I know this is bad, but I've been avoiding Shane. Ever since that heavy make out session on my bed, I couldn't bring myself to speak to him. It's not like I'm afraid of…falling for him. It's just…I'm so damn embarrassed that I was so desperate. I mean…I wouldn't mind falling for him. What the fuck am I saying?

The Thursday before we were going into the studio, I was at work when Chanel stopped by to chat when I took my lunch break. Luckily, she brought lunch and we didn't have to eat that expensive shit. I know, I know…it's bad to turn to the biggest gossip I know, but she's also the one I can rely on to be real with me and be honest.

"So, girl, what have you been up to?" Chanel asked as we sat on the patio near the bridge. It really was a nice view…for tourists that don't realize how ugly it can be. "Mostly, I wanna know more about you and Shane."

"Well…about him…See we…okay, it all started with Jimmy. Shane called him at the precinct and he invited Shane over for a few beers and watching the game. I came in and I was pissed. I mean, I had just seen Shane earlier that day and…don't make a big deal out of this, but…I'm going to do a song with him."

"What do you mean, I shouldn't make a deal out of this? Girl, that's a good thing."

"I'm just doing backing vocals. It's not that big of a deal, so drop it. Anyway, when I was there being subjected to mockery by Jimmy and Shane, Jimmy gets a call about his partner. He's been shot. He's okay, now, but he it was pretty bad. Anyway, that left Shane and me there alone and it did not turn out the way you would have it. We argued."

"Of course…" Chanel said with a sigh. "Why are you being so difficult with him?"

"I wasn't being difficult with him. I just don't want to be played by him as soon as he finds one of his celebrity friends. I don't want to be pathetic like that…"

"You're not pathetic and, clearly, he's not like that to take this kind of shit from you."

"Yeah, that's what I said. Anyway, something happened. He kiss me."

"Girl, are you serious?" Chanel said and I rolled my eyes that she was so loud. It was already hard enough being the girl from the rough side of Brooklyn. Did she have to make it worse for me by being the loudest, ghetto person in this posh restaurant?

"Yeah…and not so fucking loud. It didn't even last that long because I pushed him away. It caught me off-guard and I hated that. I mean, he was treating this like some cheesy romantic comedy and I'm not like that. Life ain't like that."

"It can be…girl, if you don't want that…I'll take him if you don't want him. But, I know you, Lola. You want him and you're too damn stubborn to admit it. You were the same way with Sean." she said and I wished she didn't bring up Sean.

"I don't want Shane. We're just friends, and we're barely that. And…you're not going to let me lie to you, are you?" I asked and she laughed. "Okay…I might be feelin' him a little. There's another reason why I'm avoiding him. Don't make a big deal out of his, and I'm serious." I said knowing she was going to get louder than the first time.

"Okay, I'll be quiet. Just don't tell me anything when I'm eating or drinking something. Go ahead." she said and I took a deep breath.

"I made out with Shane…" I said and she looked shocked and, for the first time, she was speechless. "It happened after I pushed him away. We argued again and I told him to pretend the kiss didn't happen. Somehow, we ended up talking about poetry and I told him about the poetry I wrote around the time I broke up with Sean and…the station switched to the quiet storm portion and we were vibin' and it just happened. It couldn't stop myself and feel a bit desperate.

"Girl…you are desperate. When was the last time you got some? I know your fingers are thankful that you had Shane." she said with laugh and I glared at her.

"Fuck you…" I said and she laughed a little louder. "Anyway, what should I do? I mean, I feel like I'm in high school or some shit because I feel like a nerdy having a crush on the football star. This isn't just any other Shane we're talking about. It's Shane Gray."

"I feel you. But…he's really into you, girl. And he's helping you sing again. Girl, if I were you I'd take off work and head to his place and talk to him. Then, if you happen to have sex with him, you know you're going to have to give me the details."

"Really Chanel…?" I said getting annoyed that she was too interested in what goes on between me and Shane. "Besides…it's not happening again."

"Why not? Girl, you need to get at him while you can. He's seems like a patient guy, but sooner or later, he'll lose interest and you'll regret not letting him know. I know you have this thing about singing, but do you think you could be using that as an excuse to not fall for him?"

"I don't know…maybe…" I said feeling frustrated that, once again, Chanel is the voice of reason. Why is it that when she has advice, she's always good with it? "But, I don't see that as a bad thing. I need to have my heart guarded because if he hurts me the way Sean did…I'll kill him."

"Damn, why you gotta be so damn violent? I think you been around Jimmy too long. By the way, how does he feel about Shane, now?"

"He still likes him because I haven't told him about what happened. You know Jimmy…he would break his legs if he found out. Anyway, I should get back to work."

"Okay…we'll catch up next time. And next time we can talk about me and all my bullshit." I said as I rolled my eyes. She always insisted on being the center of attention.

"I'll see you later." I said as I walked her back inside and she left. I sighed as I went back to work thinking about what Chanel said about talking to him. I know I shouldn't do this, but I'm asking someone to cover my shift. I need to talk to Shane and confront this.

After the restaurant closed, I begged Shannon to cover my shift tomorrow. I decided to take Chanel's advice and take off work tomorrow to speak with Shane. It seems a bit childish to avoid him, but it's easier to ignore something than to confront it.

I went home to change into something that didn't make me look like I've just come from work or too poor for the residents of Park Slope. I'm pretty sure my skirt and t-shirt combo with boots and leg warmers wouldn't be so bad. Before I ran out the door, I left a message at Jimmy's desk that I was going to take the subway Shane's place and I would be taking off work tomorrow.

I boarded the number 3 train to Grand Army Plaza. I spent the entire 7 minutes ride it took to think about what I wanted to say to him. How could I apologize to him? Should I apologize to him. It is his fault anyway that we kissed. Okay, I know that's irrational, but I have to place to blame on someone and it's not going to be myself. Arriving at Grand Army Plaza, I proceeded to walk to his brownstone. The nine minute walk in heels wasn't so bad on my feet…or it wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't on my feet all day at work. Damn, I should have worn flats.

"Fuck…" I said as I reached his building and stared up at the Victorian-styled, tall building. God, this thing is four stories and he owned all of them. It was a hell of a lot nicer than my place and then some. I pressed the buzzer and I hear a beep over the intercom. "Shane?"

"Lola?" he said sounding confused as to why I'm there. "I'll let you up." he said and I sighed as the front door unlocked. I sighed as I went past the threshold. No turning back, now.