Chapter 12
Inuyasha stared wide eyed at the demon inside, watching him stare right back as if he was completely caught off guard. The woman was still confused for a moment until her drunken brain figured out who he was and laughed.
"Oh my god! Inuyasha?! I haven't seen you since high school! I thought you moved away!" She gaped and looked at Sesshomaru, "Why didn't you tell me you two were still in contact?"
Sesshomaru's eyebrow quirked, "Well...he moved away for a year and a half...I didn't..."
"I should go. Sorry to intrude." The hanyou said quickly and turned around, hoping to get away as his chest swelled with that unwanted feeling of dread and sadness. The woman quickly caught his arm and dragged him inside the apartment before he could oppose though, and he was left watching her kick the door shut and letting him go to stand there.
It was then that he remembered who she was.
It really had been high school the last time he saw her, and it was their first year that made him feel like shit every time he saw her. Fresh into the scene, Sesshomaru had started dating girls in middle school, but it was her that made Inuyasha's blood boil. Kagura was always all over him, and even when he and kagome wanted to hang out with Sesshomaru on their own, she would always end up hooked on his arm and kissing him all over. It got so overwhelming that the hanyou refused to hang out with Sesshomaru for the couple months that they had dated. Rumour had it that she had fucked him at her house, but he never admitted it.
When he ended things, she never stopped sticking around, and Inuyasha's issues only grew worse every time she came near. After a year of not harming himself with blades and pain killers, he had turned back to them as fast as he had found the idea. Sesshomaru of course didn't know this, and now that the artist was standing in his apartment, it was the same ideas that dropped back into his head as he glared at the woman.
"I don't want to be a burden..." He growled.
"It's okay! Three is better than two, especially with alcohol. Now it's a party."
It would have been a party in his fucking bed if you weren't here, you fucking whore! Inuyasha looked away, ashamed of his thoughts for a moment before going to the kitchen to find some water before he freaked out. Just as he began rummaging for a glass, Kagura was shoving her bottle of wine into his hand with a smile.
"Come on. Let's go sit down and catch up. It's been far too long." She giggled and leaned on him.
Looking over at Sesshomaru, who was still awkwardly standing there watching him, Inuyasha glared at him as he placed the bottle to his lips and tilted his head back to chug half of the contents. The demon almost cowered as he retreated to the couch, allowing Inuyasha enough time to push Kagura off him and towards the couch as well, taking in the small apartment as he did.
It was definitely modern and homey, with some brick walls and sleek appliances. It was simple, with one bathroom in visible sight, a kitchen with an island, the living room, and a small bedroom. Inuyasha snuck a look at the bed before he sat as far away from Sesshomaru and Kagura as he could.
"So...what were you two up to before I crashed your little...party?" The hanyou asked quietly, swirling the contents of the bottle before he took a sip.
"Well...we got off work and decided to come here and hang out. Of course we got a little out of hand with the booze..." Kagura snorted as she began to laugh again.
Choke. I dare you. Just fucking choke.
"It's not very often that we do anything. Father usually has me keeping busy, so it was nice to..um...do something..." Sesshomaru trailed off, obviously feeling awkward.
"I see...so when did you start working with Sesshomaru anyway?" Inuyasha asked boredly, crossing his legs and leaning back as he drank the wine.
"Oh it was about...umm...oh, Sesshomaru..how long ago did you get me this job?" Kagura asked, leaning over towards the demon.
Casually tipping her back, the demon smiled, "I don't remember. I didn't think it was so important..."
"Kagura, did you know your lipstick is smudged?" The artist asked, gesturing to her, "It reminds me of this piece I did back in high school in my free time with this whore I saw on the street as my subject."
Sesshomaru slowly turned his gaze to the hanyou, his eyes wide with shock, "Inuyasha..." He warned.
"Sorry," He chuckled, "It was so long ago, I didn't think that you looking like a drunken mess would remind me of it."
Blinking at the artist, Kagura didn't seem to have an answer for him. Inuyasha knew he was being a jerk, in fact it was usually what happened when he was in the presence of women like her. Just like the blonde he had kicked out of his house, or rather every blonde and brunette and whatever the hell they were he kicked out. She just looked so...so...
"Inuyasha, are you okay? Do you need to go get some water?" Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes.
"No, I'm perfectly fine. Do you need water? Maybe a coffee for you and Kagura?"
"Oh! Coffee would be good..." She smiled suddenly, her drunken brain so off the tracks she was hardly catching on to his insults.
"I can go pick a couple up, so like...you two can go back to..I dunno...flirting behind my back or something." Inuyasha growled, standing up before he was pulled back down by Kagura.
"Hold up..." She frowned, "Are you telling me..."
"I'm not telling you anything." The two friends said at the same time.
"I think you should go home, Kagura. We can call you a cab." Sesshomaru sighed, standing up to go find his phone.
"Awww...already?" She whined, leaning over Inuyasha.
The hanyou felt and looked miserable as she continued to climb over him to stare at Sesshomaru. It was like nothing changed. Having him didn't mean that everyone would back off. No, everyone would still treat him like the weird artistic protege and Sesshomaru like some perfect god. It wasn't fair. It was...Inuyasha shook his head a little and allowed the demon to take her off of him and help her with her coat and shoes.
"I'll be right back, Inuyasha. I'm going to take her down to the cab and pay and then we're going to need to talk..." He frowned and opened the door for the drunken woman, disappearing after her.
The moment the door shut, the hanyou pulled his legs up and hugged his knees to his chest. Fuck, he was going to be in so much trouble. He knew what he had said was so uncalled for, but...seeing her open the door, the two of them looking like they had been caught in some act didn't make him feel good at all. All he wanted was one whole night in bed with the demon and now he just wanted to leave while he was out there. To escape was the only thing on his mind now, besides the urge to release the pain.
Placing the wine bottle down, Inuyasha let out a shaky breath and headed to the smaller bathroom in the main area, shutting the door behind him and locking it. He sunk to the ground and pulled his ears down, squeezing his eyes shut to make the thoughts go away. He didn't want to do anything bad in this apartment. He didn't want Sesshomaru to have this on his mind. Sinking a fang into his lip, the hanyou curled up tighter, resisting the urge to bang his head against the door. Pull yourself together, Inuyasha...not here...not here. You can't do this here. This isn't your home. This is his and he doesn't need this. He doesn't need your pain to be a burden...
Despite the thoughts battling in his head though, he still found himself yanking his sleeves up. He could do it here, and then hide them under his shirt so Sesshomaru wouldn't know, but he would still find out. Demons had too good of a nose, he needed to do something somewhere else on his body. Pulling his sleeves back down he wiggled out of his pants and pulled the legs of his boxers up a little. The old scars were still there. He always assumed that it would all just heal over and never be seen again. Little did he know, since he continuously injured himself in the same places over and over, it was getting harder for them to fade away. It would take much longer for these to heal. Rubbing his head, Inuyasha growled at himself, not even paying attention to his other hand as he dug his claws into his flesh. He needed to calm the fuck down. He needed to just apologize and leave.
He heard the door to the apartment click open again and his head snapped up. Glancing down at his leg, he cursed and stumbled over to the toilet paper to wipe up the mess he made on himself. Stupid! Stupid, stupid hanyou! Look what you did...he's going to freak out now...Sesshomaru is going to totally freak out! Placing a large amount of paper over his wound, he quickly applied pressure and tossed the other tissue into the toilet.
"Come on...come on, come on, come on...Heal up...stop bleeding..." He looked back at the door in a panic just as Sesshomaru knocked from the outside.
"When will you be done in there? I have to talk to you..." The demon said through the door.
"Uhhh...soon...I guess?" The hanyou managed to get out, checking his wounds before putting more pressure on them, "I'm just...finishing up..."
He heard the demon move away from the door, and he sighed, lifting the toilet paper and dabbing at the blood a little more before he pulled his boxers over the gashes he accidently made with his claws. God, it didn't help him much if he didn't know what he was doing. How could he have let himself do this? It was so stupid, and it felt nothing like what he remembered from his high school days. This was ridiculous, he was feeling so good and perfect all day and then this one stupid thing threw him off. Inuyasha wished he could escape and go home to nurse himself, but he drove all the way out here for Sesshomaru, and now his lover wanted to speak to him. He had no choice but to stay.
Pulling up his pants, he threw the bloodied tissue into the bowl as well and flushed to hide the evidence, quickly going to the sink and lathering his hands with enough soup that even he couldn't smell himself anymore. He needed to mask the scent as well as he could so he wouldn't be asked stupid questions. He didn't want the demon to see them or him in that kind of state. Finally leaving the bathroom, the artist straightened himself out and looked at Sesshomaru, who was sitting on the couch.
"Come here..." He heard the demon whisper. The hanyou went over and sat down as far away from him as he could. "Look...I know I told you that I loved you...and you love me...and we've been together a lot during the day when we can be...but when you showed up tonight...I didn't think you would come this far...in fact it scared me."
Inuyasha looked away, trying to look as strong as he could, "How so?...How could I scare you, when you had Kagura answer the door for you?"
"Nothing happened, Inuyasha. She's just a friend."
"A friend you've fucked before. A friend you broke up with. A friend who still wants in your fucking pants!"
"Inuyasha! I know it's hard to believe, but I do have friends outside of you and Kagome. I barely spend time with anyone else, and she offered to come over and we would drink like the old days. I thought she would have left hours before...But she didn't. And I'm sorry that I made you think such ridiculous things, but you need to realize that my life, no matter how much time I have devoted to eventually being with you, does not revolve around you." Sesshomaru leaned over, his hand reaching out for Inuyasha's.
The hanyou pulled his hands into his lap and hung his head. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. He knew he was being clingy already, he didn't want to be, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to be with the demon. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with him, but with Sesshomaru constantly leaving in the middle of the night to go home instead of staying over, it was so hard to not act this way.
"Oh fuck...I...I did it again...Shit..." The demon put his head in his hands, "I keep hurting you...all the time...Being with you has changed nothing with how I treat you..."
"I think...I think I'm going to go back home..." Inuyasha whispered and stood up, "Sorry to be a bother.."
"B..But you aren't! Inuyasha!"
Making it as far as the door, Inuyasha found himself trapped between the door and the demon, and he did not like where this was going already. No apology would fix what he had done to himself.
"Inuyasha...please don't go...You came all the way here, and I don't want you to go..I just..."
"You wanted to tell me off because I was rude. I get it. I'm horrible. Not let me go..." Inuyasha growled, but Sesshomaru instead wrapped his arms around him.
"No...please stay...I'm sorry...I'm drunk, and I said the wrong things...again..."
"I just...I..."
"Come to bed..."
"I should go home..."
The demon nuzzled his face into the crook of Inuyasha's neck and held him tighter, "Stay...come to bed... just stay..."
"You're drunk."
"More reason for you to stay. I don't want to do anything more stupid. Letting you leave...would be like letting you leave for good...and I want to make it up to you."
"You can't make it up to me...What is going on with me...and what you said...It can't just be fixed by you apologizing and sleeping over. I thought I said something like that before..." Inuyasha sighed and winced when he shifted his leg. Fuck, it hurt too much, "I...Look...I'll stay, but..."
Sesshomaru quickly released him and spun him around, lifting him up and pushing him against the door as he stepped closer to trap him against his body. The artist winced again, quickly gripping the demon and his thigh as his lover pulled him close and held him tight enough to walk over to the bedroom. The hanyou had to hold him tighter though, not wanting the drunk demon to drop him, and waited until they were safely by the bed before loosening his grip. Letting him down, the demon suddenly began to strip. Inuyasha's eyes widened and he quickly crawled backwards on the bed as Sesshomaru, suddenly completely naked, crawled over him. His quickly trapped him in a kiss, his mouth sloppy and soon leaving his lips to attack whatever skin he could.
Gasping, and trying to push the demon off, Inuyasha just wanted the demon to snap to his senses. "Sesshomaru..." He warned as the demon began to go after his clothing, already getting his shirt half off before managing to maneuver it around Inuyasha's body and flung it across the room before going to his pants. "No...Sesshomaru...you need to stop..."
The demon looked up at him quickly then went back to yanking off his pants. The hanyou growled and shoved at the demon, though it didn't do much, because his boxers soon joined the other clothes on the floor. It was only then that Sesshomaru stopped and stared at the healing gashes.
"Inuyasha..."
"No...No...Please just forget it. It doesn't matter."
"But...I didn't...When did you..." The demon looked up at Inuyasha, his eyes filled with pain.
"...I don't want to answer that...You're only going to be upset..."
"But...but you...Why?"
Inuyasha took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "I just...when you left to take Kagura to a cab...I just...I couldn't..."
"You did...you did this here?" Sesshomaru reached out and cupped the hanyou's cheek, "I didn't...I thought...no...this is my fault..."
"No! No it's not! You didn't do this! It was an accident! My fault!" Inuyasha quickly shouted, watching the demon bow his head and start to shake. Jesus, was he this easy to upset when he was drunk?
"I didn't want to hurt you to this point...not again..." The demon seemed to whine, slowly bending lower to the hanyou's lap. He pressed his face into his stomach and wrapped both arms around his waist, "I'm so sorry, Inuyasha..."
"Stop that...Sadness doesn't look good on you at all..." The hanyou sighed and raked his claws through the demon's hair, "Can...can I..." He didn't know how to ask this at all. Sighing again, he pulled the demon up and pushed him towards the head of the bed, propping him up against the pillows before he settled himself over his legs.
Looking down at the organ between Sesshomaru's legs, Inuyasha quickly looked up at him, "I don't want to use you when you're like this..." But how else do I make you shut up? How else do I make myself shut up the thoughts if not with your lust and pleasure? Am I so twisted that I actually want to fuck you to make all of this stop? Even though it won't ever be fixed...I want to fuck you... and then cry myself to sleep in your arms.
Climbing further up the demon, the hanyou spat in his hand and reached behind him to lubricate the already hard cock of his lover and slowly guided himself on to it.
This isn't right...but I don't know what else to do with us right now...if it will prolong the talk we'll have to have about my sick head and your fear and depression over my own problems, then I will do what I have to. I will do what I must to avoid all confrontation. I don't want you to hate me...I don't want you to worry...
Inuyasha moaned and threw back his head, slowly moving his hips as the demon flushed beneath him, hands reaching out to roam over his stomach and hips. Circling over Sesshomaru's dick and then moving back and forth, he clung to the demon and began to pant, tears already slipping down his face.
I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry...
A/N: . don't hate me. anyways...inuyasha isn't what I would say is someone who is like how most self harmers are...seeing as he rarely cuts and mainly ends up bruising himself once in a while...but like most people with this problem, and me included, he does not want people to know. so expect there to be a talk about this in the next chapter and stuff . I'll throw some fluff in too because this went so downhill in this chapter and like we know sesshomaru is gonna sober up and be like cuddling the shit out of him so yeahhh...;-; no regrets.
