When One's World is Shaken
Author: MoonStarDutchess
Chapter 11: What Meet the Eyes
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA
Warning: This contains sexual assault and the recovery processes of such an assault. While not all reactions and such are the same depending on the situation, the recovery process used in this fiction follows the clinical and other circumstantial processes. The processes and reactions in this fiction were thoroughly researched.
For this chapter I stuck as close to the processes of reporting as I could. Sadly, there isn't a lot of information on reporting.
Liberties were taken with the laws of which police force and court (military or civilian) would handle Riza's case. The rest of the processes (such as the charges and reporting) are as realistic as possible with the limited research available.
What Meet the Eyes
Riza felt chills wash over her body as she stepped into the interrogation room. The steel grey walls, tables, and chairs made it look particularly menacing; like she was about to be interrogated like some criminal. Even the scent of the room had a sharp metallic smell that added to her queasiness. Armstrong must have detected her discomfort because he offered to get her some coffee.
"I don't want any coffee but some ice water would be really good. That is…if it's not too much trouble."
"No trouble at all. I'll be right back," he said, leaving the room.
"You all right?" Roy questioned.
Riza nodded. She walked over to the chair that was pushed under the table and pulled it out; cringing slightly as the legs scraped against the floor. She sat down; making sure that her back was facing the wall opposite the door. She crossed her legs, resting one of her arms on the table and the other across her lap.
Roy studied her for a moment before walking over and placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Are you sure?"
Before she could answer, the door to the room opened. Armstrong walked in carrying a pitcher filled with ice water in one hand and a filled glass in the other.
Roy moved behind her, placing his other hand on her other shoulder. He felt her body tense up for a moment, and then relaxed slightly. She was currently in a tense situation so he didn't expect her to be completely at ease.
Armstrong handed her the glass and sat the pitcher on the table, before going around and sitting down across from her.
Riza lifted the glass to her lips, letting the cool water wash over her tongue and down her throat, soothing the rough dryness. She sat the glass down and turned so that her legs were under the table and she was facing him.
"You might have to book him on charges of…" Riza trailed off. She couldn't speak the word. She cursed in her head repeatedly, filling her mind with various expletives; so many that it was as if they mentally overflowed, making her speak aloud. "Damn it."
Why couldn't she say the word? She'd said it aloud to Roy, to her grandfather and to Doctor Lawson. Armstrong was a friend right? She should be able to talk to him. Once again, a barrage of questions bombarded her mind. What if Armstrong took the rapist's side? What if the entire place did? What if they saw her as so filthy that she didn't deserve to press charges? Was she doing the right thing by reporting it? Would reporting it be of any benefit to anyone? Would it bring anything other than embarrassment to her and Roy?
Riza mentally punched herself for taking her thoughts in that direction. She ran her session with Doctor Lawson through her mind; resurrected every word of encouragement and comfort that Roy spoke in the past weeks; and told herself that she wasn't the criminal, but the victim! Sadly, recalling all of those events did very little to calm her nerves or worries.
Armstrong stared at Riza. He didn't let it show but he was overwhelmed with surprise at her actions. She hesitated to meet his gaze when she used to meet it dead on. Her voice was shaking slightly as she spoke and she was very hesitant with her words. Normally she would have just bluntly stated what she wanted to say. She was truly different and he didn't know how to react to her now.
He stared at her familiar features and suddenly realized that the woman in front of him was still Riza despite the personality change. If he treated her differently then she would sense it and might close herself off. There was a definite reason for this change and he was both curious and scared as to what that reason might be. Until he knew it, he would be as supportive as possible. No, he would be supportive even after knowing the reason for the change. He could tell by her mannerisms that she needed it. He had a feeling there was a trust issue on her part that attributed to her hesitation. He would reinforce the fact that he could trust her. That he wouldn't betray anything she said to him.
"Lieutenant, take your time," he said. "You've known me for years; you can trust me. I won't betray you; I swear it. "
Riza looked at him and met his resolute gaze. "I know I can trust you. It's just… things are difficult."
"Whatever it is I will try to the best of my ability to help you with. As an officer and a friend."
"I know," she said. It stayed silent in the room for a moment. She looked up at Roy when she felt him squeeze her shoulder.
"I can tell him if you aren't ready," he said, upon seeing how incredibly difficult this was for her.
She shook her head. "You have no idea how much I wish I could let you. You have no idea how much I wish you could snap and burn all of what happened away into ashes. I can't let you keep taking care of telling people about this. You do it with no shame whatsoever and I can't figure out how you do so."
"I told you; there's nothing to be ashamed of," he said.
Those words hit her like a ton of bricks. Sure, he'd said them to her before and she'd heard them from her grandfather and from Doctor Lawson; but to hear them said in such an easy manner. To hear them spoken at a time when she wasn't visibly breaking down was a completely different thing. It was as if she was really hearing them now. It was as if they were coming in so clear and amplified tenfold.
"I have to rely on myself to tell what happened. I have to do this. It's a way to recover my self confidence and so I can learn to cope with what happened."
Roy nodded, his lips moving into a slight smile. He was proud of her words and the fact she had found the courage within her to speak them.
She made herself meet Armstrong's gaze.
"Please, this is very hard for me to reveal. Until I tell the entire event, please don't ask me any questions or interrupt my words."
"You have my word Lieutenant," Armstrong said.
"Thank You," she replied. She took a deep breath and thought about the many possible ways to begin what she wanted to reveal.
"Today wasn't the first time our house been broken into," she started. "It was broken into around three weeks ago. Give or take a few days. It's a time that I want to forget but know I never will."
Armstrong looked surprised. She knew it was because he hadn't heard about it and he was in command of the investigation unit; answering only to Roy.
"No one told you about it because we never reported it to begin with," she said, answering the question she knew was in his mind. "We didn't report it because …something else happened during that break in. I was afraid to report it."
She raised her hand to rest on the hand that Roy had on her shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. She took a deep breath to calm her rapidly pounding heart and tried to relax her body as best as possible. This was it. She was going to speak what had happened aloud to someone else. Granted he was a friend but that made it no easier because she knew that reporting it meant literally recording it on record.
"Whoever it was that broke into our house three weeks ago... the person... he... he raped me."
Riza's mind and body were now going haywire inside. As she spoke each word in that sentence, her body felt like it was becoming a tad bit lighter. It was like another huge burden in her mind was slowly being chipped away, as if it was a block of stone or ice.
"He stabbed my hand with a knife and…" Riza stopped to gain her thoughts back in order and to calm down a bit. She was starting to shake and her throat was becoming scratchy.
She picked up the pitcher and started to pour some water into the glass. Her hands were shaking so much they could barely hold it up. Armstrong reached out a hand and steadied it so she could fill the glass. Riza thanked him; sat the pitcher back onto the table; and lifted the glass to her mouth, drinking all of the water before sitting it back down on the table.
She took another deep breath then another, trying to regain her thoughts. She stared down at her hand resting on the table. Her fingers were in a bent position like they were clawing but the pads of her fingers were pressed down onto the tabletop. The place under the nail was red while the rest of the finger around that area was white from the lack of blood circulating throughout it. She let her gaze drift to the place below her knuckles, to the place where the rapist threw his knife. She wished the scar would just go away so she wouldn't be reminded every time she looked at her hand.
She could almost feel the pain she felt when she looked and saw it embedded there, when she dropped her gun and her entire world shattered. She could almost feel his breath on her and his menacing voice overpowering her; making her feel like a helpless little bitch. She could remember how he treated her like a fucking item there for only his amusement. Like she was some sort of property that was being violated. She lifted her hand to her head, her fingers spread, shielding her eyes and face. She began her deep breaths once again.
Roy kneeled beside her. "Flashback?" he questioned.
She nodded rapidly.
"Remember where you are Lieutenant. You are with friends," Armstrong said. "The rapist isn't here."
Roy looked at Armstrong with a surprised look. Armstrong just offered him a nod. Roy returned it, understanding that Armstrong realized Riza's need for affirmation of her where she was and who was with her.
"I know," she said. "I know that." Her voice sounded so desperate. Like she was still fighting, and in all actuality, she was fighting. She was fighting against a horrible memory.
She continued taking deep breaths and began pushing the flashbacks away. She kept telling herself that they weren't real. That the nightmare she went through was over and that she wouldn't go through it again. She tried to focus on the present instead of the past. Don't look back or down but look ahead. She kept repeating the small line in her head.
"Don't look back or down but look ahead," she said, aloud.
Roy and Armstrong understood what she meant. It was quite a good thing to remember. Not just for victims of assault but for anyone looking to move away from a tragic event in their lives.
She finally relaxed and brought her hand down from her face to rest on the table. She had to continue. She wanted to hurry and get this out. "He pressed me against the dish drainer and said he wanted what Mustang had, and that began with me. Then he said… he said that he was a nice man and I wouldn't feel a thing. Then he knocked me out. I … I know I remember recognizing his voice at that time. Now for the life of me I can't remember who it was. I don't remember waking up or sitting there in the floor. I don't remember Roy coming into the kitchen. All I remember is looking at Roy and finally recognizing who he was. That's it, that's all I can really tell you."
Armstrong stared at Riza. He displayed a calm look on his face but if one looked in his eyes, they would see abject anger. For the first time in his life, he didn't know how to respond to something. The skill of dealing with something like this definitely hadn't been passed down the Armstrong line for generations. He ran all the protocol and training he knew thorough his head, trying to stay professional yet at the same time be a supportive friend. He cursed the fact that law enforcement, military or otherwise, weren't better trained to deal with victims of rape and other assaults.
"I have to say it certainly points to Holms," Armstrong said, after a period of silence. "He was after some blackmail apparently. You neighbor; Major Hannigan, was walking by and saw the kitchen door broken down. He said he knew the two of you had been gone for a while so he walked inside to investigate. He saw Colonel Holms walking into the kitchen carrying papers that turned out to be your old IDs. He used his alchemy to subdue him then called security, who in turn, called us. The major said that while he was calling security, Holms was trying to turn him against Roy. He mentioned things like blackmail and important papers that were probably stashed away somewhere that would bring you down."
"There aren't any papers or anything he could blackmail me with. Holms is full of hot air," Roy said, turning to Riza for confirmation, which he didn't receive. Instead, he was met with a different sight.
Chills shot up Riza's back once more and she felt her blood turn cold. She shivered once and the next thing she knew Roy's jacket was draped over her shoulders. While her shiver wasn't attributed to actual coldness, she was thankful for the gesture and, as many times before, the familiar mixture of the cologne and smoke scent she associated only with Roy.
Suddenly, a sentence in Armstrong's words popped in her head and screamed at her. "Wait, do you mean that the kitchen door that leads directly outside was broken into?" She questioned.
"Yes, it was that one. Why?" Armstrong asked.
"The first time he entered through the front door. The door didn't seem to be broken at all and it was wide open when I arrived home. I drew my gun and went inside to investigate. Stupid I know."
Armstrong shook his head. "It was instinctive. I would have done the same thing. However, we don't have substantial proof that Holms raped you that night. Not enough that will hold up in court. All of it is circumstantial evidence. The "if he broke in once that meant he did it again" circumstance, wouldn't hold up in court …"
"We went to the hospital and had a rape kit done. I have the tag number in my purse," Riza said. "If it matches that should be enough."
"I see. We can use that and that will place him at the burglary that night but there's another problem. We can't prove that…" He trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. He knew it wasn't the case with Riza but he also knew that the lawyers for Holms would most likely argue that as a defense for their client.
"We can't prove what? Go ahead sir," she said, calmly.
"We can't prove that it wasn't willing," he said.
"Willing!" Roy roared, standing up from his kneeling position beside Riza. "What in the hell do you mean by that? If she'd been fucking willing then she wouldn't be fucking reporting it. She wouldn't have been in that kitchen floor among all of that gla..." he started but stopped. He didn't want to remember that night any more than Riza did. "You should have seen ho…" his voice started, in a lower tone, cracking slightly as he spoke those few words.
Riza laid her hand on Roy's arm. "Roy, I know what he means. He's not saying that he believes it."
Roy nodded. "Yes, I know. I just didn't think. Just saying you were willing is…" He looked over at Armstrong. "I'm sorry for losing my temper at you like that."
"I know. I meant that the lawyers may argue that case."
"My state that night, the photographs taken, and the environment in which it occurred will give my case strong proof. I was beaten up pretty bad so that should prove my unwillingness. That will say something right? It will convey I was assaulted. I mean I may not look my best normally but the photos taken of me that night will make me seem like a Miss Amestris beauty contestant."
"Then first we will have to get the rape test from the hospital then a court warrant for DNA testing and see if there's a match. Then there will be even more proof. After that, you'll have to consult the military prosecutor of your choice. You'll most likely have to repeat the incident several times. Are you prepared for that?"
Riza nodded. "I expected that," she said, her voice still shaking slightly. She hated the thought of having to reiterate the incident numerous times but she if wanted the bastard behind bars, it was necessary.
"Also, they may ask you about your sexual history," he said.
"They won't get much there," she said, laughing lightly. "Roy's the first and only that I've had sex with. What the rapist did was assault and violation, not sex."
Armstrong nodded. "Very well then," he said.
"There's something else that I need to do before I decide if I am going to go through with pressing charges."
"What's that?" Armstrong questioned.
"I need to see Holms. I need to hear him speak; I need to look into his eyes. I want no doubt in my mind that it's him. I have to see him face to face with no one-way glass between us. Is that possible?"
"We can arrange that. We will have to ask him if he wants his lawyer present. If not we can't proceed right away. Now are you absolutely sure you want to see him?"
"I am sure," she said.
"I'll go in with you of course," Roy said.
"I'll have to accompany you as well," Armstrong said.
She nodded.
"If it does turn out to be him, you will have to…"
"Let's wait and see if I know for sure," she said, cutting Armstrong off mid-sentence.
Armstrong stood, walked over to the door, and turned to look at her. "I'll have him put down the hall in interrogation room B and send someone to get you when we have done so. Come whenever you are ready."
"Thank you," Riza said.
He nodded. "Same strong woman," he said, and then left the room.
Riza was shocked. He didn't hate her, he didn't thing she was dirty, he didn't think she was lying, and he didn't blame her for what happened. He was the same honest Armstrong that always treated her with respect. The thing she was most thrilled over was that he was blunt. That he told her what he knew she may experience and he didn't hold anything back. Being treated the same as before her rape meant so much to her. She knew that while she wouldn't ever fully be the same person; she needed to be treated normal and not like she was standing out from the rest of the world.
She took another deep breath and found herself laughing at what she was doing. She'd been doing that so much lately that she could write a book on the healing properties of deep breaths. She exhaled and the sound of it leaving, shuttered. Roy kneeled beside her once again. She scooted her chair out and turned so she was facing him. He rested his arms on her lap and looked up at her.
"You did good Riza. Hell you did great," he said.
"He… he doesn't hate me Roy," she said, the surprise evident in her voice.
"No, he doesn't and no one else will. If they do they are either ignorant or completely stupid and heartless."
She lifted her hands to his head to run her fingers through his hair. Suddenly she moved to rest on her knees; pressing her body to Roy's; and wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He smiled and returned it wholeheartedly.
"I'm… I'm so scared Roy," she said. "I'm still so scared of him. I am so sick of having so much fear in me. Fear instilled by one stupid bastard. I've been up against men with guns and homunculi but I can't get rid of the terror at the thought of the person who did this to me."
Roy pulled her closer to his body and stood. "There's no shame in being afraid. Just remember that I will be there for you. Anytime you are afraid you can grab my hand or move near me. Remember that he won't touch you ever again. I won't let anyone touch you that way again. I swear it. "
"You sound like one of those knights in fairy tales," she said, with a tiny laugh.
"Sir Mustang; I like the sound of that," he said.
"You would," she said aloud, then muttered, "You are my knight."
"What was that?"
"Nothing," she said.
Roy pushed her away slightly to stare at her face. She wasn't crying but of course, he could tell that she was more upset than what she was visually expressing. He wanted to lean down and kiss her but the door to the room opened before he had a chance.
Denny came in the room and saluted. "Colonel Holms is in interrogation room B. Major Armstrong sent me to get you. Holms waved the right for his lawyer to be present."
The two looked at him for any signs that he may know about what they told Armstrong. He looked at them no different than he normally would, indicating that he knew nothing. Of course, Armstrong did give his word not to reveal it to anyone.
"Thank you," Riza said.
Denny let the two officers' step out of the room first then left as well, closing the door behind him.
Riza and Roy walked down the hall to the interrogation room. Riza took a peak through the small window in the door, to look at him. She remembered seeing him quite a few times but only speaking to him once. She never knew his name or anything to that regard.
She found herself wishing that all rapists had a special look about them. Something that screamed what true lowlifes they were. Something that would warn people about what they really were.
This man looked like a nice guy. He looked like the average man that a person would see walking down the streets of Central. He wasn't what she expected at all. She expected him to look more ragged and less… clean. She expected him to have a menacing aura about him, that would even be obvious from just looking through that window. An evil aura like Frank Archer or Kimbley had possessed when they were among the living.
"You ready to go in?" Roy asked.
"Could you give me a minute alone out here?"
"Yes, I'll go on in if you don't mind. I have a few questions for him. I promise that I will tell you everything that happened while you weren't in there. I'll tell you after this is over and done with."
"You knew I was going to protest to you asking the questions without me there?"
"I know you too well," he said. "I just want to ask about why he wanted to blackmail me."
"I see," she said. "I don't mind. I'll come inside in a moment."
Roy smiled at her and this time he got a chance to kiss her softly before going into the room.
