A/N: I'm bringing Spunky back! Doo doo doo... doo doo doo... doo doo doo... you other spunkers don't know how to spunkaxx...

Ever wandered around a corner and just seen like a whole whooping cheeseburger just... standing there? Neither did I until I found the magic of plotholes!


Wolf: You know what's cool about this chapter? I'm writing it on a boat!

Will: What does that feel like?

Wolf: Ever been on a boat before?

[Slowly Will looked up and his eyes become the size of dinner plates, then he started sobbing uncontrollably]

Alyss: I wonder why he's so upset about the mere mention of boats?

Shadowy figure walking over: I think I can answer that one.

Most peoples except The Mutt (who is still in pain) and Will who is in the fetal position calling out for his mummy and sucking his thumb: Another character? Greeeeeaaaatttt...

Shadowy figure: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Princess Cassandra of Araluen. There is a very good reason that Will is deathly afraid of boats as I am about to tell you. I will tell you now: Will is afraid of boats because-

Alyss et Arya: Imah firhin mah Lazer! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[A beam of animated lazer... stuff... fired out of their mouths and blew Cassandra/Evanlyn into nothing but spunk in the air]

[Awkward silence is awkward]

Wolf: [Talking to the narrator... hey wait a second that's me! How's he doing that?] Contrariwise, if awkward silence is awkward then is it just awkward? What about the silence? Is it then correct in saying that a chubby turtle is merely chubby while not being a turtle? These are the questions you have to be asking yourself. [Nods knowingly, damn I hate you and your idiotic philosophy Wolf] you're damn skippy you do, Ha! I didn't say spunk! I guess that A/N at the beginning of this life wasting fanfiction had you all fooled.

Sunda: [jabbing Wolf in the ribs really hard] Cough, cough fourth cough wall cough can't break it, cough too much.

Wolf: Sounds like you're coming down with something. Probably that whole Stalker-itis thing that seems to be spreading, apparently catching it makes you ten times more likely to be stalked.

Sunda: [screams with the unspoken threat of some sorta divine... watchamacallit... wrath, there we go, with divine wrath. It basically sounded like some epic eagles/hawks birds of prey thing screaming at each other] I HATE STALKERS!

Eragon/Mutt: [Staring at a huge pot of applesauce] Applesauce!

Murty: Applesauce?

Gilan: Applesauce.

Oromis: Blabluble?

Mutt: Blabluble! Uhh, I mean Applesauce!

[He lunged for the pot and before anyone could stop him he shoved his head straight into the pot of applesauce]

Mutt: AHHHH! The applesauce bit my neck. I THINK IT'S A VAMPIRE!

Wolf: And now I'm not on a boat.

Will: What does that feel like?

Wolf: Ever been on solid ground before?

[Slowly Will looked up and his eyes become the size of dinner plates, then he started sobbing uncontrollably]

Alyss: I wonder why he's so upset about the mere mention of ground?

Shadowy figure walking over: I think I can answer that one.

Most peoples except The Mutt (who is still in pain) and Will who is in the fetal position calling out for his mummy and sucking his thumb: Another character? Greeeeeaaaatttt...

Shadowy figure: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Princess Cassandra of Araluen. There is a very good reason that Will is deathly afraid of the ground as I am about to tell you. I will tell you now: Will is afraid of the ground because-

Alyss et Arya: Imah firhin mah Lazer! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[A beam of animated lazer... stuff... fired out of their mouths and blew Cassandra/Evanlyn into nothing but spunk in the air]

[Awkward silence is awkward]

Wolf: Contrariwise, if awkward silence is awk—[SHUT UP! I QUIT!]

Sunda: Wow! Didn't see that one coming!

Wolf: More sarcasm Sunda?

[Sunda lifted herself above Wolf growing about-oh by the way, I'm the new narrator, nice to meet you!-growing about fifty feet with an expression that promised severe divine retribution]

Sunda: Are you saying that I cannot talk in anything but sarcasm? That I'm so predictable that you can guess what I'm about to say? WELL!

[Wolf stared up at her completely unfazed]

Wolf: Nope, it's just one of the many amazing qualities about you!

Sunda: Well then [shrinks to normal size and brightens] Okay! [skips to beat the Mutt to within an inch of his life]

Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom and Fluffiness: SEMI FLUFFY MOMENT! [then begins to strangle Wolf in revenge for the diaper explosion]

Wolf: Guurrrgllee!

Baby Oromis: Guurrrgllee? [goes off to sing a song by Lady Gaga for some reason]

Sunda: Dammit, do I have to always do this for you? [Then slaps The Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom and Fluffiness upside the head]

Wolf: ... huh, huh... thanks... kinda... *gasp*... got little... air...

Crowley: Hey how did Cassandra come back?

Sunda: Besides aren't you supposed to be a Master of "Ninjutsu, Kyusho jutsu, Judo, Krav maga, Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, Tai Chi, Kickboxing, Jujitsu and fourteen other various martial arts"

Wolf: Yeah but then I've somehow got to explain away how I got my—

Sunda: Rating!

Wolf: -hiney beaten constantly by you in the chapters before the chapter in The Chasm of Death where we had that fluffy moment, which is weird because all you seem to do is slap people.

[Then in a desperate attempt to catch them up The Profanity Sheep wheeled his way in]

Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!

Wolf: What the hell took you so long? And don't make me freak out on you, I meant what I said and said what I meant. An Elephant's faithful, one hundred percent!

Halt: Horton hears a who?

Wolf: Exactamundo!

Profanity Sheep: You try going all over the world to scream at people IN A WHEELCHAIR!

Sunda: Yeah sorry about that, but can you, you know, get lost? We kinda have to get somewhere with this and we haven't even taken a step towards either The River of Odd or that ominous looking bend in the road over there...

Profanity Sheep: [sticks his nose in the air] Whatever, I always preferred Rowana Renee's stories anyway. I NEVER GOT HURT WHEN I WAS A BUNNY!

Sunda: Wow, that's going to surprise her when she reads it. [turns to readers] READ ROWANA RENEE'S STORIES! [Gets pulled off screen by everybody]

Brom: Enough advertising, jeez.

Arya: When in the seventeen hells of Pagranazine (pronounced with a hard 'g' and a rolling 'r') did you get here Brom?

Brom: Well I just thought I might get involved... in the... [he looks at Oromis] why is Oromis a baby?

Crowley: Well that Wolf-guy-thing over there got angry and turned him into an infant.

Brom: Ookay, I'm gunna pretend that makes the slightest amount of sense and follow up with, why is he dancing to a song by Lady Gaga.

Wolf: Beats the hell outta me...

Distant voice: ...no profanity...

Brom: Okay then, what was that?

Alyss: Oh that was just The Profanity Sheep, Sunda injured him with some naughty words and now he can't walk. So I guess he's just shouting now.

Brom: ...right... so who is that Wolfy guy?

Murty: Articwolfstudios.

Brom: That's Articwolf?

Murty: Yeah, you've been in his other stories, why don't you recognise him?

Brom: Well at this point it's only on chapter four, and he hasn't revealed his physical presence on any of those.

Wolf: Don't worry Brom, I have some very special plans for you.

Brom: [gulps] Okay, I think we've covered everything that needs to be—what in Spunk's name is Izlanzadi doing to her arms?

Izzy: [while cutting her arms] Feeling the smoothness of The Blade...

Brom: Yeah, well... maybe I should just leave.

Sunda: What about me?

Brom: What about you?

Sunda: [getting angry] Well there are two differences since we last met...

Brom: Uhh, we've met?

Sunda: [getting furious] I changed my name...

Brom: [looking closer] Ooh, Fantasynerd101... [begins to realise the severity of his mistake and looks desperately for the second change]

Sunda: [seething with rage] And the second difference?

Brom: Uh... pass? [tries to sink into his clothes]

Wolf: [shakes his head in pity]

Sunda: [Lifts him up above her head and slaps him senseless] I GOT A HAIRCUT!

Everyone else: [wincing as they feel the sheer force of each slap]

Brom: [crying] I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please let me go!

Wolf: Let him go Sunda, he's suffered enough.

Sunda: [turns with a suddenly happy expression on her face] Okay! [she drops him]

Brom: You people are insane! I'm leaving!

[Then a portal to Alagaesia opened and he jumped in]

Horace: If we can just open portals (which are results of very high-tech science by the way) why do we have to get to The Talisman of Roxerness?

Sunda: I dunno...

Will: Plot hole?

Wolf: No, plot holes are never pointed out as plot holes, maybe the portal was made with those five words that Brom told the Mutt.

Mutt: I forgot them! [his tongue is hanging out of his mouth in that doggish way]

Arya: So why were they even mentioned?

Mutt: I forgot them!

Arya: Yes, you already said that—

Mutt: I forgot them!

Arya: ...

Mutt: Immah gunna go an explore dah ominous cornar!

Wolf: Yeah, you go do that.

[The Mutt is seen running round the corner on all fours. A few seconds passed until an agonised yelp was heard from around The Ominous Corner]

Mutt: I pooped mahself from dat owsies!

Will: You do that as well?

Mutt: Yow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Sunda: [groans] Come on, we can't let our recurring joke get too hurt or it might not be funny anymore.

Arya: I'm Ok with it...

Izzy: Meh, me too.

[slowly everyone starts agreeing that they can live with Eragon being written out of the story]

Sunda: [with venom practically oozing out of her words] I. Said. Come. On. [she brings out a cattle prod and handles it menacingly]

[The others can't get to the bend fast enough and to observers it would appear that they materialised at the edge of the bend]

Wolf: Hey, where did you get that cattle prod anyway?

Sunda: Remember the brownies?

People across the world: O.O

Sunda: It's pretty safe to say that it hurt like—

Distant voice: ... no profanity...

Sunda: uhh, cheese... wafers?

Wolf: That has to be one of your best lines ever!

Sunda: Hey, you can't expect brilliance all of the time, not even from me.

Angela: I heard that.

Sunda: Oh, go back to your dungeon of misery and despair already.

Angela: [does so]

Crowley: So, we gunna go round the corner now or what?

Murty: Yes, let's take a step around this Ominous Bend in the road; surely no harm can come of taking a step around this Ominous bend in the path!

Izzy: I can think of a few things.

Arya: I just remembered that I haven't tried to hold Will's hand for over five minutes.

[Arya lunges for Will]

Alyss: I just remembered that I didn't manage to kill you in chapter 10.

[Alyss lunges for Arya]

[Then twenty heavy, steel chains launch themselves out of the ground and wrap around both of the squabbling girls]

Wolf: Enough, jeez. I'm going to tie you to this wagon that has been conveniently placed here at this Ominous Bend in the Road.

[Wolf grabs both by the scruff of their necks... or at least he thinks they have scruffs... because he's a wolf... but he actually lifts them up off the ground by their hair]

Arya and Alyss: Yoww!

Sunda: And now we shall take a step around the Ominous Bend in the Road.

[They all do so and are confronted with a scene so... normal that they all blinked.]

Halt: Uh, was anyone else preparing for something... scary?

Gilan: Try everyone...

[They suddenly spot Eragon whimpering in the corner]

Eragon: If you think this isn't scary, then you haven't tried reading... THAT!

[He pointed a finger at the middle of the road. Everybody's head's swivelled to look at the same spot in space and time and saw... a book.]

Will: NOT A BOOK!

Eragon: Yes, a book... but it's what happens when you read the book...

Sunda: Damn my curiosity, I am going to read that.

[She picks up a stone and throws it into the distance]

Distant voice: ... no profani—OW!...

[The book chose this moment to talk]

Book: That's some might fine throwing you have there, a good eye too. Maybe you should... take a peek in my pages?

Will: Take a leak in your pages! What's wrong with you?

Wolf: Take a peek you creepy freak.

Hamster of Coincidental Rhyming: TEE HEE! THAT RHYMES! [poofs away]

Sunda: Uh, did you just get your "Animal" of "Something that occurs in a plot"?

Wolf: I do believe so.

Book: Excuse me; I believe we were in the middle of something! [Taps its foot as well as a book can]

Sunda: [groans] Fine, I'll read you. [And before anyone can stop her, she skips over to it and reads off the title] "Book of Spoilers" well this sounds like fun!

Wolf: Wait, Sunda! Clearly the Dark Pickle has laid this book so that you'll open it and find something horrible in there!

[But it was too late! Sunda was already opening the book]

Sunda: Let's see, Chapter one...[As she reads more her eyes widen and she falls to her knees]... No, no, NO!

Wolf: What is it?

Sunda: This devil's handbook! [She chucks the book away but strangely can't throw it further than a metre] just ruined the plot for Halt's Peril!

Halt: My wah?

Sunda: The ninth book in The Ranger's apprentice series, you don't know about it because Wolf hasn't read beyond the fifth book: The Sorcerer in the North.

Halt: Well it sure doesn't sound good.

Sunda: YOU SHALL PAY! [She raises her hand into the air and a shaft of light constructed by compressing raw unholy and holy magic as well as negative and positive energy into one line, creating a zone of pure "Contradicted Power" that not only creates a fifth dimension but concentrates a rupture in space and time into an area of nothingness.]

Book of Spoilers: Ah bum baskets.

[The Shaft is fired straight into the centre of the book which collapses in on itself and leaves a small hole the size of the book]

Zone of Nothingness: *begins to exist and non-exist*

[The Book of Spoilers is absorbed by the sudden appearance of a Zone of Nothingness and the atoms that made him are wiped clean off the face of the Universe.]

Arya (from her place on the cart): Uhh, what the hell just happened?

Wolf: Sunda just created a tiny, compressed zone that if anything touches becomes non-existent and is wiped off the Universe and all of reality.

Sunda: Yeah, don't touch it.

Will: So could we use this as a source of getting rid of the world's constantly increasing piles of rubbish, or safely remove dangerous piles of toxic waste that even as we speak are damaging our environment?

Wolf: Nope, but you can pee in it!

Will: [shrugs and does so]

Sunda: Anyway, now that we've sorted that problem how about we carry on?

Wolf: Right after this song!

Hamster of Coincidental Rhyming: TEE HEE! THAT RHYMES!


Mutt:

Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without

Crowley:

In violent times, you shouldn't have to sell your soul
In black and white, they really really ought to know
Those one track minds that took you for a working boy
Kiss them goodbye, you shouldn't have to jump for joy
You shouldn't have to
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

Izzy:

They gave you life, and in return you gave them hell
As cold as ice, I hope we live to tell the tale
I hope we live to tell the tale

let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

Sunda:

Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

Wolf:

And when you've taken down your guard
If I could change your mind, I'd really love to break your heart
I'd really love to break your heart

Everyone:

Shout, shout, let it all out
(Break your heart) these are the things I can do without
(I'd really love to break your heart) come on
I'm talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you so come on

(Guitar solo)

Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on
(They really really ought to know) Shout, shout, let it all out
(Really really ought to know) These are the things I can do without
(They really really) Come on, I'm talking to you, come on
(They really really ought to know) Shout, shout, let it all out
(I'd really love to break your heart)
These are the things I can do without
(I'd really love to break your heart)
Come on, I'm talking to you so come on
Shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on...(fade)

Wolf: Well that was refreshing, now let's get to The River of Odd... BY KRAKEN!

[He jumps onto a Titanic monster of a Kraken and is copied by the others]

Sunda: FULL FREAKIN' SPEED AHEAD!

Kraken: YOUR DAMN SPUNKY THAT'LL HAPPEN!

[And the Kraken sped onwards, faster even than Sunda forced that that Darkness bubble to leave The Alliteration Area or Halt when Crowley caught him totally making out with Pauline. But to make a pointless example of speed even more pointless... they went faster than Will goes to the toilet when he sees two cars of the same colour driving next to each other. I'm just saying.]


A/N:

I KNOW IT WAS A LONG WAIT!

But you got it so stop whining, especially you. Yes, you! You're the worst of all the whiners! I hand it down to my Muse telling me that it was time I started to share rent, which is stupid because I'm fourteen and it's my body. We had heated debates until I found out that all he wanted was cheese. Now I'm give him a hunk of cheese a week, much like my mousey friend *brings out a hunk of cheese and gives it to a mouse in his fur* We have a mutual agreement, I give him a hunk of cheese occasionally, he lets me stay in this fur o' mine...

THIS IS THE DISCLAIMER SECTION, LIVE WITH IT!

That Spunky song at the beginning was based on Justin Timberlake's, I'm Bringing Sexy Back.

When I said Contrariwise, that was based on Tweedledum... or maybe it was Tweedledee... I dunno... of Alice's adventures in Wonderland. Weird novel.

The Hamster of Coincidental Rhyming is a being of my creation, nobody use it! But you can ask me... I'll probably say yes!

When Sunda said Go back to your dungeon of misery and despair already, that was based on a quote from Ishizu Ishtar to Marik Ishtar in Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. That... thing... was created by LittleKuriboh/CardgamesFTW. Go look 'em up on Youtube, he's pretty dang funny!

Shout was sung by Tears for Fears.