Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, they belong to J.K. Rowling. Though I'd like to point out that if I did own them, Sirius would be alive! :: sniffles, then goes back to her happy world of denial where Sirius is safe and sound, and hugs a Sirius plushie::

A/N: Hello again all. Sorry it took me so long to update, but my internet has been screwy. Anyway, I won't be updating for about two weeks after this because I'm going on vacation! Yay. So I'll be back in about 10 days. I'll miss u all so much! Don't know how I'm supposed to survive without fanfics... Okay well go read, and I want to find a large buildup of reviews when I get back!

-Warning: Lot of pointless stuff in this chapter...-

Snape felt a warm tongue slide across his face. He moaned slightly and rolled over, trying to go back to sleep. A rather loud bark jolted him from his sleep. Snape hesitantly opened his eyes, and seeing the large black dog sitting next to him, groaned. "Sirius, go back to sleep," Snape said, pulling the pillow over his head. The dog started to whine. "Not going to work," Snape said, his voice slightly muffled from under the pillow. The dog growled, then lunged at Snape nipping him on the ankle, causing him to yelp. "Fine, fine. You win, I'm up," Snape grumbled, looking up in time to see the large black dog bound happily out of the room, its tail wagging profusely. From the shouts and protests coming from Harry's room, Snape concluded that he'd found his next victim. Snape sighed, and swung his legs over the bed, and got up.

Twenty minutes later, a relatively disgruntled Snape emerged from the bedroom, soon followed by Harry. They were both fully dressed and ready to go, though they looked asleep on their feet. "Morning," Sirius, who had changed back into a man of course, said cheerily. "What time is it?" Harry said, willing his eyes to stay open. "10:00," Sirius said, about to take a sip of his coffee. "Accio coffee," Snape said, as the coffee mug flew into his open palm. Sirius scowled. "Someone's not a morning person," Sirius mumbled. "Someone certainly is," Snape countered swallowing the coffee in two gulps, and handing Sirius the empty cup. Sirius sighed. "So you're ready then?"

"Yes," Snape said slowly. "Why are you so eager?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion that one can only achieve after years as a Death Eater.

"Are you kidding?" Sirius said, smirking. "Diagon Alley's the perfect place to spend the day, we can get so wasted-er-I mean go shopping for Harry's birthday present," Sirius said, eyeing the broom in the corner.

Harry frowned. "But my birthday's not for another month or so,"

"Shut up..." Sirius whispered, throwing nervous glances at the inanimate Julius. Sirius cleared his throat. "Right, so I uh made us a Portkey." he said, holding up what appeared to be one of Snape's socks. This sent both him and Harry laughing at the peeved expression on Snape's face. "Where'd you get that!" he demanded. "Wouldn't you like to know..." Sirius said in a singsong voice. "Yes I would." Snape said. Sirius chose to ignore him. "Well you have to carry it once we get there. I have it charmed so only the owner can carry it without activating it as a Portkey. After all, we need it to get home, don't we." he said, smiling sweetly. Snape grumbled in protest, and once again Sirius ignored him. "Okay everyone, grab hold." As they did, they felt the familiar jerk at their navel.

They landed with a thud on the ground. "Here we are," Sirius said happily. "Get off me you dolt," Snape grumbled, pushing the man off of him. "Uh, Sirius. This isn't Diagon Alley." Harry said, pointing at the sign that said 'Welcome to Hogsmeade' in bright bold letters. Sirius let out a string of curses. "I always get those two mixed up," Sirius said, looking absolutely crestfallen. "Oh for godssake," Snape said, feeling sorry for him. He pointed his wand at the sign, and muttered something quickly. A second later the sign read 'Welcome to Diagon Alley'

"Now it is." Snape said pointedly. "Damn straight!" Sirius said. He impulsively gave Snape a quick hug, before snapping out of it. "Ummm, shall we then," Sirius said clearing his throat, feeling slightly idiotic. As they walked away Snape leaned over towards Harry. "That spell is temporary. It'll only last five minutes, but let's not let him know that," Snape whispered with an uncharacteristic grin. Harry grinned back and agreed, pantomiming zipping his lips.

...

"Oi Harry! Over Here!"

"Ron!" Harry cried, walking over to his friend, who was accompanied by Hermione and Ginny. "I haven't seen you in ages mate!" Ron said, slinging an arm around his shoulder. Then Ron noticed Sirius and Snape.

"Ha!" Ron said, spotting their wedding rings, "With the rings and they way you two are actually within strangling distance from each other yet still alive, you two look like your married!" Ron burst out laughing hysterically, and he noticed no one was laughing with him. Everyone averted their eyes and coughed awkwardly.

"Um Ron," Harry said "Where have you been?"

"Hitch hiking through France with transvestites, why what did I miss?" Ron replied seriously, not missing a beat.

Harry pointed at the top of the page, indicating the title. Ron was silent, muttering aloud under his breath as he read the summary. Ron visibly paled and was speechless for a moment.

"Awwww," Ginny said, breaking the silence. "I think it was so cute. He did it for Harry...that's so sweet!" Sirius's face flushed a bit.

"Well I think Sirius is very lucky," Hermione said sighing dreamily.

"What do you mean? Snape's the lucky one! Sirius is dead sexy if you haven't noticed!" Ginny returned. Sirius grinned, puffing out his chest a bit, looking proud.

"Yes, I'll admit he is hot," Hermione said, and Sirius looked at Snape smugly. "But Snape is good-looking to in his own Prince-of-Darkness sort of way-"

"Ha!" Snape said, elbowing Sirius in the ribs.

"-And besides Snape is a man of great intellect and intelligence." Hermione continued, her voice rising slightly.

"Intellect and intelligence mean the same thing you wench!" Ginny shouted.

Hermione was quiet for a second, apparently thinking. "Shut up!" Hermione shouted, back lunging at Ginny.

"And I missed this for eleven bloody chapters!" Ron said, speaking up finally, ignoring the two girls rolling around on the floor beating each other to bloody pulps.

"That's pretty sad Ron," Hermione said, stopping long enough to comment before she went back to slapping Ginny.

"Yeah, I knew and I'm not even mentioned at all!" Ginny added, and then bit Hermione.

"And why was I not invited to the wedding!" Ron said, looking offended.

"Er, um." Harry said, looking away guiltily.

"What's this bit about you and Malfoy?" Ron said, continuing to read.

"We gotta go," Harry said, quickly shuffling Sirius and Snape into the Three Broomsticks leaving Ron to deal with the two witches who were still clobbering each other viciously.

"I'll get us some drinks!" Sirius said, hurrying off and leaving Snape and Harry to settle down at a table. "So whadya think of all that," Harry said, gesturing out the window towards the crowd gathering by Hermione and Ginny. "Bet you fancy Hermione now, eh?" Harry said joking, grinning.

"I wish you'd be serious Potter," Snape said coldly.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Oooo so you'd wish I'd be Sirius huh. Severus, you dog, I had no idea. I'm taken, but if you need him that badly, I'll go get him," Harry said, grinning glancing at Sirius who seemed to be in a heated debate with the bartender. Snape paled, realizing what it had sounded like. "May I suggest you use protection..." Harry said smugly.

"Listen you little-" Snape said, lunging across the table and grabbing Harry by his robes.

"Oh come off it already." Harry said, looking bored.

"What?" Snape spat.

"I know you fancy him, so you can quit the act."

Snape released his death grip on Harry's robes. Snape's heart did a sort of weird flip flop. "Potter I have no idea what-"

"Look it's obvious, and I'm not a dimwit nor am I blind," Harry said, looking Snape in the eye. "I think you just have unresolved 'Hogwarts issues' and-"

"Issues! I do not have issues!" Snape pouted, rather loudly causing several people to stare at them. Sirius had also cast a confused glance their way, before turning back to the barkeep.

"Look I know," Harry said, urging him to keep his voice down. "I saw your Pensieve if you recall,"

"Right," Snape said, growing red. "But I think he fancies you too." Harry said, delighting in the look on Snape's face. "I just you too need to stop living in denial! You share a bed after all! So stop being a prat about it and just shag him already!"

Snape felt his face go redder, whether from embarrassment or anger, only he knew. "Listen Potter, I'm not going to sit here and take advice about my love life from a fifteen year old!" he said, glaring.

"I'm almost fifteen." Harry pointed out. Before Snape could respond, Sirius as back at the table with three butterbeers so they both shut up quickly. Snape started at Sirius, who looked unhappy sipping from his mug. "Butterbeer?" he asked, smirking. "I thought-"

"Broom's got spies everywhere," Sirius muttered, shooting a menacing glare at a lamp sitting next to their table. It was leaning over closer to them, as if listening in. When it saw it was noticed, it quickly righted itself. Sirius turned away from the lamp, drawing a pouch from his robe and poured some of the liquid into his drink. The arm of his chair reached up and slapped the pouch out of him hand.

"I was just sprucing it up a little," Sirius said scowling a bit, resisting the urge to kick the chair. He drank his from, feeling content, because now there was more beer than butter in it...

...

"My Severus, I haven't seen you for a while," said a female voice to Snape's left.

"Hello Sinistra," Snape responded coolly. "C'mon Sirius, I'll give you the tour," Harry said, referring to the Three Broomsticks. "Professor." Harry said nodding at the woman before dragging Sirius away from the table, leaving them alone.

"Congratulations on your marriage," she said once they were gone. "He looks like quite a catch," she said, raising her eyebrows up and down and winking. "Eh?" she said, elbowing him in the ribs. "Indeed," Snape said pursing his lips.

"Oh I'm so glad I ran into you, you'll never guess what I heard!" Sinistra said, gushing. She paused for a dramatic effect. "Minerva and Flickwick eloped!"

"No. Way." Snape squealed, in an awed voice.

"I know right! I cannot believe it."

Across the room Harry continued his 'tour'. "And this is where I was sitting when I was spying on the teachers and I heard them say you were my godfather," Harry said gesturing at a booth in the corner. "Teachers are always gossiping..." he said, in low voice.

"I heard that!" Snape called across the room angrily.

"We are not!" Sinistra protested, looking shocked.

"Oh my gods, have you seen Avery Nott's wife?" Snape asked quickly, turning back to her.

"No, why?"

"She got a nose job a month ago..."

"No," Sinistra breathed in disbelief.

"Yes. She denies it of course, but Macnair saw her going into a plastic surgery clinic so we all know now."

"Wow," Sinistra murmured.

"And he's where I was standing when I decided I was going to kill you to avenge my parent's death." Harry continued, pointing near the door. "That was before I knew you were innocent of course." Sirius nodded, somehow managing to be completely bored out of his mind, and intrigued at the same time.

After a few more minutes discussion on Bellatrix's new highlights that 'didn't accent her facial features at all' in Snape's opinion, and 'made her look more hideous than usual' in Sinistra's, they said their goodbyes and Snape, Harry, and Sirius left the Three Broomsticks.

"Hey lets go in Zonko's!" Sirius said, pushing them into the joke shop.

...

Ten minutes later, they exited the shop. Snape's hair was a light pink color and his ears were now bananas. Sirius tossed a lock of his rainbow streaked hair over his shoulder angrily.

"Okay," he said in his new high pitched chipmunks-on-helium voice, "We are never to speak of this again."

"Me with fine," said Harry, who could now only speak backwards, and had a ridiculously large red afro and face paint, looking quite like a smaller version of Ronald McDonald.

"This never happened." Snape agreed. Sirius tried to shake on it, but realizing his hands were on backwards, shoved them in his pockets hastily. Snape grinned revealing his new beaver teeth. Snape clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Here of out get just let's," Harry said, before a young witch about five ran up to him. "Ronald!" she cried happily, giving him a big hug, before he managed to get away. They all sighed and walked away.

...

An hour or so later they had all gotten back to normal, though Harry sometimes tended to talk backwards on occasion and Snape had this slight passion for pink he would never admit to.

Harry was eating a Fizzing Whizbee from Honeydukes, when he glanced up at the Shrieking Shack. "Hey..." Harry said, an idea dawning on him. "What?" Snape and Sirius said simultaneously, though Snape said it less enthusitically. "The Shrieking Shack leads to Hogwarts right," Harry said, not waiting for them to answer. "So that means we could get into Hogwarts!" Harry said. "But its summer, so there wouldn't be-" Snape said, before getting cut off. "That's a great idea!" Sirius cried.

Snape sighed and followed them as they started walking in the direction of the Shrieking Shack. Suddenly, he heard a voice from the bush next to him. "Hullo little boy, I have some nice candy for you, if you'd like to come closer..." it cooed. "Hi Lucius," Snape said nonchalantly. "I am not Lucius," said the voice that was now using a terribly fake falsetto. "Just come out already Lucius," Snape snapped. Skulking, Lucius came out from the bushes. They were silent for a second before Harry said, "We're going to the Hogwarts through the secret passageway, wanna come?"

"Okay." Lucius said. They started walking again and Lucius ran ahead of the group, running zigzagged flailing his arms while making airplane noises. "Why am I not surprised," Sirius said, staring after him. "Nothing he does surprises me anymore," Snape said, shaking his head sadly. "Aw c'mon guys its fun," Lucius called back to them, as they chose to ignore him.

...

On the Hogwarts Grounds...

"Haha!" Harry said, in the bushes near the entrance of Hogwarts. Everyone was scratched, beaten, and their clothes torn from running to get past the Whomping Willow. "This is gonna be so brilliant," Harry said, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "Maybe I can sneak into that git Snape's quarters and-wait," Harry said, remembering the events of the past few months. 'Right he lives with us now, I forgot for a second.' he thought. "Okay, well than I bet I can sneak up on Malfoy and...erm...oh right, we're dating now." Harry said growing red, because apparently he had the memory span of a goldfish. Harry sighed. "Well now I don't know what to do,"

"Don't worry," Lucius said, comforting him, "We'll find someone," he said, narrowing his eyes and looking around.

In Dumbledore's Office...

"BOO!" Harry cried, jumping out from behind the stone gargoyle. "Oh," Dumbledore said, jumping slightly, "Harry you startled me." he said, before going back to the parchment he was looking over.

"Well that sucked!" Harry cried, stomping off.

...

Harry stared at the Marauders' Map, scrutinizing it with his gaze. 'Gotta find someone...' he thought. 'Let's see, who's here. Hmmmm Voldemort...Pettigrew...Vampire...Captain Crunch...Ghost of my dad...no.' Harry sighed. Harry grinned as he spotted a figure lurking outside McGonagall's office...

...

"Bwah!" Harry cried sneaking up behind Filch and popping out from the shadows. Filch didn't hesitate, nor did he stick around to find out what was going on. He turned and ran down the corridor, screaming bloody murder, arms above his head, and he never turned around and looked back. He finally stopped outside Snape's office (why we will never know) and he curled up in a little ball, a shivering terrified mess of a Squib.

"Now that's more like it!" Harry said, happy with the sense of fear he had instilled into the man. He sighed happily and walked off.

[Little did Harry (or anyone else for that matter) know...]

Outside Snape's office...

"Rawr!" Remus Lupin screamed at the hunched over man. Filch twitched than ran off screaming and running like there was no tomorrow, completely terrified out of his mind. "Ha, that was good, Gets 'im every time." Remus said through his laughter, wiping tears from his eyes. "Now back to whatever the hell it was I was doing here,"

...

"You got the sock?" Sirius asked. "Yes," Snape said, still not looking happy about it. He pulled it out from the inside pocket of his robes, and held it out in front of him. They all reached for it, even Lucius who hadn't left with them in the first place, but try explaining that to him. 'We might as well take him,' Snape thought 'Or Narcissa will be worried and think he's gone off and got himself lost again,' They felt the familiar jerk and landed in a crumpled heap on top of each other with a thud on the front lawn of Grimmauld Place.

"Need to work on our landings," Sirius said, spitting some of Lucius's silvery blonde hair out of his mouth. They got up, and Sirius brushed himself off, helping Snape to his feet. "Thanks," he muttered. Snape tensed up as he saw a figure outside the house. "Aha!" the mailman said, jumping out from the shadows. "I've been waiting all day for you to come home!"

Lucius made a sort of 'meep' sound and Sirius instinctively stepped in front of everyone, drawing his wand, but Snape pulled Sirius behind him. "What do you want?" Snape said, not in a mean way, but in a cautious and curious way. "I'd like for you and me to take a walk," the mailman said, his eyes glittering in the moonlight, a gigantic grin plastered across his face. He looked happy...too happy...

"Really," Snape said, "That's interesting. I very much like going on walks. Why just the other day I was out walking and-RUN GUYS!" Snape cried, as they all turned and took off running down the street as fast as they could. Had they been going any faster the street would have melted. In his haste, Lucius knocked over a pink flamingo on one of the neighbors lawns. In seconds, the owner was also on the lawn. He dropped to his knees and began to sob violently for the toppled over, yet not harmed in away way, bird. "I'll get you crazy kids!" he called, shaking his fist as he watched their figures growing fainter in the distance.

...

A few hours later, the four of them Apparated into Grimmauld Place, and Lucius stayed the night, too scared to go outside for fear of the mailman or Apparate home by himself...

Harry's Bedroom...

Harry groaned, as he glanced at Lucius on the floor next to his bed in a sleeping bag, wishing he had earplugs. "So do you wanna tell scary stories? I like scary stories. Do you know the one where the girl was at the library and then she came home and-Hey you know what we should do? We should play truth or dare. I like truth or dare. Me and Draco play it all the time, it's fun. He braids my hair too. I liked getting my hair braided," He hinted. Harry lodged his fingers in his ears, trying to drown him out. It wasn't working. "He says I have pretty hair. All Malfoys have pretty hair. You know who has pretty hair? Sirius does. But he's related to me, so that doesn't count. Your hair could be pretty too. You should just let it grow some more. And maybe find a good brand of gel."

Harry realized he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight and sighed, wishing like hell that minors weren't outlawed from using magic during the summer. That'd shut him up. Doing the next best thing, Harry grabbed his pillow and locked Lucius in one of the most vicious pillow fights of Lucius's life. And he was a Slytherin, so that was quite an accomplishment.

The "couples" bedroom...

"Don't think I didn't see that the sign changed back to normal..." Sirius grunted, kicking Snape swiftly under the covers, but he was laughing. Snape snorted, then rolled over and once his back was to Sirius, smiled into his pillow.

A/N: Wow that was a heckuva LOT longer than I had anticipated. Oh well I owe it to you guys for leaving you alone and defenseless while I go on vacation. Return of the mailman! Whoo, he's getting his revenge...And yes it was fun to scare Filch and make Snape gossip…and the Zonko's part too hehe.

I am proud to say that Lucius will be in all the chapters from now on, since there are only a few left. Any suggestions? I'd love to hear em out if you got em.