She remained rooted to the spot, staring after him in stunned silence.
They had never had a fight like this. Sure, there had been some nasty arguments between them over the years, but they had always managed to resolve them somehow before one of them walked away. And their fights had never had much substance, anyways, usually petty disagreements about lab cleanliness or what to name their creations or whether or not they needed a nonhuman primate as a lab assistant (they didn't).
But this one was different. There was only one other time she could think of where they had argued this severely, and she had been standing in the exact same spot she was now, separated from him by the lab's glass doors as she struggled to find a way to combat the Chitauri virus. But even then, even after she had lashed out at him, even after she had pointed out his insecurities in an attempt to fight down her own terror, he hadn't budged. He had stayed with her until the very end, had worked with her to find a cure, had even risked contracting the virus himself by entering the lab. He had been beside her the whole damn time.
She heard a strangled sob escape from her lips as soon as he was out of earshot. The exhaustion of the past 24 hours combined with her relief for Skye's safety suddenly became too overwhelming, and she stumbled over to the lab bench, collapsing in tears. Jemma had just wanted all of this to be over, and now that it was, she realized that the panic she had been fighting down all day had not subsided with Skye's recovery. She had fought so hard to keep her alive, and now Jemma had to face the fact that Skye was not alive by any of her own abilities, but through sheer chance. If she hadn't responded positively to the dendrotoxin, then all of their efforts would have been made useless. And Jemma would've failed.
She still felt like she had failed. After all, she hadn't been able to stop Agent Coulson from giving Skye the serum. Nothing she had done today had made a shred of difference.
And now Fitz was angry with her. Fitz, the one person she needed right now, the one person who would be able to understand the swirling emotions she herself couldn't even comprehend. Fitz always knew the right thing to say, was always able to comfort her when she was upset. She could usually tell when he wanted to be left alone, but right now she didn't want to be left alone.
What on earth had he been talking about? Fitz had always been prone to random outbursts, but most of the time she was able to follow his haphazard train of thought. What had he meant, asking if she had some kind of death wish? That was absurd. She didn't have a death wish.
Did she?
She thought back to the incident on the train. All she had seen was that grenade ready to go off. All she had been able to think of was that Fitz and Skye couldn't get hurt. She hadn't even put herself into the equation. All she had known was that she was the only thing that could prevent that grenade from harming her team. Her friends.
And it had been the same thing with the Chitauri virus. She wasn't going to risk the lives of other people for no reason other than to appeal to her own sense of comfort. She had thought it had been too late. She had thought the antiserum hadn't worked. They had been out of options, and the only logical conclusion she had come to was, again, to remove herself from the equation. That's what any of the rest of them would've done. She knew that Ward or Coulson or even May wouldn't have hesitated to make the same decision. So she had only been doing the proper thing…right?
And surely that didn't mean she had a death wish?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone approaching. She looked up to yell at Fitz and tell him to go away when she was surprised to see a very uncomfortable-looking Ward standing in front of her. She quickly wiped the tears off of her face and tried to sit up straighter.
"Oh, um…is everything all right? Has Skye-"
"She's awake," Ward responded, meeting her gaze and then looking away. She could tell that he desperately wanted to be anywhere else. She tried to give him a smile in the hopes of alleviating some of the awkwardness.
"Really?" She put as much enthusiasm as she could behind her words. "That's great."
"Yeah, they're, uh, moving her to a different room now. One that's not so…you know, isolated."
She laughed a little despite herself and nodded, looking down at her hands. She could feel the tears threatening to surface again, and figured Ward would leave the room now that he had delivered the news. So she was surprised when out of the corner of her eye she saw him tentatively sit down next to her. She heard him take a deep breath, like he was gathering up the courage to say something comforting. Oh, dear. He didn't do this kind of thing very often, did he?
"You know, Simmons…Skye wouldn't even be alive right now if it weren't for you."
So that's what he thought she was upset about. She supposed that made sense, given the circumstances. And he wasn't entirely wrong.
"It's just been a long day, you know?" she replied, looking up at him. She saw him nod absentmindedly, the dark circles under his eyes a clear indication of just how much he understood. Jemma sighed. "Fitz thinks I have a death wish," she groaned before she could stop herself.
She could feel Ward's concerned eyes on her and kept her gaze down on the table. Why had she said that? She didn't need to bring Ward into her problem with Fitz. He had enough of his own problems to deal with. She heard him breathe out slowly and pause before venturing forward.
"Well…can you blame him?" Jemma looked up at him in surprise. "Coulson told me what you did on the train. That was above and beyond anything anyone here would have expected of you."
She looked away again, cheeks burning. So Ward agreed with Fitz? What was going on?
"I-I didn't even think about it," she stammered. "I was just trying to protect-"
"I know," he said firmly, willing her to look at him. "Believe me, I know."
He paused again, and at her inquisitive glance looked down at his hands. She thought that he had finished, but he seemed to inwardly make the decision to continue. "I've spent a lot of my life putting myself in danger to protect those that I care about." He glanced up at her. "But if I had kept that up, I would've died before long. Thankfully, S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited me before that happened. They gave me a way to fight back, and they gave me the tools and skills in order to do that."
Jemma held her breath. She'd never heard Ward talk so much, let alone about his past. She stayed silent and waited for him to go on.
"You and Fitz…you guys don't have the kind of training I do. You two do your whole science thing, and that's good. That's what our team needs from you." He was looking at her with a rare warmth that made her cheeks burn, but she forced herself to keep her eyes on his. "You're literally the smartest person I've ever met, Simmons. And probably the bravest, too." He gave her a small smile before growing serious again. His eyes remained soft, though. "But please don't take it upon yourself to make sacrifices that include your own life. We're a team, and like Coulson said…we'd hate to lose you, Jemma."
Well, that was just too much now, wasn't it? Jemma quickly looked down at her lap and fought back the tears that were welling up again. Goodness, how many times had she cried today? She'd lost count.
"Thank you, Ward," she managed to say, nodding to let him know she had understood his words. There was another pause, and she fervently hoped that he would leave and save her any further embarrassment. She felt his elbow nudge hers.
"You should, uh, probably talk to Fitz." She looked up and saw that he had a smirk on his face.
She groaned. "I'm pretty sure he hates me right now."
"Put yourself in his shoes, and imagine him taking a grenade to protect you and Skye without a second thought. And this is after he's already jumped out of an airplane to certain death to make sure you don't get electrocuted." He was trying to get her to smile, but his words just made her feel worse.
"I suppose I've been a bit selfish, haven't I?"
He laughed, startling her. "Quite the opposite, actually. But he's probably still shaken up by it."
She nodded absentmindedly, and as he stood up she quickly made a decision.
"Ward?"
"Yeah?"
"Um…would you mind…after this has all blown over…um…sorry, this is probably a weird question…" She hesitated.
Ward sighed with quiet exasperation. "Yes, Simmons?"
She powered forward. "Well, I know you've been training Skye, and that you're her S.O. and all, but maybe you could, um…" She couldn't get the words out, and looked up at Ward for assistance.
"Give you some self-defense lessons?" he finished. She felt the blush on her cheeks again and chided herself for being so embarrassed. This was the proper thing to do.
"Yeah," she admitted sheepishly. She looked up, expecting to see judgment in his eyes, but he was smiling.
"Of course." He gave her a small nod and began to head towards the stairs.
"Grant?" He turned around, a question in his expression, probably surprised that she had used his first name. She'd never done that before.
"Thank you."
The door burst open as Coulson stormed into the room, May following closely behind him.
"Oh, good. I, uh, need to use the little men's room."
Coulson ignored him. "Deal with it," he replied tersely before slamming his hands down on the table in front of him. "What have you done with Mike Peterson?"
Quinn just looked at him with amusement, and it took all of Coulson's willpower not to smack the grin off of his face.
"Ah, so you've finally connected the dots, have you?" Quinn's expression faltered slightly as he saw May take a step forward.
"Well that's too bad, because I actually don't know where he is. But trust me. You'll find him when he's ready to be found."
Skye liked this room better. It wasn't in the middle of the creepiest hospital wing she had ever seen and she was able to have visitors. There was even a window...giving her a lovely view of the neighboring building. But the morning sun was streaming in, so she couldn't complain. She had thought for a while there that she would never see the sun again.
She was just about to ring for a nurse to ask if they had WiFi when Fitz nervously popped his head in her doorway.
"Hey, Fitz." She beamed up at him as he hesitantly walked over to her bed.
"Hey," he replied. He had a smile on his face and looked genuinely happy to see her, but she could tell that something was distracting him. He leaned down and awkwardly patted her shoulders. Skye rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug, and he seemed to relax against her for a few moments before gently backing up and sitting down in the chair beside her bed.
"So, uh, how are you feeling?" he asked.
"Eh…I've been better," she said with a smile. He didn't seem to pick up on her joking tone, though, and a flash of alarm went through his eyes. "I'm fine, Fitz," she reassured him.
He seemed uncomfortable, trying to find something to say, so she decided to help him out. "So…from what I heard, you were my knight in shining armor last night." He looked at her in confusion, and when he saw her smirk he glanced down at his hands, ears reddening.
"Uh…I'm not sure where you heard that. I actually didn't do much. It was all Ward and Simmons who went and brought that cure back for you."
"No, Fitz. You made sure those goonies didn't come in and hurt me. You knocked out four orderlies with the Night-Night gun. Fitz…you're a hero." His whole face had turned red now, and she inwardly smiled. It was so easy to embarrass him. She hoped that he knew she meant what she'd said, but for his sake she opted to change the subject.
"So anything else interesting happen since I've been out of commission?" She had expected him to relax a little, but his face grew even redder and he placed his head in his hands.
"Simmons and I had a fight," he mumbled.
"What? Oh my God, what happened?"
He sat up and sighed. "It's nothing, really. I just…blew up at her for no reason and it was probably the worst thing I could've done."
She eyed him skeptically. "Was it really for no reason?" He looked at her in confusion and she rolled her eyes. "Fitz, I know we're not psychically linked, but I think I know you well enough to know that there was probably a reason."
He looked down at his hands again and shrugged. "All right, so maybe I was a bit upset with what she did on the train."
"You mean the grenade thing?"
She saw him wince. "Yeah," he said quietly, and she scolded herself. She sure had tact, didn't she?
"Sorry…if it makes you feel any better, I was pretty freaked out, too."
He glanced up at her in surprise. "You were?"
Skye was slightly hurt that he didn't think she had been affected, but she pushed that aside. She had been given a second chance to let them all know how much they meant to her, and she wasn't going to waste it. "Of course," she said incredulously. "You guys are like my family now." She hadn't meant to use that particular term, but once she had said it, she knew it was true. This time it was her cheeks that turned red as she looked down at her lap. "I couldn't bear to lose either of you."
"She saved your life, you know," Fitz said quietly.
"She did?"
"Yeah, she was the one who thought to put you in the hyperbaric chamber. When Coulson found you, you didn't even have a pulse." She looked up, alarmed at hearing his voice shake.
"Hey. Fitz," she said, her heart aching at seeing the tears in his eyes. "It's okay. I'm right here."
"I know," he replied with a small smile that quickly disappeared. "Skye…I am so sorry."
She was stunned. "Sorry? What are you talking about?"
"I should never have let you go in there alone. I stayed outside like a coward and let you go in and he-" The words were coming out of his mouth so quickly she could barely understand what he was saying, but she realized what he was getting at and decided to settle this once and for all.
"Hey," she interrupted him, and he fell silent. "I chose to go in there alone. I told you to stay outside and disable the cars. I wanted to get Quinn." She paused, letting her words sink in. "I thought I was ready, and I wasn't. But that's on me. None of this is on you. None of it." She needed him to believe her. She couldn't let any of them blame themselves for her mistakes. He nodded, not quite looking her in the eyes.
Skye figured it was time to change the subject again. "So how long do you think it'll be before Coulson ever lets me go on another mission?"
He laughed a little, and she felt some of the tension leave the room. "Yeah, I wouldn't count on that happening anytime soon. I'd get used to having him around because he's probably never gonna let you out of his sight ever again." She was about to make some sarcastic remark about how that was not going to fly when he seemed to remember something.
"Oh! I, uh...well, you know, we had some down time while we were waiting for you to get out of surgery, and I…you know, it's not important." He was blushing again.
"Fitz," she said, suppressing a laugh. "What is it?"
"Yeah, uh, I just, uh, made a little something for you, is all. It's nothing, really, actually, yeah. You know, you should just…forget about it."
Skye could hardly contain her shock. "You…made something? For me?"
He looked as if he was going to dismiss the idea again, but he must have changed his mind at seeing her face. He hesitated before nodding and slowly withdrew from his pocket a small object attached to a thin silver chain. "Really, it's not…it's just, well…here," he said, depositing it in her outstretched palm.
She looked down at the metal object and tried to hide her disappointment. "You made me…a dog whistle?"
Fitz's eyes widened. "No! Well…yes, technically, I suppose it is a dog whistle. I mean-"
"But…I don't…have…a dog," she said slowly, trying not to sound ungrateful but hoping that he would grasp the fact that she didn't, in fact, have a dog.
He sighed, seeming frustrated that he wasn't explaining himself properly. "It is a dog whistle, but not just any dog whistle. This one has been specifically calibrated to emit a frequency that corresponds to one of the Golden Retrievers, you know the, uh, the bots we have that-?" She nodded, remembering how the yellow orbs of light had been able to help the team track down May and Hannah. "Yeah, and obviously it's just a whistle so it's not electronic and can't be knocked out with an EMP device. And the Retrievers work for up to a hundred-mile radius, so I mean as long as you're not, like, halfway around the world or something, and you blow on that whistle, the Retriever will come find you and alert us to where you are." He paused, taking a breath. "I know it's not the greatest and obviously it can't completely protect you, but I thought-"
"Fitz," she whispered, and he grew quiet as he saw the tears in her eyes. "This is…" she paused, speechless. She turned the whistle over in her hands and noticed he had carved her name onto the side. The tears spilled over. "This is…the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."
She saw that his face had turned red again, so she wiped away her tears to spare him any further discomfort. But she was still in shock. "You actually made this?"
Skye saw a playful look in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a while. "With my bare hands," he responded and they both laughed.
"You know, Fitz…you didn't have to do this," she said, gesturing towards the whistle.
His expression had grown solemn again. "Everyone was off doing stuff to help you and I was just sitting around being completely useless as usual, so I thought I could-"
She stopped him. "Useless? Fitz, what the hell are you talking about?"
He looked uncomfortable. "Well…I mean…well, obviously I haven't done anything that could be considered valuable to the team. I mean, everyone knows I'm just here because I come with Simmons and because I'm good with technology, but when it actually boils down to it, none of that even matters and I'm-"
"Don't say it," she ordered, and he looked at her with alarm. She was furious. "Fitz, I don't know what universe you've been living in for the past few months, but something is obviously wrong if you think you've been useless. God, don't you even know how important you are?" He stared at her blankly, uncomprehending. "Fitz, none of us would even be alive if it weren't for you! You created the Night-Night gun that stopped Mike from blowing us all up. You helped Simmons find a cure for that alien virus that saved her life. You prevented a freaking war in Russia! And don't even get me started on how many times your inventions have saved us. Fitz, how could you ever think that you were useless?"
He broke away from her gaze and stared down at the floor. She could tell he was struggling to find something to say in response. "Fitz…" she said in a softer voice. "Whoever made this little beauty I have in my hands right now is definitely not useless." He looked up again and she smiled at him. "Okay?" she asked.
He nodded, but she could tell that she hadn't completely convinced him. Oh, well. It would be a work in progress. He was looking very uncomfortable at the moment, so she decided to drop it for now.
"You should probably go talk to Simmons." She had meant to say it so that he would have a reason to escape her presence, but he just groaned in response.
"She probably hates me right now."
Despite the seriousness of the previous moment, Skye couldn't help but laugh. "I can almost guarantee you that that is not true."
He looked at her skeptically. "I mean, I blew up at her pretty bad. And she was already feeling so guilty about your whole situation and I just went and made it worse."
"Wait, she felt guilty?" Skye threw her hands up in exasperation. "What is it with you two? She saved my life! What does she need to feel guilty about?"
"Well, Coulson put a lot of pressure on her when we didn't know if you would make it or not. She kept a strong face, but I think the thought of losing you really got to her and made her feel responsible for you. A lot of people don't know this, but Jemma actually has a hard time making friends." Skye smiled a little to herself at his use of Simmons's first name. He only ever seemed to use it in front of her when he was too distracted to use the more professional nickname. She was glad. She liked affectionate Fitz.
"She puts herself out there a lot, and she gets along with most people initially, but a lot of the others at school and at the Academy sometimes felt a bit intimidated by her. 'Cause, well, you know how she gets. Sometimes she doesn't even realize how most people aren't on her intelligence level." Skye smiled appreciatively but felt a pang of sympathy for her friend. She knew what it felt like to be alone in a sea of people, unable to make any lasting friendships. She was thankful that Simmons had found Fitz.
"And yeah, with me, we're on the same page." He paused and looked over at her with an expression of subtle amazement. "But ever since she met you, Skye, it's like she's a different person. I mean, she's still Simmons, but…I think you're the first real girlfriend she's ever had." Skye felt her eyes fill with tears again. Did Simmons really consider her that good of a friend?
Fitz didn't seem to notice that she was on the verge of crying. "To be quite honest with you, she'd probably be down for a slumber party with gossip and nail-painting or whatever it is you girls do at slumber parties." She laughed, and he chuckled a little as well. "But yeah…this whole thing has shaken her up a bit." His face fell. "I shouldn't have yelled at her."
"Fitz, I think she'll forgive you." He looked at her dubiously. "I mean, it's you." That managed to make him smile a little. "But you should still go talk to her." He nodded, looking distracted.
"And once you two have kissed and made up-"
He immediately began to protest, but she raised her voice over his.
"Oh, gross-"
"Then-"
"That's-"
"You can send her over here-"
"Not-"
"For some much-needed-"
"The way-"
"Girl bonding time."
"We do things."
Skye simply raised an eyebrow at him. He continued to look at her with annoyance, but she could see a smile playing on his lips.
"I don't like it, Hill."
She rolled her eyes again, glad that he couldn't see her. "You know Coulson and his team are the best ones to handle this, sir."
"Can't we just send Barton and Romanoff? They loved Budapest the last time!"
"Uh…I'm not sure we heard the same story, sir. Besides, the city's banned them from setting foot there ever again."
Fury groaned in frustration. "Fine," he huffed. "But I still don't like it."
