Alright, hitting up this story as well. Getting back in my grove! WOO! *winces* Ow. Too loud.

[SKIP this paragraph if this story is the only one of mine you've ever read.]

Anyway, in case the JJATCOW fans are worried, I'm not abandoning my first fandom. I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I wasn't going to tell you guys, but I may have written myself into a corner with that last Demigod Files 2.0 chapter. I should be able to work that out in time for my annual summer writing frenzy though.

[END SKIP]

Alright, I know I've been gone a long time, but last time I was around I'm fairly sure I promised a boss battle, and I intend to deliver. Cooked this one up myself last night when I got banned from playing anymore ME3.

Enjoy. Or not.

Although he was going to have to practice his landing, Spider-Man had undoubtedly gotten the hang of web swinging by now. The easy rhythm took over him as the red and blue clad vigilante fell into an intricate dance of momentum that hurled him through the skyline at ordinarily impossible speeds.

"Yeeeeehaw!" he cried, wind nipping his face even through his mask. He shot through a tight space between skylanes, corkscrewing as he did and missing skycars by centimeters. This, Spider-Man decided, was the only way to travel.

But of course, fate would decide to kill the moment. Spider-Man felt the tremor in his skull that could only be his spider-sense. Before he could even move though, his taut webline suddenly went slack, accompanied by the snap of webbing and the loud crack of a rifle.

Spider-Man entered a brief free-fall before regaining control with a quick recovering web-zip, and seconds later he was swinging in the direction the shot had come from. Spider-sense gave him a split second warning, and he narrowly avoided a second bullet aimed at his chest.

Two weblines and a triple front flip later, Spider-Man landed on the ledge the Public Eye sniper had been shooting from. The officer in question staggered back, surprised by the speed with which his target could move.

"Man, I am getting a little insulted," Spider-Man quipped. "Did they really think one guy was going to drop me?"

The sniper drew a handgun, which the masked man lazily jammed with a quick spurt of webbing. Again, the sniper staggered back in fear. Spider-Man made the gesture of yawning.

"Boooring," he complained. "Seriously, I'm a superhero! Couldn't you guys have at least pulled out a few more stops than this?"

As if in answer to his question, Spider-Man heard the sound of a Public Eye's assault hover craft's powerful vertical engines as it ascended up from behind him. The hero's shoulders sagged, and behind the mask he wore an annoyed expression.

"Me and my big mouth," he muttered, still not having turned to face the hovering assault craft.

The assault craft's weapon safeties disengaged, at miliseconds later Spider-Man's spider sense gave him all the warning he needed. He leapt high into the air as machine gun fire riddled his previous position with bullets, spraying bits of concrete into the air. Spider-Man performed an aerial backflip, a handspring off the back of the hover craft and then swung off away from the scene.

The hover craft turned to purse, letting out another burst of hot metal that whizzed through the air, narrowly missing its intended target.

Spider-Man laughed despite the situation. "Missed me!" he taunted.

The hover craft flew after the rapidly escaping fugitive, but even its top speed was nothing compared to Spider-Man's. Inside the cockpit, the pilot cursed the slow engines and primed the craft's missile batteries. All that was needed now was a quick lock onto Spider-Man's signature.

Spider-Man rounded a tight corner and immediately stuck onto the side of the skyscraper's wall, panting. Swinging that fast had actual taken a good deal of effort, and if the hover craft turned out to have better fuel economy than the Public Eye's other pieces of heavy artillery, he could end up in trouble.

After a few seconds, the hovercraft sped by, heading at top speed…in the wrong direction. Spider-Man laughed to himself, satisfied with his small victory over the corrupt law enforcement group. He prepared to release another webline, chuckling to himself. "Not this time guys…"

But then, his spider sense again went off, and this time the window pane he'd taken refuge on shattered as a bullet hit it from who knows which direction.

"Whoa!"

Spider-Man fell from the dizzying height, and immediately shot out another webline to try and catch himself. Before it could even connect to anything though, Spider-Man saw with astonished eyes as another bullet severed the line mid-flight.

Spider-Man tried again, with similar results. The world became a blur as Spider-Man hit terminal velocity. He tried one last time, and relief flooded him as he felt the line connect with something and go taut.

His shoulders were yanked hard at the rapid deceleration, but he did his best to hold on for dear life as he swung in a long, sweeping arc. He held on a second longer than he should have though, and ended up way too high in his swing.

He was about to correct, when another shot severed his latest line. He tumbled through the air, landing hard on the graveled roof of a building.

"Nh…" he groaned, feeling sore and pained everywhere.

"Nice landing," a feminine voice taunted.

"Huh?" Spider-Man grunted, looking up.

Standing over him, Spider-Man saw a woman dressed in a red and black jumpsuit, with a matching mask that had small white lenses in the center of black diamonds where the eyes would be. The woman's outfit was adorned with knives, explosives, and ammunition like lethal jewelry, there were a pair of katana swords sheathed on her back, pistols holstered on her hips.

"Sorry, I'm forgetting my manners," the woman apologized. "Lady Deadpool, proudly serving the highest bidder for over a century."

She leaned down as far as she could to bring her masked face closer to Spider-Man's. "As I'm sure you may have guessed, you've been marked for dead. Sorry for the inconvenience."

Behind the mask, Spider-Man's eyes widened and he rolled to the side, narrowly avoiding a katana that stabbed straight down through where he'd been less than a second earlier.

Spider-Man landed in a low crouch, fists ready. The costumed woman who'd introduced herself as Lady Deadpool yanked her katana from the graveled surface of the roof, and held it ready as she drew its partner in one swift motion.

"Oh this is great!" she exclaimed. "I was hoping you wouldn't just lay around and die. Alright then new guy, ready to dance?"

Laaame.

That was our best line?

"Kind of in the middle of something!" Lady Deadpool exclaimed, giving Spider-Man the opportunity to spring forward. He got in a kick to Lady Deadpool's abdomen, and she went down hard. He landed off to the side, feeling fairly smug.

"You sure you want to do this?" Spider-Man asked.

Unfazed, the mercenary woman sprang onto her feet, swords again drawn. "Absolutely! This beats tropical retirement any day of the week! Well, the ones that end in 'y' anyway. You know, I think that might be all of— whoa there!"

Lady Deadpool dodged Spider-Man's intended punch at the last second, whirled to the left, and countered by hilt-slamming him in the spine. The blow took him to his knees, and she wasted no time in delivering a roundhouse kick that sent him sprawling.

"That wasn't nice," she scolded. "You interrupted my monologue."

Spider-Man sprang to his feet, surprised by how fast this woman could move when she wasn't too busy talking to himself. He tried another punch, which was dodged, redirected, and countered by another hilt-slam, this one to the face.

Spider-Man stumbled backward, more surprised than hurt. He shook off his growing concern for just how deep in he was, and attacked again with a sweeping roundhouse. Lady Deadpool crossed her swords into an X and used them to block, standing her ground despite the kick containing superhuman force behind it.

Spider-Man recovered from the latest failed attack, and tried again with low aimed kick that his opponent nimbly avoided. Spider-Man pressed his attack, punching, whirling, and kicking, but each move was either dodged or blocked, and often countered.

Finally, as Spider-Man staggered back from a well-placed kick to the gut, he tried again, this time firing a webline. With astounding skill and timing, Lady Deadpool neatly cleaved the webline out of the air, and then vanished into thin air.

Before Spider-Man could even wonder what happened, his spider sense went off, giving him just enough of a warning to avoid the katana blade that seemed to materialize out of thin air. A black and red blur whirled past, coming to a stop a few feet behind him.

Spider-Man whirled to face his attacker, and there standing ready with her infernal blades drawn was Lady Deadpool.

"Hey, the teleporter belt still works!" she commented with obvious glee. "Alright kiddo, ready for the warm-up?"

"What?" was all Spider-Man had time to say.

Lady Deadpool vanished, materializing miliseconds later in front of him with sword stabbing outward. Instinctively, and with lightning reflexes, Spider-Man bent backwards to avoid the stab. He watched as the blade passed in front of his face, its edge look sharper than a razor.

The blade pulled back in recovery from the stab, and Spider-Man straightened out. The katana's twin swung, and narrowly avoided it and attempted a counter. His attempted upper cut was dodged and Lady Deadpool responded with another sword swing, which he ducked under.

Andrenaline pumping now, Spider-Man began a deadly dance with his opponent. He would kick, she would duck. He would dodged and counter, she would teleport out of reach and reappear at a whole new attack angle. All the while, Spider-Man found himself both taking and relinquishing the offensive as he brief strings of attacks were interrupted and countered.

He jumped over the latest swing and punched down hard, but met open air as his target teleported out of the way. He landed low and on all fours as a blade passed over his head, and he sprang up to counter with an upper cut. He missed, and his opponent teleported again.

Spider-sense was the only warning of a stab that came from behind, which he only narrowly managed to avoid with a whirling jump that led into a swinging kick. His kick was batted aside with the flat of a katana, knocking him off balance. The moment his feet touched the floor, the Lady Deadpool stabbed.

Blunt impact was the first thing he felt, followed very rapidly by a burning sensation akin to a giant, deep paper cut going up his forehead. He fell backward, corrected with a backward hand spring, and landed several feet away from Lady Deadpool, feeling a sharp sting on his forehead.

He had fallen backward, which was what had saved him from a katana running straight through his skull, but he'd still been nicked, and now a line of blood showed through the narrow slit in his mask, running from his eyebrow to the top of his forehead.

He stood there for a brief moment, legs spread wide, left arm planted firmly on the ground and right arm held out in the air for balance. The air stung his fresh wound, and he remained still, panting as he began to come down from an adrenaline rush.

"Alright!" the red and black schizophrenic cheered, seeming oblivious to Spider-Man's shock. "Now that's a warm-up! That got the blood pumping!"

She nodded to herself, satisfied. She then resumed a fighting stance, eyes dead set on Spider-Man. "Ready to fight for real now?"

Spider-Man felt a lump of fear in his throat when she said "for real", but forced it down. No more lucky shots, this woman was going down.

He coiled his legs like springs and launched himself forward with everything he had. But as he closed it, Lady Deadpool vanished, and all he felt was cold metal cutting through his shoulder. He tumbled out of control, his jump thrown off balance by the strike, and he ended up rolling across the gravel, eventual managing to spring up back onto his feet.

Lady Deadpool looked at his bleeding wound, and her shoulders sagged. "Damn, I am out of practice. You still have your arm."

Before Spider-Man could make a defiant quip, she closed the distance between them with a teleporting lunge, and he again avoided her attack by inches. Her blades were a blur, and so was he, until finally a leg sweep him onto the ground and he laid looking up at two katana tips.

He rolled first to the left, then to the right as the blades came down in vicious stabs. Lady Deadpool didn't break the flow of her attack despite both her sword jammed into the ground. As Spider-Man leapt out from underneath her, she used her two swords like miniature pole vaults, and delivered a mule kick to the hero's back.

He hit the ground, rolled, and came up on his knees firing another webline at her.

She managed to jerk on blade free of the ground in time to slice the webbing to shreds before it could touch her, and then with her free left hand drew one of her holstered pistols.

Spider-Man's eyes widened behind his mask and within seconds he found himself jumping, corkscrewing, and rolling to avoid bullet after .45 caliber bullet. Lady Deadpool stalked towards him firing as she walked.

He avoided each shot, though with increasing difficulty as they put him more and more off balance.

When her current clip clicked empty, Lady Deadpool teleported in close. And Spider-Man, still in mid-air, felt a blade cut the flesh of his cheek. By the time his feet touched the ground, another stab was coming at him. He leapt away, though he felt searing pain just above his knee as metal met flesh in a sickening tear.

He landed back on his feet, pain radiating out from the deep cut above his knee. Muscle gave, and he collapsed down onto one knee, gritting his teeth to hold back a cry.

Relentlessly, Lady Deadpool threw a knife straight for his head. When Spider-Man managed to dodge it, she teleported and caught the knife mid-air. This time she threw two. She repeated this process until finally she caught four knifes that she'd thrown and upped the ante by throwing five.

Spider-Man dodged one, two, then three knives. He swatted one aside and made an attempt to catch the fifth, but it moved to fast and all he achieved was receiving a cut on his palm. He grunted, shaking his hand to try and dispel some of the stinging.

Another duo of knives flew toward him, and this time Spider-Man knocked both out of the air with twin spurts of webbing. Not daring to waste a precious opening, Spider-Man leapt into the air and fired out two weblines, one on either side of Lady Deadpool. Before he could pull himself in to deliver a powerful mule kick however, Lady Deadpool cut both lines in one deft katana swipe. Attempting to right his unpredicted fall, Spider-Man fired another webline out, but was met by the horrible sensation of a thrown knife severing the line at his wrist, cutting into his own flesh as it did.

He hit the graveled roof hard once again, groaing as he clutched his wrist.

"Forget it S-Man, I know every trick the original Spider-Man knew," Lady Deadpool taunted. "Suffice to say, about triple what you've got under your belt."

Spider-Man pushed himself back onto his feet, glaring at his opponent through his mask.

She sheath her one remaining sword, drew her second handgun, and then pulled out a grenade. "Catch!" she called, and tossed it toward him.

Immediately Spider-Man began to react, turning and preparing to leap safely out of the blast zone. The grenade went off earlier than expected however, as Lady Deadpool fired a single, precise round into the thrown explosive.

Spider hit the dirt, knocked down by the explosion. Heat and shrapnel washed over him, and he felt several bits of hot metal tear up his back, thighs, and calves. He groaned again, struggling to push himself up.

"That…all you got?" he said defiantly as he rose to his feet. Lady Deadpool once again unsheathed her katana and teleported.

Spider-Man grunted and cried out as he was sliced across the bicep, struck on the side of his knee, sliced across his chin, hilt-slammed in the temple, kicked in the groin, and finally slashed across the stomach.

Spider-Man grunted, and staggered backward, clutching his stomach. When he pulled his hand away, he saw the very deep cut that was spilling blood.

Lady Deadpool whistled for his attention, and he looked up to see her twirling another grenade pin around her finger. Looking back down, he saw the live explosive resting at his feet. He jumped off the roof with all his might, over did it and slammed into the side of a sky scraper. He cracked the glass window he hit and then tumbled down, down, down, until he final crashed through a skylight and onto a newsstand in the midtown tramway station.

People screamed and instinctively backed away, shocked by what had just happened. Moaning, Spider-Man rolled off of the crushed newsstand as two Public Eye officers approached.

"Stand back! Clear the area!" one of them was shouting to the growing group of spectators.

The other though, pulled out a collapsible stun baton as he approached the wounded fugitive. "Spider-Man! Stand down, you are under arrest!"

Spider-Man heard the electric whir of the stun baton, knowing that just one hit from the weapon could send a grown man into convulsions if turned up to a high enough setting. It no doubt was.

Oh no you don't… Spider-Man though defiantly.

On mental command, the fringe blades on Spider-Man's arms grew rigid and became razor sharp. With one swipe, the stun baton had been sliced in half. A quick, superhuman punch sent the officer sprawling with a cracked helmet and moderate concussion.

The officer's partner immediately reach for his holstered pistol, but a flick of Spider-Man's good wrist webbed both the gun and hand firmly to the officer's hip. A second web blast glued the officer's head to a wall.

The crowd gasped and backed away in fear as Spider-Man staggered awkwardly to his feet, blood dripping from his wounds. When he felt himself feeling woozy, he reached out, clinging to the crushed newsstand for support.

The denizens of Nueva York gazed on at the man in both fear and awe. Many of them had thought the news story of this man had been a hoax, and elaborate practical joke being played on the city by the media.

But here he was, in the flesh, and he'd disabled two Public Eye officers before they could even put up a fight.

From above, the faint sound of an explosion could be heard, accompanied by shattered glass and crumbling concrete. Spider-Man, and everyone else in the station, looked up through the shattered skylight to watch chunks of concrete and bits of glass tumble down from above. Spider-sense, dulled though it was by agony and blood loss, warned Spider-Man it was going to land right on top of him. Almost sluggishly, he leapt out of the way.

Riding the debris was none other than Lady Deadpool, hopping from one chunk of concrete to the next as they tumbled down. She landed in the tramway station accompanied by a shower of glass and concrete crumbling into tiny pebbles as it hit the floor. Everyone again gasped, and backed further away from the scene, though no one actually left. After all, it was too entertaining not to.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you boss battles are two part affairs?" Lady Deadpool asked the sprawled out Spider-Man. "Or did you never play Shattered Dimensions?"

Not waiting for an answer, Lady Deadpool swung her sword in a downward arc, intent on ending this three thousand plus word brawl. However, the blade was caught by Spider-Man, held in between the fringe blades on his arms.

"Electrostatically aligned fabric blades laced with adamantium threading," Lady Deadpool noted when her katana failed to cut through. "How the hell did he afford that on a photo journalist's salary?"

"Shut…up…" Spider-Man ordered through clenched teeth.

"I haven't listened to anyone telling me that since my mother told me to stop crying," Lady Deadpool joked, and kicked Spider-Man in the gut to send him sliding backward, leaving a trail of smearing blood as he did.

Spider-Man lay on his back, fading in and out of his spatial awareness as agony ebbed and flowed through his body. He knew he wouldn't even be able to hold consciousness much longer, much less continue this fight. He watched from the floor as she sheathed her katana and drew a handgun. He looked straight down the barrel as she pointed it at his face.

For a moment, he was tempted to close his eyes and wait for the last shot, but then, he saw a small light fast approaching from the end of the tram tunnel, and was struck with a last desperate idea.

No way he's getting away from this one. Kinda feel bad for him. What's a story if the title character's dead?

"Over," Lady Deadpool answered. She slowly squeezed the trigger.

The tram sped by, roaring through the station on the way to its destination. Spider-Man fired a web line, but not at his executioner. Instead, the line latched onto the passing tram and Spider-Man was yanked away along with it.

Reacting as quick as she could, Lady Deadpool adjusted her aim and emptied her clip at her rapidly escaping target. Bullets flew an pinged off of metal and concrete, a few windows and holo-signs were shattered, but Spider-Man had gotten away.

No way he's getting away from us, huh? You and your big mouth.

I meant no logical way he could get away. What kind of idiot would let himself get dragged by a speeding bullet train?

We're the voices inside the head of a hundred and sixty-five year old mercenary, he shoots webs from his wrist, and you were thinking LOGICALLY?

"Hey guys," Lady Deadpool huffed as she lowered her pistol. "This chapter was kinda supposed to end on a 'good guy escapes with his ass thoroughly kicked' note, not a comedic one."

Whoops.

Our bad…