A/N: An update for you all! Thanks for the reviews!

Time line: same as last chapter

Song: Just a Dream by Carrie Underwood

Chapter 12

It was dark and gray. Clouds filled the dismal March sky, blanketing the surroundings. A light drizzle started to fall, though nobody seemed to notice. The cold wind whipped through Alex's hard as she stood there, solemn, still, empty. Her black dress whirled around her thin frame, billowing in the breeze. She wrapped her arms across her chest but didn't feel warm again.

Alex's knees felt week as she walked along the jumbled gravel path. She was surrounded by many faces, some familiar yet others completely unrecognizable. It didn't matter. She wouldn't talk to anyone. Couldn't muster even a bit of cordialness and honestly wouldn't accept anyone's expectation that she do so. As she continued to step forward, past a tearful Elliot and solemn Cragen, she felt the bile rise in the back of her throat.

At her foot was the cold, gray stone. She couldn't bear to look at it, yet wouldn't tear her eyes away. Engraved in the marble:

Olivia Louise Benson

Beloved wife, mother, and partner

1967-2008

Alex screamed, her body snapping up in the arm chair. "Ms. Cabot-Benson, Ms. Cabot-Benson," a nurse said, hurrying over to her side. "Are you alright dear?" the kindly gray-haired woman asked, placing a gentle hand on the younger woman's shoulder. Alex's eyes shot open wide. She was panting wildly, a cool sweat dripping down her brow. Sobs racked her frame. With the nurse rubbing her back smoothly, she finally calmed down enough to look around the room. She broke down into grateful tears when she saw Olivia lying in front of her. She leaned over and kissed her forehead, murmuring "just a dream, just a dream." A few moments later, the nurse spoke once more, "I think a visitor is waiting for you. Liz I believe her name was. I informed her that you were getting some rest, but as soon as your ready, I can send her up."

Alex nodded before turning back to the detective. She traced her hand up the wan olive skin of her forearm, careful to avoid the tangle of wires extending from it. She cleared her throat. "I'm ready, thank you.

A few minutes later, Liz Donnelly entered the room, a vase of fresh flowers in her arms. She placed the bouquet on one of the bedside tables, where it was accompanied by a plethora of other offerings of flowers, cards, and plushes. Taking a moment to regard Olivia, Liz then turned to her goddaughter. "You look sick, Alex."

The younger attorney sighed heavily. "How exactly am I supposed to look, Liz?"

Donnelly nodded. "You've been sitting in that chair for two days straight. You need to get up, eat something."

"They brought me a cot for if I want it. And the nurses bring me meals..."

"Alex," Donnelly said more firmly. "You are six months pregnant. I know how much you want to be here for Olivia, but I also know how much Olivia would want you to be taking care of yourself." She was met with a defiant glare and sighed. "At least come down to the cafeteria with me so you can eat. Don't try to tell me you haven't been skipping meal. And then when we come back up here you are going to shower and lie down in the cot for a bit. I brought you a fresh change of clothes."

Alex frowned but knew there was no use arguing. Holding out her hand, she allowed Liz to help her stand up and placed a kiss on Olivia's forehead. Before the pair headed downstairs, they left explicitly instructions that Alex be called immediately if there was even a slight change in Olivia's status.

Ten minutes later, the two blondes were seated at a formica table, a banana, oatmeal, a tea in front of Alex and cup of black coffee in front of Liz. Alex spooned at the hot cereal despondently before Liz reached over and peeled the banana, holding out the yellow fruit to the younger woman. Sighing, Alex grabbed the banana and took a large bite.

The two sat in silence for several minutes, Liz sipping her drink and Alex slowly but surely eating her breakfast. Suddenly, however, she stopped, staring down at the stained table top. "I can't do this without her, Liz."

Donnelly stared across the table, watching her goddaughter break down in front of her eyes. She wanted to reassure her, to tell her that either way, things would be alright. That she was surrounded by a support system who would take car of her and the baby in Olivia's absence. Yet, as she allowed herself to envision Alex and the detective in her mind, the palpable love between the two of them, the happiness that she had never seen before in the young blonde, she knew Alex was right. When she took another sip of her coffee, the liquid burned going down.

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Alex was struggling with a restless sleep when she heard a tiny moan. Almost instantly, her eyes were open. The blonde looked over at Olivia's bed from the cot, frowning at the stillness. Yet, unwilling to ignore the sound she knew that she heard, she pulled herself from her own bed and moved to sit in the chair next to the detective. She took the detective's hand in her own and squeezed it lightly. "Olivia?"

This time she saw it. A slight grimace of the brunette's features accompanied by another small sigh. Squeezing her hand again, she was greeted with the most beautiful sight she had ever witnessed.

Olivia's deep brown eyes fluttered opened slowly.

Alex stifled a sob, though a few tears escaped from her eyes. Using her free hand, she pressed the red button to alert the nursing staff before turning her attention quickly back to the detection, whose face was contorted and scared. "Olivia, sweatheart, shhh it's alright. It's all going to be okay."

~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~

Olivia's entire body felt numb and heavy; she was only vaguely aware of a sharp pain in her side as she slowly regained consciousness. She blinked several times, but everything seemed blurry – confusing. She went to call out – to ask where she was, what was going on – but something in her mouth stopped her. Before she could pull the invading object out, she felt a gentle hand caressing her face.

"Olivia, Liv, sweetheart, stay calm honey. Don't try to speak."

She knew that voice anywhere. Again, she tried to talk. Alex. The word was clear in her mind but she was still unable to voice it.

"Baby, you have a tube in your throat. The doctor's have to take that out first before you can talk. Just hang on a minute." She felt Alex stroke her thumb along her cheek. Turning to her head slightly to face the blonde, she was immediately upset by her bedraggled appearance. Whereas Alex was always maintained her poise and appeared put together regardless of the stress she may be under, at the current moment she was a mess. Her blond hair was tangled and clearly unwashed. She wasn't wearing any make up whatsoever – normally a cardinal sin. Worse yet, her eyes were puffy and red – clearly she had been crying. The NYPD tee shirt she was wearing – which never left the house on her person – was wrinkled over a pair of gray yoga pants. Even her glasses were skewed on her head. Olivia moved to straighten them, but winced when a striking pain shot through her body. Why did she hurt so much?

"Shh," Alex mumbled, placing a soft kiss on the brunette's forehead and letting her lips linger, "You're okay. Thank God you're okay..."

A tall middle aged man with reddish blond hair and a receding hairline entered the room – which by this point Olivia had established was a part of a hospital ward. Mercy by the looks of it. "Olivia," the man greeted with a warm smile, "I'm Dr. Allen Timothy. It's good to see you awake." Now consciously aware of the tube in her mouth, she managed a weak nod. "Here, let me take care of that tube for you." He walked over to her bedside. "Okay, on the count of three, I want you to cough," he said, positioning his gloved hands on the apparatus, "one – two – three -" Olivia obliged and managed a feeble cough. She felt Alex squeeze her hands. "There, much better."

A nurse who had been standing nearby handed her a glass of water. "Here hon, try to take a few sips of this." The sensation of the cool liquid sliding against the rough dryness of her throat was magical, but she must have swallowed a bit too much too fast and entered a coughing fit. It was horribly painful and resulted in Olivia hunching over, gasping for breath.

Alex leaned over nervously, rubbing her wife's back in smooth, comforting circles. "Is she alright? Could she pull any of her stitches?"

A few moments later, the coughing subsided. The nursed eased her back onto the bed slowly and pulled her hospital gown slightly askew. Slapping on a new set of latex gloves, the doctor gently palpitated two locations on Olivia's side. She grimaced. "Sorry Ms. Benson," he responded apologetically, lifting his gaze, "everything looks and feels alright."

"Wh – what happened," Olivia managed to ask, her voice raspy.

"Do you remember going to work on Monday?" the doctor asked.

Olivia nodded and tried to clear her throat. "Yeah, the Mangold chase. We found Arthur."

The doctor nodded solemnly. "Do you remember what happened?"

Olivia struggled to think. Everything was a bit cloudy. "There was – a chase. We had his corner but – but he got out of this false wall. El, El he followed him so I ran around the other way. Try to trap him again. I was about to head into the alley. Arthur... he was – behind the dumpster. Tripped me. My gun... it fell..." She looked up at the doctor puzzled. "I can't..."

Dr. Timothy nodded. "That's alright. Some confusion is to be expected. I'm sorry but you were shot Ms. Benson. Twice. You immediately loss consciousness. Your partner stopped enough of your bleeding to stabilize you enough to get to the hospital. One of the bullets entered your chest and collapsed your left lung. We were able to remove it. The other went clean through you abdomen. It opened an artery, which we were able to suture, and damaged some tissue. It was near your spinal cord, but is removed without injury. You were in surgery for 5 hours but will make a full recovery in time. You were very lucky."

"How long have I been out?"

"Almost four days. And your wife here hasn't left your side for one of them," he responded, giving Alex a soft smile. Olivia turned back to Alex only to see tears glimmering in her eyes. Hearing about Olivia's injuries again, remembering the past few days, was too much for her to handle.

"Baby..." Olivia said softly, rubbing her thumb over Alex's hand.

"We'll give you two some time alone. If you need anything, just hit the red button on this remote and a nurse will be right in."

When the doctor and nurse left, Olivia continued to comfort Alex. "Alex, sweetheart, it's okay. Don't cry. I'm alright."

Alex shook her head, her body beginning to tremble. "I almost lost you Olivia! I couldn't – I wouldn't be able to go on without you."

Olivia smiled softly. "But you didn't. And you won't. I'm right here, Alex. Right here," she said, gently tugging Alex down towards her. She brushed her lips against her wife's cheeks, kissing the tears away.

If anything though, this tender action did nothing more than intensify Alex's crying. "All I kept think – thinking was, you and me, and, the baby," she hiccuped, "and how I don't know what I would do if I had to – to raise her," she shuddered, "alone."

"Hey, hey," Olivia soothed, combing her fingers through Alex's silky hair, her own eyes becoming glassy, "I'm not leaving you, Alex. But if it had come down to it, you would have raised our baby and loved her more than anything. And she would have grown up to be smart and compassionate and loving and [she added with a twinkle in her eye] stubborn just like her beautiful mother."

Alex stifled another sob. "I love you so much," she whimpered, resting her forehead against Olivia's – their tears – their pain, their fears, their hope – melding together.

Olivia captured Alex in a passionate kiss, moving her hands to envelope Alex's stomach. "You have no idea," she murmured against her lips.

The two remained in a comfortable silence, overwhelmed by the sensation of being physically connected to one another once more, releasing sighs of relief and filling these gaps with each other's breathes.

"Alex?" Olivia whispered against the paleness of her neck, her chapped lips scratching the skin slightly.

"Yes Liv? Is everything okay, Sweetheart?" she responded, reluctantly pulling herself out of Olivia's embrace to look at her.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Can I just hold you for a while?" she asked yearningly.

"Of course," Alex whispered, trying to keep her voice from breaking. She climbed into bed, careful not to jostle it. More astutely, she laid down at Olivia's side, slowly leaning closer to her. "Is this hurting you?" she asked nervously.

"No," Olivia said adamantly, wrapping her arms around Alex's waist and pulling her even closer. In the shelter of her wife's arms, Alex felt herself relax for the first time since Cragen and Fin had showed up at their door. She smiled as Olivia's hand found its way under her shirt to rest just below her naval at the curvature of her bump. Alex gasped – shocked by a sudden sensation. She felt Olivia stiffen against her as well in astonishment.

"Was that – "

Alex nodded, happy tears now filling the oceans of her eyes. "She's happy her mama's okay," she said with a beaming smile, snuggling closer to Olivia.

Unable to lean over, Olivia lifted her hand momentarily, kissed her fingertips, and returned them to the baby. "I love you, Peanut," she whispered joyfully.

"We love you too," Alex said, flipping over to face Olivia and placing her hands on top of the brunette's. The couple lay intertwined with one another, mutually captivated by the fluttering of their daughter's feet.

A/N: Review for an update!