Chaotix Spree: Pt 1
The lights of the Battle Birds Flying Fortress flickered in the darkness surrounding Cocoa Island. The only breaks in the shadows were the iridescent lights of the Battle Bird Patrol units. These sky sentries made note of a large aircraft shaped like a flying scorpion making its way toward the hanger.
"Wow, Sleet. Can you believe that the great battle kukku would wanna talk to us?" A large muscular dingo asked in Down Under accent.
"Of course, he wants to talk to us, idiot." a slimmer, almost sickly looking wolf replied, glaring at his partner in contempt. "My cousin, Wiley, told me they are in major need of the best bounty hunters in the quadrant."
"I don't know if we should trust that shifty coyote." The dingo replied. "Specially one that got his tip from a battle bird roadrunner he was chasin'." But before Sleet could answer, one of the battle bird royal guard approached and bowed to the two bounty hunters.
"Greetings, honored guests." The robin in a turban and sash welcomed them. "The Most Noble and Sublime Great Battle Kukku will see you now."
"Lead the way, feather brain." Sleet replied as the two canines followed the guard. Passing through several hallways where other feathered warriors were sleeping. The guardsbird led the pair into a large and gaudy decorated chamber with oriental rugs hanging on every wall.
"Ahh, salam and welcome, my most honored guests." The large vulture in the tacky bathrobe and fez greeted them pouring himself a martini from the tankard sitting on the stand by his chair. "Would either of you care for a drink before we get down to business?"
"Tank you, your birdiness. But we never drink and bounty hunt." Sleet replied taking his cape and bowing low before the kukku. "Now, what is it that we can help you with?"
"That's what I like in you bounty hunting scum. Always so quick to get to the point." The battle kukku laughed evilly downing the martini in one gulp before crushing the glass in his beak and spitting it out. "I have this little problem with a captured battle bird mech that the West Siders took from me."
"You want us to get it back?" the dimmed-witted dingo named Dingo asked. "Seems like a lot of trouble for just one fighter."
"It's not the mech I'm worried about you mangy mammal." The Great Battle Kukku growled. "It's the codes locked deep within the craft's memory banks that are my concern. I want the two of you to infiltrate Soleanna's defense center, retrieve the codes from their computers, and wipe them from their memory banks."
"Sounds like a whole lot of trouble. You must be really desperate your excellency." Sleet replied with a wolfish grin rubbing his index finger and thumb together and it's not going to come cheap."
"Fine. I'll pay whatever you want." The vulture growled slamming his fist against the armrest of his chair. "Just get those blasted codes back from those warm-blooded roughens."
"Of course, your greatness. Just be sure to deposit 20,000 mobiums into our bank account in Starlight City Bank and make sure it's untraceable." The wolf waved a finger at him. "We don't want Harvey Who's intelligence officers tracing this back to you now do we."
"We're gonna be rich, Sleet." Dingo burst out laughing forgetting who he and his partner were standing in front of. "And all because of the desperate cross-dressing buzzard."
"Um, Dingo." Sleet said with sweat bubbles on his forehead. "It might be a good idea to say that until we're away from the angry battle bird." What followed was two terrified canines running from an enraged battle bird chasing them down the hallway and throwing scimitars at them. "Hurry, Dingo. Get back to the ship."
"Infidels, I will crush you for your insolence." The bird screamed.
The Soleanna Grand Concert Hall was empty at the moment, but when all of its thirty thousand seats were full, this place was filled with the roar with an excited crowd. On the empty stage, four performers were tuning up their instruments when an out-of-breath raccoon in tight shorts came running up to the stage.
"Bonza, I canna believe that we're gonna be playin' to a sold-out crowd here." The teenage mobian told them pulling on her pigtails in excitement. "I'm more wigged out than a wallaby on Wednesday during hunting season."
"Calm yourself down, Marine." Vector told her while adjusting his mic. "We're just having a warm-up session right now, you know."
"But this is our first gig of this size. We never played for a sold-out crowd before, s'tewth."
"Too much excitement will only disrupt the harmony of our performance." Espio commented holding two fingers up to his forehead in meditation. "We must have serene and calm minds to produce a pleasing sound for the masses."
"Ah, come on you two. This is gonna be fun." A high-pitched voice that obviously hasn't gone through puberty yet squeaked. "We're going to rock and it's going to be awesome."
"Says the honey bee who watches too many cartoons." Mighty quipped trying to get under the toddler's skin by teasing him. "You should be doing cereal commercials for Oats, not playing in a band."
"Hey, why don't you just sit over there and play your keytar and keep your mouth shut you big dumb anteater." Charmy whined flying up in his face. "We're gonna be awesome and you know it."
"Hey, I'm not an anteater." Mighty growled. But when he looked at the floor and saw a nine-legged insect crawled by, he scooped it up and popped it in his mouth. "Oh, fire ant, tasty."
"My, you are bloomin' disgustin'." Marine shouted sticking her tongue out in disgust. "Remind me to never ever kiss an armadillo."
"Uh oh, guys. We got trouble." Mighty noted seeing a familiar figure come in the door and walk up the aisle. "Looks like a certain groupie who wants to join the band is band is back again."
"Hey Chaotix, how are you doin'?" A floppy-earred rabbit announced while holding her small drum. "I'm here for our latest jam session and when it comes to rappin' the sticks, ain't nothing that outlasts the bunny-rabbot."
"Then, why don't you keep going and going and going and getting on out of here." Mighty replied angrily pointing at the door. "This jam session is for real musicians only. No talentless hacks allowed." What happened next is too violent to describe but needless to say it ended with a frazzled armadillo laying against the opposite wall with a broken snare drum over his head.
"See, like I said. No musical taste." The dizzy and beat up Mighty added.
"That was an unwise move." Espio told him shaking his head. "Frogfucius say 'Man who scorn tough woman's musical talent often finds his drum severely beaten'."
"C'mon you guys we've wasted enough time here." Vector said impatiently spinning one of the record spots on his turntable. "Let's rock this joint." The music had just started up when the panicked form of Princess Sally Acorn came bursting into the music hall.
"Guys, I'm sorry to bother you but I really need your help." Sally told them looking at the band members frantically.
"Aw c'mon, baby girl just when we was getting' warmed up?" Vector asked in annoyance. "Can't this wait until later?"
"First of all, Vector. If you ever call me baby girl again, I'll shove that gangsta dollar chain your wearing down your throat." Sally answered in anger. "And I really need your help on this one since Sonic and the crew need rest."
"But of course, most honorable princess." Espio replied, putting his left hand over his right fist and bowing to her. "How might we be of assistance to the crown?"
"Our intelligence reports state that the battle bird army has hired two bounty hunters to hack into our database and retrieve information of some kind." Sally explained. "I need the five of you to watch over the Soleanna defense command so that the enemy does not try anything foolish."
"You can count on us, princess." Mighty declared pounding his fist on his chest. "There is no danger or threat that can prevent the Chaotix from doing their duty. No job is too big."
"And no fee is too big." Vector said rubbing his palms greedily. "Oh boy, we're gonna make a mint on this job."'
"How can you just think a money you greedy gator?" Marine growled, walking up to Vector's turntable she racked the volume dial all the way up to max and hit the play button. Vector's body suddenly shook as if he had been electrocuted. Then, his eyes went wide before he keeled over totally catatonic. "Of course, we'll be happy to assist you princess for the safety and good of all West Side Island."
"Yay, we're going on a mission." Charmy exclaimed. "We're gonna be heroes. Epic heroes."
"I look forward to the challenge." Espio added spinning a kunai around his finger. "I certainly better than collecting crabs and chao for Dr. Eggman."
"What was that?" Mighty asked.
"Nothing." Espio replied looking down shaking his head.
"Attention all passengers, please keep your plates of spaghetti in the upright and locked position." Vector groaned, his leg twitching while he laid on the ground. "All poodles may exit the UFO on the right and the hot dog door is for wiener loading and unloading only. Thank you for flying Waffle Airlines and have a pizza day."
"Poor Vector," Mighty stated, looking down and shaking his head. "Not only did he get blown away by the music, but he hasn't even had lunch yet."
"Mommy, when are we going to stop the surfboard for donuts?" Vector mumbled eyes rolling around in his head.
"Hey, Mighty. We're gonna get a bite to eat befor' we go on the mission." Marine told him with a grin. "Wanna come and help me throw a few shrimps on the barbie?"
"Why would I want to play with some stupid doll?" Mighty replied sarcastically. "I know what you meant, but I'm not going to waste my time on some dumb cooking job."
"Oh really, ya angry armadillo." Marine answered holey. "I hear that Queen Blaze might be comin' to our little cookout. She and I happen to be really good friends, you know."
"Did you say… Blaze is going to be there?" Mighty asked with his ears perked up. "On second thought, maybe I could join you for a shrimp or two."
"Wow, Queen Blaze. I heard she can really set things on fire." Charmy added.
"Really?" Vector asked, thus getting up and dusting himself off. "I hear she's not that hot at all. In fact, I hear that cat is a real ironing board." He said smugly crossing his arms. "Kinda comes up flat, you know what I mean?"
"How dare you make fun of the Great Blaze like that?" Mighty roared running up and getting in Vector's face. "She's the sweetest angel this side of Down Under."
"Angel? I hear she has a fiery temper." Charmy added. "Word is she once threw a whole band out of her castle for playing slightly out of tune."
"I would hold off on making fun of the Lady Blaze." Espio advised. "It is unwise to insult a lady's fashion or form."
"Well, at least, she has a beautiful form." Mighty replied looking over at his only female teammate. "All we got on this team is a form that's all bent out of shape."
"THAT DOES IT!" Marine yelled; her eye twitching. Pulling out her large 6 foot boomerang and went chasing after Mighty clonking him on the head over and over again.
"Uh oh, she has flown into a Down Unda Rage." The chameleon warned in a nervous tone. He snapped his fingers and turned invisible. "Everybody, run for cover."
"CRIKEY BONZA DIGEORYDOO BILLABONG WALLABY KANGAROO ON A STICK!" Marine screamed at the top of her lungs chasing Mighty slamming her boomerang down over and over and over again.
"HEY, CUT IT OUT. STOP IT!" he replied, running for his life with the scary Aussie on his tail. "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! MAD COON FROM SYDNEY!"
"It's going to be another one of those days, isn't it, Vector?" Charmy asked with a sigh.
"Seems that way little buddie." Vector said looking around. "Now, where's the grub?"
That night, on the other side of Soleanna, two shadowy figures emerged from the Sky Scorpion. Sneaking their way to the back entrance of the West Side Hall of Records, the two looked around to make sure the coast was clear.
"I really hope we can pull this off, Sleet." The large wild dogman exclaimed. "This'll be enough money to retire to Flicky Island and get ourselves a nice little bungalow."
"Stop chattering you idiot and make with the shape shifting." Sleet grumbled pulling out a small button. "Meanwhile, I'll disable the security system." Sleet pushed the red button on his device while Dingo morphed into the form of a Mobian guard. Suddenly, the sound of all the security camera blowing out at once filled the air.
"Sounds like we got our opportunity now, Sleet." Dingo told him getting all googly-eyed. "I hope to run into that cute little raccoon I grew up with on Down Unda. I heard she's working for the West Side Government now. She's pretty."
"Stop playing Romeo, moron." Sleet replied stroking his unshaven chin. "Now, let's get in there and get those files." At the same time, five members of Team Chaotix came in the front door.
"I hope we're able to stop any intruders from stealing anything from the security files." Espio spinning a kunai on his finger. "It would be a tragedy if the enemies of West Side managed to gather any information."
"Ah, don't worry about it, Espio." Charmy replied. "We'll do just fine as long as Vector is able to find the computer-"
"Don't even say it." Vector said angrily tired of hearing the same joke over and over again. "Now, let's just get in there, and do the job we're paid for."
"Hey, Marine. Do you think we'll run into any scary bad guys in there?" Mighty snickered mocking the timid Aussie raccoon.
"If we do, I recon a smidge that they'll be a lot less scary than you, pizza breath." Marine chuckled the insult back at the red armadillo. "One look and we'll have 'em all running for cover."
"Would everyone just calm down and be quiet?" Espio finished hushing the conversation. "We have some data thieves to catch, so we better get going."
