The next few months go by in a flash, I spend most of my time with Ruby. She amazes me every day. Her hair is curly and her eyes get brighter every day. She smiles during bath time and is finally sleeping through the night. I still haven't been able to bring myself to go back into the home I shared with Opie. Instead of selling it or even Kip's house for that matter, there are club members staying in both residences until I figure out what I want to do. As far as finances go everything is taken care of, Opie really did have all of his ducks in a row. I actually ended up quitting my job with all of the stress, with option to come back when I'm ready. Right now though, I am only focused on Ruby and keeping up the appearance that Jackson and I are together, even though we certainly are not. He seems to take his lack of time he gets to spend with his own son and invests it on Ruby. I can tell he misses him and it does help that he is here for me. Social services is pretty active with us these days, making sure she is well kept after and that I am emotionally stable. Granted, I haven't ever felt more if a mess than I am now I would say I am keeping up a good front - Gemma confirms often. Although they are not blood, they truly have been there for me. Even on my worst days, when I can't bare to look at my daughter. Now, I know that sounds horrible to say but sometimes when she smiles it hurts my heart. I see so much of Opie in her already and while I'm trying desperately to remain strong at some point we all fall into our weakness. Today is one of those days, thankfully Gemma has decided to watch her throughout the weekend. I have the house pretty much to myself other than Jackson and currently he is trying to convince me to go out. I'm hesitant but after he reminds me it's my own birthday and that everyone is waiting on me do I decide I will go out. I almost forgot what it was like to dress nice, to do your hair, or even wear make up but tonight I try. For the first time in what seems like forever I do feel like a lady. I scan my closet, looking for anything that might still fit but too my surprise nearly all my clothes are too big, even the ones I had purchased pre-pregnancy. I rummage through for a moment, looking for one of my bodycon dresses. Coming across one of my older bandage cut out dresses, I pull it over me. Hell, this used to give me back fat. It fits snug but no signs of muffin top, so I figure I am good to go. I don't spend much time on makeup, a little eyeliner, lip gross, mascara, nothing to extreme - after all who do I have to impress? Slipping on a pair of wedges, I look over myself in the mirror. Here goes nothing.