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Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("On With the Dance")
I do not own Twilight.
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Chapter 12: Couldn't We Keep on Dancing?
BELLA
The last two weeks have been a happy blur. We've spent every free hour together, sleeping either at Edward's or my apartment. I now have a toothbrush in his bathroom, and he has one at mine, as well as his L'Occitane shower gel, which smells downright yummy.
We jumped into it from the word go, and yes, I am overwhelmed, as I am sure he is, but I've never been so happy in my entire life. Edward is wonderful. I've never experienced anyone more tender, more considerate, or attentive. He's generous, and kind, and he makes me laugh like no one else can. Besides Seth, that is. We talk all the time, and about absolutely everything. And when we don't talk, we touch. We kiss.
I feel that Edward sees me, the real me, and I can be myself with him. I feel strangely complete with him.
It's all very shocking, and I still need to pinch myself every day so I can realize that this is actually happening. It's me he wants to be with.
We've been in our little bubble for a couple of weeks now, and I am sure that, to the outside world, we look like over-the moon, freshly fucked loonies. Which would be a precise description of our current state.
I picked up Edward at the hospital after work and took him to have dinner at Weber's Steakhouse. We fought hard until he let me pay, but I won.
We're on my couch now, watching silly stuff on TV. Cedric is in his new favourite spot on Edward's feet. Whenever that man is at my place, I'm invisible to my large ginger companion. It's actually a little insulting.
But right now, I don't care, because I'm in my own favourite spot, also known as Edward's lap. We've been kissing for I don't know how long, and I'm relaxing completely, knowing that we both have the whole weekend off.
I cajoled Mike into giving me a few more shifts on weekdays, and he was actually happy to do it. Most of his staff prefer the weekends, needing to attend college or working somewhere else during the week. It's hard when I have to rehearse the next morning, but as long as it gives me time to spend with Edward, I don't care.
"Mmm…" I murmur against his throat. "Do you know how good you smell?"
"Not like hospital and antiseptics, I hope," he murmurs back, softly kissing my hairline.
"No… like vanilla… and cinnamon… and Edward."
His long, nimble fingers are running up and down my side, brushing my breast every so often.
Once again we kiss slowly, sensuously, and my heart rate picks up when Edward's thumb starts circling my nipple through the material of my shirt and bra. The sensation shoots straight to my sex.
When he giggles, I first don't get it, thinking I tickled him somehow, but he squirms, trying to contain his bursts of laughter.
"What –" I look at him with a scowl.
"Your cat, Bella. He's licking my big toe…"
Serves him right, always running around barefoot, showing off his perfect, large feet.
I take a look, and he's right. Cedric is licking his toe, a look of content and concentration on his face.
"Get off my boyfriends' feet, you little sicko!"
I shoo him away. Edward is still laughing softly.
"Did you put liverwurst on your feet so he loves you even more?"
Yeah, that's me. I'm jealous of my cat.
"Nope." Edward pulls me closer again. "He adores me naturally."
I gently bite his lower lip.
"Are you saying my cat is gay?"
I pull my leg over so I'm straddling him.
"I'm saying he's asexual. You took off his balls, baby."
Aw. I still melt like butter when he calls me that.
"He'd already lost them when we met."
"And now that he knows me, he finds he has feelings again… Who can blame the little guy?"
"For falling in love with you?" I mumble against his lips. "No one"
Only then do I realize what I said. We haven't said the words, but the allusions are getting more frequent. Still I don't want to make Edward feel that I am pressuring him into saying it.
"Anyway," I continue, lightly scratching his scalp, which earns me a purr. No, I mean, a literal purr. I laugh, and then continue, still needing to get off the awkward path I went on.
"Anyway?"
"Anyway, tomorrow's the big day. Your meeting the real gay man in my life."
Men, actually. I'm still not convinced that Seth's idea to meet for a double date to introduce our new boyfriends to the other, and, as of now, to each other, is so brilliant. Seth might hate Edward. Edward might hate Seth. Collin might hate me, or I might hate Collin. Collin might hate Edward, or…
You know?
"Don't worry, love." That's the newest thing, calling me love. Disarming me entirely. "I'll put some liverwurst on my feet, and he'll love me. Works every single time." He puts his forehead against mine, sensing my apprehension. "Seriously. You know it's going to be okay. If not, you and Seth can always walk away, have a good laugh about us and go clubbing."
"If anything goes wrong," I say in a tight voice, "I'm taking you home and ravish you."
"Or that." He chuckles, and then the kissing turns serious again, and we're back in Edward and Bella Land. No kids allowed there though, this fun fair is rated NC 17.
EDWARD
I wake up to the most exquisite sensation of a small, soft hand caressing the area beneath my bellybutton. I slept like a log after last night's fantastic fuck fest. Apparently, it's still going on.
"Mmm," I sigh, slowly opening my eyes. Bella's hair is spread over my chest, and she's putting tiny kisses on my skin.
"Hi," she whispers, wrapping her hand around me.
"HI…" I swallow as she begins to work her talented fingers. I'm so hard, and her touch feels so fucking good. I want to bury myself inside her and never come up again. Just when I'm trying to move, she stills me with her body, running her tongue lower, over my ribcage, stopping by my stomach, making little circles with her hot tongue while her fingers continue working their magic. I don't even want to know who taught her that. I'd thank him, and then kill… hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim.
Jesus.
"Holy mother of fuck…" I moan, feeling Bella's lips close around me, tentatively at first, getting more decided once my fingers entangle in her hair, my sounds clearly conveying how much I enjoy what she's doing.
She has taken me in fully now, and when I look down to see her head bob up and down, her long silky hair spread over my thighs, it's an even greater turn-on. She's sucking, now and then circling her tongue around the head, scraping it very carefully with her teeth, then takes me in again… so deep… I'm afraid she might be gagging but she gives no sign of discomfort, her fingers closed around the base where I won't fit. She hums softly, and the vibration makes me shudder with pleasure.
I'm dead and gone to heaven when she increases her tempo, and I suddenly know I won't make it much longer, so I moan her name and tap her shoulder to alert her.
My mind is blurred, stars behind my eyes, and I come, not into her mouth but into her warm hands, twitching and moaning until she's milked me completely.
I'm panting, aware of the sticky mess covering her hands and my stomach and… I look down… a bit of her chest. Fuck. I'm embarrassed. And it looks fucking hot.
She has put her head on my thigh, smiling up at me with glazed eyes.
I fumble around for a Kleenex and clean her and then myself before I pull her close and she puts her face above my heart.
"That was incredible."
"Good morning." She smiles against my chest. She kisses it lightly. "Yes, it was."
We stay like that for another ten minutes and then the sound of Cedric's paws on Bella's bedroom door startles us out of our bubble.
"Ah well," she sighs, "the creature needs to be fed."
She gets out of bed in search for something to wear. I admire her body while she does. Luckily for me, Bella is not the tidiest person, so it takes her a moment. She's so beautiful I want to wrap her up and tie a bow around her. I'm hardening again at the mere sight of her breasts slightly bobbing as she scampers around the room before finally leaving so Cedric gets his breakfast.
I make ours a little later, both of us in tees and boxers. She stole a pair of mine. I scramble eggs and sizzle bacon while Bella sets the table. There's soft music playing on the radio.
Once we're sitting down and eating, everything's as it always has been over the past few weeks, but I can tell something is bothering Bella by the way she shoves her food around on her plate.
"So?" I say brightly. "Are we still on for the shopping experience with Ali and Jazz?"
I don't know how my sister got me into this, but apparently I agreed to shop for my parents' individual birthdays. They are only two days apart, both born in April, though during different years.
"Sure." Bella picks at her eggs, worrying her lower lip between her teeth.
I take her hand. When I can't stand it any longer, I say, "What's going on, baby?"
She swallows.
"It's just…" She blushes a little.
Oh God, going down on me grossed her out. Fuck.
"What we… what I did… It's…" She utters a deep, heartfelt sigh. "Look Edward, I don't know how many… how many women you've been with and if you used protection and…" She wrings her hands. "Anyway, I have an appointment with my OB/Gyn on Monday –"
"Is there anything wrong?" I interrupt sharply, my stomach flipping.
We stare at each other, both of us frozen.
"To get a prescription, Edward. The pill? Ever heard of that?"
A heavy sigh of relief leaves my chest.
"Yes. Hooray?" I offer.
"But, Edward, should we…" She squirms with embarrassment.
"Have The Talk?"
She nods silently, staring at her plate.
I grab her hand and intertwine our fingers.
"I was tested after the breakup with Tanya. Just because I wasn't one hundred per cent sure what she may have been doing during her trips. Since then, there hasn't been… Well, there was this one-time thing," I admit. "But we used a condom. I'm clean."
Her lips curl into the happy smile I love so much.
"Me too. I had a test after… that nasty breakup…"
She still hasn't really told me about that, I only know that, each time it comes up, she gets tense and edgy. Now though, she smiles deliriously and lets me pull her into my lap, twining her arms around my neck. I nuzzle her nose with mine and kiss her.
"Glad we settled that," I murmur. "And I can't wait to feel you without anything between us."
"Me too," she sighs.
We kiss a little more, then finally shower and dress to meet Alice and Jasper.
Alice squeals and claps her hands when she sees us arrive, both of us wearing shades, my arm slung around Bella's shoulder.
"Hey, sis." I kiss her and give Jasper a hug. After everyone has said hello, Alice pulls out a notepad.
"Okay," she says. "I made a list of things we might get them, diverted into various categories –"
Everyone groans.
"I thought we were just having a stroll and looking at stuff, Ali, not fucking boy-scouting."
Bella sweetly squeezes my waist.
"It's our parents' birthdays," Alice scolds me.
"Yeah, but they'll be in London, anyway. Can't we get them something vacation-related?"
"Seth and his family and I gave his mom a weekend in the city with my dad," Bella says a little shyly. "You know, with gift tokens for dinner and a show."
"That's cute!" Jasper nods.
Alice looks disappointed, as though we were depriving her of her shopping pleasure.
"It's great," I agree. To pacify Alice, I add, "Let's just browse through a few stores and look around for inspirations."
Alice's little face lights up.
Luckily, the weather is nice, the sun shining brightly as we walk through the Village, Alice and Bella continually discussing objects in the shop windows, chatting about fashion, or shoes, or whatever. Mmm, I'm sure Bella would look great in a couple of fuck me heels… I wonder if she'd leave them on while I -
"Look Edward!"
We're inside the third antiques store and Ali beams like a kid when she sees the display of vintage clothes, grabbing Jasper's hand and pulling him after her. Bella and I walk around, talking easily, looking at furniture.
"This is lovely." She points at a turn of the century mahogany desk with delicate legs and beautiful inlaid work.
Stepping behind her, I twine my arms around her and kiss her neck.
"I think," I whisper in her ear, "we should get them a weekend trip to Paris and get the hell outta here."
"In order to do what?" Bella giggles softly as I nuzzle her earlobe.
"I could think of one or two things…"
"Why, Dr. Cullen, you're getting me all flustered!"
"Well, Miss Swan," I say, pulling her a little closer. "That was the idea."
"Bella!"
Alice approaches us with a mass of yellow tulle in her arms. "Look what I found! Wouldn't it be gorgeous for Act IV?"
Bella smiles, and I let go off her a little, keeping my arm round her waist. Alice unfolds the monstrosity of a dress.
"For me to wear?" Bella laughs.
Alice is already holding it to her body.
"Yeah, actually, this might work. It's hilarious."
Bella fingers the material, then finds the price tag.
"Oh Alice! Renata's never going to allow it. Four hundred dollars?"
"But… But…" My big sister looks like a small girl who's been denied her candy.
"It's not that gorgeous," Bella says sympathetically, and I have to kiss her cheek.
The sun has intensified when we step out into the street again. At last, spring seems to have decided to make an appearance, the air is warm and the light bright. We have lunch at a small bistro, sitting outside. Sitting outside the first time in the year is always fantastic.
I suggest giving our parents a weekend trip from London to Paris, and everyone agrees on the idea. Alice immediately has a dozen ideas how to do it, which hotels to look up and where to make dinner reservations. Jasper is as calm and thoughtful as ever, sipping his chai latte, commenting rarely but listening intently. Bella, I notice, is uncommonly quiet, toying with a few crumbs of bread, never having finished her tomato soup. While Alice and Jasper are bickering about the title of a play by Jean Cocteau, I put my hand on the back of her neck, stroking her lightly. She smiles, but I can tell she's somewhere else. I bend over to her.
"Are you okay, baby?"
She nods slightly, forcing herself out of her haze, and addresses Alice and Jasper.
"It's La voix humaine, actually."
"What?" Alice looks at her wide-eyed.
"The play you were discussing," Bella says. "The Human Voice."
Jasper slaps his forehead with his hand. "Right! How do you know, Bella?"
"I performed it in college. It's about a woman who is left by her lover because he is marrying someone else. It's a monologue. She kills herself in the end."
For some reason, Bella's reaction doesn't make me feel better, at all.
BELLA
I've been in an odd mood all day, ever since we had this discussion over breakfast. I'm glad we had the conversation, and I'm happy that we're at this point of trusting one another; that we can move on in our relationship. But something keeps holding me back. I don't need a shrink to tell me it's plain fear. Fear of getting hurt again, fear of being abandoned.
I didn't mean to snap at them like I did just now, but somehow, everything was getting on my nerves. Alice strutting around with that four hundred dollar dress, discussing a weekend trip for their parents that will probably cost thousands of dollars – it was all a bit much.
Edward sensed my mood, and now we're between the relatively safe aisles at Barnes & Noble, Alice and Jasper going through the Home and Gift section while Edward is burying his pretty nose in the latest classical CD releases.
I'm in the DVD section, flinching slightly when I come across a TV drama featuring one of my fellow students from college. I try not to be jealous, but it stings, especially since we always had this rivalry back then.
Trying to cheer myself up, I go to the comedy section. Maybe some old Danny Kaye, Jerry Lewis kind of thing.
That's when I hear it. The one song I never wanted to hear again.
Everybody loves somebody sometimes…
Within seconds, I am catapulted back to that day. I remember the look in Jake's black eyes, the cake with the crooked I LOVE YOU. I remember Jake's voice, his smell… The way he tore my heart in two when he said he was going to marry someone else.
I flee, stumbling away until I can't hear the song any more. I'm dizzy, trembling slightly. The scalp of my head is tingling, and I'm breaking out into a sweat. I can feel my neck flush. I need air.
Desperately trying to calm down, I try to take deep, steady breaths and tell myself that everything is fine, that it's all in my head, that nothing's going to happen.
This store is stuffy. I need air. I need out.
I want to scream. I'm standing between a cardboard figure of Hugh Jackman and a table displaying 50 % off DVDs. A fat man eyes me curiously and then turns back towards the fan edition of House of Wax.
I'm closing in on myself, and my breathing is shallow. Just when I think that I really will scream, I can feel his presence, strong arms around my waist, steadying me.
"Bella? Bella, baby, what is it?"
I swallow thickly. "I'm… I'm…"
"Are you sick?"
He quickly checks my forehead, and then gently takes my wrist between his fingers.
"I need…" I try to control my breathing. "To get out."
But I can't calm down, because Edward is here, and it's wonderful and terrible at the same time. I feel so secure, but I don't want him to see me this way. I want him to think of me as strong and happy, not as another psycho. He'll be understanding and kind and I don't want his pity, either.
He mutters something about calling Alice while he guides me towards the escalators, all the while keeping me close to his body, as if he senses that his warmth and strength are helping me relax. My breathing gets a little more even, and I'm not trembling so badly anymore.
Once we're inside the taxi, Edward pulls me into his side, murmuring quietly, soothingly, and I'm beginning to feel like myself again, though still shaky.
I endlessly fumble for my key when we're in front of my building, until Edward gently takes my purse and retrieves it.
"You wanna take the elevator?" he enquires softly once we're inside. "Or rather the stairs?"
"The elevator's okay," I mumble, starting to feel really embarrassed.
This is the one thing I did not want to happen.
"D'you want to lie down a bit?" he asks when we've taken off our coats.
I shake my head, and then nod it. I'm exhausted. Edward guides me to the bedroom. I take off my shoes and lie down on the bed. He sits down on the side. His expression is calm, but his eyes… I don't know. They're sad, and understanding, and tender.
"Edward." I reach out my hand for him and he takes it.
At this moment, I'm so afraid he's going to leave once he knows the ugly truth that I almost get into another panic attack. My heart constricts and my stomach cramps.
Has this been it?
He won't want another head case after all the drama with Tanya. I try to imagine my life without Edward. It makes me sick.
"Bella." His voice pulls me out of my brooding.
He takes off his shoes and socks and lies down next to me on the bed, facing me. He gently traces my cheek with his index finger. His deep, warm eyes never leave mine.
"Tell me?"
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