Juice had just begun to doze off when he heard his bathroom door creak open. He rolled over and looked to see Elle standing there wringing her hands and looking at her feet.
He quickly sat up, "What's wrong?"
He went to throw his covers off and stand up before she stopped him, "Nothing's wrong…I…well I can't sleep…I was wondering if maybe I could lay in here with you for a little while?"
Juice's mouth fell open and he just stared at her. After a few minutes of silence she finally turned around, "I didn't think so…I'm sorry I woke you up."
When she went to walk back into the bathroom Juice finally regained his senses and jumped up from the bed and grabbed her arm and turned her back around. She stood there looking up at him, the moonlight shone from the tears running down her face. Just like before he reached up and wiped them away with his thumb and she let her eyes close as he did.
Juice felt like there was a wad of gum lodged in his throat, so he tried to swallow it before he spoke. "C'mon, I'll sleep in the floor." He turned to walk to the closet to grab an extra blanket.
"Will you hold me for a little while?" he barely heard her whisper this and he stood with his back to her and tried to fight his rapid heartbeat.
"Sure," he waited till she walked past him and crawled in under the covers before he took a deep breath and crawled in beside her.
He laid down on his back and pulled the covers up on his waist and waited for her move. For a few minutes he thought that maybe she'd changed her mind. Then slowly she scooted over to where her body was touching his, and then she laid her head on his chest and then slowly laid her hand on his stomach.
Juice closed his eyes, he knew that she could hear his heart pounding through his ribcage, but to feel this touch, to feel like this, he would risk getting hurt all over again. This feeling of love, the feel of her hand touching him, the feel of her soft hair on his chest, nothing compared to this, he could go his whole life and never find another girl to make him feel like this, so he decided right then and there, that he was going to enjoy this as long as he could before she disappeared again, and he would deal with the pain that came along with it.
He picked his hand up and laid it on top of hers, then wrapped his other arm around her and held her close.
"Juice?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry…for leaving…for hurting you."
Juice laid there for a minute, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. "Why'd you leave Elle? I've played it over and over in my head, and every time I can never figure out what I did wrong to push you away."
"I can't give you the answer you want or deserve…" she whispered into his chest.
That was it, he stood up from the bed and looked at her confused face looking up at him from the bed. "No, Elle, I can't do this. You can't even give me an answer as to why you left, and I'm sure you're going to leave again, so you can't do this to me again. Don't make me fall back in love with you just for you to leave again without a valid reason, it's not fair to me Elle. I didn't find anyone else when you left, I didn't get married or try to start a family, I stood here in misery while you were off starting a new life. So please, if you can't give me an answer that I can understand, please go." He waved his arm to the bathroom door.
Elle sat there for a minute before standing up and starting to walk past him, Juice could feel himself shaking and he wouldn't look at her.
He heard her step into the bathroom, then she softy spoke, "If it makes you feel any better, I regretted leaving every single day that I was gone…I got married hoping that one day, I would love him as much as I loved you…I let him get me pregnant in hopes that it would help soothe the pain in my heart, the pain that something was missing…It wasn't until I came home that I realized what I was missing…was you." With that she shut the door behind her and left Juice standing there.
Elle leaned against the closed bathroom door and closed her eyes. Her heart was breaking, she knew that much, she'd felt it break like this before. She slowly let herself slide into the floor before she buried her face in her hands and started to silently cry.
She heard Juice mumble something and then she heard him throw something against the wall. She understood his pain, he was right. She had to stop hurting him…leading him on. She was broken, used up. She couldn't give him the life he wanted, she couldn't make him happy, and she couldn't go on if she found him cheating on her, she wouldn't survive it.
Elle finally stood up, splashed cold water on her face and crawled back into Jax's bed. She set her alarm for 7am, before any of the other guys would be awake. She hoped to sneak out and to her shop so that she wouldn't have to face any of them, especially Juice. They were having a huge party here tomorrow night, and she decided that she'd make an excuse to have to do inventory at the shop late. Yeah, that's what she'd do.
