Chapter 12

Tim wasn't really hungry, so after showering, he decided to just get ready for bed, even though it was far from really being time to sleep. He started brushing his teeth and he heard a knock. He assumed it was Gibbs and quickly rinsed out his mouth before walking over to peek through the peephole.

He was right. Tim took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Yeah, Boss?" he asked.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow at Tim's apparel, the fact that he was holding a toothbrush. Tim shrugged, although he did feel a little embarrassed.

"I didn't feel like going anywhere, so I figured I might as well shower and change. Where did you go?"

Gibbs walked in and sat down on one of the chairs. Tim sat on the bed.

"What is it, Boss?" he asked.

"I went and talked to the detective who investigated your father's death."

"Why?" Tim asked. "I didn't lie about what happened."

"Didn't think you did."

"Then, why?"

"Because you think that you were in the wrong for killing your dad and letting your grandpa say he'd done it."

"I don't see how else you can spin it, Gibbs. I killed a man and then lied about it. That's pretty much wrong on all fronts."

"The detective knew your grandpa lied."

For a moment the words didn't really register. Then, Tim realized what Gibbs just said and he leaned forward.

"He did? How? Why didn't he do anything about it?"

"He did. He talked to your grandpa and all he wanted was to protect you. The detective sees what you did as self-defense. He doesn't think you deserve any punishment. So he went along with the story."

"What else did he say?"

"That you need to stop living in the past. You have a good life. That's what your grandpa wanted for you."

Tim set down his toothbrush.

"I don't know how, Gibbs," he confessed. "It's a weight I've been carrying around for half my life."

"Well, put it down," Gibbs said.

Tim laughed softly. "It's not that simple."

"Maybe not, but that's what you need to do."

"I don't know if I can."

"Then, when we get back, you're going to start talking to someone about it."

"If I do that, I'll have to let someone know what really happened."

"Already done that."

Tim smiled a little. "You know what I mean, Gibbs. I haven't talked about this to anyone except you. Not even Grandpa. When it was over, it was over."

"Doctor-patient privilege. No one will know."

"Unless someone asks."

"Why would they?"

"I don't know."

Gibbs smiled. "Then, why are you worrying about it?"

"Because I worry about everything."

"Well, don't worry about that."

"I'll try."

Gibbs got up to leave, apparently satisfied. Tim wasn't.

"Gibbs..."

He turned back.

"What happens when we get back to DC?"

Gibbs raised a silent eyebrow.

"Everyone is going to know that I already knew you, that you bailed me out of a bad situation. What..." Tim stopped, not wanting to ask for something he'd not had, maybe ever.

Gibbs' expression became just a little confused. Clearly, he wasn't thinking along the same lines. Tim lost his nerve.

"Never mind. What time is the flight tomorrow?"

"Noon."

"Okay."

Tim turned away and spied his toothbrush. He picked it up and headed back to the bathroom.

"McGee."

"It's nothing, Gibbs. See you tomorrow."

A long pause.

"All right."

Tim heard the door close behind him and he sighed. On the one hand, he did appreciate what Gibbs had done. On the other...while it probably made him ungrateful, it didn't seem like enough. Tim wanted more. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed.

What he wanted was stupid. He was an adult. He needed move past those childish ideas.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Gibbs walked into his room, wondering what Tim had been going to ask him. He'd had that same expression that Gibbs had seen off and on in the years he'd known Tim. He wasn't sure what it meant, but Tim hadn't wanted to explain and Gibbs decided to let him. After everything that had happened today, Tim deserved some time to relax.

Instead, he decided to let Ducky know that the crisis was averted for the time being. He pulled out his phone and dialed.

"What is it, Jethro? Did you find him?"

"Yeah."

"Is he all right?"

"More or less."

"What happened?"

"He didn't feel like he could have his life since he was hiding the truth."

"What truth?"

"He killed his father in self-defense when he was fifteen."

"Oh, dear. What led to that?"

"His dad was a drug addict who neglected Tim his whole life. Threatened him and his sister. Tim fought back and shot him while they were fighting."

"That must have been hard. How was that missed?"

"His grandfather took the blame and the detective decided to go along with it."

"And is Timothy accepting that?"

"Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Says he doesn't think he can let go."

"I'm sure it must be difficult for him, but it is a necessity if he's going to move on."

"I told him that he'll talk to someone when we get back."

"That's a good idea. Is he coming back?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

"The others will want to know the details. They've already been discussing it."

"Figured."

"What will you suggest?"

"That they leave him alone."

Ducky chuckled. "I meant to Timothy."

"I'll leave it up to him."

"If you don't mind some intrusion into your private affairs, Jethro, I think he'll need your advice."

"Why?"

"Because you're the one who knows the whole story and you know him. If you were able to convince him to come back to what he'd determinedly left, you clearly have some influence over his choices, and he probably cares deeply about what you have to say."

"He said I was the only one who ever told him what to do."

"That's not a negative, unless you can tell me he was resentful when he said it."

"He wasn't," Gibbs said, reluctantly.

"Then, he is likely looking to you to fill a void he's always had. Jethro, you need to be willing to open yourself up a little. I realize that it's not what you want, but if you truly care about Timothy's future, he needs more than just an employer. He needs family."

"He has family, Duck."

"Not enough. He has a younger sister. If he has a mother, Abigail hasn't been able to find her. Whatever family he might have had is not part of his life. You are. If he isn't explicitly asking for you to be his family, it's because he probably thinks you aren't interested."

Gibbs suppressed a sigh.

"I know that this isn't your usual approach, but it might be time to consider changing your usual approach. Even if it's just to let Timothy know that you're available for more than just when he's in trouble. Just keep it in mind. We'll be happy to have him back."

"I will."

Gibbs hung up and let out the sigh. But then, he thought back, not to his conversation with Ducky or even with Morrow, but back to something he himself had said, even before he'd met Tim.

"I'm not asking you to adopt him, Jethro. He just needs someone to call him out. He needs someone who will be there to push him when he starts to get off track. He needs a mentor, not a father."

"Sounds like he needs both."

"If you're offering..."

"No."

He had known what Tim needed just from his friend's description. He just hadn't wanted to be the one to fill that need. But it looked like it was going to be him or no one.

The question was whether or not he was ready to take that on.

Am I?

Gibbs had decided that he didn't want to get into a serious relationship after his last divorce. He had decided he didn't really want a family after he'd lost his own. How could he replace the perfect life he'd had? Anything he got after that would just be a pale shadow of what he had experienced. Why deal with leftovers?

But now, if he did this, it wouldn't be for himself, but for Tim. Tim needed it, but he needed something real, not something phoned in. But would Tim actually want Gibbs to try and fumble his way through that kind of thing?

Gibbs didn't know, and he wasn't really comfortable with putting himself in that position after he'd so handily avoided it for so long.

But it was time to take a risk and offer Tim what he was pretty sure Tim still wanted.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

The next morning, Tim ate the free continental breakfast, showered, lazed around the hotel room until Gibbs came and told him it was time to go.

They walked to the car and when Tim opened the door, he noticed a few fading daffodils on the seat.

"Boss? What's this?" he asked.

Gibbs looked at the seat and shrugged.

"From Detective Plummer."

"Who?"

"The detective in your dad's death."

"Oh. Why did he give you flowers?"

Gibbs chuckled. "He didn't. He gave them to you."

"Okay. Why did he give me flowers?"

"Said that daffodils are a symbol of beginning a new life and that's what you need to do."

"Oh." Tim looked at the flowers again. One part of him was wondering just how strange that detective was that he would randomly give flowers to someone to make a point. The other part was really touched by the gift. Then, he looked at the flowers again and at his watch.

"What, McGee?" Gibbs asked, sounding resigned.

"Would you mind going back to the cemetery, Gibbs? Just for a second?"

Gibbs looked at his own watch and then nodded. He didn't ask why. He just tossed his bag into the back seat while Tim carefully gathered up the flowers. Then, they drove to the cemetery and Gibbs navigated to Calvin Fielding's grave again. Tim was impressed that he remembered and that he knew exactly where Tim wanted to go.

Tim got out of the car and walked over to the grave. Carefully, he set the limp flowers down on the grave.

"Thanks for what you did, Grandpa," he said softly. "I wish I hadn't lost you so soon. I miss having someone who's always there. But I do want to have a real life. I hope that you're proud of me."

He stared at the grave for a few more seconds and then walked back to the car.

"Thanks. I guess I'm ready to go."

"You sure?"

"No, but I think so."

Gibbs smiled and drove them to the airport. They checked in, waited around, got on the plane, and didn't talk almost at all on the flight back to D.C.

Being back in D.C. was both a relief and a source of anxiety. No matter what Gibbs had said, Tim wasn't sure that he would still have a job or that his colleagues would truly want him back.

As they walked through Dulles, Gibbs kept up his usual swift pace, but Tim started lagging behind, just a little bit. A step or two. Or three.

Finally, Gibbs paused and looked back. To Tim's surprise, he smiled a little.

"You'll have to buy another ticket if you plan on running this time, McGee," he said.

Tim reddened and he sped up.

"Don't worry," Gibbs said, as they continued to walk.

"That's asking a bit much," Tim said.

"Don't worry anyway."

Finally, they headed out of the secure area and Tim was surprised to see Tony, Ziva, Abby, Ducky and Jimmy all standing there, waiting for him. Tony had even made up a sign with Tim's name on it.

As soon as she saw him, Abby grinned and ran over to hug him.

"You're back!" she said, happily. "Don't go away like that again, okay?"

"I'll try not to," Tim said, softly.

"Good. You scared me, Tim."

"Ah, you figured out where to go this time," Tony said, as Abby let Tim go. "I guess that means I don't need to keep holding up this sign. When you get lost, Probie, you really get lost."

"Lost?" Tim echoed.

"Yeah. You ended up in Seattle. That's lost. I would have thought you'd notice sooner."

Tim smiled a little.

"Welcome back, McGee," Ziva said.

That was all, but it was enough.

"Thanks."

Both Ducky and Jimmy also welcomed him, but Tim had to ask the question.

"Are you sure you guys want me back?" he asked. "You know I lied to you."

"Don't worry about it, McGee," Tony said. "All you have to do now is realize that we know what you lied about, but you have no idea what we've been lying about. It'll drive you crazy."

"I don't think it will," Tim said. "I'm serious."

Tony was still smiling, but he got serious, too.

"We're serious, too. Don't worry about it. You had your reasons for not telling us everything. I don't think we know everything now, either, but get this straight, McGee. You're not allowed to call yourself worthless. Only I can do that, even at that, I wouldn't with witnesses."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Tim asked, although he was smiling, too.

"I think so. Does it?"

"I don't know. I'll get back to you."

"He would never call you worthless, McGee," Ziva said, "because you are not worthless. Not even Tony would say that you are."

"Nope. I wouldn't," Tony agreed. "I'd say a lot of other things, but not that."

"So...now, what?" Tim asked.

"That depends on you, Timothy," Ducky said.

"Does it?" Tim asked. "I don't think it really does."

"Yes, it does," Ziva said. "We have said we are happy to have you come back. Are you happy to come back?"

"I think so."

"Why only think?" Abby asked. "Why don't you know?"

Tim hitched one shoulder, feeling very self-conscious with everyone staring at him. Thankfully, Ducky saved him from having to explain himself.

"Will you be at work tomorrow?" he asked.

Tim looked at Gibbs.

"Will I?" he asked.

Gibbs smiled and nodded. Tim looked back at the others.

"Yes."

"Then, we'll see you tomorrow, Probie."

"Okay."

Abby hugged him once more and then, they left while Tim walked with Gibbs to his car.

"You going to tell Sarah what happened?" Gibbs asked as they walked.

"I probably should. She's asked me about it more than once. I always put her off."

"You should."

Tim nodded.

"And tomorrow, you're going to start talking to someone about all this."

Tim nodded again.

"No complaint?"

"No. You're probably right that I should."

It was quiet for a few minutes as Gibbs started to drive Tim home.

"Are you thinking of running again?" Gibbs asked.

Tim shrugged.

"It's tempting."

"Why?"

"Everything is too complicated. I don't feel like it can really just go back to how it was."

"It can."

"How?"

"Just try."

Tim nodded.

"You really think that Director Shepard won't want me out?"

"I don't care what she wants. You're not out. Come to work tomorrow."

"Okay."

Gibbs dropped Tim off at his apartment and then, left Tim to his own devices.

Tim walked into his apartment and was surprised that it looked the same as it had before.

"You were only gone for a few days, Tim. What did you expect?" he said aloud.

He took a deep breath, went into his bedroom and sat down on the bed. Then, he lay back and stared at the ceiling.

They know.

The one person who didn't deserved to.

Nodding to himself, Tim sat up and called Sarah.

"Tim! Where have you been? I was really getting worried."

"Sorry. Sarah, I need to tell you about Dad. Can you come over?"

"Of course! I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Okay. See you then. Bye."

Tim hung up and waited for Sarah to get there. He wasn't happy about telling her, but now that Gibbs knew, he felt that he couldn't keep it from his sister any longer.

When Sarah arrived, Tim sat her down and told her all about what had happened, albeit without details. When he finished, he stopped talking and waited for Sarah to respond.

"Tim...why didn't you ever tell me?"

Tim smiled. "Sarah, you were seven. I really hadn't... I didn't want to talk about it for my own sake."

"But you were carrying that around the whole time?"

"Yeah."

Sarah hugged him tightly.

"Thanks for telling me, Tim. I'm sorry that I never knew."

"I don't regret not telling you, but with everything imploding like it did for me...I knew I had to tell you now."

"I wish Grandpa hadn't died," Sarah whispered. "Then, you wouldn't have been on your own."

"I wish he hadn't died, too," Tim said. "I hated losing him."

"You haven't lost me, Timmy," Sarah said. "Never."

"Thanks, Sarah."

The lead balloon was still there, but it wasn't quite so heavy as it had been.