Title: Blue-eyed Angel, 12/?

Author: Goddess Evie
Date: January 7, 2014
Category: JJHR, Angst
Summary: Making progress.

Disclaimer: I do not own JQ. I make no money off this story. I am only using the characters for my own unique story. I also do not own "The Darkness I Know Well"; it is from Spring Awakening. I merely use the lyrics to enhance my humble writing.

Author's Note: Thank you, thank you, thank you! For all the reviews and follows and favorites even during my long absence. I had a VERY busy semester that kept me from certain things like watching TV and writing fic. But as I always promise, this fic will be finished! And since one of my new year's resolutions is to write or edit 15 minutes a day, I should be making progress on this with a little more regularity.

Anyways, thank you all for the patience. This chapter is a little longer than some of the more recent ones and I'm pretty happy with it. I hope you are too.

Chapter 12: There is a part I can't tell about the dark I know well.

So long as Jonny held the image of Jessie looking up at him, mouth set in a determined line, eyes glowing with anger, he could keep the fog at bay. It still encroached at the edges of his vision, threatening to overtake him once more if he stumbled in his concentration in the slightest, but at least for now he could sense Hadji at his side, see a thin silhouette even, instead of just guessing his brother was there. And he knew he was back at the compound sitting on the couch in the rec room. He even remembered the trip home from wherever they'd been. He still hadn't learned that.

But the image was fading. No matter how hard he focused, her face grew fuzzy and dim. He clenched his hands into fists as he put every effort into keeping that image from leaving him, but the fog grew denser as her face disintegrated.

And then the fog won and the only face he could see was Zach Ellis' looming at him through the mist. The way he'd looked just before he'd died.

Jonny clenched his eyes closed just as tightly as his fists.

And then he opened them, sitting up straight.

Because he sensed her. The fog couldn't mask even her presence.

As he turned around to where she stood, an opening swirled in the fog, like a wind blowing it away. She stood halfway between the back entrance to the rec room and the couch, looking at him with her fists clenched at her sides. By the look on her face, she was every bit as uncomfortable as she'd been the last couple of times she'd shown herself to him. Jonny waited for her to turn and flee like always.

Instead, biting her lower lip, her eyes fixed in that determined way that Jonny was so familiar with, she walked forward toward the couch. She swallowed and unclenched her hands. She almost rested them on the back of the couch, but pulled them away at the last moment.

Jonny watched her do all this with his mouth hanging slightly open. He wanted to tell her how grateful he was for what she'd done back at the…place…with Zach's mother. He would have if he could have made his brain and his mouth work together.

Before he could figure out how to make that happen, Jessie nodded once, turned to face away from Jonny and then sank to the floor. Jonny pulled himself forward to look at her, sitting against the back of the couch with her knees pulled up against her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them.

She looked back at him, just a short glance, and then buried her face into her knees.

Jonny relaxed, turning to sit forward. He looked at Hadji who wore a surprised expression that matched the way Jonny felt.

Jessie was here and it seemed like she was staying. Even if he couldn't see her, he could sense her nearness.

So long as she stayed near, there was no danger of the fog coming back.


It took every last iota of strength Jessie had not to flee from the room. And she wasn't even in Jonny's line of sight.

This is for him.

She remembered the way he'd looked in that waiting room. First so vulnerable and scared, and then the most alive she'd seen him as she held herself in his sight.

Dr. Goodwin kept telling her that Jonny needed her to help him. And she'd said herself multiple times that she wanted him to be okay. And this was the answer. Be near him.

Jessie hugged her knees tighter and turned to rest her cheek on them. She'd thought Hadji would try talking to Jonny more, but it seemed the elder Quest brother was content with just offering his presence. Jonny needed time. And the support of his family.

And Jessie to not hate being around him.

No, she didn't hate being around him. Honestly, she wanted to be near him. She wanted to be able to be near him. But his closeness made her uncomfortable.

She hated that. Her best friend. The person besides her father she trusted the most. He'd saved her. And he'd gone to the extreme to do it.

Jessie shifted to lie on her side, hugging herself. She heard shifting on the couch, but didn't look to see if Jonny was peeking at her. It was better not to know.

Her mother wandered by the back entrance, pausing only long enough to take stock of the situation and offer Jessie a small smile before moving on. Dr. Quest walked by as well, but he stopped abruptly when he saw his sons and Jessie. He took a few moments to study them in the way that he had. He even walked a few steps into the room, crouched down and addressed Jessie softly.

"Would you like a pillow or a blanket?"

Jessie shook her head, resolutely not looking in the direction of the couch. "I'm fine."

"Alright." Dr. Quest rose and turned and left.

But Jessie hadn't missed the gratitude in his periwinkle eyes and it gave her a spark of warmth in her belly. Just for a moment.

Without meaning to, Jessie fell asleep, though she didn't realize it until she was waking up again. Another nightmare, but she didn't wake from it screaming like the other times. She was crying out, disoriented for a moment, until she remembered where she was. And who else was there.

She almost ran in that moment. Jonny's presence coupled with her dream of Zach was almost too much. But she stopped herself at the last moment and just curled up on herself.

A blanket fell on her from over the back of the couch. She glanced up, but she didn't see Jonny or Hadji, though she knew they were there. Unwrapping one arm from around herself, she grabbed the edge of the blanket and tugged it up over her shoulder.

Jessie felt more shielded even if it was just a blanket. She sorta regretted not taking Dr. Quest up on his offer…how long ago was it? She didn't know how long her nap had been. She had no way of marking the passage of time.

She studied the shadows, but she hadn't noted their length or position before she'd fallen asleep, so it was no use trying to figure out the difference. And did it really matter? She had nothing pressing on her time, no urgent event. Except for her visits with Dr. Goodwyn.

After the incidents this afternoon, it would definitely be a while before she or Jonny had to deal with anything even remotely legal. Which was good, because that meant they'd also be able to avoid Zach's mother.

Jessie's mouth pressed into a line and her body went rigid. She forced herself to relax. Getting upset over that did no good lying on the floor in the Quest Compound and covered with a blanket. The woman wasn't here. Jessie breathed deeply to calm herself.

And woke up again, just as another nightmare was starting, to the sound of her father's voice.

"You three need to eat something."

She didn't question how he knew she was back there. She knew he couldn't see her, shielded as she was by the couch. But he knew, as he always did.

Jessie sat up, leaning against the couch again and pushing hair out of her face. Honestly, even if they were short naps, they made her feel better. She was so tired—for lack of a better word—of the constant fatigue she carried around with her from the sleepless nights she endured.

How come I can sleep now and not when I'm supposed to?

Perhaps it was the daylight. Something in her subconscious felt safer sleeping in the light of day. Even though the attack had happened in the middle of the aftern-

Whatever. It didn't matter.

"I mean it. I'm not asking you to eat much. Just eat something."

Hadji was trying to coax Jonny from the rec room, but Jessie hadn't felt the movement of him leaving the couch. And she knew she wouldn't unless she did something.

She stood, letting the blanket fall to her feet, though she kept her back to her father and friends. She had to take a moment to build up her will power before she could turn to face them. Jonny was half turned looking at her. He couldn't help himself, she knew, but he was still conscious of how it affected her.

"So what's for dinner?" she asked.

A look of relief passed her father's face and was gone again. Jessie walked around the couch and to the entrance out into the hall. She didn't stop to see if Jonny and Hadji would follow. That was too much.

Race walked just behind her to the kitchen. At the counter three bowls of soup—really not much more than a broth—waited, still steaming. Jessie took the stool in front of a bowl on one end.

"Jess, you don't have to-"

"It's okay." Though soft, her words cut off her father effectively. "Dr. Goodwyn said…"

"Do you want me to stay? Or get your mother?"

Jessie hesitated for a moment before nodding. Let him take that how he would.

She stiffened when she sensed Hadji and Jonny enter. She didn't look. She couldn't, so she relied on the way she could sense their movements. Just like her father.

Hadji settled into the stool next to her, she saw in her peripheral vision.

That meant Jonny was on his other side. Good. She could handle that, she thought. She relaxed marginally.

Making the effort to act as normally as possible, Hadji picked up his spoon and began eating. Jessie waited for Jonny to as well. Her irises moved to the corners of her eyes as she waited to see movement on the other side of Hadji.

None.

Jessie set her jaw and picked up her own spoon. She paused a moment to see what Jonny would do.

Nothing.

Adjusting her grip, Jessie dipped the spoon into the broth and brought it to her mouth, all the time hyper aware of what Jonny was doing. She repeated the action a couple more times. Still no reaction from Jonny.

"You have to eat."

She spoke softly without turning her head, but she was still watching from the corner of her eyes. She caught slight spasm in Jonny's hand, so she knew he'd heard. Hadji and her dad were frozen so that Jessie wondered, fleetingly, if they were breathing.

Come on. Do something.

Slowly, Jonny moved to pick up his spoon and begin eating. Hadji and Race relaxed and Jessie did too. She resumed eating, if for nothing else than for Jonny. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt hungry. She certainly didn't now, but she could do this for Jonny.

When they were finished, Hadji cleared all three bowls away. As he moved from between Jessie and Jonny, she angled herself away from the younger brother. Trying didn't mean she was perfect at this. She truly hoped Jonny understood that.

"Anybody want seconds?" Race asked.

Nobody responded. Race knew how to take hints.

Hadji led Jonny from the stool. Jessie guessed he would take Jonny back to the rec room. She might as well follow. Perhaps if she kept at it long enough, this would get easier.

As she exited the kitchen, she heard her father's voice softly behind her.

"I'm proud of you, Jess."


Dr. Goodwyn sat in her office in one of the wing back chairs with Jessie sitting in the other. The girl sat up straight, but she stared at her hands in her lap with a deep frown on her face. She looked more tired than usual.

"Are you sleeping well?" Dr. Goodwyn asked.

Jessie shrugged. "No better or worse than usual."

It was the answer Dr. Goodwyn expected. She'd already conferenced with Jessie's parents and Dr. Quest and she knew what Jessie had been doing the last couple of days. And thus why Jessie looked so tired.

"Your father tells me you've been making the effort to be near Jonny."

Being forward with Jessie was the best bet, Dr. Goodwyn had learned quickly. Jessie's head snapped up and she stared at the older lady with wide green eyes. Dr. Goodwyn waited for the shock to fade, for Jessie to look back down to her lap as she usually did.

This time she surprised Dr. Goodwyn.

"I couldn't abandon him again after…what happened…"

"I understand. That was very noble of you."

Jessie shook her head. It was almost an angry action. "I didn't do it to be noble!"

"Then why did you do it?"

"Because Jonny is a good person. The best person. And he doesn't deserve any of this. He especially didn't deserve any of the things that woman said to him."

The way Jessie said "woman" sounded like a curse.

"Have you told Jonny that?"

"I told him in that moment."

"Have you tried talking to him since then?"

Jessie hesitated a moment before she shook her head and then her gaze dropped again.

"I would like you to try now."

Again with the bluntness, but Jessie didn't react as extremely as before. Still, Dr. Goodwyn was able to grab her emerald gaze again.

"What do you want me to say to him?"

"Whatever you want."

Jessie squeezed her eyes tight. "Nothing I say will make him better."

"Not immediately, no. But you could say something to him that might help him begin to heal."

"Like what?"

"How about why it's so hard for you to be in his presence."

Jessie went pale. "I can't do that."

"You don't think he'll understand?"

"It's not good to bring up anything that happened that afternoon to Jonny."

Dr. Goodwyn made her voice soft and gentle and nurturing. "He needs to face it sometime, Jessie. You both do. I'm not asking you to relive the whole thing. Just give him this little truth."

Jessie's chin was trembling as she stared at some point past the doctor's head, but Dr. Goodwyn could see her coming to a resolution.

"I suppose I could try. If you really think it might help him."

"I do," Dr. Goodwyn said and meant it.

Jessie took a deep breath and nodded.

Dr. Goodwyn rose and placed one of the chairs in front of her desk across from Jessie. Then she went to the door and opened it. Every person in the waiting room reacted in some way. Even Jonny, though he reacted more slowly than the others, his gaze coming up to look at Dr. Goodwyn and then beyond her.

Searching for Jessie.

When Dr. Goodwyn requested Jonny to step into her office, all three adults showed their uncertainty in their expressions, though they said nothing. Dr. Goodwyn chose to ignore them. Acknowledging their doubt would only give them the opportunity to voice what she saw in their faces, and she had more important issues at hand.

Dr. Goodwyn opened the door wider to allow Jonny to pass. He slowed for a moment before fully entering the room and then stood awkwardly to the side just inside the door. Dr. Goodwyn continued to ignore the adults in her waiting room, but she caught a glimpse of Hadji's face. It was the only one that was the least bit hopeful.

"Jonny, please have a seat right here."

Dr. Goodwyn put her hands on the back of the chair she'd moved. Jessie was now staring resolutely at the floor. Jonny hesitantly took the few steps and lowered himself into the chair. But Dr. Goodwyn could see just how much more aware he was just being in Jessie's presence. The only other time she'd seen him like that was in the district attorney's waiting room.

Dr. Goodwyn returned to her seat as well. "Jonny, Jessie has something she'd like to say to you." Then she sat back. It was up to them now.

Jonny's eyes flickered to and away from Jessie constantly. Dr. Goodwyn wondered if he caught the way Jessie was mentally trying to prepare herself and how much effort it was taking. She didn't think he missed a single thing about her.

Finally Jessie raised her head and looked straight at Jonny, the entire time looking like she could cry at any moment. She swallowed visibly and her lips moved, making no sound, as her hands twisted around the pillow.

Maybe she wasn't ready for this.

Then Jessie spoke. "I know you think I hate you."

Jonny's gaze fell on Jessie and stayed there. He made no reaction to her words, except for the intensity of his look.

"I don't hate you. I couldn't. I promise."

Jessie paused and Dr. Goodwyn could see the way she searched his face for any reaction, but his expression didn't change.

"I-you saved me. Like you always do. And I'm not even mad about it this time."

She gave a humorless laugh and looked down at her hands. Then she made herself look at Jonny again.

"It's just that, whenever you look at me, I can't help but think that you're seeing me like I was that day. And I don't want you to think of me like that. I can't bear the thought of you seeing me like that-"

Jonny stopped Jessie with his hand on hers. Dr. Goodwyn watched closely to see how she would react. After a moment of looking at their hands touching, Jessie looked back up at Jonny's face. She didn't pull her hand away from Jonny's.

And when Jonny was sure he had Jessie's full attention, he shook his head very deliberately at her. Dr. Goodwyn didn't doubt there was some deeper level of communication happening between the two, even if she couldn't see it. But she did see as Jessie curled her fingers around Jonny's hand and he brought his other hand up and then so did she. With their hands all entangled, they both relaxed visibly.

Dr. Goodwyn almost expected a hug or even just a smile exchanged between them, but they didn't go that far. It was a step in the right direction, though.

"You both did very well. I know this was hard."

Jessie and Jonny both turned to look at her as if they'd forgotten she was even there.

"I think we'll call that a day."