Sure enough, when our hero and his two companions returned to the gym that afternoon, Triton was hard at work on a round of squats, his glutes and hamstrings bulging excessively under his blue lycra shorts.

"That's him," Shang said, nodding across the crowded room. "Isn't he a little old for you, though?"

"Peh!" Gaston snorted. "No one's too old for Gaston!"

"What's your angle going to be, Gaston?" Lefou asked.

"I don't need an angle," Gaston replied. "I'm not going to try to catfish him or anything like that. No, he's clearly been around the block a time or two and we should respect that." He gave a sigh, half dramatic and half genuine admiration. "It's like a safari, or a nature cruise," he explained. "If I found the great white whale in the wild, I wouldn't kill him at the point of my harpoon!"

"I was in your apartment," Shang interjected. "Don't give me that bleeding heart crap. It was like having sex in a decently funded museum's diorama of North American wildlife."

"He also has a zebra," Lefou piped up. The other two ignored him.

"Fine, fine." Gaston waved a hand impatiently as Triton straightened up, putting his hands on his lower back and stretching, thrusting his hips forward. "Then tonight I will right these wrongs by turning the tables and giving his Moby Dick the opportunity to spear me."

Shang winced at the wordplay, and then again when Gaston threw his arm over his shoulders, drawing him close.

"This is the plan," Gaston said as Shang shrugged him off. "We're all going to go out to eat. I'll get him and you pick a restaurant. I don't care what it is, as long as there is plenty of protein to go around." He marched off towards Triton, turning and calling back over his shoulder. "And low sodium!"

Having left his loyal sidekicks to their task, Gaston strode up alongside Triton, taking a flattering and warm tone. "Good afternoon." He grabbed a clean towel from an inattentive gym patron passing by and offered it to Triton. "I couldn't help but admire your dedication. Perhaps we could discuss your training regimen over dinner?"

"Thank you," Triton said, accepting the towel, "but I'm not sure if—"

"Shang is setting it up," Gaston said, waving a hand over at where Shang was busily talking on the phone. Lefou waved back. "He's your trainer, isn't he?"

"Hm…" Triton ran a hand over his long white beard and his eyes over Gaston's body. Gaston noticed and tossed his head, flipping his hair and flashing his dazzlingly white teeth. "Oh, why not? A night out will be fun."

"Excellent!" Gaston slapped him on the back then shook sweat from his hand. "You will not regret this." He motioning across the room to Shang, who had his back turned and was talking on his phone, apparently setting up their meal. Lefou waved cheerily back and Gaston pretended not to see. "After the little formality is out of the way, perhaps the two of us could get to know one another better. I fancy myself quite the hunter," he continued with a waggle of his eyebrows, "but I've never bagged a silver fox before."

"My boy," Triton said as he stroked his beard with one hand, putting his other arm around Gaston. "To be perfectly honest Jafar already let me know to expect you. He's an old friend," he continued seeing Gaston's look of surprise. "Don't worry! Consider me already in your bag," he said with a wink.

Our hero's sudden stroke of luck vanished as soon as the party got to their destination.

"Sushi?" Gaston scoffed, scrutinizing the menu in front of him and tossing it across the table to hit Lefou in the face.

"You said high in protein and low in sodium," Shang said, flagging down the waitress. "Just avoid the soy sauce and you'll be fine."

"Made in Oregon," Gaston muttered, picking up the bottle on the table and putting it back down in disgust. "It's bad enough that we are eating raw fish, but you couldn't even take us to somewhere with authentic condiments? This does not give me high hopes for the quality of the rest of our meal. I bet you all wind up with parasites. Yes," he turned to the waitress. "I'll have five dozen tamago nigiri." Lefou handed her Gaston's menu. "We'll be doing separate checks," he added, "You're not sticking me with the bill for your food poisoning."

"Don't be so close-minded," Shang scolded him after the rest of them had ordered. "It's embarrassing to be seen in public with you."

"I'm just telling the truth," Gaston protested. "It's not my fault that this is all highly unsanitary."

"I told you that you say racist things, Gaston."

"Shut up, Lefou," Gaston snapped as the waitress came back with a pot of tea and five cups. "Nobody cares what you think."

"Actually, a lot of us agree with me." Lefou slid out of his chair and stood up. "That's why we've all come here today to let you know how we feel."

"What are you talking about?" Gaston was barely able to finish his question before Lefou took out a white index card and cleared his throat.

"Dear Gaston—"

Gaston groaned, dropping his head into his hand. "You have got to be kidding me."

"—We're all here because we care about you and we are worried about you. We think that some of the things you say are hurtful and create distance between you and others. For instance, when you said I looked like a, quote, 'sack of moist flour with legs,' I felt that you did not respect my feelings."

"You were wearing a beige tunic!" Gaston interrupted and then turned angrily to Triton. "It was a child's large and it came down to his knees!"

"Dear Gaston," Kronk began, standing from where he was seated one table over and reading off of his own index card.

Gaston looked around in confusion. "Where the hell did you come from?!"

"You're a nice guy but I'm afraid it isn't going to work out between us. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. It's not you, it's me." Kronk seemed oblivious to the confused looks the others were giving one another. "I'm just not interested in something purely physical anymore. I'm turning 29 this year, and I think that it's time that I find someone interested in the same things I am. Someone ready for a more serious commitment. Don't get me wrong," he continued, "I'm sure that you are a wonderful person in spite of your disregard for common courtesy and general hygiene—"

"I bathe!" Gaston's indignant outburst was cut off once more.

"—and maybe a couple of years ago it wouldn't have been a problem. I wish you the best of luck in all of your future endeavors, or as the Squirrel Scouts say, 'Squeak squeak squeakers, squeak squeakum." He sat down.

"Gaston." Shang was holding a card in one hand and reading off of it with a resigned air. "Lefou told me that if I participated in this he would pay for dinner. I think you're an arrogant, entitled asshole and that this isn't going to change that at all." He put the card down on the table. Lefou looked at him expectantly. "That's it."

"Dear Gaston."

Gaston groaned as Belle stood up from where she had been hidden at the table behind Kronk's massive bulk.

"On the one hand, I'm sorry that our joint eco-friendly farm did not work out. I still think it was a good idea, and maybe in some ways you were just ahead of the times. I remember how surprised I was to hear that you were such a dedicated participant in the slow foods and sustainable eating movements, and I think part of that surprise came from the fact that in most aspects of your life you seem to make every effort to come across as a disgusting man-pig."

"And you're all calling me a racist," Gaston muttered, slouching down in his seat.

"I still can't believe that you expected me to get up two hours before dawn to collect eggs," Belle continued, "or that you thought it was appropriate to tell me that you couldn't help me in this task because, 'I can still get something from my beauty sleep but your parents must have named you ironically,' and that I should, 'just think of the fields as an extension of the kitchen, complete with fat chicks.'" Belle lowered her notes to look pointedly at Gaston over her reading glasses. "It was for comments like these that I was unable to work with you and why those people who still consider themselves your friends—"

"I'm not his friend."

"—and Shang feel so strongly that you need to change your behavior. Show some of that introspection you surprised me with when you were talking about the ecological and social impact of our choices at the register."

Belle sat down.

There was a tense silence.

"Well." Triton stood up. "You kids have fun with your dramatics. I'm going to the restroom." He clapped Gaston on the shoulder. "Don't take too much longer, I have a chain of anal beads that are burning a hole through my pocket and I need to get out of here in time to pick up my daughter from choir practice."