A/N: Okay, I know everybody hates me cause of all the angst and I know y'all are dying for some sexy relationship time. I also can't wait to write it but I have an outline for the story and were not quite there yet. But I promise sexy time it soon! Stick with me, we're almost there. ;)
Chapter 12 : Not Again
Dean's POV:
I couldn't do this again.
This thing with Sam? It would only end in another fucking heartbreak for me.
The only reason Sam had come with me was to find dad, and now dad was dead. Where was Sam gonna go now? Back to Stanford?
I was not going to start this whole thing with Sam again only to have him throw it away not a week later.
"Okay, I'm feeling better. Thanks for the sex, it really sped up the healing process. See you later, I gotta get back to my classes."
Was that what he would say? Or think? Or do?
Hell if I knew, and my heart and shit was not being put out on that goddamn line again. Hell fucking no.
So as we lay there, fucking cuddling, and I can't help but let the cold take over again. Reason and reality are cruel, but true. So, I retract my arm and stand.
"Come on, let's go." I said.
I could tell Sam knew that I had put my walls back up and he was deflated at my change in mood.
"Okay." He mumbled, standing.
We walked back to the Impala, each of us throwing inconspicuous glances back at the grave.
When we finally reached the car, I kept the distance between us at the maximum.
We drove in silence to the motel.
"What now?" He asked out of the blue.
"As for me, I guess I'm just gonna keep hunting. As for you? Well, that's your decision." I kept my eyes on the road, not daring to look into those fucking hazel eyes.
"I – I wanna stay with you, Dean. Can I, can we-"
"Sam. We're not gonna talk about this right now."
"You never wanna talk about anything 'personal' or 'girly'."
"That's cause chick-flick moments are not permitted, asshole."
"Whatever. Anyways, Dean I missed you and I didn't mean to leave like I did-"
"Fuck you, Sam. I am not going to be your entertainment for a few months again just so you can leave again! No, thank you."
"You know you were not my 'entertainment' Dean! You know I had feelings for you but dad and I were fighting all the time and you sided with dad and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave."
"You didn't have to do anything! You left on your own damn accord!"
"That's pure and utter BULLSHIT and you know it!"
"Whatever Sam. I don't wanna talk about it anymore, alright?!"
"Fucking typical!" He scolded.
We kept driving, evident tension and anger filling the car.
I missed him too, god I missed him. But I was not willing to go through 'Stanford' again, if you know what I mean.
Sam's POV:
As we sat in the car I was conjuring up a plan.
I needed Dean to know that now I was here for good – I was here for him.
I wanted my Dean back so goddamn bad but I needed him to trust me again. I needed him to accept the fact that this time I was staying – for good.
But how do I do that when he won't fucking talk?!
Then I began to think... I needed to manage to get him to accept his own fucking feelings.
But how? How did we begin our relationship?
It was a fight – then my apology.
We're already fighting.
That was Plan A. Plan B would be put to the test if need be but I was gonna give Plan A a shot first.
We arrived at the motel room and I threw away my pride and stubbornness.
"Dean," I began. Every word I was about to say was true, but damn I didn't want to look like a pansy. "I-I'm sorry I left like I did. You know all my feelings for you, they were real – not temporary. I missed you Dean, the whole time. It's always been you, Dean." I kinda mumbled.
Dean looked at me, a hint of love in his face. But mixed in with the love was angst, betrayal, and hurt.
3 overrides 1.
"I know, Sammy. But right now? Man, I can't do this again. You're – you're sketchy, you know? I don't know, I mean, I can't predict what you're gonna do next and that kind of uncertainty... it's scary. I can't Sam. Not right now."
Fucking bloody hell.
I just nodded and walked into the shower.
Okay, time for a new plan.
What to do, what to do?
I had been craving Dean for years and now he's so close and I can't have him? It was torture. But... the fucking worst part is that I left him. (In a regular relationships eyes anyways.) But this was driving me insane. Being in such close quarters with him and always seeing him every hour of every day was making me antsy.
I couldn't touch him or kiss him or do fucking anything.
It's one thing when it's 5 years away from a person that you love and crave and you can't have them, but it's a whole other story when they're right the fuck there and you still can't do shit.
So I began to put details into Plan B.
It was a genius plan, if I do say so myself. One that Dean would, no doubt, easily fall into.
I didn't necessarily want to trick him into being with me, because I knew he wanted to. It was his hidden abandonment issues and distrust that held him back.
So I began to hatch my full proof plan.
Plan B was to be thrown into action soon.
Very soon.
