A/n This chapter I just wanted to let you all know about how Jude feels and what is in her head. I hope you like it and if you're not enjoying this then tell me to stop writing! Constructive criticism is always welcome 

Song: When it rains by Paramore

Disclaimer: Don't own anything!

Becoming Me

Chapter 11

Everything Good Comes to an End

'Flames to dust, lovers to friends'

Jude locked her eyes with Tommys.

"This one's for you, babe" She spoke softly, knowing that this was the ending of her 10-year-old nightmare.

-x-x-x-

In some ways standing there scared Jude. It wasn't because of all the people but because of that one special person. The one that she'll sing for tonight. The one she trusted her heart with.

Will he or won't he get it? Who knew and she wanted to find out.

Tommy took a deep breath, ready for whatever it is she had for him. He was scared. He smiled despite himself thinking that she was the only one to ever make him feel something deeper. Maybe it was love, but he wasn't sure he had the right to feel it now.

Before she came his life was just a 'whatever' topic but she made him see that there are more important things in life than just money, fame and ,of course, women.

Immediately her voice entered the room, full of sorow and hatered but also determination.

And when it rains,
On this side of town it touches, everything.
Just say it again and mean it.
We don't miss a thing.

Jude wrote this song on the plain to Thailand. It was a long trip but this song was the end of her 'feelings' for Tommy. Or at least she hoped that it was. She gave up on him. Too tired to fight anymore. She did what he did best. Tried to forget.

You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And convinced yourself that
It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore

FLASHBACK

"Tommy where the hell are you? The plane is bording!"

"Jude I'm sorry. I can't come"
"Excuse me?! What do you mean you can't come?"

"Its complecated"

"Its always damn complecated, Tommy."
"Jude its not up to me."

"Oh so who is it up to? You're a grown man Tommy! Make your own decisions" She was screaming now down the phone.

"Jude. You know I love you"

Click


And oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh, I need the ending.
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain?

In some ways she knew that it was her fault for hanging up. She wanted those words to be the last she heard from him. Not 'I'm sorry 'or not 'Please' and definanetely not 'We didn't happen' but 'I love you'. That's all she ever wanted to hear him say those three simple words that meant so much to her. She anted them to mean more. To mean something

And when it rains,
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away,
From all of the ones who love you,
From everything.

She wanted to hear the story. She needed it. It was like he took away her oxygen supply and she couldn't do anything about because she was choking, choking on his untold lies.


You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)
And you'll sleep 'til May
And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore

Throught the years she wished he missed her. She tried and tried to forget but she couldn't . He snached everything away from her. All her feelings. Maybe that's why most of her relationships didn't work, but then that was down to Portia.

When Tommy left her she realised on the plane that her music was about him, weather it was to piss him off or weather it was about them, it was always Tommy that held her mind and he possesed her heart. She wanted to brake free, but still her heart was with him no matter how badly she wanted to claim it back.


And oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
And oh, oh, I need the ending.
So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

if she made an album he would know exactly how insecure and lost she felt withough him. She wanted him to think of her as a strongwoman, able to fight, anle to forget. Jude made herself give music up, if Tommy wasn't in her life than why remind herself of him? It would only hurt more.


Take your time.
Take my time.

She din't care about anything. She needed the truth. Giving up is his charecteristic not Jude's and she was determined, even sure, that before she left she was going to get the complete truth.


Take these chances to turn it around. (take your time)
Take these chances, we'll make it somehow
And take these chances to turn it around. (take my...)
Just turn it around.

Through the past couple of weeks she just wated to kiss him so badly. She wanted to be with him. She wanted a life that had him in it. So, ok, he had a kid. Jude likes Cortney and she was pretty sure Courtney liked her. More like idolized her.


Oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh, how could you do it?
Oh I, I never saw it coming.
Oh, oh I need an ending.
So why can't you stay
Just long enough to explain?

If Tommy wasn't ready then Jude needed an explenation. She wanted to have a normal life. She needed to let go.


You can take your time, take my time.

Because she had plans that evening and she was determined to let go of her past and focus on a future, even if it didn't involve Tommy.