Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
This is unbeta'd and not pre-read by anyone. All mistakes are my own.
MA: This story will eventually have explicit and lemony scenes. If boy x boy relations offend you please don't read any further.
*****iwtfy*****
Jasper reached over and put his hand on my arm and I could feel an electric spark tingling from where it rested. Suddenly I couldn't remember why I'd been in such a hurry to get inside. "Thanks Edward. I hope I haven't made you too uncomfortable?"
"Not at all," I responded and I suddenly realized I was going to share with him too. I rubbed my hands across my thighs to wipe off the sweat. "I'm gay too."
I'm gay too. I'm gay too? I wanted to start knocking my head against the truck's console. Why the fuck did I say that? It had sounded okay in my head before I'd said it, but then all wrong once the words were let loose in the air. You stupid idiot Edward, why don't you just throw yourself at the man it would have been more subtle. He didn't fucking ask if your orientation now did he? Oh God, he's going to think I'm a real asshole. Humiliated by what I now considered a juvenile outburst, my entire being protested as I pulled my arm out from under his hand and opened the door. Ignoring all the objections my body was throwing at me, I slipped out the door as fast as I could, hoping against hope that he wouldn't call attention to what I'd said.
I took an unsteady breath as my feet landed on the ground and I wondered how in the hell I was going to handle this intense of an attraction without making myself look like the inexperienced virgin I was. So far it wasn't going so well.
"We should get going, everybody will be waiting," I mumbled, barely loud enough for Jasper to hear. I couldn't shake the burning embarrassment I was feeling.
My hand was on the door preparing to shut it when I heard what sounded almost like a moan. I hesitated for a split second in surprise.
"Edward?" Jasper called out.
I considered pretending I hadn't heard him and almost shut the door without responding.
"Edward, would you get back in here for a minute." This time Jasper's voice sounded vaguely exasperated.
With my stomach twisted in knots and my face flaming in embarrassment, I slid back up into the passenger seat unsure of what I would be facing and somewhat surprised at how little I'd hesitated upon his request. I glanced at Jasper out of the corner of my eye and I could see he was staring intently at me. Stop acting like a fucking head case and see what he wants!
Forcing myself to face the situation I'd built out of my own sudden lack of filter I locked eyes with Jasper. He was sporting a smirk on his face and a look in his blue eyes that appeared entirely too cheerful. Could it be possible that he was happy to hear what I'd confessed? Or was he smiling in amusement at my adolescent declaration.
"Why so quick to escape? I thought we were having a conversation that had suddenly turned pretty interestin'. At least from my perspective…"
I shrugged, unable to speak through my mortification. I had no idea what to say. My tongue felt like it was filled with cement and my mouth had dried right up.
The look in his eyes softened and his next words were almost whispered. "I know you're not usually open about being gay. I've asked around about you at the Track and no one gave the slightest hint or suggestion that you might be anything but straight."
He'd asked about me? What did he ask exactly? My God, what if this got back to Emmett?
My eyes must have shown the panic I was feeling because Jasper shook his head at me and immediately tried to assuage my fears.
"Don't worry," he chuckled. "I didn't go around asking everyone if you were gay. I simply asked questions about you and Carlisle under the premise that I had been offered a job and I needed to find out more about my prospective employers before I accepted the position."
"Premise?"
"I didn't need to find out more about you as an employer, I was going to take the job anyway. It was more like an attempt to diminish my level of curiosity," he explained. "Did you know that it isn't just Fred who calls you the 'Golden Boy'? Although, it's decidedly different when it's coming from the others; more of an endearment out of genuine respect for your work ethic. By the way, I was really close to slugging him yesterday when he called you that."
He wanted to know more about me? He wanted to hit Fred in my defense over a simple jeer? Suddenly I was a lot less embarrassed and a lot more nervous. I wasn't ready to 'come out' yet and this isn't how I pictured my first relationship starting. This was headed that way, right? I mean, I'm not reading the wrong signals?
Yet, despite all the reasons why I shouldn't, I knew I would take whatever was offered. I wanted him, and even the idea of a chaste kiss already had me hard as steel. I shifted in my seat as I suddenly wished I could adjust myself without being noticed. Why do I react to him this way? When I couldn't take it anymore I looked away, wishing I had enough courage to put my hand on his arm this time.
Suddenly it was Jasper who seemed in a hurry to exit the truck. He shifted away from me and then turned to make one last comment. My eyes quickly returned to his and I tried to mask my disappointment. I felt the sudden space between us very keenly and I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from trembling in frustration. I was reading too much into his words wasn't I?
"I'm sorry. Here I am unloading on you again and obviously my forwardness is making you a little uncomfortable. What I had wanted to say was thank you: for giving me a job; listening to me unload about my stupid fucking situation; and then for sharing something so personal with me." Before I could think of a response he'd hopped out of the truck and shut his door with slam.
First curiosity, now forwardness? I watched in confusion as he walked off toward the restaurant without looking back and I tried to make head or tail of everything that had just transpired. Why did he just leave? Then it finally hit me. I'd sat there like a doofus hardly saying a word while he had a one-way conversation with me. I need to fix this!
Throwing open the door, I nearly fell out of the truck as I rushed to correct any misconceptions I might have instilled from my lack of response.
"Jasper!" I cried out, hoping he'd slow down and let me catch up before he reached the side door of the restaurant. What are you going to do Edward? What are you going to say?
To my relief he his steps stopped and I was able to jog up to him with ease. When he turned to look at me his expression was guarded but pleasant. That wasn't good enough. I wanted him to really look at me. I wanted there to be no mistake how I was feeling. Besides lustful and confused, what exactly am I feeling?
"I…I…" I stuttered as I tried to move my tongue to form the words I wanted to say. "I… fuck it; I hope I'm not getting this wrong."
I took a solid step closer and moved into his personal space. Using both my hands on each side of his face I pulled him in closer and placed my lips to his. The feel of stubble in my palms caused my heart to thump with anticipation. His lips were soft but firm, and while I wanted so much more I kept my lips closed, waiting and praying that he would respond. I had a horrific moment of fear when I felt him freeze and I'd thought I'd made a huge error, but as I was about to step back and offer an apology I felt the corners of his mouth turn up and his lips began to respond. The corners of my own mouth curved upwards and I nearly melted into him. My heart beat picked up even faster and it felt as though it could burst out of my chest at any moment.
The kiss took a turn away from sweet when his tongue snaked out across my lips and I opened my mouth eager for more. My head began to spin as electricity sparked from so many nerve endings across my body and the feel of his tongue in my mouth had me making sounds that I doubt I'd ever made before. I marveled at how good he tasted and I opened my mouth even wider pushing my tongue further into his mouth. I shifted my hands off his cheeks and into his hair gripping him tighter to me, and his hands came up to my hips and tugged me closer. We both groaned as our erections came into contact for the first time and I clearly felt my attraction definitely wasn't one sided. Fuck it felt good moving against him.
When we stopped to take a breath neither of us shifted even an inch apart and I could feel my face had split into a huge open smile. I reveled in the moment when his smile mirrored mine and realizing I still had a tight grip on his hair I eased up. Not wanting to lose any contact with him I slid my hands down to his sides. Suddenly I was aware that we weren't exactly in a private location and I felt my smile fade as I gave a quick glance around to see if we'd been observed. Jasper let go of my hips and shifted out of my embrace and I found my body protesting the space between us.
"No one saw us, but we should head inside," Jasper said with a rough voice as he broke the silence between us.
I studied his face trying to read his reaction and to my relief I didn't see any hint of regret. I was still giddy with excitement over what I thought was the hottest kiss possible. Forget the fact that I've only had one to compare it to. If we'd had any choice I would have proposed heading back to his truck to make out instead.
He grabbed my hand and gave it a quick squeeze of reassurance and then let it go.
"We'll talk later," he offered and I was relieved by the suggestion.
As we began walking toward the restaurant, our arms brushing together every second step, I wondered how I'd be able to keep from my feelings for Jasper under wraps as we sat with all the others.
How the hell was I going to eat?
*****iwtfy*****
Hmmm, Edward. Too distracted to notice that Jasper's breath didn't taste like cigarettes?
I have an extremely busy week coming up, so it will probably be a little over a week before I can post the next update. Don't worry I'm not disappearing again. I'll be back posting twice a week in February.
Thanks for reading!
