(A/N: Oh how I hate when things like this happen. Sorry for the long wait people. Schoolwork + Mass Effect 2 = almost no writing done. Not to mention the site wasn't playing nice either. XD I can't help it, Mass Effect 2 is just that awesome of a game.)
Chapter 9
After Pikachu was finished "taking care of business," he returned to where the others were. "Hey Pikachu, you're finally done giving it to her?" Monferno asked.
"Yeah," Pikachu replied. "How did you know?"
"The screaming stopped," Piplup said. "We could hear everything."
"Sorry about that," Pikachu replied. "She's a screamer. Hell, I remember we used to always keep the neighbors up at night."
"Speaking of which, where is she?" Buizel asked.
"Well, I came up with an interesting plan," Pikachu said. "I knew I had to leave her for Buneary, but I couldn't break her heart, especially after that. So, I found someone who looks just like me and is as perverted as I am. They'll both be happy."
"Wait a minute," Buizel said. "If you were going to leave her, then why do it with her?"
"It's simple," Pikachu said, putting his arm around Buizel. "We Electric-Types are amazing at sex. You know, with all the electricity flowing through us. It's kind of hard to describe."
"You're disgusting," Staraptor said, glaring at him.
"Hey, with all the boob-squeezing and leg-humping I've done (A/N: And you know what he's talking about!), you can easily see how perverted I am. So, what are you guys doing?"
"Teaching Honk Honk how to read and speak English," Monferno said. Pikachu looked over and saw Honk Honk and Grotle at a chalkboard.
"When we went into Grotle's secret stash, we saw it was loaded with crayons," Buizel said.
"And you think teaching him English will work?" Pikachu asked.
"Of course," Buizel said. "Everyone around here practically speaks English."
"Buizel, there are hundreds of different languages spoken in this world," Pikachu reminded.
"Yeah, and only one that kicks ass," Monferno said. "And that's English. English 101."
"Not to mention we're teaching him very important survival skills, like making a fire," Buizel added.
"Speaking of fire, I need a smoke," Monferno said, taking out a cigarette.
"Since when the hell did you start smoking?" Piplup asked.
"Well, it's not like I can't handle it," Monferno said, putting the cigarette in his mouth.
"Still bad for you," Staraptor reminded him.
"Whatever," Monferno replied, lighting himself up.
It was in that moment that he lit the cigarette that Honk Honk turned around. "Blarg?" He then saw the fire and smoke. "Blarg!" He then raced towards Monferno.
"Ah, what the fuck!?" Monferno said as Honk Honk jumped on him and started beating the crap out of him.
"Wow Monferno," Pikachu said, laughing. "He either really hates fire, or really hates you!"
"Ah!" Monferno yelled.
"I think maybe he doesn't like smoking," Buizel said.
"Not the face! Not the face!" Monferno cried out.
Fifteen minutes later…
"Ow…" Monferno groaned as he got up. "My entire body hurts…"
"Blarg blarg, honk blarg blarg blarg!" Honk Honk said.
"Yeah, I agree," Pikachu said.
"How the hell would you know what he's saying!?" Monferno snapped.
"I don't," Pikachu replied. "I'm just agreeing with what he's saying. But, most likely he's saying what a complete dumbass you are. And I would definitely have to agree."
"Fuck you," Monferno said.
"Honk."
"Don't even talk to me."
Soon, the group left the strip club. Raichu told them before they left they were welcome to come back at anytime. "I might even consider doing that," Buizel said. "There were some pretty hot chicks there. I could bang any of them."
"You do realize you have a female right behind you?" Staraptor asked.
"Your point?" Buizel asked.
"You want to get kicked in the balls?" Staraptor said with a glare, using Intimidation.
Buizel winced slightly. "No, especially if they're clawed," he said.
"Good, then keep your fantasies to yourself," Staraptor said.
"Staraptor, were you happier before as a Starly?" Pikachu asked.
"Oh yeah," Staraptor said. "But there's nothing I can do now."
"Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure Pidgeot is uber pissed right now…" Pikachu said, remembering his close friend. She hadn't been too much different than Staraptor, but he was sure now she was much bitchier and pissed that Ash had practically abandoned her.
All of a sudden, his phone started ringing. "What the?" He looked at the number. "Don't recognize this number…" He then picked up. "Hello?"
"Well hello there," a familiar voice said. "Hope you had a safe trip back?"
"You motherfucker!" Pikachu growled. "As a matter of fact, we're heading to your place right now and we're gonna give you a proper ass-whooping."
"No, I think it is you who will be getting an ass-whooping," Alakazam said. "You do not even know what I'm capable of doing. Besides, it's not like I don't have friends."
"Oh what? The imaginary ones or the young ones stuck in the closet?" Pikachu asked.
"You bastard!" Alakazam said angrily. "You think you're so high and mighty because you think the world loves and adores you. But times are changing boy, and you won't always be on top. There'll be someone to take your place and I will make sure to be there when you're all depressed and crying on the floor!"
"Are you done rambling yet?" Pikachu said, rather irritated now.
"Fine, but just remember what I said," Alakazam said before hanging up.
"Was that who I think it was?" Buizel asked.
"Yeah," Pikachu replied. "Fucking asshole."
"Okay, so pretty much we have to go past Veilstone City, Solaceon Town, Celestic Town, and Eterna Forest," Piplup said. "This is definitely going to be a long trip still."
"And it's starting to get dark," Staraptor said. "We may need to find some shelter."
"Good idea," Pikachu said. He looked over to an open clearing. "Well, this looks appeasing enough."
Unfortunately, as it turned out, that proved to be wrong once they went over to that clearing. Because soon before they knew it, about two canisters shot into the air and onto the ground, dispensing some sort of gas. "What the hell!?" Piplup said, who suddenly started coughing.
"Oh shit, its sleeping gas…" Buizel said, falling asleep and soon the others did the same.
What felt like hours later, the group soon found themselves in some sort of hole. "Oh Arceus, now what the hell happened to us?" Monferno said.
"Well, we were obviously gassed," Buizel said.
"And we're in a hole," Piplup added.
"It felt good to sleep," Grotle said. "At least we didn't get the bad gas that those people with tattoos got." Nobody even bothered to tell Grotle that he had just said.
Staraptor then looked up. "Wherever we are, we won't be able to get out," she said. The hole had been covered with a grate. Even Staraptor wouldn't be able to inch through.
"Well, obviously this was a trap," Pikachu said. "But by whom I wonder…? Hey, where's what's his face?"
"Blarg blarg, blarg blarg!" They looked up and saw Honk Honk standing right above the grate.
"Crunchbite, how did you get up there?" Grotle asked.
"Wait a minute…" Pikachu said. "Hey buddy, try using Hyper Beam to melt that grate off."
"Honk blarg blarg!" Honk Honk then said.
"What are you yelling about now, Honk Honk?" a voice then said. However, it sounded like one of those voice boxes that you hear nowadays.
"Blarg blarg, honk!" Honk Honk said.
"What are you talking about? They have to be female, I mean they looked it."
"Dude, what the fuck!?" Pikachu yelled upwards.
"Huh?" the figure said, looking down. Apparently he had his appearance covered as well. Pretty clever on his part. "Wait a minute, are you all seriously male?"
"Well…" Pikachu said. Staraptor suddenly gave him a death glare. "Why is that a big deal?"
"Sorry, I got things mixed up," the figure said. "For some reason, we had thought you were all female. It was kind of hard to tell at a far distance and all."
"How the fuck did they screw that one up?" Piplup said.
"Um… okay?" Pikachu said. "But why capture us in the first place?"
"Well, if you had been female, what we would've done after you all woke up was bring down a bottle of lotion, made you all put it on so you all glistened, and then me and my friends would've knocked you all out again and then rape you," the figure said.
"Oh… my God," Monferno said.
"But we're not gay," the figure continued. "We are totally straight. I think it's all been proven for us. Anyway, sorry about all this. I'll get you something to climb out with."
After about five minutes, they were all out of the hole. "So, is Honk Honk a friend of yours or something?" Buizel asked.
"Oh yeah," the figure said. "Seems he went out a little too far and got lost. I appreciate you getting him back to us."
"Um… no problem," Pikachu said, still feeling awkward in this situation. "So uh, I guess you're not gonna tell us who you are?"
"Sorry, can't," the figure said. "I could be so fucked for this."
"Whatever, we need to get going anyway," Pikachu said.
"I'm going to miss you Crunchbite," Grotle said.
"Blarg, blarg blarg honk, blarg blarg, blarg, blarg," Honk Honk said.
"Aw, that's nice of you," Grotle replied.
"What did he say?" Monferno asked.
"He considers us great friends and hopes he gets to see us again," Grotle said.
"Wow, really?" Piplup asked.
"Actually, he said you're all pieces of shit and deserve to die, and he hopes he never runs into such a bunch of retards ever again," the figure said.
"Yeah, that sounds more like it," Buizel said.
"Okay, can we just leave?" Pikachu asked.
"Yeah, we'll just say all this never happened," the figure said. "Hopefully we won't have another encounter like this again."
"Got that right…" Pikachu muttered as the group continued on their way to find a resting spot, once again getting in and out of a very fucked up situation.
(A/N: Phew, glad to see I finally got this done. Ugh, I hate how school ruins my plans! CURSE YOU! Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter and its randomness and more will be coming soon, I hope.)
FoxMcCloud7921
