing that made sense and the next thing she felt like she'd been slammed into a brick wall. That question made no sense whatsoever. 'What's wrong with him...that's such a stupid question!'
"Of...Of course your a good person! Kenshin what the heck is the matter with you?" Said Kaoru in surprise, "Your one of the most considerate people I've every met. Your good mannered unlike Sano and your way more mature then most of the boys in our year. Your kind...you care what sort of question is that?!" Kenshin gave a sort of weak half grin that did not quite meet his eyes.
"Kenshin...please if somethings wrong you can tell me. I don't care what you say...I mean you could tell me your Shishio's long lost half brother and I wouldn't care. Now...now spit it out or I'll hit you," Threatened Kaoru. Kenshin laughed slightly as there order appeared. He looked mildly surprised as a milkshake and muffin was dumped in front of him but he didn't say anything. Kaoru took a bite out of her bread.
"I'm sorry for worrying you Kaoru-dono...it isn't this One's intentions and to tell you the truth I just feel a little bit down today." Admitted Kenshin taking a sip of his Milkshake. Kaoru nodded just thankful it was school-day blues. Although she wasn't entirely convinced she wasn't going to push him. In his own time he'd tell her what was wrong. Instead it seemed it was now her turn to share her woes.
"It's okay...I understand. To tell you the truth somethings been on my mind since we left Keiko-chan's house." Confessed Kaoru truthfully, "I know it's a silly question but ever since Keiko said she wished her fathers killer was dead it made me think...do I wish my Okaa-san's killer was dead? But then...then it made me think...and I know it's an insane thing to think but...could I kill someone?"
'Yup...you've went and done it. You've finally freaked Kensin out...'Chimed a voice in her head. Kenshin who had been sipping on his milkshake promptly started a coughing fit inhaling too much milkshake. Kaoru winced as he finally emerged staring at her like she'd suggested Sanosuke would look good as a girl. After a long moment of staring at her he finally spoke in a serious tone of voice.
"Kaoru-dono...I'm not sure I can answer that for you. Do you think you could?" Asked Kenshin staring intently at her. Kaoru bit into her bread again and considered this. The most obvious answer was yes. Anyone could kill somebody else and Kaoru was an Assistant Master of a sword style. The question was would she? She hesitated before speaking.
"I'm not...I'm not sure. I mean maybe in self-defense or to protect someone else...situations were I didn't have choice but could I kill someone in cold blood?" Kaoru spoke curiously as though she was questioning herself but she already knew the answer, "No. I don't think I could...I've been raised with Kamiya Kasshien...raised to believe killing is wrong...which of course it is but if I killed someone I'd feel so guilty...not for the person I killed but for their relatives. No matter how bad someone is they still have at least one person who cares for them...I don't know. Maybe I'm just too weak or strong enough to know better."
Kenshin nodded affirmatively, "I think your very strong Kaoru-dono...killing isn't as easy as people would think. It damages a person inside de-gozaru. Sessha would like to ask you a question though..."
"Okay...shoot," Said Kaoru cheerfully sipping on her strawberry milkshake.
"Do you think I could kill?"
Kaoru lowered her glass and stared at Kenshin looking him from head to toe expectantly. He was short and skinny with kind purple eyes. Her instinct answer would be no but she knew well enough that things weren't always as they appeared. Finally she shook her head, "No...not because I think your weak or anything but you just don't seem the type. Your too good...and I like that about you. Your always trying to help people...it's an admirable quality."
"Thank you Kaoru-dono," Said Kenshin quietly while looking at his hands.
"No problem."
"May I ask something else..."
"Sure..."
"What would you do if you saw Hitokiri Battousai?"
"Um..." Kaoru thought for a moment. If she saw the most dangerous Assassin in Japan what would she do? Run...'Might as well do something useful with what would probably be the last few seconds of my life...'What an odd question...yet it was like Kenshin to be worried. Maybe this was his way of showing it, "Um...I don't know. I don't think I'd get a chance to open my mouth much do you? I'd be dead before I could speak."
"If you could though..." Said Kenshin curiously staring at Kaoru. Once again Kaoru got the feeling she was being x-rayed. Her skin came out in goosebumps. 'What on earth is he asking me this for...It's not like I want to know. It's not like I'm going to go here nice murderer have a cup of tea before you chop my head off!'
"Um...beg for my life? I don't know...ask him why. Ask him what drove him to become a killer...because nobody is born evil. I mean you don't get baby's plotting murder while they play with their rattle-sticks do you?" Joked Kaoru. Kenshin nodded and drained the rest of his glass. Kaoru smiled.
"So what prompted that one?"
"Nothing really...just what Keiko-dono said I guess Kaoru-dono," Said Kenshin apologetically.
'Baka...look what you've done...' Snarled a part of his brain. Kenshin opened the door into his house. The long conversation in the Italian cafe had definately been an eye-opener. He'd never expected Kaoru to ask a question like that and when she did it had shocked him numb. He sighed walking through the hall into the living area. Taking a paper towel he rubbed the foundation off his cheek. Then again the whole day had been long and painful. Guilt was knawing away at him like a disease...'Look what you did...to that family. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!' He growled shoving the dirty paper towel in the bin with more force than what was required.
That was when he laid eyes on it. Another innocent looking black envelope. Kenshin glared at it for a moment before picking it up and opening it. Yes. Another name and more blood. Would it ever end...Kenshin just wanted it to end now. The more he was around Kaoru and everyone else the more he started doubting everything. Who he was, his mission, his honour. Constantly kept awake at night by the question is it worth it? True it was all for an era of real peace instead of the fake illusion there was on show at the moment but...
"Do you think I could kill?"
"No...not because your weak or anything but you just don't seem the type. Your too good...that's what I like about you...your always trying to help people...that's an admirable quality..."
He sank his head into his heads. Oh yes his act had throughly fooled her. Katsura-sama didn't need to worry about Kaoru doubting him. She was convinced he was harmless. He cursed loudly. The whole thing at Keiko's house hadn't helped either. He had no right to be there...no right to see the family he'd destroyed. It had been physically painful to witness the girl's pain...and it was all his fault. His fault Kaoru was now worried that someone she loved would be next. What would she do if she knew that the person she walked beside...the person she considered a friend was in fact responsible?
"What would you do if you saw Hitokiri Battousai?"
"Um...I don't know. I don't think I'd get the chance to open my mouth much do you? I'd be dead before I could speak..."
"No!"
He wouldn't...he would not...he could never hurt her. Hurt her or Yahiko, Misao, Megumi, Sanosuke or the twins or Tsubame. He could never do that. Not to them. Kenshin's breathing grew heavy as he stood up. When he did he saw clearly in the mirror his reflection. Golden eyes and the cross shaped scar. Already he could hear his mind taunting him as his fingers went to touch his scar.
'You thought that before...about her...and look what you did!' Kenshin turned around as her face flooded through his mind. Was he dishonouring her memory by thinking of Kaoru? What if the same happened again...what if everything he touched got burned. What if all he was good for was killing? This was what his Shishou had warned him about. But no...Kenshin thought he knew better then some sake drinking hermit. And this was the price. Kenshin glared at himself and let out an angry cry picking up the bowl of fruit and launching it at the glass.
He watched as it shattered and collapsed spraying glass all over the floor. He didn't care. At least he didn't have to look at himself now. If only he hadn't have gotten so attached...maybe it would be better if he left. Then at least no-one would get harmed. 'No! They'd look for you...and you won't because you are selfish. You don't want to leave them...' How true. Kenshin sunk into his couch. Now everything around him was in turmoil. Katsura-sama's voice mingled with Kaoru's entered his head.
'What would you do? Follow protocol or risk history repeating itself...'
'No...not because I think your weak or anything but you just don't seem the type. I mean your always trying to help people...that's what I like about you..."
"SHUT UP!" He roared before burying his face into his hands again. He didn't want to hear anymore voices. He didn't think he could stand them all looking at him like he was some sort of family member. He felt like he was conning them all. All he wanted to do whenever they complimented them was blurt out the truth. Just so they'd know what he really was. A monster.
'I'm sorry...'
Wow...thank you for all the amazing reviews! Especially Madzcheesy...thanks. Nobody's ever told me that before so your review was very touching since I am aspiring to be an author when I'm older. And of course Raberba-Girl your review timing was strange...just about to update when I recieved it so no you don't have to wait too long and your never too old to say that line! And yes you may keep the knife...just don't use it on me!
This chapter was all dark and angsty...but the next one will be more comedic! It's called Revision! And you get to see tears and tantrums as everyone tries to cope with the stress of revising for their exams...speaking of which I get my own results back on Tuesday...really worried about English since I bummed up the Poets name in one of my essays...but still! This is a welcome distraction. Chapter 14 is called Exams and Chapter 15...
Ohoho that would be revealing too much!
Keep the Reviews coming or I'll...eyes Raberba girl and stammers...um just keep the reviews coming please? xxx
Bluemoon Out xxx
