Previously on Loki's Unforgettable Road Trip
"Alright, new rule in effect." Declared the super soldier. "Mr Horrible-Vacation-Planner Stark will not get to plan our vacations ever again."
"Come on, Cap, Barnes's not even on the team." Tony argued.
"You're out-voted Tony. " Rogers insisted calmly.
If Tony was pouting, no one acknowledged it, and strange opened a sizzling gold portal to Avenger's Tower in New York.
They stepped off in the Avengers tower, and Tony took in a deep breath.
REST-STOP BREAK
"So, Tony, we're already back in New York... Why don't we just stay and say we finished the road trip."
"Do you really wanna risk Fury's wrath? " The inventor flatly responded with a quirked eyebrow.
Strange debated this and let out an annoyed groan.
"Fury was adamant about us having a few weeks off, and we've only been gone one."
"Fine! Let's just get out of here before my emu head explodes or something!"
"Uh... " Not even Loki had a response to that. "What is an 'emu'?"
"It's a furry bird-you know what? Forget it. Something my mother used to say, sorry that slipped out." Strange awkwardly rubbed the back of his head.
"Barnes could always stay. " Tony chuckled taking a step backwards, and receiving a glare from the one armed assassin.
Without warning, Tony slipped on nothing, in fact his foot was practically thrown out from under him.
With an unmanly screech, Tony landed flat on his back.
"Wow, and I thought Thor was clumsy." Loki grumbled as he allowed the corner of his to quirk upwards.
"What was that?" Tony shouted in surprise, wheezing slightly as he propped himself up on his elbows.
"Uhh... you weren't supposed to... erm... Sorry Mr. Stark." A voice came seemingly out of nowhere. Everyone squinted at where Tony's foot had been and saw a very small little... Person? A brilliant flash of light, and the person started growing until he was full size.
A fully grown man in a bright red suit and a bug helmet stood there awkwardly, hands clasped behind his back.
"Lang." Stark growled from his spot on the floor.
"Antman!" Steve yelped in surprise, not at all expecting to see the bug themed hero standing there.
"Uhhhhh... Icanexplain." The antman announced, helping Tony to his feet with one hand as he carefully kept the other behind his back.
"I want to hear this." Loki smirked.
"Um- I- was- um a frie- well you see- I- ehe, you weren't supposed to...be? Here?"
Tomy quirked an eyebrow. "You can't tell me why you're here... Can you?"
"Not rea- no. Er-"
"What's behind your back?"
"Nothing!"
"Okay then, show me."
"No."
"That wasn't a request."
"Ehehe... good one.." Scott Lang chuckled nervously, and cleared his throat. "Can I leave now?"
"After you show me your hand."
Scott let out an embarrassed sigh and pulled his hand out from behind his back. Clutched between his fingers were two of Stark's newly produced phones, not even in stores yet.
Crossing his arms, Tony glared at Antman.
"Really, Scott?" Captain America facepalmed.
"It's my daughter's birthday and... I was gonna pay you back!" The hero yelped.
"That's what they all say." Tony shot back.
"Why do you have two then?" asked Clint, shaking his head.
"Well if I was going to steal one for her, I thought I might as well...get... one for...me "
"Tic-Tac! I told you not to-" Sam Wilson skidded around the corner, and blinked at the Avengers. He smiled at Steve. "Oh. Hey man."
Then he shifted his gaze to Bucky.
"Ugh. This guy again." The assassin rolled his eyes.
"I still hate you." Sam informed him.
" Both of you... Just... Go. Now." Ordered Tony rubbing the bridge of his nose.
With a grateful nod, Sam and Lang took off.
Lang ran for the open window and jumped out shrinking as he leapt, and Sam flew after him.
"And just ask next time!" Tony called after them, hoping Lang's ant-minions would relay the message. He faced the bemused Avengers. "Is asking that hard nowadays?"
Sreve just shrugged.
"So that just happened." Peter deadpanned.
"The ant-person and the bird-man are two of Midgard's heroes? " Loki asked curiously.
"Sadly yes." Tony replied.
Loki raised a thoughtful eyebrow, and leaned over to Bucky. "What is with your kind's apparent fetish for small creatures with many legs?" He asked in a low voice, that everyone still heard.
Barnes shrugged.
"Don't even try to figure it out; it blows even my genius brain. Alright people, let's get on with our trip!" The billionaire clapped his hands and jabbed a thumb towards the elevator. He was so ready to get out of here.
Tony immediately steered them down to the basement to get a new car.
Stark proceeded to open the drivers door, but May stopped him by grabbing his collar and yanking him backwards.
"You are not fit to drive any vehicle; and forbidden to get behind the wheel of any car with any person, or especially my nephew in it." She hissed.
"Well would youlike to drive then, your worshipfulness?" Tony snapped with his signature eye roll.
May glowered at him.
Twelve minutes later, they then set off with May behind the wheel.
"Sir, I regret to inform you that Director Fury has overridden my protocols, and- he-eeeee- is-" Jarvis's voice cut out as another voice cut in.
"Stark." Fury's voice echoed omniously through the speakers.
"Oh, hello, Director." The billionaire greeted warmly, internally panicking that Fury would call him out on his utter stupidity in vacation planning.
"What on earth are you doing back in New York?" The Director snapped.
"Umm." Tony looked imploringly at Stephen, who proceeded to roll his eyes and transport the vehicle with his sling ring.
The entire van shuddered as it passed through a glowing vortex.
I don't know what you're talking about! We're in... Uh... " All Tony saw in all directions was corn...
"Iowa?!" The inventor glared at the magician for his choice of Location, but left whatever was in his head unsaid. Which was probably for the best, considering May was still glowering at him.
"How did- You know what? I don't care ; have a nice trip. And make sure you have a trip, Stark. Two weeks minimum. That was our deal." Fury grumbled.
After Fury signed out, Tony stark continued to glare at Strange.
"Iowa? Really! What were you thinking? There's only corn in all directions!" The billionaire hissed.
"Bays of hay make great targets!" Barton said enthusiastically, but was ignored like always.
"I wasn't really paying attention." Strange shot back.
"A good sorcerer always pays attention." Loki scolded.
"Nobody asked you!" Strange hissed.
"I'm simply saying saying that when you are not paying attention, people can and will get hurt."
Strange was about to shoot something back, but quickly realized that Loki wasn't mocking him. No, there was nothing malicious lurking in his eyes; the trickster was being dead serious. It was a warning.
"Yeah, you're probably right... " strange admitted flatly, crossing his arms and sinking into his seat.
"Oh my goodness. The world is ending!"
"Why would you say that, Tony?" Steve asked.
"The magicians are...Agreeing!"
"Yup. We're definitely all gonna die. This has to be the apocalypse." Clint sighed dramatically. "Nat, pass the cookies. I need comfort food."
"I am not a magician!" Loki sniffed, turning his nose up at their arrogance.
"Yeah! You're more like a superscientist!" Peter squealed enthusiastically.
"Well there's no way I'm going to call you a scientist!" Bruce exclaimed.
"Good, because I am not one!" Loki snarled.
"Great, glad we got that cleared up! Now. can you take us somewhere else?" Tony asked.
"Nope... I'm exhausted, I couldn't open another portal for myself if I wanted to."
"Because you weren't focusing."
"Shut up, Loki."
"Terrific... " Tony pouted, ignoring the squabbling magicians.
At some point everyone (minus May thankfully) had dozed off in exhaustion.
Loki's face was planted against the window; Bucky was sitting upright in the seat next to Loki, asleep with his chin against his chest; Strange was sleeping, using his cloak as a pillow; Bruce was conked out with his back against the head-rest with a book on his face; Peter was asleep with his head on Loki's shoulder; Clint was sleeping with his face smashed against the back window, a small trickle of drool trickling down the clear plexiglass, and his glasses hanging off one ear; Rogers was sleeping much like Bucky, but with crossed arms and his head back against the head rest ;Natasha was sleeping between Clint and Rogers with her head against Clint's shoulder; and Tony was dozing with his head propped up by his hand, mumbling to himself in his sleep. Apparently the billionaire was dreaming about a place where rabbits all had iron man suits.
May was relaxed; for the first time in ages, the vehicle was quiet, the only noise being the gentle hum of the car.
After an hour almost everyone was awake save for two people in the middle row, Loki and Peter.
Clint was looking at his phone with a look of consternation. Natasha was peering over his shoulder, biting her lip, and gesturing at the phone screen. She whispered something to him that only Steve seemed to pick up, also joining the conversation with peaked interest and a low voice.
Tony let out a groan. "Hey look there's corn... Aaaaand more corn, and... "
"More corn... We know! " Bucky snapped.
"Hey, I can still kick you out of the car." Tony said hotly.
"I'll just ask Loki to sneak me back in. "
"Fine, I'll kick him out of the car."
"Okay, then you can talk to Thor."
"Good point."
"Enough! No one is getting kicked out of the car!" May shouted, loud enough to wake Peter and Loki up.
"Who is getting kicked out?" Loki groggily asked.
"No one." May assured.
"It's my ca- ooh a rest stop." Tony announced. "Can we stop, May? Pleeeease? Canwecanwecanwe?"
Literally everyone in the car turned to glare at Tony.
"Shut up!"
They pulled into the rest stop and everyone got out. May dragged Peter with her, and made him practice pumping gas under her vigilant eye.
Clint spoke quietly to Natasha, and nodding, she approached Loki.
Without warning she gripped his collar, pulled him downwards till their faces where barely inches apart, and stared intently at his face.
"What are you doing?" Loki asked, slightly weirded out.
"Nothing," she replied releasing him and walking back to Clint.
"Hey Reindeer games come look at all the snacks!" Tony shouted.
Loki hesitantly walked over to the pavilion.
"Ahem... Stark... Uh. Do I have anything on my face?" Loki asked curiously.
"Aside from that passive-aggressive murderous 'I-wanna-take-over-your-planet' look, no. Not really. Why?"
"Why do I even talk to you, Stark?"
"My charming personality, I guess. You need a break from your moody one-armed bestie."
"I think I prefer his company."
Tony gasped in mock hurt, placing his hand dramatically on his chest. "You offend me!"
Natasha watched the exchange between Loki and Stark before glancing at Clint.
"Green." She spoke firmly.
Nodding, Clint reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and raising it to his ear.
"Hey, Nick, it's Clint... I have some new information, and boy, do we have to talk."
Tbc
Hello readers! 'Tis I, Ariathestarrprincess! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and am sad to tell you that this story is indeed drawing to a close. But fear not, dauntless readers! This is a fanfic about that antihero we all love, and I can assure you, that Loki's Unforgettable Road Trip will end with a bang!
(Stop freaking out, they're not going to DIE!)
See you all next update! Ciao;)
