Dear Diary,
Today I am full of the depression. And it's not just normal "hormonal-omygosh-I'm-fat-no-one-likes-me-Billy-will-never-ask-me-to-prom-I-hate-my-life-oo-look-Growing Pains-is-on" depression. How can I describe it…oh I have it! Picture if you will; Yuki, Kyo, and Hatori all having bad days full of flashbacks and internal turmoil then they're suddenly all smashed together and you squeezed out all their angst into a glass. The contents of that glass is how I feel inside. Like a giant vat of Yu-Yo-Ri angst juice…actually that image kinda made me laugh.
YU-YO-RI ANGST JUICE! 25 less juice; 110 more angst!! For the moody pretty boy in you! (Now available in 3 fabulously fruity flavors!!)
And yes there were implied homosexual tones within that advertisement that put their manliness into question. Oh yeah. I went there. And I got the T-shirt.
Hm…Yuki would probably want a fat free version since I hear he's on a diet…Tuturooty better be feeding him right. Don't want me Yuki getting all gross and chunky!...oh gad I just pictured it and threw up a little…I'm going to have nightmares now. THANKS TOOROOM. THANKS.
Enough about my fruity flavored minions!!! It's ME time. And why I am a vat of angst, you may be wondering dear diary? Here it is. I went out for a drive earlier today…actually, I didn't really drive…some guy named Steve drove me because I have a tendency to run over puppies, children, and old people in wheelchairs. That one kid got up and walked away though, and that lady should have seen me coming. Seriously. But whatever. So Steve and I go a drivin'. We've got the windows down and Shania Twain a blastin'!! Then we get to a stop light and a little blue car pulls up next to us. A cute little old lady is behind the wheel. I'm in a good mood and feeling gracious enough to allow this woman a moment of my time, so I lean out the window to wave at her. Apparently she saw me out of the corner of her eye…her…creepy…shiny…oddly colored…eye…THUS she whirled toward me with a large grin….and her teeth flew out. And smacked me in the face. YOU CANNOT MAKE THIS UP. Ugh. I could feel her old person saliva sliding down my now burning face. It smelt strangely of applesauce and cat. I don't know why it smelt like cat, but it did. What happened next was all a crazy blur. I screeched, whipped them off, yelled something about her mother being a hamster, I died a little inside, and Steve sped off. Way to handle the situation Steve. Way to go. Remind me to give that guy a raise. Wait. Do I even pay him?
I SMELL LIKE APPLESAUSE AND CAT. Not even GOOD applesauce! Stupid…crazy, cat eating applesauce lady. And that is why I feel empty inside. On a happier note I now know where to send Kyo if he angers me.
I should definitely start a "Yu-Yo-Ri" fruity juice stand. Those things would sell faster than shirtless picture of Yuki at a fangirl convention!!!...SCHEME FORMING!
Things to get
-camera
-ladder
-rope
-lemon squeezer
It's brilliant! I'm brilliant. Thanks Diary. I knew there was a reason I kept you. Now I'm off to take twenty showers…so that cat lady won't find me.
-The Head of the Sohma Family: Akito Sohma-
