"How you feeling?" Daniel asked. "Are you hungry? The doctor said you probably would be."
"I guess so." Ford was sitting up in bed.
"I'll go tell the nurse." Daniel said, rising from where he sat in a chair beside Ford's bed. Crane who had been standing looking out the window crossed to stand beside Ford.
"You feel okay? It doesn't hurt too much?" Crane asked.
"I'm okay. Did the doctor say something about my eye?"
"No. Why are you asking? Does it feel worse?"
"You seem worried; more than before."
"No. I'm just tired I guess. Don't worry, Ford. I'm sorry."
Crane hoped his little brother wouldn't ask. He waited, holding his breath.
"Where's . . ."
"I know your eye's making hard for you to see but that Carmen is one fine nurse!" Daniel said bursting back into the room and interrupting Ford's question. Crane exhaled thankful beyond words for Daniel's timing. "I sweet talked her into a milkshake for you. Feel free to thank me."
"Strawberry?" Ford asked hopefully.
"The strawberriest!" Daniel grinned.
"Always working the angles." Crane said reaching out and squeezing Daniel's shoulder.
"If you got it . . ." Daniel responded with a wink, but Crane could see past his false cheer to all the stress underneath. He had a feeling Ford could too.
The three of them said nothing as an uncomfortable silence filled the room and Crane's eyes closed in frustration as Ford finally managed to ask, " Where's Adam? Is he coming back?"
Daniel glanced at Crane uncomfortably wondering how they were going to manage this newest crisis. Crane rubbed the back of his neck with a hand and then dropping his hands at his sides, took a step closer to his little brother's hospital bed.
"He uh, had to go back home."
"Home? He didn't even say goodbye! Why would he just leave like that?"
They watched as he realized it. His eyes shifting from stormy anger to shock and then sudden fear. They moved in then without any hesitation. Crane gripped Ford's arm with both of his, while Daniel moved to the other side of the bed, a hand on Ford's right knee.
"We haven't heard anything, yet. Okay, buddy? We just gotta hope for the best." Daniel said quickly.
"She was nearly thirty weeks. It was really close so we just have to believe that everyone is going to be fine." Crane added quickly. "We just have to wait and see."
Ford said nothing as a tear spilled out of his blue eye. Crane leaned in, kissing his forehead.
"No, crying buddy. Doc said it would be bad for that eye. Beside, it is going to be just fine. You'll be an uncle times three now! Stop crying. She'll be fine." He said trying to will himself to believe it.
***7***
The first time Adam McFadden had ever flown was in a private plane arranged by a famous country singer. It was hard to believe that a simple cattle rancher from one of the smallest places in Northern California would be travelling with Tommy Noma. He followed Tommy past the small crowd of fans who screamed and called out to him, through airport security who simply waved them by and across the tarmac to the small jet that sat waiting. A tall dark-haired man greeted them at the top of the stairs.
"We're ready Mr. Noma." He said with a nod.
"Thanks Mac." Tommy said. "I sure appreciate this."
"I had the flight booked anyway and it isn't too far off course. We've got permission to land at the Motherload Helipad at Angel's Camp. That is as close as I could get." He gave them a nod and walked forward, disappearing into the flight cabin.
"Sit down and get buckled in." Tommy said gesturing toward one of the plush leather seats. "Mac's a great guy. His cousin married Ben's sister."
Adam stood blinking as Tommy settled himself into one of the chairs. Seeing Adam's expression he explained, "Ben's my drummer. You met him at the birthday party."
"That's right." Adam responded.
"Sit down, Adam."
Adam folded himself into his seat, slowly buckling himself in. He glanced around the small cabin. There were four leather seats, a table, and what appeared to be a bar.
"I've never flown before." He explained as the plane began to slowly roll forward.
"This isn't real flying." Tommy laughed. "You're gonna have false expectations now."
"How did you . . ."
"It doesn't matter. Like I said, Mac's a great guy and we need to get you home quickly. I'm really sorry, Adam."
"Did they say anything else?"
"No. They are trying to slow the labor. Brian said the doctor told them that sometimes if they can get the labor to slow down enough, it will stop." He shrugged. "They took her to County. That's all I know."
"Brian's with her?" Adam had to shout now trying to be heard as the plane engine revved to prep for takeoff.
"What?" Tommy shouted back.
"Who's with her?"
"Brian and his wife. I forgot her name, sorry."
Adam didn't respond, as he dug his fingers into the arms of the chair as the plane tilted up and up. He swallowed hard watching the earth below drop away and he found himself at eye level with the clouds. It had been early morning as they left; dark and gray, but now as they rose above the clouds he could see the bright morning sun.
"The sun is gonna rise." He had said. "It always does."
"And when it rises," She had told him just yesterday, "When the sun rises I'll still be here loving you."
He thought of the soft sound her voice and the bright light of her smile. He found her smiles; her laughter intoxicating. She had struggled so much in the last year - grown quiet and dark. They had struggled, too. He had been helpless - unable to fix anything for her. He'd grown angry that he'd been so powerless and shame hung over him like a cloud. She'd turned away from him - trying to avoid facing her own pain and he'd misinterpreted it. He had thought she blamed him for his powerlessness, and ashamed he'd allowed her to pull away from him - hadn't fought to keep her close. She became a shadow of the girl he knew - her smiles rare and forced. Everyone in the family saw it. It was her lot to live every aspect of her life - their entire marriage -in front of his brothers. She knew they were watching her - worried. She had pasted a bright smile across her face and picked up his mantle of responsibility again, never truly allowing herself to grieve. He waited knowing her facade couldn't last.
It was a late summer day that he'd come in from the fields to an apparently empty house. She wasn't in the kitchen, or the laundry room. He'd gone upstairs but hadn't seen her there either. The jeep was still out front and he decided to go out back to check the garden. He had turned the corner of the house to hear the sharp crack of the ax and found her chopping wood, red-faced and angry. He stood still as she lifted a new piece of wood onto the old stump and brushing a strand of dark hair away from her face, lifted the ax high above her head cursing angrily as the ax came down and the split wood cracked apart falling to the ground. He was stunned.
She rarely cursed and even when she did it was a reluctant "damn" or "hell" or an occasional "ass" - as in, "Adam, try not be such a jackass." But this, this - stopped him in his tracks. She was furious. He'd never seen such anger from her. This was rage. He hesitated unsure, but his heart ached; ached that she carried this well-spring of anger inside her. He moved forward just as she swung the ax again another expletive falling from her ruby lips. Her eyes grew wide at the sight of him and she dropped the ax in surprise. It landed in the dirt with a thud. They stood blinking at one another and a lone tear rolled down her cheek. He stretched his hand out to pull her to him, but she spun on her heel and ran.
He followed, chasing her across the dirt driveway that split their property and across the meadow. He could outpace her easily but he held back, letting her run as much as she wanted. She began to slow at the edge of the meadow, right where the ground began to climb into the lower hills and he caught up to her, his hand reaching for her arm. She fought against him, trying to spin free, but he pulled her to him. She began to swing at him then, her small fists beating a steady rhythm on his shoulders.
"God dammit! Adam! Let me go!" She said angrily. "Let me go!"
But he only pulled her in tighter.
"Please! Just let me go!" Her fists stopped but she stood rigidly in his arms, her muscles so tight that it felt like he was hugging steel to his chest.
"No." He said softly, keep her close. "No."
"Let go!"
He kept his arms tight around her, but took a half step back from her so he could see her face. Her stormy eyes were filled with tears and the anguish etched across her face caused him to draw in a deep breath in shock.
"Oh, baby." He said softly, reaching a hand to her cheek. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
She bit her lip and tried to pull away from him one last time. "Please," it was an anguished plea now. "Please, just let me go, Adam."
He shook his head, his thumb rubbing her cheek gently.
"No, darlin'. No." Tears choked his voice. "No more running."
She met his eyes then and he realized suddenly that she hadn't really been looking him in the eye for months now. She held his gaze, all her defenses dropping away. Her muscles loosened and she folded herself into his arms, as sobs racked her tiny body. He lifted her into his arms stunned by her lightness. How hadn't he noticed how much weight grief had robbed her small frame? He cradled her in his arms, sitting in the long, golden waves of the meadow, rocking her back and forth in his arms. After she'd wept for what seemed like hours, he'd held her even still - finding solace in her nearness.
"I can't find my way back." She said at last. "I'm so sorry, Adam. I keep trying but . . ."
"You . . . you," he had found words nearly impossible. "You don't spend one second apologizing, Hannah Joy. I'll take you just as you are. You don't ever have to pretend with me. I love you and I'm always gonna, girl. Always."
Her soft sigh of relief nearly shattered him and he'd risen with her still in his arms and carried her home. He carried her up the steps and inside, past a startled Evan and Brian. Brian opened his mouth to ask but Adam had shook his head and simply continued up to their room; their tiny private island amidst his sea of responsibilities that constantly pulled him from her. He kicked the door shut and settled her on their bed. Silently, he had removed her boots, tucking her under the covers. She had slept for fourteen hours straight and he'd spent much of that time simply watching her, praying without saying any words.
His brothers had all disappeared without any explanation. Brian had left a two word note: Back Monday. It had been three days of just the two of them. He hadn't done one ounce of work. He'd seen his brothers in the barn from the kitchen window but hadn't even gone out to check in with them or explain. He devoted those three days to her alone. He'd listened as she'd talked, held her as she wept and whispered every secret he had left. On the second afternoon she had laughed - a real honest-to-God laugh, and he'd found himself fighting tears so grateful for the sound of it.
"What?" She asked, a smile still on her lips.
"I haven't heard your laugh in so long." He had said, turning his face away to hide the lone year he'd been able to stop.
She had sighed heavily. "Oh, Adam. We'll have laughter again. I promise it."
The golden afternoon light drew pretty shadows over her features and her soft smile - so genuine and sweet - overwhelmed him. He'd leaned forward kissing her. They made love in front of the fire on the sofa - for the first time in ages without any expectations or plans. He simply wanted her to understand they he loved her completely. Afterwards, she lay quietly in his arms and he'd felt perfectly at peace.
She'd told him she was pregnant two weeks later. She had come out to the barn where he was brushing out Chief. Her soft words hung in the barn and he studied her face trying to read her mood.
"You and me will be good no matter what falls our way." She said at last.
"You and I." He corrected as her face stretched into a smile.
"I set you up, sweetheart." She said kissing him. "I knew your opinions about grammar would overpower your worry."
He reached out holding her face in his hands, marveling at her strength. "I'm the luckiest man that has ever lived." He kissed her already desperate and begging God for this one dream to come true.
***7***
". . .should be about twenty minutes." Tommy's voice cut into his memories,
"Oh, uh, good." He said realizing that Tommy had been talking to him all along.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't listening, I guess." He shrugged apologizing.
"Nah, don't worry about it." Tommy said waving a hand at him. "I can't imagine you can think of much else, right now." He sighed. "I've never been lucky with love, myself."
Adam nodded his head as Tommy gazed out the window. "My wife wasn't too interested in being married."
"You were married?" Adam asked surprised, grateful for the distraction.
"Two years." He shook his head. "Life on the road is pretty tough on relationships, and I was drinking then. I guess it was your stereotypical rock star story - too much fame, too young. I guess it is why I feel so protective of your little brother."
"I can't tell you how much we appreciate that." Adam said. "Even if Daniel doesn't."
"One of these days, I'm going to be playing for him, so maybe my kindness is just self-preservation. Then again, maybe I'm just scared his big brother would snap me in half if I let anything happen to him."
"Me?" Adam laughed, surprised.
"You kind of have that mountain man intimidation factor." Tommy said with a grin. "I just play country songs - you are the real thing."
Adam shrugged. Hannah had told him the same thing - that people found his silences intimidating. He'd never really thought about it. But then again, he hadn't had time for introspection.
"What was your wife's name?" He asked suddenly curious.
"Melanie." Tommy said. "We sat next to each other in sophomore English. Her hair was the color of wheat in the winter, and fell to her waist. I wanted more than anything to make her happy, but never could."
"A man will do a lot to make a girl happy." Adam said thoughtfully.
Tommy turned from where he'd been looking out at the blue sky beyond the plane window. He raised an eyebrow at Adam in surprise. "Your wife's about the happiest woman I've ever met, Adam."
"Well, . . ."
"No, man, trust me. Living the life, I live, you learn really quickly to spot the difference between real and fake. And you and her, that's about as real as it gets - anyone can see it."
"I don't know about happiness though . . . seems lately all I hand her is heartache."
"I imagine it must feel that way, but that's 'cause you're too close to it. I'm an outsider. That girl is happy. She smiles every single time she sees you."
Adam nodded. "I hope there'll be smiles when she sees me this time."
Tommy said nothing, but turned to gaze back out the window again. "We're getting ready to land."
***7***
Brian met him at the door of the hospital.
"Caroline's upstairs with her. They've been trying to slow the labor, but it isn't working. Dr. Roberts got here about an hour ago. He's prepping a delivery room." Brian spoke rapidly as he led Adam to the elevators. "She's doing okay, Adam."
"What happened?"
"Early this morning she went into labor. I drove her straight here - it was faster than waiting for the volunteers to get it together. Guthrie called them, and I figured if they were hell-bent on bringing her in they could meet us on the road. It seemed better than waiting."
"Thanks, Brian."
"Just in there." Brian said pointing to a room as they stepped off the elevator.
He stepped into the small room. She was propped up in bed, and Caroline stood beside her holding her hand. Both women were staring at the monitor.
"That's good. See, it's easing off now. Relax." Caroline said. She looked up and saw Adam standing and a smile spread over her face. "Look who made it after all." She gestured toward the doorway, and Hannah turned her face.
"Adam!" Her face spread into a smile and Adam had to laugh, shaking his head remembering what Tommy had said. He crossed to her, reaching for her hand, and kissing her cheek.
"The lengths you'll go to in order to get me to come home." He said trying to lighten the tension he felt.
"Nothing but drama." She agreed, but her eyes filled with tears. "I'm so . . ."
"Twenty-nine weeks and three days, Hannah. You did pretty damn fine, so don't you dare apologize." He said kissing her again.
"Might actually be thirty weeks, and three days." Dr. Roberts said stepping into the room. "Welcome home, Adam." He stretched his hand out to shake Adam's. "How's your brother?"
"He's doing well. He gets the bandage off in couple of days, and then we'll have a better idea." Adam said. "What do you mean thirty?"
"Calculations are based on the size of the baby and it's development." He shrugged. "Sometimes we're wrong." He turned to Hannah. "How are you feeling?"
"A little irritated that you didn't mention this before." She said gritting her teeth as a fresh wave of pain hit.
"Fleet of clay." He said smiling at her. He glanced at Adam. "What do you say Mr. and Mrs. McFadden, you ready to meet this baby of yours?"
