A/N
COmE on, peoples! I am INCREDIBLY grateful for all the favs I've gotten, but what I really value are you guys' opinions! Please help me be a better writer/give em more self confidence! Thanks to all you guyz for everything! and for the 2,000+ reviews I've gotten!
Chapter 12
I fly down the steps of Kurama's apartment complex, ignoring the red-head's cries for me to wait and listen. I don't have to ignore Hiei's voice—he doesn't say anything. And good thing too, I'm this close to socking him in the face.
I throw open the car door, quickly getting inside and locking the doors. I put the key into the ignition, revving the engine to life and immediately drive out of there.
I glance at the clock out of habit once I'm safely on the road, about a mile from the complex. Eleven o' clock at night. I better think of something good to tell my mom. Well, from the state of both the car and me, an attack in the park by a group of thugs sounds about right. Not quite the truth, but either way I've been brutally damaged. I ignore the double meaning that goes for my heart there.
I slow to a stop at a street light, impatient to get home and go to sleep. I'm frazzled, I'm angry; I'm completely and totally exhausted. I just want to get somewhere familiar, get some rest, and leave both Hiei and Angel out of my mind for the rest of my days. They apparently had a life together before I came along, I'm sure they'll find a way to make it work after I disappear.
I nurse the idea. Yah, I could disappear out of the country, to some uncharted island where no one knows where I am and just leave those two to themselves. I understand perfectly well now why Hiei was so torn today. He really was trying to remember why he liked me. Trying to remember what he had ever seen in me. I don't blame him either. I don't know what he saw in me—especially not when compared to Angel.
I have white skin. It's not pale or creamy or golden. Its just skin. My hair is brown, thick and untamable. It's not glossy or silky, and certainly doesn't remind any one of a waterfall. A nuclear bomb, maybe, but not a waterfall. Besides, I always tie it back, so even if it was pretty, no one would be able to tell. Then there's my face factor. Hazelnut brown eyes, black eyelashes, pale red lips, rounded nose with Hispanic styled nostrils. That was just about it. Nothing special, certainly not beautiful.
…Dazzling characteristics that make you stand out… that make you different. Hiei's words come back to my mind. I snort and roll my eyes, pressing my foot to the gas pedal as the light turns green. Dazzling characteristics? Yah, sure, maybe when compared to a dead log or something.
I can't help it bubble up. That sickening, hurting, ache that fills my chest. I grimace and tighten my hands on the steering wheel. Concentrate on the road, concentrate on the road.
A thought comes into my mind, and though I know I shouldn't I linger on it, I do.
I could just go right now.
I have money in the car, mom always keeps at least two hundred dollars in the hidden compartment under the seat. I have the money I've been saving up in the bank. I could just make one quick stop and take the money out. With that money alone, I'd have four thousand dollars. I know I could do something with that. I could drop off the face of the earth. Maybe I can pay someone to drive the car into the river, and I'll leave my blood stained clothes in the car, and let everyone believe I'm dead. Then I wouldn't have to worry about Hiei, or Angel, or any of the rest of the gang.
Then I remember something Kurama said.
Rekai keeps records.
I stop at a stop sign and use the second of spare time to hit my head against the wheel. Luckily I don't hit the horn.
Then another thought strikes me.
This one I'll follow through.
I take a right turn instead of the left one that leads to my house. With a smirk tainted with a dark, evil humor, I press hard on the gas, and go speeding down the road, knowing full well cops on this road are always asleep, if they're here at all.
Kurama stands on the far side of the room, watching indignantly as Hiei paces the room, his eyes looking places wildly. The red head is not one for loss of temper or anger without a fully proven reason behind it, but now was his uncharacteristic moment.
"Hiei." He says softly and politely.
The little demon stops his pacing and slowly looks over at him. He can tell by the overly civil tone—Kurama is not pleased. He narrows his eyes in challenge.
"We both know what Angel's done, Hiei. Why do you insist on this indecisive behavior? Mikayla-san is who your Jagan has chosen. Who your heart—"
"Don't speak to me of love and hearts, Kurama." Hiei snaps, his voice low and gruff. "I know as much of these things as I do of mothers and hugs, besides, we both know I have no heart." His teeth grind together.
"No, Hiei. What we both know is Angel left, and Mikayla-san sought after you when you left. We both know you have a heart. That is why it is hard for you to let go of Angel, and what you both shared."
"Be quiet Kurama." Hiei growls, his hands clenching into fists.
"I'm trying to help." Kurama whispers in a low voice, barely above the volume of the rustling of leaves.
"Don't." Hiei hisses.
Suddenly, the room freezes with a dark, seething cold. The wind blows with an eerie moan. Kurama, confused but understanding something important is happening, stands stiff and still. He watches Hiei who is frozen in mid step. The silence can be heard as Hiei's eyes widen and his pupils shrink. He watches as Hiei's hands shake and his chest heaves.
In a blur, he disappears, the open window the only proof that he was ever there. Kurama can feel the urgency and makes sure to keep his mental channel open, just in case his friend needs his help.
I stand at the top, my heart thumping in my chest as I stare down. The cold ocean breeze slaps my bare legs. Am I really up to this? I know I want to do it—always have. Tonight seems the perfect night to try. Who's going to miss me, anyway? My parents and sisters? I'm hardly home, and when I am, I'm in my room. They'll hardly notice the difference. Besides that, I know no one else is out there.
I set my feet, taking a few deep breaths and posing myself. I have to try. I have to let myself live a little. Whether coming here was driven by pain and stress or not doesn't matter. The point is I'm here and now I have to go through with it. I won't leave until I do.
I shiver slightly as the freezing breeze batters my bare body. Being naked out doors isn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, just as long as no one sees me. Then it's fine.
I hear a small flutter and look up behind me. Three ravens have landed on my car. They're looking at me, cocking their heads gently towards the sea cliff hovering tens of feet above the ocean, on which edge I am standing. It's as if they're encouraging me. Telling me silently, "What have you got to loose?" Though I don't say anything, I take this as a sign. They're right, after all. What do I have to loose? Life? So what, no one gets out alive.
I turn back to the cliff side, looking down at the stormy ocean below. The midnight colored water beckons me. I close my eyes, breathing in the salty air, stretching my arms out on either side of me, and allowing myself to fall forwards.
The air rushes past me, and I squelch the scream rising in my throat. I focus on the senses. The cold sting to my body, the wild wind raging through my hair, and the magnificent exhilaration filling my body as I wait for the impending water below.
Suddenly, I'm winded.
Hit straight in the diaphragm with something hard and slicing I open my eyes and realize something devastating.
The rocks just pierced my stomach.
I feel the already dark scene blur into black as my shaking arms lift my body from the slippery, bloody rocks. This was not what I planned. This is not what I planned at all.
I feel the salty ocean spray against me as the waves beat against the offending rock. I manage to lift myself off the spike that impaled me, and roll onto my back.
I gulp in air, trying to breath. Ancient survival instincts flair as I try to hang onto every fiber of life I have.
Well, I figure in my head, however distant that may be, if I'm going to go, might as well go the most peaceful way I can.
I let go of the rocks and close my eyes. A wave crashes over me, dragging me into the ocean. I feel the water swirl around me—the freezing ocean numbing the pain as I drift off. Slowly, ever so slowly, I'm engulfed into a deep abyss of black.
A/N
BTW, I did NOT intentionally copy New Moon with the cliff diving. I was jsut thinkign of soemthign dramatic, poetic, and water-involving.
Sneak Peak:
I snatch at his wrist, successfully restraining him from leaving. I look up at him and breathe in another raspy breath. "Say it again."
He's silent a minute as he closes his eyes and sorts things out in his head. My gash bleeds heavily, suddenly, and my hands shake.
"Hiei." I plead with barely a voice at all.
