Chapter 11
Carlisle had seated us in front of his desk. My stomach was churning and I wasn't sure if it was because of the two pieces of toast Edward had gotten me to eat or if it was because of the fact that my boyfriend's father was about to tell me I was a nut head.
"Bella, I'm sure Edward has already told you that we are all concerned about you. We're here to help you in anyway we can." He looked down at his notes thinking about how to proceed next. There was a voice screaming in my head telling me to run now while I still could. I knew it would be completely futile if I ran though because every one in this house could catch up to me within milliseconds.
"Bella, I know that you didn't want me to do this yesterday but I think it would be a good idea if we did a physical exam. It'll give us a better picture of what we are going to need to do. As I said yesterday, it's only if you are comfortable with it."
"Can we not do it today?" My voice was barely above a whisper but I knew that they could both hear me clearly. I was too scared of finding out what they would think of me once Carlisle did the exam. I wasn't ready yet; I don't think I'd ever be completely ready. I could feel my stomach revolt again and I was working hard to keep the contents, what little there was down. I think Edward sensed my discomfort because he began to rub circles on my back. Carlisle sadly nodded his head and wrote something down on his paper.
"Can I ask you a few questions then?" I nodded my head not really acknowledging completely what he was saying. "When was the last time you consumed a full meal?" he asked me. I tried to think back but to be honest I couldn't remember.
"What do you consider a full meal?" I wanted to clarify because I may have actually had a full mean now that I think about it.
"You're typical breakfast, lunch or dinner. I'm not referencing to a snack or a nibble at something." He looked up at me.
"It's been a while then. I honestly cannot remember." He nodded his head and jotted another note down on the chart.
"Have you ever used laxatives or diet pills?" I shook my head at him, I never felt the need to use those items because my weight loss had been continuous ever since this started. There was never a real point in my dieting where I stopped losing weight. "When was your last menstrual cycle?" I tried to remember back to the last time I had it but I could not remember for the life of me.
"I can't remember it's been a while." He nodded yet again and continued to jot down on that stupid chart in front of him. Edward looked over at me reassuringly smiling ever so slightly.
"Were you able to get her to eat anything at breakfast Edward?" He nodded his head slightly.
"Honestly, it wasn't much but at least she was able to eat a couple bites of toast." Right as Carlisle turned towards me I felt my stomach give one last churn before I felt the contents of the aforementioned breakfast make it's way back up. I sprinted from the room to find the nearest bathroom before heaving into the toilet. Just as I had begun to spill the contents of my stomach I felt cool hands holding my hair back and patting a cold cloth on my face.
"Shh, it's okay Bella. Just breathe." Edward was comforting me. I laid my head against the cool porcelain of the toilet bowl and sighed, so much for keeping that down. Edward handed me a glass filled with water and I gulped it down quickly. I heard Carlisle come in and whisper something to Edward but I couldn't quite make out what he said. "Bella, Carlisle is going to give you some medicine that will make your stomach feel a little better okay?" I nodded my head as I felt another set of heaves coming up. I braced myself against the floor as my body convulsed. Edward continued his ministrations on my back as he calmed me down. Finally they died down and I let myself collapse on the wall behind me. Edward sat next to me and scooped me up into his lap. I felt so weak as I rested my head against his chest. "You're so strong Bella, you really are."
"Okay Bella, can I see your wrist?" I held out my wrist for him and he took it gently before spreading a gel like mixture on my forearm and rubbed it in. "This is going to make you very drowsy but it'll allow your stomach to settle down a bit. Maybe after you wake up we can try getting you something to eat again." I was too weak to argue with them right now and I barely felt my head nod before I was dozing off.
When I awoke I was lying in a bed in Edward's room. I couldn't remember when Edward got a bed but I didn't really mind. I buried myself deeper into the down comforter not wanting to wake up just yet. I turned around to look for Edward but he was no where to be found. I could already feel myself panicking as I slowly climbed off the bed. My legs felt like jelly as I stood up and I took a tumble to the ground.
"Edward." I spoke hoping he would hear me. Within in seconds Edward was at my side carefully picking me up and placing me on his lap in bed.
"Are you okay Bella? I'm sorry I wasn't here when you awoke. I only went to speak to Carlisle for a moment." I just nodded my head and snuggled up into his side. It only took a moment before I started shivering against him. He delicately wrapped me up in a comforter and brought me back to his chest. "Carlisle." He called and just as before, Carlisle came into the room.
"How are you feeling?" He asked as he took my pulse. I felt sick still but it wasn't as bad as when we were sitting in Carlisle's office taking about everything. I just shrugged my shoulders too weak to do much else. "Can you try and eat something for us Bella?" I shook my head at him and buried my face into Edward's chest. "Bella, if you can't keep anything down, I'm going to be forced to place a feeding tube into you and I don't think you are going to enjoy that." I felt the hot tears welling up in my eyes. There really was no escaping this. I was too weak at the moment to really do anything about it but I wished so much that I could make my opinion known. I couldn't allow them to fatten me back up.
"Bella, can you please try and eat something?" Edward asked me as he hugged me tighter to his chest. I shook my head again as the tears spilled over. Edward just sighed and looked at Carlisle.
"I'm going to start an IV on you then Bella and at least start you on another banana bag. Your body is going to shut down soon if we don't get anything into you. Have you talked to your father yet?" My eyes bugged out at the thought of telling Charlie. Carlisle understood my reaction and grasped my hand in his. "Bella, you need to tell him eventually. He can help you too, he's not going to be disappointed in you." This was all too much for me. All I wanted to do at the moment was curl up into a ball in this warm bed and fade away. Carlisle took my hand and quickly inserted a needle. I whimpered as the needle broke my skin and Edward quietly calmed me down a bit.
"We'll let her finish this bag off and then see if she has enough energy to eat something. This is going to be a lot more difficult than I had originally thought. Until I can do a physical on her however, I cannot be sure just how much work we are going to need to do. The odds are in her favor Edward, many people beat anorexia everyday and Bella will be one of those people too" I heard Carlisle close the door gently and Edward climbed back into bed with me.
"Everything is going to be okay Bella, I promise you that." I was feeling very tired as Edward continued to whisper sweet nothings in my ear assuring me that I would get better. My heart was slowly breaking at the pain I was going to cause him. I didn't want to cause him any more heartbreak than I already had.
"Edward, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I'm doing this to you." I whimpered out. I was on the verge of tears.
"Oh Bella, don't even apologize, it's okay. I'm always here for you no matter what. I promise you that." He kissed my forehead gently and continued to hum to me.
"You're not mad at me for doing this to you?" I was a bit surprised. I feel like if Edward was in my place and I in his, I would be very upset with him for hurting himself like he was. He shook his head and offered me one of his most genuine smiles. I felt a tiny bit reassured but still not entirely. Before long, I had slowly nodded off to sleep again.
I awoke a few hours later and the sun was beginning to set. I moved to stretch when I felt Edward's arms tighten around me. My body felt like it was burning and I felt as if my limbs were made of brick.
"How are you feeling love?" His velvety voice filled the room and I sighed. He leaned down and placed a quick kiss on my forehead.
"I'm okay." I lied. My body felt extremely heavy and just the thought of getting out of bed and standing up was making my stomach turn. I didn't know what was wrong exactly but I was not about to complain about it to Edward.
"Are you sure? You're looking very pale right now." He placed a cool hand against my forehead and it honestly felt great. "Carlisle" he called.
"Edward, it's really warm in here." I pushed the blankets off of my legs and hugged myself to Edward in an attempt to cool down. Did they crank up the heat in here or what? The door opened and Carlisle walked in.
"Carlisle, she's burning up." Edward informed him. Carlisle did the same as Edward and placed his cold hand on my forehead frowning slightly. He pulled out a thermometer from his pocket and placed it in my mouth taking my temperature.
"102.4. is your head hurting?" I thought about it for a second before I noticed a pounding sensation in my head. I nodded to tell him that my head was in fact hurting. "Well, with your immune system as compromised as it is, I wouldn't be surprised if you've come down with the flu. I'm going to run to get some medicine to hopefully calm the symptoms down." Carlisle rushed out of the room and returned with two pills and a glass of water. "These may make you drowsy but it should help break your fever." Edward took the glass from me when I had finished and place d it on the nightstand before wrapping me up in his arms. I embraced his cold body in an attempt to stop the fire in mine. "I'll call Charlie and let him know that you've come down with the flu and that I'm going to keep you for the night, is that okay?" I nodded my head and snuggled into Edward even more; I wanted to stop feeling like I was burning.
"Oh love, I'm so sorry that you are sick now. You must feel miserable." He was sitting us up in bed a little when Esme came in bearing a bowl of what looked to be just some broth. "Esme made you something that hopefully you can keep down." She set the tray in front of me and smiled before quickly retreating from the room. Edward propped me up in the crook of his arm and took the spoon. "Just eat a little bit love, it might actually make you feel better." I hesitated a bit before I allowed him to place the spoonful of broth in my mouth. The hot liquid burned its way down my throat but the taste made me want more. Edward continued to feed me, spoonful after spoonful until I felt that familiar revolt of my stomach. I shook my head when Edward held up another spoonful. He moved the tray and picked me up and led me to the bathroom. He knew what was coming. I tried desperately to hold back the heaves.
"Don't fight it so much Bella, you'll use up what little strength you have. Just do your best. You're making progress." He had a cool cloth in his hand and was gently dabbing it across my forehead. Edward managed to grab my hair just as I began to heave into the toilet again. I could hear him telling me how he loved me and was so sorry I had to go through this. I continued to heave until finally relief came and I crumbled to the floor. Edward gently scooped me up and brought me back to bed. "You did well Bella. You ate more than you did at breakfast." I nodded my head at him.
"Edward, thank you for sticking with me through this." After seeing how much dedication he had to me I decided right then and there that I at least owed him a decent attempt at fighting this. I would do whatever I could to be strong for him. I loved him with all that I had and I didn't want to lose him. I knew that if I continued with this that I would ultimately end up losing him whether it is because he left or because I killed myself and I did not want either of those option to happen.
"Of course love, I'm here for you for anything, always." Edward kissed my forehead and we fell into a comfortable silence. It wasn't long before Alice burst into the room in all of her pixie like glory.
"Bella! I just thought I'd come and keep you company. All you've seen is Edward and he gets really boring after a while." She flopped herself right in between Edward and me and attempted to push Edward clear off the bed but he held firm.
"Have you ever heard of knocking Alice? What if Bella and I were having a private conversation?" Edward asked her as he shoved back trying to keep his spot on the bed.
"Oh please Edward, like I couldn't hear what you guys were saying even if you were talking. Now could you leave and give Bella and me some girl time? You can't just hog her all to yourself you know." Alice asked him sweetly and batted her thick eyelashes at him.
"I'll leave as long as Bella is okay with it Alice." They both turned to look at me and I debated in my head quickly before giving him the okay.
"You go and hunt, your eyes are getting darker." He nodded in compliance and quickly left Alice and I alone in his room.
"So Bella, I figured that when you get better we could go shopping and buy some really adorable outfits! I've seen your closet and it needs work, lots of work!" She had way too much energy and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle it.
"Um, Alice, I don't really like shopping. It's kind of a waste of time in my own opinion." She scoffed at me looking appalled with my reply to her shopping statement.
"Just you wait Isabella Swan, I will teach you the joys of shopping and soon enough you will be addicted." She and I continued talk for a while and before long it was dark. Carlisle came in and administered another round of medication and removed my IV from my arm. He told me to rest for the night as much as possible and when I was ready Edward would take me home. He asked me if I wanted to try eating again but I quickly replied no. Edward returned soon after Carlisle stopped in and I was thankful because Alice was talking my ear off. He cuddled me into his side and sang me to sleep like every night before.
A/N: Enjoy!
~Jess
