You lay in your bed, staring at the ceiling. You were tossing a small stuffed rabbit in the air and catching it, keeping a steady rhythm as it flew up and fell back.
What a week. You were finally feeling overwhelmed with the events of the past few days. Bucky has a metal arm. It's real and it's metal and he has a metal arm. You really wanted to see it again but after the day you learned of it, he'd gone back to wearing thin long sleeve shirts. He didn't cover his hand so often as he had, but he was good at keeping it hidden.
Steve and Bucky are practically 100. They could be my great-grandfathers. Well, not physically. Physically they could be older brothers. But fuck, they're 97 and 99. And Steve's birthday is July 4th? Like? He really is Captain America... You caught your rabbit again and pulled it into a tight hug. Bucky went through so much that he still has nightmares. He doesn't have, what, half of his memories? Yet he can remember things like promising his mother he would play the piano? He must be miserable most of the time...but he writes down everything he remembers anyway... You pulled the rabbit up to your chin and took a deep breath.
And Steve lost the woman he loved because of old age. He lost all of his friends by sacrifice but he lived anyway. He went to sleep in the 40s and woke up in 2012. What kind of transition must that have been? You rolled onto your side. And Sam was in the Air Force. You let your eyes wander aimlessly. You'd always been terrified of the military or the thought of joining. You've heard the stories of death and gore, sacrifice and pain. Of course you respected the people that could do that in the name of their own country, but you were afraid of it. He has to have his own nightmares and fears just from that, you thought.
You frowned. These boys have gone through so much. Your eyelids slowly closed and you practically had your rabbit in a headlock. They must hurt so much sometimes, but they're so...they're so happy and kind and grateful of everything... You drifted off slowly, thinking of the three men that had only just stepped into your life two weeks ago.
There was a soft knocking on your door. You groaned and shifted your legs, but you didn't get up. You heard the door creak open slowly and you thought heard a very faint "aw." You weren't sure who was at the door until the voices drifted over closer to the bed.
"She's got her little rabbit," you heard Steve whisper.
"Yeah, she named it Velvet when she was younger. You know, after that story-"
"The Velveteen Rabbit," Steve said softly, cutting Kyle off. The two chuckled quietly.
"Her mother used to read that story to her all the time," Kyle commented, a tinge of sorrow in his soft voice.
"She told us about it, Sam and I. She really misses her mother, doesn't she?"
Kyle was silent, but Steve made a small sound as if Kyle had confirmed. There was silence in the room for a minute or two.
"I suppose we should wake her up. It's about to be time for dinner," Kyle sighed.
"I can wake her if you'd like," Steve suggested. "You probably need a nap yourself after that story." There was a chuckle.
"Well, you boys have certainly been through a lot," Kyle agreed. Another long pause. Their voices drifted back to the door and you couldn't understand what was said, but you heard Kyle leave.
You felt a hand softly press on your right shoulder. "[Y/N]," Steve cooed, shaking you gently. You still weren't awake enough to reply so you just scrunched your face and rolled over. Steve picked up Velvet and had an idea. He set the rabbit up on your side, holding it's middle. He hopped it up and down and used a little voice, pretending the rabbit was speaking. "[Y/N], it's time to wake up, friend," Steve had the rabbit say, making his voice sillier as he spoke. "Come on, [Y/N], I wanna go play outside! Let's go play! You've been sleeping all day!"
You giggled as Steve gently rubbed your nose with the rabbit's little nose. You turned your head to look at Steve who was smiling down at you. He tickled your face with the rabbit's whiskers.
"Come on [Y/N], it's time to wake up!" Steve continued the silly voice, bouncing the rabbit on your side again. You laughed, took your rabbit in your hands and rolled onto your back. Steve's smile was warm and he sat on the edge of the bed.
"That's not the voice he would have," you giggled, sitting up and hugging Velvet to you.
"He? I thought its name was Velvet," Steve inquired.
"It is, I named him after the Velveteen Rabbit. He doesn't have to have a boyish name to be a boy," you smiled, petting Velvet's ears down and watching them spring back up.
Steve shrugged in agreement and watched as you kissed the stuffed rabbit's head and set it tenderly on your pillow. You looked to Steve again, a question sitting on your mind. "Steve, what did Kyle say about..well.." You shrugged your left shoulder to indicate what you meant.
"He said he wanted to see it for himself before deciding what to do. He doesn't think it would be a good idea to have Dr. Johnson back and-"
"No, Steve, I meant about...what did he say about Bucky?"
"Oh," he said quietly. "Well, he was very understanding," he started but paused. You waited patiently for the answer. "He was upset at first, but I explained the situation to the best of my ability. Kyle listened to everything and was calm. He asked to see Bucky, and asked to talk about it with him. Bucky told him about his nightmares and how he was never really aware of what he'd done while sleepwalking. Bucky was sincere and said that he never wanted to hurt you, and he told Kyle about his plan to speak with Tony. Kyle took some time to process it all, but he took Bucky into his study and they spoke for a while. I'm not sure about what all was said, but when they came back out Kyle seemed fine and Bucky seemed fine. That's when we decided to come get you for dinner. You slept through lunch time," he finished with a small smile.
He stood, patting you on the leg. Walking towards the door, he gave you another charming smile. You sat on the bed, staring. "Wash up and head down, Sam cooked tonight and he's excited for everyone to try it." And with that, he was gone.
Sam was beaming as everyone sat at the table eating the steaks he had made. You hadn't realized that Kyle brought home groceries since Johnson had been the main attraction when Kyle came in hours ago. You also hadn't known how great a cook Sam was. You told him this repeatedly, informing him that you hadn't had such great cooking in a while. Steve gasp, acting offended when you'd said that, mentioning his chili dogs from that morning.
"You had chili dogs for breakfast?" Kyle asked as the rest of you laughed.
"To be fair, these animals have eaten almost everything else in the house in the past few days," you laughed loudly, looking mainly at Bucky.
"What? A guy can't get hungry," he retorted, continuing to eat.
Steve pointed to his friend and, between laughs, said, "you don't even have a full body to feed! Technically you should be eating less than me!"
You didn't laugh at first, quickly glancing to Bucky to see if he would actually be offended by the peg at his arm. His face scrunched, but he retaliated and laughed with everyone.
"You're always worried about your figure, that's why you don't eat as much. Captain America, more like Miss America," he quipped. Did they have Miss America pageants in the 40's or has he just been catching up on his modern day models? Steve put a hand on his chest, letting his mouth hang open in mock offense.
Kyle seemed to be enjoying the company of the guys now that they'd relaxed and opened up a bit. Before he'd gone on his trip, they were still relatively tame when around everyone, but now they were picking on each other, laughing loudly, talking freely and acting the way Kyle had in when he was young.
"So, Steve told me you showed them the ropes around here," Kyle smiled across the table to you. You, with a mouth full of steak, nodded awkwardly. Way to bring me into the conversation as soon as I take a huge bite, Kyle.
"She showed us how to clean the stables, clean the horses, check the cows, collect hay, and herd the animals all in one day," Sam chimed in.
"Well, herding cattle is the easy one since Trig does most of the work," Kyle laughed.
"Yeah, except that dog hates me," Bucky muttered.
Steve howled with laughter as he recalled Bucky running around the cattle himself, attempting to herd when all Trig would do is cower behind you and growl at the metal-armed stranger. Kyle and Sam burst out laughing and Bucky tried defending himself as he cracked up with the rest of them.
You watched on as the boys and your father continued conversing and laughing over the rest of dinner. Even though it wasn't all that you had imagined, and half of your guests were out at the moment, you felt very content with this little family you had.
Steve and Bucky offered to clean up since Sam had cooked and they refused to let you or Kyle help, calling it "their treat." This gave you some time to yourself and you decided to go out and look at the few stars that were out this early in the evening. You considered going to the fence to stargaze, but decided it may be best to sit in the yard instead. Can't have another fence ruined in case Bucky goes bonkers again. There was a single swing hanging from a large tree in the backyard and you smiled as you approached it. You weren't much for swinging here anymore, but you sat anyway, gently swaying your legs so you only moved a little. You leaned on one of the ropes that held the swing and looked up.
You always loved the constellations and lore behind them. You enjoyed lore, tall tales and myths in general, but the stars captivated you. Even beyond the stories, the fact that these bright balls of gas and chemicals were way out in the galaxy yet their light could reach you anyway was something fascinating to you.
"I remember what your mother used to say to you about the stars," Kyle's voice drifted behind you. You didn't look away but nodded. "'See all those stars? Every one of 'em has a special story,' she would say. And you would always get so excited, pointin' to one and asking her for its story. And she would laugh and sit in the grass with you and tell you some kind of adventure that the star had been on. And you would cry at each story, but I never figured out why," Kyle confessed. "And she would tell you, 'whenever you look up, you're always lookin' into the past. Each of those stars has an age just like you do, but their age just tells us how long it takes for their light to get here to us. If that star is 5 years old, then that's just how old the light is that we're seein'. If you could teleport to that star right now, it might look different 'cause this light ain't what it gives off right now.' She would always tell you that and you would always ask the whys and hows and she would spend hours tellin' you all about the universe. She may have been an artist, but she sure did know a helluva lot about the sciences." You sighed, reliving all the times you had sat in the backyards of the apartments you'd lived in as a kid, looking at the stars with your mother. The stars were always the only reason you'd want to go outside and your mother was always teaching you everything she knew.
Kyle leaned on the tree behind you and laid his hand on your left shoulder. You winced and shrugged his hand off quickly, turning to face him for a moment. His face scrunched up and he looked up to the sky.
"How bad does it hurt?"
You turned your face back to the sky as well, relaxing against the swing rope again. "It only hurts when there's pressure on it now. Like a normal bruise, just bigger."
"Johnson is still convinced you were hit by Steve," Kyle murmured. "He called when you were nappin' and he told me that y'all were acting suspicious and asked me all about Steve. He wanted to know your history and how he knew us and why he was stayin' here and all that bullshit." Kyle sighed, chuckling a little. "That man has always been nosy."
"Maybe he decided to be a small town doctor because it's easier to hear gossip and rumors," you laughed.
Kyle didn't laugh and instead moved the subject back to your shoulder. "So he hit you pretty hard, huh?"
You looked at the ground. "Yeah, it was enough to get me off the ground. Did Steve tell you about that?"
"He told me you threw yourself under the fence again. I told you that's not good for you, didn't I?"
"Well, you also said that if a bull is chasing you, you've gotta get out of the way." You swung your legs a little, getting enough momentum to swing slightly.
"Okay, I'll give you that," Kyle responded. The two of you sat in silence for a minute before he picked up conversation again. "How do you feel about Bucky?"
The question surprised you a little, but you continued your slow swinging and thought for a moment. "I like him, he's pretty funny if you can get passed his quiet, scary exterior." This got a chuckle from Kyle. "But, really. I do like him. He's just trying to adjust and he's scared and missing a lot of memories and life in general. Steve is his best friend..his only friend, really. I just wanted him to feel comfortable here, and not have to worry about something every waking moment, you know? I'll be sad to see him go."
"I don't think you need to worry 'bout that," Kyle said nonchalantly, still gazing at the sky. This got your attention and you looked up at him in surprise.
"What do you mean?"
"I talked to him for a while after Johnson left. I think a lot of the reason he wanted to go was that he felt like I would be too upset to let him stay. I told him that as long as you could forgive him then so could I. He told me a lot about what happened in his past. As much as he could remember, anyway. I don't know if he did it because he felt obligated to explain his bizarre nightmares or if it was because he felt like he could confide in me. Either way, he looked to feel a little better afterwards."
You let your head hang a little and you smiled to yourself. No wonder he was in such a good mood at dinner.
"Have you seen his arm?"
You laughed out loud at this question. "Yeah, it's insane isn't it?"
You and your father sat outside for another twenty minutes, gushing about Bucky's arm and how amazing it was. You were happy that you weren't the only one fascinated by the intricacy and craftsmanship.
I don't know how they do it. I don't even know how I did it. But it sure feels good to get through weird situations and tough times and still be able to laugh. Maybe having them here has done me more good than it's done them. Either way, I sure am glad they're here.
