The Locket
Embarrassingly long absence. *hides head in shame* I truly do apologize. I just graduated high school, so forgive me for being quite busy. Gonna try to finish this up soon, though! Thank you all so very, very much for the feedback you have given this story. Your words have meant so much. I love you all!
Absentmindedly, I reach my hand up to feel the cool metal of my locket. Its weight against my chest is the only thing that has been keeping me steady these past few hours. It is my last hope, my last chance, to save her. I just hope it's enough. Given everything I know about her, I'm not sure it will be.
We've managed to figure out the clock again, thankfully. We have supplies enough to hold us out a few days. None of us are injured too badly. Yet somehow I still feel that things are wrapping up. That my time is running short and I haven't done enough. I suppose nothing will be enough until she is safe back in District 12. Though if all goes as planned I won't be around to see it.
"Guess we should get some rest," Finnick says quietly, breaking the silence. He doesn't look like himself-still shaken from the jabberjays, he is hunched slightly and his face hasn't lost that haunted look.
I look to Katniss, who gives me a small smile that breaks my heart. "Katniss and I will take the first watch," I offer, and she laces her fingers in mine. No one protests, leaving us some time on our own as they prepare to sleep. We turn away from everyone as they lay down, instead walking several yards away to the sand, cool with the night's air. We sit together on the beach, in silence at first. I listen to the sounds of the others sleeping, the waves brushing up against the sand, Katniss' soft breathing, just taking it all in.
Because there isn't much left.
Eventually Katniss lays her head against my shoulder, pressed closely to my side. I reach my hand up and caress her head, breathing in the moment. With the end so rapidly apporaching, I want to cherish everything, and I would do almost anything to not have to break such a wonderful silence. But there are more important things, I know, than my happiness. "Katniss," I whisper when I could put it off no longer, pressing a kiss against her temple. "It's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do." I've known since the beginning that Katniss would try to save me, too. That's just who she is. She couldn't live with herself if she chose herself over someone else.
But I can't live without her. Period.
"I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." I think back to our conversation when he had sworn to do whatever it took to save her. It didn't take much to convince him. I think he realizes she is more valuable than I am. Katniss hears my comment with almost no reaction, though, and it's clear she thinks little of it. "So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us."
She perks up at that, eyeing me suspiciously, as if the thought hadn't really occurred to her before. "Why are you saying this now?"
"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve." I push a lock of dark hair out of her eyes, tracing my finger along the soft skin of her temple. "You're my whole life. I would never be happy again." I wish she could really understand how much I mean it. There is nothing for me without her. Nothing that matters, at least. She starts to protest, but I notice the second of hesitation before she did, and I lay a finger gently on her lips before she gets a chance. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who'd make your life worth living."
This is the hardest part for me, as I reach for my locket. Haymitch helped me make it, though it had been my idea to begin with. I know the only way to make her want to win is to show her what she still has to live for, and that's what I intend to do, no matter how painful it is for me. I slide it open, twisting my wrist so the faces inside are clear to her.
The words on her lips evaporate as she realizes who they are, her face melting into an almost heartbroken expression. Her fingers trace the faces of her mother, of Prim.
Of Gale.
It had never been a question to me, whether I would include his picture. I knew that out of everyone, he would convince her the most. And I want her to understand that, no matter what, I want her to be happy. She can be happy with Gale, I am sure. After all, it was him that kept her from loving me to begin with. So if I'm gone, what's to stop her from loving him? My happiness has never been what's important to me. As long as she will be happy, I will be at peace. My last-and only-wish is that she won't stop being after it all. I'm afraid she'll go to that dark place she went after her father died, without light or hope for the future. That is why the picture of Gale is so important, to show her that it is okay. It is what is best, what I want. I want her to live for me, while I will die for her.
"Your family needs you, Katniss," I breathe, closing my hands around hers. Not only the family she has now, but the one she could have. It's why I don't mention the baby. I want her to know that I mean this, coming from me. Not for the Games. She doesn't respond, but stares down at our hands, both encircling the locket of those she loved most.
"No one needs me," I say, my voice cracking on the truth of my words.
She raises her head slowly, meeting my gaze, her eyes shining with unshed tears. I try to wipe them away, but she shakes her head. "I do," she replies, giving me pause. "I need you."
It takes a moment for her words to register. Even more so for me to realize she means them, too. That thought scares me more than anything else, because if she cares for me I know there is no way she will let me go. I try to protest, but before the words can form she presses her lips fiercely to mine.
I tense, memories surfacing of forced kisses. Fake, though they seemed real to me. But this…this somehow seems different. Her hands move up my arms, clutching behind my neck and keeping me from pulling away. Not that I want to. Not now. Having her so close, every nerve in me feels on fire, and I pull her closer as if somehow I could fuse us together, keep her with me always. She responds enthusiastically, shifting so that she is sitting in my lap and twisting her hands in my hair. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to keep the tears from spilling out. Why is she doing this now? Why is she showing me that she loves me, too, in whatever way she can, so close to the end? I want to make myself stop, because I knew that all this was doing was making it harder for either of us to let the other go. But I can't. She's all I've ever wanted, and I know beyond anything that she's worth this pain.
I don't know how much time passes, and I don't care. It's not until the bolt of lightning hits the tree, signaling midnight, that I even remember where we are and what we are facing. Finnick jerks himself awake with the noise, panting heavily for a moment as his dreams—or nightmares—fade.
"I can't sleep anymore," he says. "One of you should rest." He glances up for the first time, taking in how Katniss and I are wrapped in each other's arms, our faces flushed and still close. "Or both of you. I can watch alone."
Katniss pulls away from me, embarrassed, and I let her go reluctantly. "It's too dangerous," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss." She nods silently, and I grab her hand and lead her over to the others. Carefully, I clasp the locket around her neck so that it rests near her heart. I watch her for another moment, just us before I have to let the rest of the world back in again.
With a pain in my throat, I reach down and rest my hand over her stomach. "You're going to make a great mother, you know," I tell her, and she looks confused for a brief moment until understanding dawns on her. It is over, now. This moment between us. The Games have returned, and we must play them if there is any hope of winning.
I sit beside Finnick in silence for a moment, me watching Katniss and him watching me. When I finally see Katniss' breathing even in sleep, I sigh and turn away. I catch Finnick's eye, just for a moment, and in it is written the deepest pain and understanding.
He doesn't say anything—can't, given where we are and who is listening. But I understand.
It's hard to love someone when you can't save them. When, despite your best efforts, you might lose them.
I know that's a potential, even probable outcome. That no matter how I fight the Capitol might not be satisfied, might claim her life as well. That's the worst part-the fear. But I know that's what they expect, what they want. For our fear to cripple us, and make their job easier.
And I won't give them that satisfaction. I will fight, and I will hope, till the very end.
Because as long as I do that, they haven't won. As long as I do that, there's still a chance I can save her.
